I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

15

May

I am – Ivanka Trump's Nipples of the Day

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Ivanka Trump’s nipple is definitely worth more than you are. The reason is simple, her dad is Donald Trump and he has probably given her a solid salary and a slammin’ trust fund. Like all rich kids, I can only assume Ivanka is completely fucked up but she keeps it out of the public eye. She doesn’t go to all the useless celebrity parties the rich kids like Kimmy Stewart, Paris Hilton, the Osbornes, Nicole Richie and all the others go to. She has a business degree and works for her dad’s company and seems to have a little more class. mainly because she keeps her vagina to herself, unfortunately.

I always loved partying with rich kids back in the days I used to party with rich kids. They never had a real care in the world and would never complain about financing our night out. The people I knew were nothing close to the Trumps in wealth, but doing a bunch of coke while getting my dick sucked by a highclass hooker in a penthouse hotel room was a weekly event that never seemed to be a problem. I have no pics of those nights but I do have pics of Ivanka. Enjoy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

15

May

I am – Joe Rogan Picture on the Wall of the Day

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I went to a comedy show and didn’t laugh. It was at a place called Jimbo’s in Montreal. It cost 10 dollars and I drank about 12 rye and gingers because rumor has it that Jack is a premium alcohol, and I was trying to save money. There was a fat slut in the corner who kept offering to suck the comedian’s dick, she claimed she was really good at it, probably from all that practice on her dad/uncle who molested her growing up. Only difference between her and Oprah is that she liked the attention her molestor gave her….

Anyway, Rumor also has it that Joe Rogan has played there and this is the proof, a picture with his autograph and praise of how great of a bar it is. The capacity of the room was about 15 people, so I guess it was the first and only time Rogan sold out a show and that’s why he was so happy with the venue. Either way, we have sent Joe Rogan a T-shirt, we consider him a friend of the site.

Check out his site by Clickin’ the Link .

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

15

May

I am – Michelle Trachtenberg Stalker Post of the Day

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I have so much fun stalking Lohan, that I decided to start stalking other celebs. If you aren’t sure what it is that I do, it’s simple. I find people who the person I am stalking has had contact with, whether it is highschool friends, people they work with on movies, their personal assistants/publicists, basically anyone who has ever met them. Then I write a creepy email to that person, in hopes of if getting back to the celebrity I am stalking. It’s my idea of comedy and since I have a Jewish girl fetish, I decided that Trachtenberg would be the second girl I stalk.

This is the stalker email that I sent the make-up artist and hair stylist for the movie Mysterious Skin. Her name is Nicole Le Bris and she has worked with Trachtenberg, here it is.

Dear Nicole,

I read that you were the hairstylist on the movie Mysterious Skin. I am currently stalking Michelle Trachtenberg and wanted to reach out to you, since you have touched her hair and face. I was hoping that you have some strands of Trachtenberg’s hair that I could possibly use for masturbation purposes. If not, I understand and her personal email will suffice.

I look forward to your response,

With Love,

Jesus Martinez

Trachtenberg Getting Coffee

Bonus – Trachtenberg on the Catwalk

Another Bonus – Trachtenberg’s Ass (part of the reason I am stalking her)

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

15

May

I am – Lisa Rinna’s Tit Pimple…

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Someone emailed me this picture last week, I never got to posting it, because no one really gives a shit about Lisa Rinna. She is a Soap Opera Star turned Primetime Soap Opera Star back in 1996. Since Melrose Place has been off the air since 1998, this bitch hasn’t been up to much, but a whole lot of plastic surgery and attending random events like a d-lister should.

The reason I am posting this is becaue she has a pimple on her tit, and it’s always fun to laugh at people’s imperfections. Unfortunately, she probably embraces it since acne is a sign of youth, something she is clearly trying to hold on to. I remember when I had a pimple on my dick years ago that wouldn’t go away no matter how much ProActiv I used. It turned out it wasn’t a pimple at all and I’d like to thank Marina the hooker I used to date, and by date I mean pay to bang. Cuddles.

Bonus: Rinna at the Erase MS Disco Party

Lisa Rinna Posed for Playboy While Pregnant and I was Sent the Pics. If you want to see them click this link.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

15

May

I am – Lisa Rinna's Tit Pimple…

lisarinnatits.jpg

Someone emailed me this picture last week, I never got to posting it, because no one really gives a shit about Lisa Rinna. She is a Soap Opera Star turned Primetime Soap Opera Star back in 1996. Since Melrose Place has been off the air since 1998, this bitch hasn’t been up to much, but a whole lot of plastic surgery and attending random events like a d-lister should.

The reason I am posting this is becaue she has a pimple on her tit, and it’s always fun to laugh at people’s imperfections. Unfortunately, she probably embraces it since acne is a sign of youth, something she is clearly trying to hold on to. I remember when I had a pimple on my dick years ago that wouldn’t go away no matter how much ProActiv I used. It turned out it wasn’t a pimple at all and I’d like to thank Marina the hooker I used to date, and by date I mean pay to bang. Cuddles.

