I just called a girl using Skype and she was masturbating. She yelled at me because she was in the middle of masturbating and I was disturbing. Where I come from, when someone calls you while masturbating, you either don’t answer the phone, or you let motherfucker get involved in the process. It never works so well when it’s the bank calling, but makes for a good way to get them to stop calling about your VISA bill. Anyway, I asked her to put the phone next to her conch so that I can listen to the sounds of the ocean, I was trying to be romantic, but I don’t know why I bother because I have never been able to convince any girl to masturbate for me, over the phone, or webcam, because I suck at life.

Needless to say, this attempt was no different that the last 300, and bitch didn’t let me listen, she hung up the phone when I asked her to pretend her fingers were the cured sausage I had hangin in my basement…And now I am mad, unlike Jewel – she’s married to some retarded cowboy looking motherfucker and she’s all smiles and dance in this Women in Songs 16 photoshoot for lesbians and moms everywhere. I hope that made sense. Motherfuckers.

Bonus: Jewel’s Action Shot Brought to You By: Listerine

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I don’t understand the big deal about Hef. Dude ripped off Esquire and threw in some naked girl spreads to sell a ton of magazines. It’s a pretty fucking obvious strategy and instead of idolizing him, you should kick yourself in the ass for not thinking about it. Everything will sell a lot fucking better with a naked bitch in it. The fact that he’s dating 3, 5 or 15 chicks is totally irrelevant. These bitches are whores. Hef pays them and gives them a good life to be his “girlfriend”. If you had money, you could hire whores to be your gf too. They are 150 dollars an hour, maybe you could work out a deal or something. You know, a volume discount. Either way, his trashy girls don’t have to be strippers anymore and he gets to fuck what he considers prime pussy, and I consider garbage. But I am not 90 years old.

Speaking of whores. I was at the strip club last night and they had a special feature. This busted up old hag of a woman who is some kind of internet pornstar. I am on the internet all day and I have never heard of this bitch, so I am guessing she’s not that big of an internet pornstar. When her MC (she had a stage hand, MC, sound and lighting dude entourage), gave her the intro he listed off her many accomplishments like the fact that bitch partied with Gene Simmons and other useless celebrites and that she won Miss Nude Canada, obviously a contest with 3 contestants and the other 2 were 300lbs….

Anyway, bitch calls 2 dudes on stage, a 18 year old gangster kid and a 350 pound bald french guy and gives them dildos. So dudes have to simulate jerkin her off, fucking her, all while talking dirty to her and the winner gets a free polaroid with her. The 300 pound french dude was really into it, like his life dream came true, and motherfucker talked dirty and slapped her up with the dildo like the whore she was. He won and was really fucking excited about it. He ran around the stage like he just won the fucking lottery. I guess there was really no point to that story – other than that bald fat guys have lots of sexual frustration because they don’t get laid enough. I probably should have gone on stage, being a fat and sexually frustrated and talked my shit, because it woulda been funny, but I didn’t because I don’t do stand up. I could write some of the things I coulda said to her, but that’d be lame. Just like this story.

If you wanted to see this busted up old truck of a whore, click this link.

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I don’t understand the big deal about Hef. Dude ripped off Esquire and threw in some naked girl spreads to sell a ton of magazines. It’s a pretty fucking obvious strategy and instead of idolizing him, you should kick yourself in the ass for not thinking about it. Everything will sell a lot fucking better with a naked bitch in it. The fact that he’s dating 3, 5 or 15 chicks is totally irrelevant. These bitches are whores. Hef pays them and gives them a good life to be his “girlfriend”. If you had money, you could hire whores to be your gf too. They are 150 dollars an hour, maybe you could work out a deal or something. You know, a volume discount. Either way, his trashy girls don’t have to be strippers anymore and he gets to fuck what he considers prime pussy, and I consider garbage. But I am not 90 years old.

Speaking of whores. I was at the strip club last night and they had a special feature. This busted up old hag of a woman who is some kind of internet pornstar. I am on the internet all day and I have never heard of this bitch, so I am guessing she’s not that big of an internet pornstar. When her MC (she had a stage hand, MC, sound and lighting dude entourage), gave her the intro he listed off her many accomplishments like the fact that bitch partied with Gene Simmons and other useless celebrites and that she won Miss Nude Canada, obviously a contest with 3 contestants and the other 2 were 300lbs….

