I just spent an hour on the phone with a financial advisor. He called me from Berkshire, Warren Buffet’s company and was asking me if I wanted to attend a seminar. I have no fucking idea where he got my number but I decided to fuck around with him, asking him questions about what he thought would be a sound investment. I told him I was willing to put 100 percent of my savings into his control and dude got a boner. I rode it out for the 45 minutes before dropping the bomb that my savings were a total of $2. I guess motherfucker doesn’t read this site, but then again either do you.

I’d like to address a serious issue that I neglected in the Rachel Steven’s post today, and that is that Stephen Dorf got hep from Pam Anderson (thanks cybermule). If I had put that one together before that post would have taken a whole different comedic approach because hep jokes always make me laugh, where as lame hot girls gone fat commentary doesn’t.

Either way I am a fucking hack and here are some pictures of Bai Ling, because bitch is a bigger hack than me. Cuddles.

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A good friend of mine used to find Caroline Rhea the hottest middle-aged person on TV. We all used to laugh at him because we all knew she was disgusting, including him, but I guess it was one of those things that he couldn’t control. He was probably drawn to her big tits, that’s the only thing I can think of to rationalize it. I know that all of us have been attracted to someone we normally never would look at twice. Like this one time I caught myself moving here for a girl I thought was average looking and a little chubby in the pics she sent me over the net, which to my surprise was taken 10 years/120 lbs earlier….either way sometimes you gotta suck it up and do what you have to do. In my friend’s case it was jerk off to thoughts of Caroline Rhea, for some of you it was worse leaving you feeling guilty and humilated and for me it ended in a nice wedding reception at the local community center. We all do what we have to, it’s called survival.

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A good friend of mine used to find Caroline Rhea the hottest middle-aged person on TV. We all used to laugh at him because we all knew she was disgusting, including him, but I guess it was one of those things that he couldn’t control. He was probably drawn to her big tits, that’s the only thing I can think of to rationalize it. I know that all of us have been attracted to someone we normally never would look at twice. Like this one time I caught myself moving here for a girl I thought was average looking and a little chubby in the pics she sent me over the net, which to my surprise was taken 10 years/120 lbs earlier….either way sometimes you gotta suck it up and do what you have to do. In my friend’s case it was jerk off to thoughts of Caroline Rhea, for some of you it was worse leaving you feeling guilty and humilated and for me it ended in a nice wedding reception at the local community center. We all do what we have to, it’s called survival.

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I know people like to hate on this bitch for having a manly face, but seriously with legs like that, bitch could have a fucking dick and I’d still let her bounce on my face like it was a pogo stick. Gisele having a dick isn’t that unlikely, she is from Brazil and Brazil is the home of 76% of the world’s transexuals. Thailand’s got the other 23% and the last 1% are scattered around your home country. If you are wondering why I know this, it’s not because I have a tranny fetish, it’s because I used to work at a porno company and when talking to one of the sales dudes, who’s life involved going to small town sex shops and video stores pitching the sketchy owners to buy his porn, which in itself is one of the funniest fucking job in the word, but that’s not the point. The point is that I asked him why there was so much tranny porn and he told me that most of the buyers were straight dudes who were just bored of regular porn, so I watched one hoping it would change my fucking life, like I do for you daily. It didn’t. The tranny looked a lot like a girl from the waist up with rockin’ tits and an acceptable face, it was a tranny who I wouldn’t think is a tranny if I walked by her on the street, but when they panned down and I saw that she was getting her dick sucked from some porno slut I realized that Tranny Porn is really not my thing. However, Gisele may change all that when her pantless pics hit the internet and we find out bitch has been packin’ all this time. I guess it would explain a lot of Leonardo Dicaprio questions I have.

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I know people like to hate on this bitch for having a manly face, but seriously with legs like that, bitch could have a fucking dick and I’d still let her bounce on my face like it was a pogo stick. Gisele having a dick isn’t that unlikely, she is from Brazil and Brazil is the home of 76% of the world’s transexuals. Thailand’s got the other 23% and the last 1% are scattered around your home country. If you are wondering why I know this, it’s not because I have a tranny fetish, it’s because I used to work at a porno company and when talking to one of the sales dudes, who’s life involved going to small town sex shops and video stores pitching the sketchy owners to buy his porn, which in itself is one of the funniest fucking job in the word, but that’s not the point. The point is that I asked him why there was so much tranny porn and he told me that most of the buyers were straight dudes who were just bored of regular porn, so I watched one hoping it would change my fucking life, like I do for you daily. It didn’t. The tranny looked a lot like a girl from the waist up with rockin’ tits and an acceptable face, it was a tranny who I wouldn’t think is a tranny if I walked by her on the street, but when they panned down and I saw that she was getting her dick sucked from some porno slut I realized that Tranny Porn is really not my thing. However, Gisele may change all that when her pantless pics hit the internet and we find out bitch has been packin’ all this time. I guess it would explain a lot of Leonardo Dicaprio questions I have.

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I remember this dude from 3 episodes on Roseanne. I was a huge Roseanne fan and Roseanne was just…huge. Anyway, I don’t actually remember Stephen Dorff, he’s too much of a no name for me to remember especially from his stint on Roseanne, but I do know how to use IMDB, I have a website and it would be really negligent on my part if I didn’t know how to use it. I definitely remember the bitch Rachel Stevens though. She was in S-Club 7 and walked around in a bikini. She was the hot one with a slammin’ body. By the looks of these pics, seems like Rachel’s been drinking enough wine to throw her bikini body into the recycling bin with her empty bottles. That’s how the downward spiral starts, eventually the daily hangover leads to greasy foods, sweet foods and more booze….If Rachel Steven’s stays on this alcoholic path, she’s going to end up fatter than Roseanne was in 1989 when Dorff sucked her love handles for a part in the show. Did you like how that came full circle. I impress myself too, sometimes.

Bonus: The Slag at an Event

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This picture was taken when the event photographer got dudes to pose and my stepHELPER snuck in and took a pic. It was from last night’s party, not the website last night’s party, last night’s actual party. I link that hipster shit all the time even though I think the homo darkie doesn’t deserve the attention he’s been getting. Either way, it’s a holiday today, it’s my doctor’s birthday, it’s the day my stepdaughter called me an asshole for taking away her phone privileges, it’s a day when you all should click the motherfucking links and remember that I’ll be back tomorrow, unless I get hit by a bus, which is doubtful since I never leave my house. Cuddles.

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I just woke up because I was in the weirdet strip club in my life until it closed last night. The strippers were fat and turn tricks, they were street whores who had what it took to dance around on stage for a couple of songs to make a little extra coin and what it takes was some cheap lingerie. There was no way they weren’t right off the corner and that wasn’t even what made me feel uncomfortable. There was an asian dude, alone on perverts row, simulating ripping lines of coke off the table with his imaginary friend. After he was done ripping the lines that weren’t even there, he lit up an imaginary cigarette coughed, put it out in an imaginary ashtray and did some ninja moves and left. I was scared he was going to stab me, but luckily the transexual stripper who was trying to trick dudes into thinkin he was a she distracted him.

Speaking of getting stabbed, I just found out the Crocodile Hunter got stabbed in the heart by a stingray, and felt sad for motherfucker cuz he always knew how to put a smile on my face.

R.I.P. Steve Irwin

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I rarely leave my house and there are a few reasons for that. This being one of them. These pictures were taken by one of my stepHELPERS who happened to end up at a local party. He was surprised by all the hate he was getting for the myspace messages I send out to random local girls but was more surprised by this dude in pink pumps, silver pants and a possibly the weirdest outfit I’ve seen in a while. I used to run with hookers, dirty fucking hookers, hookers who you would let suck your dick when you were wasted but wouldn’t let use your toilet. They would always wear random scraps of shit they called clothing and I’d say 98% of the time they looked better than this. This party was apparantly a hit, the after party was better and too all the people I have offended locally and internationally, let’s get a bit of sense of humor here. If we can’t laugh at you then who are we supposed to laugh at. Also, don’t give the dude who submits my links to collegehumor a hard time about the shit I write on the net. Let’s keep the fun to the internet. I’m talking to you girl who I asked for before and after pregnancy box shots.

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