I feel like I should know what type of underwear every girl I know or come in contact with is wearing. I feel like pants should be obsolete when I am in the room, or at least should be taken off to give me a little flash/glance of what the ladies are rockin’ like “Jesus do you approve of these”. I am in the business of making girls famous, and I can only do that by knowing what’s going on down where it counts.

I feel like fergie has a penis and that means I shouldn’t know what’s going on in her BEP Pants, but now that I do I think she should be following these directions from a Herpes Maintenance site:

Keep your lesions clean and dry. You may want to sprinkle some cornstarch in your underwear to help the area stay dry.

Wear cotton or some other type of natural fiber underwear and loose-fitting clothing.

This is where I would put a link to her Official Myspace. But it’s been deleted, but this may still be her email address, let her know we say hi. bepfergie@tmail.com

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The thing I like about Carmen is that she never hid the fact that she’s a fucking dirt bag of a slut. The kind of girl you get in your bed, if you’re lucky enough to land a bitch like this, which you aren’t because you have never had sex and live with your mother, but step back and pretend you are lucky enough to land a girl like this, well she’s the kind of girl who won’t fuck you proper unless you have something to offer. She’ll just lay on her back like a sack of shit and let you slam dance her as much as you can, knowing that you’ll bust in all of 30 seconds just by lookin at her tits. Anyway, if you were a big producer, or an actor or a rockstar, bitch would show you the time of your life, because she’s be performing. The screaming, pulling of hair and the bouncing off your dick would all be a big show to get you hooked so that you give her a job/money/whatever it is she wants from you, in return. I got nothing but love for hookers, they do what they gotta do to live the life they want to live, and when you are Carmen Electra, you are like the Queen hooker, cuz bitch is all over the fuckin place. I guess the point of the story is, when you get paid to look like a hot slut, and you get what you want for being a hot slut, all you have to make sure you do is maintain that hot slut of a body…through stretches.

Bonus: Carmen Leaves a Hotel and some poor kid realizes she’s not the perfect looking woman he’s been jerking off to in his magazine all this time….

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I guess what it really comes down to is, who the fuck am I to judge these people, and by people I mean celebrities. They have a lot more money and success in their careers than I ever will, they wear better clothes, and drive better cars than I ever will and they are all household names. I am piss broke,don’t have a job, car or clothes and the only people who know who I am are perverted and probably criminal. But maybe that is why I do what I do. Maybe it’s cuz I am bitter than I am a useless piece of shit all while girls I know I am too good to fuck are raking it in and livin’ large all while being ugly for even me to fuck, and I have some LOW fuckin’ standards. That’s not to say that Alicia is really raking in much more than the 100 dollars a day she gets at comic book conferences where she dresses up like bat girl and signs fat kids’ tits.

I always found this thin-lipped useless piece of d-listed shit ugly. I am talking busted, like the old chevy in my back yard that I would be using to drive me to the unemployment office, but I am too busy posting this shit for you sexual predators….so fuck you and realize that you are the reason I am where I am. Cuddles.

At some event (this is her dressed up, I know…busted.)

After Yoga (this is her not dressed up and equally busted)

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We decided to start a link dump because our site gets no traffic and we figure if we started linking out, maybe people will start to link back to us….I also figured that these are things I would never write a post on, but worth checking out, so let us know what you think and if you have a link send it here.

Todays Links:

Why kids shouldn’t have pets. (HINT: because they fuck them)

When ordinary water guns just aren’t sexy anymore (No Fat Chicks)

What do you get when you mix rave drugs with more rave drugs? This guy (plsthx)

For Those of you who need an occasion to cum (fleshbot)

T Shirt of the Day

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We decided to start a link dump because our site gets no traffic and we figure if we started linking out, maybe people will start to link back to us….I also figured that these are things I would never write a post on, but worth checking out, so let us know what you think and if you have a link send it here.

Todays Links:

Why kids shouldn’t have pets. (HINT: because they fuck them)

When ordinary water guns just aren’t sexy anymore (No Fat Chicks)

What do you get when you mix rave drugs with more rave drugs? This guy (plsthx)

For Those of you who need an occasion to cum (fleshbot)

T Shirt of the Day

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Kelly Brook has a pretty slamming body, and in these pics you can see up her skirt. Looking up a girls skirt is something I do pretty well and like doing. There have been times that I have been in clubs, seated in a sunken tub-type seat when all around me were women on bar stools, back when mini skirts were everywhere. Anyway, that night I drank a lot and saw at least three rockin’ vaginas, one of which was a full coinslot and bald. I know my story sucked, but I have more. I was at another club one night, where the VIP Room was a balcony that overlooks the mainfloor….I couldn’t get upstairs because it was VIP and I am never VIP, but spent the night under the balcony lookin up, girls knew what i was doing cuz I was pointing and laughing, but they kept on going…My last upskirt story takes place at the bottom of the escallator of the local mall, where I’d spend weeks upon weeks seated at the bench watching girls go up. I’d only get a few panty shots, but those few shots made my day worth it, I was on welfare with little else to do. When I was working as a Valet, I’d open the door for women all the time with my eyes in one place, and place was the babyhole….I also used to look up skirts when I worked at the local little league ballpark as a hot dog vendor and I’d often take breaks under the bleachers with a bottle of mustard and some napkins…..Point of this post is that lookin’ upskirts is creepy, and all your fuckers zooming in to get a better look at her pussy make me sick, but the kind of panties a girl wears is something that I like to know…so girls send in pics….With love, Jesus

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Kate Moss has a daughter named Lila. Kate Moss is a drug addict. Kate Moss probably didn’t quit smoking, drinking or blow while pregnant because drug addicts usually don’t. I know because my mother was a drug addict, an alcoholic and a whore back in Mexico in the ’70s, she didn’t stop when pregnant with me, in fact she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me until one night, while getting fucked by some American business man in town from a San Diego conference, she felt something fall out of her pussy and onto his dick, it was the placenta. If you are wondering, she had left me in toilet while preppin’ for the job too drunk to even notice cutting the umbilical cord or the fact that she had had a baby… the business man wasn’t so impressed, but he still finished off but didn’t pay her and she hated me from that point on for making her lose 15 dollars. I was lucky enough to inherit her addictive personality and the cold sores. Thanks Mom.