Anyway, bitch calls 2 dudes on stage, a 18 year old gangster kid and a 350 pound bald french guy and gives them dildos. So dudes have to simulate jerkin her off, fucking her, all while talking dirty to her and the winner gets a free polaroid with her. The 300 pound french dude was really into it, like his life dream came true, and motherfucker talked dirty and slapped her up with the dildo like the whore she was. He won and was really fucking excited about it. He ran around the stage like he just won the fucking lottery. I guess there was really no point to that story – other than that bald fat guys have lots of sexual frustration because they don’t get laid enough. I probably should have gone on stage, being a fat and sexually frustrated and talked my shit, because it woulda been funny, but I didn’t because I don’t do stand up. I could write some of the things I coulda said to her, but that’d be lame. Just like this story.

If you wanted to see this busted up old truck of a whore, click this link.

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This is TONYA COOLEY. She was in a bunch of MTV shows, like The Real World Chicago and whatever spin-off came after that. I have never really watched MTV Real Wolrd, I think I saw an episode where they were in Europe in the ’90s and one of the guy had AIDs or someshit. I don’t really remember, because as I have mentioned a ton of times, the ’90s are a bit of a blur. She also posed for Playboy, but who the fuck cares about that.

There’s something pretty fucking funny about drunk American chicks, and that is that they all want to be on Girls Gone Wild, even when there’s no camera there. I have gone to local springbreak events that have a huge American turn out, because poor, underage American girls from Boston come here. Anyway, they were all doing body shots, flashing their tits, sucking their friend’s tits, making out with everyone, going home with randoms, getting herpes, spreading herpes, creating new forms of herpes.

Some how in making his TRUCKLOADS OF MILLIONS of dollars, that dude Joe Francis conditioned girls to think that this is the way they are supposed to act. Naked and flashing makes a fucking party and if you are the insecure girl doing it, you’ll be famous….

I am all for strippers and whores, bitches fucking for money, bitches getting naked for money, bitches sucking me off and giving me handjobs in the club bathroom. I am not a poofter, but I gotta say that the flashing bitches are nothing but trash and the last time I fucked trash, I got my dick stuck in an empty can of soup and the shit stank like rotten tuna for a month….

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This is TONYA COOLEY. She was in a bunch of MTV shows, like The Real World Chicago and whatever spin-off came after that. I have never really watched MTV Real Wolrd, I think I saw an episode where they were in Europe in the ’90s and one of the guy had AIDs or someshit. I don’t really remember, because as I have mentioned a ton of times, the ’90s are a bit of a blur. She also posed for Playboy, but who the fuck cares about that.

There’s something pretty fucking funny about drunk American chicks, and that is that they all want to be on Girls Gone Wild, even when there’s no camera there. I have gone to local springbreak events that have a huge American turn out, because poor, underage American girls from Boston come here. Anyway, they were all doing body shots, flashing their tits, sucking their friend’s tits, making out with everyone, going home with randoms, getting herpes, spreading herpes, creating new forms of herpes.

Some how in making his TRUCKLOADS OF MILLIONS of dollars, that dude Joe Francis conditioned girls to think that this is the way they are supposed to act. Naked and flashing makes a fucking party and if you are the insecure girl doing it, you’ll be famous….

I am all for strippers and whores, bitches fucking for money, bitches getting naked for money, bitches sucking me off and giving me handjobs in the club bathroom. I am not a poofter, but I gotta say that the flashing bitches are nothing but trash and the last time I fucked trash, I got my dick stuck in an empty can of soup and the shit stank like rotten tuna for a month….

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I was on the computer all day today – but only got 2 posts done – that’s pretty embarrassing. If I was only gonna get 2 posts done, I would have been out exposing myself to high school girls, it is prom season. Speaking of High School Girls, Prom and Embarrassing, why is it that whenever a girl walks to the bathroom with her purse, I automatically think she’s on the rag….Think about that and then check out some of the links…

If you don’t like them, which you won’t, go fuck yourself….

Michelle Rodriguez in a Bikini Reminds Me of My Days In Prison (They Called Me Sally)

Hey Ladies, Wanna Arm Wrestle?

