I love 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, not because it killed John Ritter, but because it made dating your teenage daughter socially accepted, and I felt a lot less awkward when I was out getting ice cream with my hand down my stepdaughter’s pants, I’d just look over at the gawking crowd and say, “That John Ritter’s changed my fucking life”. I guess the good thing about his death is that he can always invading my living room with his bad jokes and homo-gay tendencies. Thank god we have Three’s Company re-runs on 20 times a day to make me hate my life more than you should hate yours, but you’re probably clueless to how pathetic you are, otherwise you’d make some changes. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at this girls bra, the pattern looks like nipples, now masturbate for the 5th time today you fucking pervert. Cuddles.

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Amy Smart first touched my heart when she played Girl #1 in Seduced by Madness: The Diane Borchardt Story. Yeah that was my lame IMDB joke making reference to how useless this bitch is. She was in Varisty Blues, or Road Trip or Rat Race and other useless movie, that get you thinking, things like “Why the fuck am I sitting here, and more importantly who the fuck approved this shit” and “Is this what life is all about, should I just end my life here”. I would like to do a survey to how many suicide victims have been found in front of the TV watching Amy Smart movies, but it’d be hard, cuz they’d be dead, and dead people aren’t able to talk. If you’re wondering why I posted this picture, don’t ask, cuz I don’t fuckin know, other than that bitch looks preggers, and I love pregnant chicks.

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Last I heard, this girl was engaged to Leonardo DiCaprio. I think he realized that he was capable of landing any pussy he wants and more importantly, that every brazilian has AIDS, especially the trannies, it’s a fact. If you were him, and found that out that your girl is really just an attractive, feminine dude with AIDS, you’d drop your bitch pretty quick too, even if she was a Victoria Secret model. There are hot bitches everywhere, just cuz some dyke Art Director chose Gisele doesn’t mean she’s the best pussy on the planet. Point of this post is not to point the “AIDS” finger at anyone, or accuse hot models of being born with a cock. The point is to try and understand why she’s with a balding dude. I know all you 28 year old momma’s boys, sitting in your parent’s basement, that you find really cool cuz you have your own entrance, are thinking to yourselves, “I’m bald and fat maybe I’ll land a bitch like Gisele too”. I’d finish this post but I realize that no one actually reads my shit. So fuck you too.

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Some girls have nothin’ going for them physically. I used to convince myself that every girl had something to offer. Like some fat bitches have great faces/tits, some skinny bitches have great legs and ass, some burn victims have coinslot vaginas. Point of the story is, Kelly Osborne ain’t nothin but Man Back, and the only motherfucker crazy enough to fuck this bitch is a closet cased homo,the kind married to women with more testosterone than them, the kind who get fucked up the ass by their manly wives penis sized clits.

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Some girls have nothin’ going for them physically. I used to convince myself that every girl had something to offer. Like some fat bitches have great faces/tits, some skinny bitches have great legs and ass, some burn victims have coinslot vaginas. Point of the story is, Kelly Osborne ain’t nothin but Man Back, and the only motherfucker crazy enough to fuck this bitch is a closet cased homo,the kind married to women with more testosterone than them, the kind who get fucked up the ass by their manly wives penis sized clits.

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This is some Elton John shit. Ths girl puts on a pair of short, tight shorts, throws on some lame R&B shit, sets up a video camera and humps the air, all for her big black boyfriend, the one that’s gonna ruin her, not because he’s black, but because she’s so small. A pencil would ruin her. If this girl isn’t 18, and the FBI are reading this, I apologize for making reference to her lady parts.

I never understood why people videotape themselves dancing or singing. It’s humiliating on an international scale.

Watch Video Here

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King Kong – big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan as ape – big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan – big black penis

The only men I see around me are brown Hindus with limp genitalia that reek of cumin. My brother Sanjay is a dwarf but has quite an endowment for such a small person. I would ride him until Krishna smacks my face with her open benevolent palm but I fear that my parents would disapprove. None of the men at the call center where I toil in Bangalore are attractive. My supervisor Vikramjeet has a face like a cow with dysentery. His testicles are saltier than the chupatis I consume for lunch everyday. I know this because cows are sacred in my Hindu culture and since Vikramjeet looks like one, regardless of dysentery, I have no choice but to suckle his man scrotum. Unfortunately, Vikramjeet has rampant dysentery, so our encounters in his office become quite messy. The point is that my hairy virgin Hindu vagina aches for a large black penis, like that of King Kong or a large negro man like Michael Clarke Duncan. To me they look the same. But what do I know? I am just a small Hindi girl from Bangalore.

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Cameltoe doesn’t only come to those who have sex with big black men with burn scars after giving birth to two babies, where the elasticity of the labia is not quite what it once was, so when walking down the runway it’s hard to control what gets sucked up in there. Cameltoe does happen to everyone, loose pussy or not and that’s what we here at drunkenstepfather like. It’s a fetish.

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Cameltoe doesn’t only come to those who have sex with big black men with burn scars after giving birth to two babies, where the elasticity of the labia is not quite what it once was, so when walking down the runway it’s hard to control what gets sucked up in there. Cameltoe does happen to everyone, loose pussy or not and that’s what we here at drunkenstepfather like. It’s a fetish.

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Everyone calls Kevin Federline a loser, but I don’t. I think he’s a fucking genius. The dude manipulated some young hot celebrity into falling in love with him, he knocked her up before she came to her senses, and now they are bound for life, with a little baby. I’ve tried doing the same thing many times, because let’s face it, I am not anyone’s dream-guy and I am lazy and want to coast through life on a woman’s fortune, but the girls have always realized what they did before I had the chance to get them pregnant or married. The only bitches I was ever able to pull that off with, were women in their 80s. So being bound for life, meant a few months, but their kids had already taken power of attorney and there was no way I could get in that will. So really, what’s the point. Here’s K-Fed at the country club and in his Ferrari.

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