I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

22

Jun

I am – LiveBloggin Lohan On Letterman….

Lohan is turning 19, I guess that makes her damaged goods. I know fantasies are made of 18 year old celebrity cocaine addicts, at least mine are. I like to think they aren’t really fantasies, but let’s face it what would Lohan want a 35 year old, poor, overweight mexican canadian for…I used to always get girls who wanted to piss off their dads, it was a whole rebelious thing, well Lohan doesn’t really have a dad, he’s in jail, and she wrote him off, her new date is in powdered form..so my strategy just won’t work….anyway Lohan is on Letterman, so I figured why not do a liveblog, or at least try…I have never done this before, and probably never will but this is the reason we are the home of Lohan.

11:59 – Announcer is making North Korea Jokes – Not making me laugh

12:00 – Letterman says “we’ll be right back with Lohan, my balls tingle.

12:03 – Dave introduces Loha, she walks out showing leg that slag

12:04 – Dave says she’s gorgeous, she giggles pretending she’s shocked, come on Lohan we know you think you’re hot

12:05 – Lohan is talking about her sports history, rubs her nose, talks about a bubble, not my kind of bubble

Read More of this Garbage – After the Jump….

12:05 – Dave makes a french joke, Lohan rubs nose, Lohan says the word “sore”

12:05 – Lohan says she works out, by walking and lifting, Lohan rubs nose

12:05 – She’s so smiley, rubs nose, talks about cells, and being on trampoline with siblings

12:06 – Lohan talks about being 19 and declares she has no boyfriend

12:06 – Lohan is deep, she says we are all intitled to our own opinions, even me, thanks Lohan

12:07 – Lohan says she doesn’t eat

12:07 – Lohan says she hit puberty at 17, that means she’s only had pubic hair for 2 years, must have been a tough teenage life, being the only girl who didn’t bleed

12:08 – Lohan talks about the paparazzi, and offers to chase dave – rubs nose

12:08 – Lohan is in love, she’s been hiding it for 2 months, rubs nose

12:09 – Lohan works too much, Lohan doesn’t know if she has a boyfriend, Lohan rubs nose

12:10 – Lohan doesn’t know what to do when she sees 10 cars of paparazzi, it is endagering the people, by people she means herself, she is of course the only one in her (rubs nose) world

12:11 – Lohan is creeped out by people who smirk, but not by South American de-virginizers

12:11 – Lohan has bruises, make up does wonders, but doesn’t cover up the shit stains on her face

12:12 – Commericial break, we get to see a clip when they come back – I would be hard if I wasn’t impotent

12:17 – Lohan’s back, talking about some dude named Michael, let’s pretend by Michael she means Me….oh it’s clip time, fuck dude I can’t take the anticipation, I love shitty clips of shitty movies, Lohan Rubs her fucking nose again….jesus

12:18 – Lohan rubs nose before clip, oh – it’s not a real clip it’s a joke clip, we laugh and we laugh with Lohan, Dave’s so clever. Real clip comes on, I zone out….

12:19 – it’s over now we can go back to hating ourselves…. Lohan is happy her nipple didn’t fall out of her dress like it did on Leno

Conclusion, I hate live-blogging and will never do it again…..

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Kevin Federline White Trash Diet

White trash is not really in style, it just seems like a lot of white trash have made lots of money or married into it recently. This means they have nicer houses than you, a better quality of life, fucking hotter bitches, but you can’t take the trash outta them and that means going to the store for a bag of chips and a pack of smokes. This is the shit poor families pack in their kid’s school lunches, provided they aren’t too drunk to bother…

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Exhibitionist of the Day

This could be your mother, I wouldn’t know, we’ve never met and I doubt we ever will, I am not into this whole internet friendship thing, ya know how it is, makes me feel a little weird. Anyway, if this girl isn’t your mom, she’s someone’s mom and I am guessing to spice up her marriage she decided to pull her floppy tit out for someone to get a kick out of. That someone is obviously a very weird person, probably spends a lot of time on the internet just like you….maybe one day you will be lucky enough to get a nasty bitch to flash you while camera is in hand. That way, maybe your friends will believe that you have seen a breast in person, then again if this is the only tit you’re seeing, you probably don’t have many friends….Cuddles.

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Street Art of the Day

I know you haven’t got laid in a long time, don’t feel bad, sometimes I would take a lack of pussy than having to sleep with my wife, but I won’t get into that, because I wouldn’t want to divert from the fact that you take pleasure in this street art, even though it’s of a guy cumming in another guys face, the way it should be when every girl you have ever approached has told you that you aren’t there type…you are a homo because of extraneous factors, not by birth or choice but because of neceessity homo. Shouldn’t you be changing your panties or something?

