I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

12

May

I am – Email of the Day

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This is a picture I took while walking down the street drunk. I have no idea who the girls are but I do know that I told them I would make them famous and they yelled mean things back at me. I accidently only took the shot of their tits which is probably better for all of us, because they are probably really fucking ugly and we don’t need an ugly face to ruin a solid set of tits.

This is an Email I woke up to this afternoon. I am telling you that this shit works. Whenever I wear it the girls I meet either LOVE ME or HATE ME instead of ignore me.

Hi Jesus, you can post my message on your site, but please keep this shit anonymous:

That Pherlure cologne thing kinda worked for me. I’ve been on a pussy dry spell since I dumped my GF a few weeks ago. I had gone to a few clubs with no success. I’d try to hit on some girls, but it seems I had lost my touch from having been in a steady relationship for so long.

Then yesterday I went out with my friends, I had put on like one spray before leaving home, just to test it. I dunno if it was the confidence boost, or if the thing really works, but I danced and made out with 3 girls that night. I didn’t get laid but I have 2 phone numbers in my pocket this morning.

I’m probably gonna try it again tonight, I’ll keep you posted if anyone cares. I don’t have a camera, so forget about pictures. Anyways they don’t prove anything.

Call me L.

If you want involved Click This Link and get involved….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Paris is Happier than Nicky Hilton of the Day

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I’ve seen a lot of pics of Paris. I have also seen her movie over and over and over and over again, not because I like her, but because she’s a bad fuck and I found comfort knowing that someone who seemingly has everything in life, from nice cars to nice houses, rich lovers to international fame and a even a videogame…still have their flaws….in her case it’s not being able to fuck properly.

It also goes to prove that just because a bitch fucks a lot doesn’t mean she’s any good at it. You’d think that hiring a whore, or dating a girl who’s banged 100s of dudes will rock you like no other, but they are usually bad. Firstly they are jaded cuz they’ve had so much cock, secondly they are numb in their huge cunts because they have had so much cock and thirdly they probably fucked the 100s of dudes because they have self-hatred issues (thanks Oprah), they did that shit to feel accepted and worth something, so sex for them is some fucked up psychological shit, proving that they don’t like the act of sex, they like the thought of being wanted, and last time I checked thoughts the bitch I was banging had didn’t make me cum any harder.

Point of the story is that Paris Hilton despite her flaws still smiles while Nicky is always so miserable…I wonder why that is? (that was a rhetorical question, I don’t actually want emails about this)

Bonus: Matt Leinart (a football player) Leaving Paris’ House this Morning…Meaning They Had Sex and he now has an STD.

Another Bonus: Paris in Lingerie, You can see her cunt definition..the same cunt that gave Matt Leinart (a football player) an STD.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Cameron Diaz’s Mom’s Teeth of the Day

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No one talks about Cameron Diaz anymore. So I am not going to either. Because I hate this cunt more than I hate myself, and according to Oprah, that’s a lot. I am going to talk about her mom and the fact that her teeth are fucking retarded. You would think that her cunt of a daughter would have the decency to buy her a new set of teeth. I watch Extreme Makeover, or watched it when I could afford cable, and I have seen the wonders they can do to a set of teeth. I know Cameron is pretty useless, but that Charlie Angel’s shit had to have made her enough coin to afford the procedure. I am not an authority on dental hygiene, I have gone months without brushing, I have gone years without seeing a dentist, I have chewed on pieced on pebbles just to see what happens. I also had a bit of a Meth problem a few years ago and that shit rots out teeth…so this mouth is one that you’d probably avoid if you saw it walking down the street, a lot like Cameron Diaz’s moms’, and by Cameron Diaz’s Mom I mean Toni Collette.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Cameron Diaz's Mom's Teeth of the Day

CameranDiazMomTop.jpg

No one talks about Cameron Diaz anymore. So I am not going to either. Because I hate this cunt more than I hate myself, and according to Oprah, that’s a lot. I am going to talk about her mom and the fact that her teeth are fucking retarded. You would think that her cunt of a daughter would have the decency to buy her a new set of teeth. I watch Extreme Makeover, or watched it when I could afford cable, and I have seen the wonders they can do to a set of teeth. I know Cameron is pretty useless, but that Charlie Angel’s shit had to have made her enough coin to afford the procedure. I am not an authority on dental hygiene, I have gone months without brushing, I have gone years without seeing a dentist, I have chewed on pieced on pebbles just to see what happens. I also had a bit of a Meth problem a few years ago and that shit rots out teeth…so this mouth is one that you’d probably avoid if you saw it walking down the street, a lot like Cameron Diaz’s moms’, and by Cameron Diaz’s Mom I mean Toni Collette.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Bijou Phillips’ Aids


And by AIDS I mean Myspace, because I have never met her, so I can’t be sure if she stinks of AIDS or just dirty hipster. She’s the girl that was a washed up model by the time she was 18, she was naked in Bully when she was 21 and was rockin’ a solid bush. She dated fellow loser kid of a musician….Sean Lennon. I remember a couple of years ago she was dominating the coked out dirty hipster scene in NYC… I wasn’t there to take part in it because I don’t have a trust fund, acting career, modelling career or style. I have posted her tits before, if you want to see them just do a google image search. In the meantime add her and her current boyfriend to myspace. This was a weak fuckin’ post, but it’s Friday, so Fuck You.