Bonus: Rinna at the Erase MS Disco Party

Lisa Rinna Posed for Playboy While Pregnant and I was Sent the Pics. If you want to see them click this link.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

May

I am – Taking a Link Dump on Steve’s Chest

Picture-6.jpg The week is over officially with this post. That is because I barely post on weekends, because I am usually too drunk to focus on the computer. I kinda feel that way right now….but I have enough in me to press “Publish”. That’s how much I love you fucking pieces of shit now click these links and have a good weekend.

Another Girl and her Homemade Erotica on Flickr
One of the Bitches on Grey’s Anatomy Lookin Busty
DoubleViking Took Pics at E3 of Hot Bitches Working the Booths…
Uberbitch Naomi Posts Pics of Naked Girls and the Pics of Herself
OJ Simpson Has Some Kind of Reality Show
We Like Jessica Simpson’s Breasts, we don’t like her BRA

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

May

I am – Taking a Link Dump on Steve's Chest

Picture-6.jpg The week is over officially with this post. That is because I barely post on weekends, because I am usually too drunk to focus on the computer. I kinda feel that way right now….but I have enough in me to press “Publish”. That’s how much I love you fucking pieces of shit now click these links and have a good weekend.

Another Girl and her Homemade Erotica on Flickr
One of the Bitches on Grey’s Anatomy Lookin Busty
DoubleViking Took Pics at E3 of Hot Bitches Working the Booths…
Uberbitch Naomi Posts Pics of Naked Girls and the Pics of Herself
OJ Simpson Has Some Kind of Reality Show
We Like Jessica Simpson’s Breasts, we don’t like her BRA

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

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This is the sixth person I have contacted as part of my Lohan Stalking project. Not one of them has emailed me back. I can only assume they are uncomfortable with this whole thing. I guess that’s what makes it so funny to me. Today, I contacted DJ AM, Nicole Richie’s boyfriend and owner of a club Lohan frequents called LAX. I tried to sound serious thinking it would get me a some love. It didn’t. Here is Lohan Stalker Post of the day. Cuddles.

Dear Adam Goldstein aka DJ AM,

I am sending this message in regards to an ongoing project I have undertaken at DrunkenStepfather.com, and that venture is to stalk Lohan.

I am a lazy man so my stalking involves emailing people who may or may not have had contact with Lohan. In hopes that she finds out about the site, calls the police and has me arrested, so that we meet while she is testifying in court against me, because that is humor to me.

I wanted to ask you if you could give me one of the glasses she drank out of in your club. It would go into my Lohan box, unfortunately not in Lohan’s Box. If that doesn’t work for you, could you give me her email address, or an email address to someone close to her, maybe her drug dealer seeing as he probably sees a lot of her. I know you are in the club business and that it could be damaging if you out your patrons as crackwhores, but it’s all for a bigger cause…and that cause is my stalking post.

Let me know if you can help.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com


Lohan Has Lunch:

Lohan Shops:

Previously on DrunkenStepfather:

Lohan Stalker Post 5
Lohan Stalker Post 4
Lohan Stalker Post 3
Lohan Stalker Post 2
Lohan Stalker Post 1

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

13

May

I am – Comment of the Week

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So far no one has taken us up on the offer of a free t-shirt for the best comment of the week, and that works for me considering we have no more t-shirts left. I’d like to say we sold out, but reality is we needed something to clean up a mess a certian someone made in the step office, while drunk and had no paper towels. It’s no big deal, a t-shirt is a shit prize anyway and you fuckers shouldn’t have accepted that from me. You should have demanded an XBox or a lease on a new car for a year or some shit. Unfortunately, that will never happen. I don’t even have a car. So this is the comment of the week.

New comment on “I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day”
Author : Frothy Afterbirth

Me thinks Jules is way cuter than Lohan. Unlike Lindsay whose just about to get premature wrinkles, liver spots and skin cancer along with those freckles before the age of 21. Julie is fresh faced and rosy pink all over, hell shes over 25. Maybe because I’m drawn to redheads. Wonder if she is a natural redhead? Cause redheads do have the pinkest tuna.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

May

I am – Ashlee Simpson on the Runway

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I can’t tell if these pictures are pre or post op. I can’t afford eyeglasses, so to me she looks just as busted as before, and you’d think that before spending all that money on surgery, she’d take a little time out for her legs, you know, do a couple squats or some shit to get rid of her cellulite. I know all the bitches out there reading this tell themselves that all girls have cellulite, it’s got something to do with having babies, and needing the fat to feed the baby or whatever the fuck it is, but I know for a fact that that isn’t true. Lots of girls don’t have cellulite and those are the girls I like hanging out with. I know I sound like an idiot, considering I am fatter than Oprah was at her fattest, but I stand by the fact that I am a dude and an internet celebrity so that guarantees some decent pussy for me…at least that’s what I tell myself. Speaking of decent pussy, it looks like Joe Simpson’s getting a nice piece of Jessica, just like the old days, before the cameras and media got in the way……

Bonus: Jessica Loves her Daddy

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