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Fleshlight Discussion Board Post of the Day

It seems like when you have never had the opportunity to touch a real vagina, a rubber one feels as close to the real thing as you ever imagined while you pleasured yourself with your hand or other random household items. I guess this is next level masturbation and I shouldn’t judge, if anything I should be thanking fleshbot for preventing reproduction of people like you and more importantly I should thank them for keeping you off the streets and in your house, because people like you, Virgins for Life always end up giving in to your needs and doing something stupid like raping a girl. Desperations a bitch, get a fleshlight.

the fleshlight came already warm in the bag and ready to be deflowered. Couldn’t wait, so I emptied the lube and stuck my penis in right then and there, because I knew I would not make it to the bedroom alive. At first, I gasped like a little girl on halloween, but then proceeded to pump like a fevered rottweiler in heat. The silky texture tickled my scrotum and brought new meaning to the word blue balls. I noticed i took the end cap off, so I screwed that sucker on tight and right then and there it sucked the living daylight out of me. Suction = good shit fellas, as I pulled out panting and rug burned, there was a pleasant slurp sound that rang like music to my ears.

GO GET YOUR FL NOW.

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Wedgie Picker


It happens to the best of us, well not really to me, but only because I don’t wear underwear, only because I am a slob who hates doing laundry and more importantly life is expensive and I have to budget, and lucky for me underwear just didn’t make the cut, regardless Jessica Simpson has a bit of money, a perverted dad, a husband she cheats on and most importantly a wedgie, that she is picking, that was documented on film, that is not a big deal to me, but I know it is to you…catering to my audience is just what I do.

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Sexual Restraint of the Day

At 68 dollars, this shit’s a steal. I know everytime I get hard, I wish I could be bound up in some weird fucking sex bubble. It’s like wrap me up and throw me in the fuckin corner like the used tampon I sometimes feel like. I guess it all started with my sexual attraction to a beachball, I remember as a kid in mexico our only had rocks for toys, so the soft rubber texture I encountered as a teenager only brought one thing to mind and that one thing was “I would love to fuck this”, so I did. Point of the story is sexual restraints are hype, especially when they remind me of a beachball….this post is weak, but so am I.

Confining Latex Balloon Prison
This unique latex balloon is made of stretchable latex. This product is super stretchy but takes some effort to get in it. We suggest a lot of a water based lubricant around the skin and balloon to glide in better. To get in you start by putting your feet inside and then pulling the latex balloon around your body all the way to the neck. Once inside you can feel the pressure of the latex all around you. Some use additional straps or tape for extra security. Comes in black or clear.

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Cameron Diaz in a Bikini


The only thing wrong with a woman turning 30 is pretty much everything. What once was tight, is now loose, and what I once considered ejaculating on, reminds me of a bowl of Oatmeal. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with Oatmeal, especially if you’re poor. That shit can feed an entire family. Thanks Cameron Diaz for your Oatmeal stomach…maybe you should consider rockin one of these next time you hit the beach. All the fat bitches have been rockin’ these for years. Speaking of fat, Rebecca Romijn Stamos is still fat motherfuckers.

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2005

22

Jun

I am – Email of the Day

We all love getting emails, especially when you are a lonely fuck, which you are. It makes you feel like you are liked, or wanted, or needed or…you get the idea. Even I like getting emails, when I see my computer receiving files I always sit and hope for naked pic submissions, my big break, or even an email from someone saying hi. Today’s email was one of greater importance, it was from a Muslim man begging to be helped out, this is what he had to say, and drop him an email if you’re bored. Don’t be too mean, this guy looks like he’s “this close” to giving up, and racial slurs are NOT accepted in my world…..

Hello ,
I am saleem the resident of Muslim country pakistan I am also Muslim .but i am in trouble .this country and Muslim people have been tease me .so i am fed up and i want to settle in Europeon ,Russian ,Amrician ,Australian other none muslim countries and want to adopt their religion For the sake of humanity please help me My Bio-data is as follow Name Saleem , Age 25 years profession business , unmarried religion islam , height 5 feet 8 inches i am the owner of one lac dollar .if any body will help me then i shall adopt his religion .i am ready to adopt any religion expect Muslim .please help me yours Saleem my e mail mr-HERE

Hello ,
you can do my help like this .you search a girl of Europeon countries for me .i shall get marriage with this girl and come her country such as i can leave the Pakistan and settle another country i can adopt the religion of that country .i shall pay money if you will do my work your faith fully , saleem

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2005

16

Jun

I am – Lohan Still Fat


Since this is the home of Lohan, I have no choice but to post about her. Lohan is potentially the future mother of my baby, I want to pull a Kevin Federline on her ass, but only when bitch loses weight. I am all for bikini pictures, but get really turned off when I have to look at at fatty in a bikini, she’s got pretty big thighs, a gunt and mad cankles. This girl has A LOT of weight to lose, I hope she hasn’t given up on her workout program, diet pills and coke habit, because that’s really where all her appeal is, however, Lohan is in Mexico, I am from Mexico, I would say it was fate, but that would be fucking gay as shit, shit is only gay when the homos get it on their dicks after an intense ass-fucking session. Just so you know, you got some gay shit….

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