Bonus:

Visit Bijou Phillips on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Bonus Number 2:

Visit Danny Masterson on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Bijou Phillips' Aids


And by AIDS I mean Myspace, because I have never met her, so I can’t be sure if she stinks of AIDS or just dirty hipster. She’s the girl that was a washed up model by the time she was 18, she was naked in Bully when she was 21 and was rockin’ a solid bush. She dated fellow loser kid of a musician….Sean Lennon. I remember a couple of years ago she was dominating the coked out dirty hipster scene in NYC… I wasn’t there to take part in it because I don’t have a trust fund, acting career, modelling career or style. I have posted her tits before, if you want to see them just do a google image search. In the meantime add her and her current boyfriend to myspace. This was a weak fuckin’ post, but it’s Friday, so Fuck You.

Bonus:

Visit Bijou Phillips on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Bonus Number 2:

Visit Danny Masterson on Myspace by Clicking THIS Link

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Linking Dumps of the Day

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By Dumps I mean Whores not Poo….So we’ve found a few interesting links today that were worth checking out, but not worth posting on. It happens alot and I figured it’d be a good service to you, if I posted them….Point is if you feel our links suck or if you have some links for us to check out send them to us. Honestly, surfing the internet is tedious and if you do the work for me, I am a much happier person. It is midnight and I am drunk but not too drunk to put a Submit Links Link Here that you will click to submit links to us… Cuddles….

Vanessa Minnillo Nipples from ’04…
Some Random Dirt Bag of Girl on Flickr
Pj Harvey Upskirt and her Massive Bush
Who is Rita G, and Why is She Naked on Stern?
Weird Art and I Don’t Understand Russian
Rhianna’s New Video SOS on YouTube Gave “Just Jeff” a Boner
Then “Just Jeff” Bought This Hat, Don’t Ask….

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2006

12

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

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Julie McNiven was Lohan’s body double on Chapter 27, the John Lennon Movie. Since It just wrapped up shooting recently (as in sometime this year, cuz I don’t know what date it specifically wrapped, I am not that good of a stalker), I figured I’d email her to try to get one step closer to Lohan….This is what I had to say. For some reason people aren’t very into helping me on this venture and don’t email me back. Also, I defs see some kind of tit scar up in these pics, but I am also drunk.

Dear Jules, (you don’t mind that I call your Jules do you?)

Rumor on the street, and by street I mean the internet, is that you were Lohan’s body double in the movie Chapter 27. I figured I would send you this message, since I am in the process of stalking Lohan for my website, DrunkenStepfather.com. I know you were her body double, so asking you for her number or her email is probably a waste of my time. Knowing Lohan she probably doesn’t talk to your kind. She was probably too busy getting jacked up on Yay in her trailer while sucking on Leto’s cock and slappin’ his belly, while you were actually working. Now’s your chance to get revenge on that whore, and since you were her body double I figured you could send in some nude pics of yourself and we’ll pretend they are of Lohan. We can make you fucking famous and v agina pics are totally welcome, actually they are the only kind. Also, if you have any Lohan memorabilia, send it my way, as all things that help this stalkin’ go smoother is appreciated.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Visit the Lohan Stand-In’s Site here (Jule McNiven)

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

11

May

I am – Lima, Kurkova and Gisele’s Perfume

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I think Victoria’s Secret has done an amazing job of hiring some of the hottest women in the world to wear their lingerie for them. I am assuming this Karolina Kurkova slut is some kind of communist, while Lima and Gisele are hot tribal Brazilian bitches. Either way, Lima is the hottest out of the three hands down, and I’d be rockin’ a Lima stalker post if there was enough dirt on her on the net, which there isn’t. I’ve looked.

When I was young I had this crazy thought that I would end up with a Bikini/Lingerie model. This was before there was a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and before I realized that I was destined for failure. These kinds of girls only like fat guys with a lot of money, and in the event you haven’t realized, I am not that guy. I still wear jogging pants I got at the Salvation Army 9 years ago. I am not trying to depress you. I am okay my life. I have accepted that my wife is a fat whore who can’t wear a bikini or lingerie because they don’t make them in her size. It’s criminal (her size, not the fact they don’t make lingerie for REALLY big girls).

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

May

I am – Lima, Kurkova and Gisele's Perfume

limakurkovgiseleTOP.jpg

I think Victoria’s Secret has done an amazing job of hiring some of the hottest women in the world to wear their lingerie for them. I am assuming this Karolina Kurkova slut is some kind of communist, while Lima and Gisele are hot tribal Brazilian bitches. Either way, Lima is the hottest out of the three hands down, and I’d be rockin’ a Lima stalker post if there was enough dirt on her on the net, which there isn’t. I’ve looked.

When I was young I had this crazy thought that I would end up with a Bikini/Lingerie model. This was before there was a Victoria’s Secret catalogue and before I realized that I was destined for failure. These kinds of girls only like fat guys with a lot of money, and in the event you haven’t realized, I am not that guy. I still wear jogging pants I got at the Salvation Army 9 years ago. I am not trying to depress you. I am okay my life. I have accepted that my wife is a fat whore who can’t wear a bikini or lingerie because they don’t make them in her size. It’s criminal (her size, not the fact they don’t make lingerie for REALLY big girls).

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted