I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

19

May

I am – One Mexican Link Dump

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This is the drunkenstepfather link dump. It may not be good, but my eyes are burning and I need to sleep. It’s only 9:30 but I have destroyed my body and any potentialy energy a healthy person could have, I lost to the booze. So here are some links, enjoy.

Heather Mills – Paul McCartney’s soon to be ex-wife Topless
Ice T’s Wife’s Got Tits and Looks Like a Whore
Gwenyth Paltrow’s See Through Top
Girls Gone Wild Style Flahsing (girls are retarded)
This is the Weirdest Naked Chick I have Ever Seen
Orliath McAllister Naked Beach Pics
Howard Stern Hates Brandon Davis Too
Foot Fetish Clip of the Day
Miller Light Chick’s Vagina
Britney Spears Almost Drops Baby, Porn Star Saves the Day

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2006

18

May

I am – Beyonce at the Beach

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If you are black and you’re reading this, the only difference between Jay-z/Beyonce and you is that they don’t have to steal cars to feed their family. That was my bad racist joke of the day. I remember a couple of weeks ago I was at someone’s house for dinner. Yes, people occassionally invite me to dinner parties and I got stuck talking to someone who knew about the site and felt like upstaging my comdey, if you can even call it comedy, I call it social awkwardness. Dude was like “Jesus you’ll love these” but anyone who reads this site knows, I never drop racist jokes, I find them cliche, but this guy at the party just wouldn’t shut up, he obviously thought I got hard for them and this asshole dropped the birthday-bike joke, the hanging from a tree joke, the velcro on the ceiling joke, the bucket of shit joke, pretty much every lame black joke. I just asked him if he was on a joke of the day email list and he told me he was and I told him to go fuck himself and that the next time I am stuck talking to him, he best be packin’ som Jew jokes. I am always in the mood for Jew jokes, no matter how cliche they are. If you have any send them HERE.

I guess the point of all this is to say that although Beyonce’s upper body looks tight, and her ankles look slim, there is a reason she’s rockin’ those shorts, and that reason is her fat ass. Cuddles.

Bonus: Beyonce Dressed Like a Banana Yesterday (it’s one of Jay-z’s Fetishes)

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2006

18

May

I am – Christina Ricci’s Bikini of the Day

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I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

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Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…



Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

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2006

18

May

I am – Christina Ricci's Bikini of the Day

christina-poolTOP.jpg

I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

Christina-PoolBOTTOM.jpg

Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…



Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

18

May

I am – Ruben Studdard’s Lunch of the Day

Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

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2006

18

May

I am – Ruben Studdard's Lunch of the Day

Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

18

May

I am – Link Dump without the Truck of the Day

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I am not going to claim these are the best links on the internet today. I will say that they are the ones I am posting and I will also prove they are the ones I am postin, by posting them. If you have better links, send them in by clicking HERE.

Alanis Morissette Looks Better than She Usually does which is Ugly
Keeley Hazell’s Got Some a Slammin’ Rack (TOPLESS CHICK)
Lohan Gone Wild
Mad TV’s Debra Wilson Flashing her Tits…(TOPLESS CHICK)
Throw Back Pics of Pink Making Out with Kristina Loken(LESBIAN CHICKS)
Wedding Betting is Funny
The Sun, The Sea and Marketa (NAKED CHICK)

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2006

17

May

I am – Matthew Broderick’s Son is Cooler Than Him of the Day

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Matthew Broderick’s a total twat. So he was Ferris Bueller, big fucking deal, that was 1980, no one cares. Sarah Jessica Parker is also a total twat, yes girls like to relate to your character on Sex in the City and how fashionable she is, but that show’s off the air, no one cares anymore. Point of the story is that your kid know’s you are both twats, and he’s lettin’ the world know he’s not a total twat too.

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2006

17

May

I am – Matthew Broderick's Son is Cooler Than Him of the Day

sarahsonTOP.jpg

Matthew Broderick’s a total twat. So he was Ferris Bueller, big fucking deal, that was 1980, no one cares. Sarah Jessica Parker is also a total twat, yes girls like to relate to your character on Sex in the City and how fashionable she is, but that show’s off the air, no one cares anymore. Point of the story is that your kid know’s you are both twats, and he’s lettin’ the world know he’s not a total twat too.

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2006

17

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

Here I am, back at the stalking shit. I think it’s really funny and I know that no one else does, because the people I email don’t respond to me and because you readers don’t comment on these, but I am still going to do it. To me, it makes for the best celebrity posts ever.

Who gives a fuck if Lohan didn’t get into Danny Masterson’s club night, or if Paris Hilton and some Jew Pussy named Brandon Davis is laughing at Lohan’s Pussy (video).

After watching that clip I have decided that I will beat that little fucker up the day I meet him. I know exactly the kind of person he is and I hate that kind of person. His bad jokes urk me and the fact he’s dissing Lohan makes me ever more angry. I rarely get so involved in any clip I see, but after watching that, I seriously wanted to take a bat to his pussy of a face. I am not really Lohan’s stalker, I just pretend I am to her friends and colleagues, but I was seriously affected by this. Lame disses aside, Lohan is way fucking cooler than Paris and probably wouldn’t laugh at these kinds of jokes that just aren’t funny. Dude calls Lohan “poor” and says she’s got a 7 foot long clit, really fuckin’ funny, cunt. I guess it’s DrunkenStepfather Vs. Brandon Davis now, the war has just begun and I will win, Jew Boy.

Point of the story is orange pubes never killed no one, Paris’ HIV will….and she’s only laughin at the fire crotch joke cuz she knows what it’s like when it burns when you pee.

Enough of the anger and back tot he real point of this…. I emailed Masterson cuz I figured he’s probably the best one to reach out to when it comes to Lohan, but I am usually wrong with these types of things….

Dear Danny of that 70s Show Fame who is also a DJ and Radio Host,

I know you are friends with Wilmer. I also know that Wilmer slammed Lohan. I wanted to know if I sent you out a block of clay, could you convince Wilmer to get back to his Latin roots and get him to start scuplting a life size model of Lohan’s vagina. I would really totally put that up on a shelf in the StepOffice, which doubles as the public washroom at the mall (they have wifi here).

I was going to get you to ask him for a used condom, but I know celebs don’t use condoms, you’re invincible to AIDs, look at Magic Johnson and Paris Hilton.

If you can’t do that for me, her personal email and phone number would be fine.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Bonus: Lohan Arriving at the Race to Erase MS (a couple days ago)

Another Bonus: Lohan and Richie on the Catwalk at the Same Event (a couple days ago)

Previously on DrunkenStepfather:

Lohan Stalker Post 6
Lohan Stalker Post 5
Lohan Stalker Post 4
Lohan Stalker Post 3
Lohan Stalker Post 2
Lohan Stalker Post 1

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