Raymi the Minx Thinks She Can Sing….VIDEO

Just Because You Gave Yourself the Title of CoolHunter – Doesn’t Mean You’re Cool – Asshole

Amnesty International See-Thru Signs Are Fuckin’ HOT

Joe Rogan and Andy Dick Both Have stepSHIRTS – And They Wrestle Each Other (Video)

Only Tease is a Brit Slut Site, Here They Are in Stockings and a Pool

This Dude’s Wants his Cock – Large Penis Support Group Post of the Day

I want Lucy Pinder’s Ass and So Do You

I used to watch Sclub 7 – This is the butch one Jo O’meara Topless – AMAZING

It’s Not Gay to Find 2 Girls Kissing Lame – Because it is LAME

Round 4 – Of the Wicked Weasel Contributer Contest (you know what that is)

Give this to the FAT SLUT in your life, or to a Girl you NEVER want to Bang, or to one you want to get rid of…

Tera Patrick in FHM – Looking Good for a Common Whore

Support this Site (me) While Getting Pussy

Attu Show’s Us Some Chick ARIA’s VAGINA – Do You Like Vagina? Fag!

A Gallery of Hot Naked Bitch Marketa

Homeless Man of The Day – Because Homeless People Are FUCKING COOL

ADD ME TO MYSPACE

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I figure there’s not enough Jessica Simpson on this site. The truth is that she’s going to be washed up in about a week, or whenever he cunt of sister launches her album with her new nose, so I figure let’s get it all in before my dreams come true. The dreams I’m talking about are dreams of Jessica tapping into her repressed memories of when daddy and the Baptist dad’s in the community used to gang finger-bang her when she was 7. You see, when a molested girl realizes she was a molested girl, shit’s gonna hit the mother fucking bottle, trying to forget. To date, she’s been living in the hustle of glitz and glam, too busy to think about her past and constantly working towards making the next million dollars. Now that her husband’s got a new slut, her dad’s got a new project (Ashley) and dudes don’t wanna fall in love with her, they just wanna bang her without a condom and cum in her ass, she’s gonna find herself alone. When alone and depressed, thinking about her childhood is about all she’ll be able to do and all that’s when all the BAD things that happened come to light. I predict an Oprah special feature in about 8 years with a Meth Addicted Prostitute who was once America’s Princess, and motherfuckers, I’ll be the first in line to give her that hit of meth no matter how AIDSed up she is….

Yes, I realize she’s obviously making some gay’s wish come true by shopping with the queen. It must be some kinds of AIDS charity, it is the gay disease you know….

I fucking love the dude with the Camera phone… you know he’s gonna show that shit to all his fucking friends for the next 6 months….if anyone knows him get him to send it in to the site.

That’s the story I heard.

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I figure there’s not enough Jessica Simpson on this site. The truth is that she’s going to be washed up in about a week, or whenever he cunt of sister launches her album with her new nose, so I figure let’s get it all in before my dreams come true. The dreams I’m talking about are dreams of Jessica tapping into her repressed memories of when daddy and the Baptist dad’s in the community used to gang finger-bang her when she was 7. You see, when a molested girl realizes she was a molested girl, shit’s gonna hit the mother fucking bottle, trying to forget. To date, she’s been living in the hustle of glitz and glam, too busy to think about her past and constantly working towards making the next million dollars. Now that her husband’s got a new slut, her dad’s got a new project (Ashley) and dudes don’t wanna fall in love with her, they just wanna bang her without a condom and cum in her ass, she’s gonna find herself alone. When alone and depressed, thinking about her childhood is about all she’ll be able to do and all that’s when all the BAD things that happened come to light. I predict an Oprah special feature in about 8 years with a Meth Addicted Prostitute who was once America’s Princess, and motherfuckers, I’ll be the first in line to give her that hit of meth no matter how AIDSed up she is….

Yes, I realize she’s obviously making some gay’s wish come true by shopping with the queen. It must be some kinds of AIDS charity, it is the gay disease you know….

I fucking love the dude with the Camera phone… you know he’s gonna show that shit to all his fucking friends for the next 6 months….if anyone knows him get him to send it in to the site.

That’s the story I heard.

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I refuse to call them BRANGELINA. Just like I refuse to call BRITNEY SPEARS’ bodyguard the MANNY and just like how I refuse to call TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES’ relationship TOM KAT or BEN AFFLECK and JENNIFER GARNER/JENNIFER LOPEZ’s relationship BENNIFER…or any other ridiculously embarassing name that all you celebrity obsessed readers find witty. They aren’t witty – they are stupid and pretty fucking lame. That means you deserve AIDs along with the cunts who came up with them…..Speaking of CUNTS Angelina’s is probably pretty sore these days. I wonder if she’ll ever whip back to her old shape, always the gamble when getting a bitch pregnant.

Angelina All Full of Cocaine Milk (She used to spend time in Montreal and I met her dealer, he said she used to buy a fucking SHITLOAD of coke, kinda expected though)

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