I was watching some show about how kids who eat candy are just like little crackwhores, you know spending their last penny on a fuckin’ bonbon for that sugar high, suckin’ dick in the playground or in some molesters van for promises of a lollipop. Well Kate Moss’ daughter is addicted to juice now and it’s obvious this shit’s only going to get worse. Next step will be sugar coated cereal, Tony the Tiger is right, they are fucking great and they ruined my fucking life, and by the time bitch is 17 she’ll be injecting heroin in some back alley abortion clinic or doing yay with her mom off Versace’s Tombstone… but the point of the post is not about addiction, it’s about Kate Moss and how the hell she got a baby to pass through her birth canal, she’s only 90 pounds, I am guessing she has a really big vagina. Cuddles.

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Kate Moss has a daughter named Lila. Kate Moss is a drug addict. Kate Moss probably didn’t quit smoking, drinking or blow while pregnant because drug addicts usually don’t. I know because my mother was a drug addict, an alcoholic and a whore back in Mexico in the ’70s, she didn’t stop when pregnant with me, in fact she didn’t even know she was pregnant with me until one night, while getting fucked by some American business man in town from a San Diego conference, she felt something fall out of her pussy and onto his dick, it was the placenta. If you are wondering, she had left me in toilet while preppin’ for the job too drunk to even notice cutting the umbilical cord or the fact that she had had a baby… the business man wasn’t so impressed, but he still finished off but didn’t pay her and she hated me from that point on for making her lose 15 dollars. I was lucky enough to inherit her addictive personality and the cold sores. Thanks Mom.

I was watching some show about how kids who eat candy are just like little crackwhores, you know spending their last penny on a fuckin’ bonbon for that sugar high, suckin’ dick in the playground or in some molesters van for promises of a lollipop. Well Kate Moss’ daughter is addicted to juice now and it’s obvious this shit’s only going to get worse. Next step will be sugar coated cereal, Tony the Tiger is right, they are fucking great and they ruined my fucking life, and by the time bitch is 17 she’ll be injecting heroin in some back alley abortion clinic or doing yay with her mom off Versace’s Tombstone… but the point of the post is not about addiction, it’s about Kate Moss and how the hell she got a baby to pass through her birth canal, she’s only 90 pounds, I am guessing she has a really big vagina. Cuddles.

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She plays Meadow on the Sopranos and since the guy who plays Artie Bucco was busted for possession of Cocaine today, I figured it’s a good time to do a Meadow post. That’s actually not at all the reason I am posting this, but I did hear about Artie on Live with Regis this morning, before Kelly got into a tank of water with David Blaine, so it all fits in nicely, much like Kelly’s wet suit. I guess fate is on my fucking side…thanks Artic Bucco and your addiction for making this all make sense.

Point of this post is to say that girls are a lot more into touching each other than guys are. I never gently rub my friend’s back while walking together, but that’s probably because I don’t have any friends, but if I did have friends, I wouldn’t be rubbin on them, unless they were paying, but that’s only because everyone’s got a price, mine’s just a lot less than most self-respecting people…when I see girls run into each other, they all kiss up on each other and when their husbands leave them for being sluts they all cry in each other’s arms….the only time guys touch each other when they aren’t homo is when they are jocks and they suck each other’s dicks in the locker room, but that’s not gay, it’s for the team, you just don’t understand, now let’s go fuck some bitches…..

Bonus (not really):

This is a picture that was taken by one of my photographers. He wrote this email to me. It made me laugh.

Jesus,

I went out with the camera last weekend, and some guy wanted me to take a shot of his neck tattoo for the internet – it says “White Trash”. I said fine because I take pics of everything, especially hot naked women (when they let me or when you finally give me a fuckin’ budget). Anyway, his friend who is a bit of a hip hop looking thug jumps in, all excited and shit and says “want a pic of us making out”, well this pic is the result of what happened. They both said that it was funny because they weren’t gay and that it was just for jokes, and laugh we did, over a couple of martinis and each other’s penises in each other’s mouths of course….Here’s the pic, they said I could post it.

PEACE OUT

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Rachel Stevens wears a maternity dress to the beach because she’s obviously pregnant with Screech’s baby, that’s why they are all close and cuddling, but where the fuck is Mr. Belding. That was my shitty “Saved by the Bell” joke that I didn’t find funny, so you shouldn’t either, but I am not going to erase it cuz I am lazy. I would have said that she is rockin’ a full length dress to the beach because she is from England, and people from England are scared of the sun, but I used to watch SClub7, and bitch was in a bikini every episode…I remember goin to the internet to see if my fantasies of Rachel were illegal, which they weren’t, she was 24 in the show…a total disappointment, anyway she is now older and more washed up while drinkin and smokin and straight west coasting with some clown is really not the future I wished for…I was bankin’ on her getting her on all fours in my sex dungeon…but I never got around to building it.

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