A couple of weeks ago I made a post comparing Jessica and Ashlee and I said that Ashlee is the ugly younger sister who is trying to live up to her sister’s good, big breasted looks. But today we learn that Jessica’s big breasts have been smoke and mirrors, the fuckers hang off her body like my shit hangs off my ass hair, which although seems really sexy, is actually pretty gross but all part of having bad hygiene. Anyway, Ashlee’s insecurities and raging success as a singer has allowed her to purchase a new nose and bitch is lookin’ good. I would argue that today Ashlee looks better than Jessica. I am pretty inconsistent…I realize that, but Ashlee NOSE best.

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So girls with big tits have an issue and that issue is keeping them perky as the girls age. Jessica’s probably 25 or 30 by now and that is the age that a woman’s body starts fallin’ apart. I don’t want to be the prick who always talks shit about hot girls, because people don’t seem to be too responsive to me comparing people like Johansson to fat strippers, they think it’s a cry for attention…which it isn’t, so I am just gonna leave it at this…big tits and age means nipples aimin to the ground and that is as hot as my year in prison. So no matter how hot a bitch is, that’s just the way things end up.

Nick was probably smart to get out when he had the chance, is all i am saying….I remember when I used to date a girl with these massive tits. All I was thinking was that I should marry her to make love to those tits every day, I could use them as pillows and drink holders and I could knock a bitch up and make the motherfuckers even bigger but then one day, I panicked. I knew these perfect tits would get sloppy. Shit happens. Right Jessica?

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So girls with big tits have an issue and that issue is keeping them perky as the girls age. Jessica’s probably 25 or 30 by now and that is the age that a woman’s body starts fallin’ apart. I don’t want to be the prick who always talks shit about hot girls, because people don’t seem to be too responsive to me comparing people like Johansson to fat strippers, they think it’s a cry for attention…which it isn’t, so I am just gonna leave it at this…big tits and age means nipples aimin to the ground and that is as hot as my year in prison. So no matter how hot a bitch is, that’s just the way things end up.

Nick was probably smart to get out when he had the chance, is all i am saying….I remember when I used to date a girl with these massive tits. All I was thinking was that I should marry her to make love to those tits every day, I could use them as pillows and drink holders and I could knock a bitch up and make the motherfuckers even bigger but then one day, I panicked. I knew these perfect tits would get sloppy. Shit happens. Right Jessica?

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I already know this week’s winner of the “Comment of the Week Contest”. Send in your mailing address and we’ll think about sending you a t-shirt or to jail. Cuddles.

Dear Jeezus, while you are on the subject of thongs and being an expert in such things I was wondering if you have seen or know if thongs for 8 to 10 year old girls are currently being produced or worn by afore mentioned subjects?

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I only get about 3 emails a day, so when they include attachments, I get all excited, thinking that they may be from my ficticious female readers with hot bodies and a love for getting naked for me, but it never is it’s usually just a virus, and not the kind attached to a vagina. This email is actually about some dude’s night out using pheromone sprays. It’s not that interesting, but neither are you so go fuck yourself and die. Cuddles.

Jesus,

I have been reading your site for months, it brings me hours of entertainment followed by days of depression(HA!). I wanted to let you know that I bought some pherlure through your site last week. Here are some pics of me making out with the chick. TRUST ME when I say this, she looked a hell of a lot better in the dark and with a few drinks in me. Don’t worry, I didn’t end up fucking her because I have standards and she has a black boyfriend and a kid. It was a great way to start this bottle. I’ll be going out tonight and if my friend gets pics of me in action and if the chicks aren’t too ugly, I’ll send them your way.

Post this if you want and keep up the site.

Cuddles,
Zack

I love it when I see my readers dropping my catch phrases, it makes me feel like I have had some kind of useless impact on society. If you want in on this, check out this site.

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I feel like I should know what type of underwear every girl I know or come in contact with is wearing. I feel like pants should be obsolete when I am in the room, or at least should be taken off to give me a little flash/glance of what the ladies are rockin’ like “Jesus do you approve of these”. I am in the business of making girls famous, and I can only do that by knowing what’s going on down where it counts.

I feel like fergie has a penis and that means I shouldn’t know what’s going on in her BEP Pants, but now that I do I think she should be following these directions from a Herpes Maintenance site:

Keep your lesions clean and dry. You may want to sprinkle some cornstarch in your underwear to help the area stay dry.

Wear cotton or some other type of natural fiber underwear and loose-fitting clothing.

This is where I would put a link to her Official Myspace. But it’s been deleted, but this may still be her email address, let her know we say hi. bepfergie@tmail.com

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I feel like I should know what type of underwear every girl I know or come in contact with is wearing. I feel like pants should be obsolete when I am in the room, or at least should be taken off to give me a little flash/glance of what the ladies are rockin’ like “Jesus do you approve of these”. I am in the business of making girls famous, and I can only do that by knowing what’s going on down where it counts.

I feel like fergie has a penis and that means I shouldn’t know what’s going on in her BEP Pants, but now that I do I think she should be following these directions from a Herpes Maintenance site:

Keep your lesions clean and dry. You may want to sprinkle some cornstarch in your underwear to help the area stay dry.

Wear cotton or some other type of natural fiber underwear and loose-fitting clothing.

This is where I would put a link to her Official Myspace. But it’s been deleted, but this may still be her email address, let her know we say hi. bepfergie@tmail.com

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The thing I like about Carmen is that she never hid the fact that she’s a fucking dirt bag of a slut. The kind of girl you get in your bed, if you’re lucky enough to land a bitch like this, which you aren’t because you have never had sex and live with your mother, but step back and pretend you are lucky enough to land a girl like this, well she’s the kind of girl who won’t fuck you proper unless you have something to offer. She’ll just lay on her back like a sack of shit and let you slam dance her as much as you can, knowing that you’ll bust in all of 30 seconds just by lookin at her tits. Anyway, if you were a big producer, or an actor or a rockstar, bitch would show you the time of your life, because she’s be performing. The screaming, pulling of hair and the bouncing off your dick would all be a big show to get you hooked so that you give her a job/money/whatever it is she wants from you, in return. I got nothing but love for hookers, they do what they gotta do to live the life they want to live, and when you are Carmen Electra, you are like the Queen hooker, cuz bitch is all over the fuckin place. I guess the point of the story is, when you get paid to look like a hot slut, and you get what you want for being a hot slut, all you have to make sure you do is maintain that hot slut of a body…through stretches.

Bonus: Carmen Leaves a Hotel and some poor kid realizes she’s not the perfect looking woman he’s been jerking off to in his magazine all this time….

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