I am not a picky person, I have a 300 pound wife who looks like she got hit by a bus. I came across this picture and realized that Ashlee Simpson looks fucking disgusting from the side. I figured I would post it, even though there is nothing funny about having a horrible looking side profile. I always feel like a bitch looks better with her face in the sand, so there’s still much hope for Ashlee to get knocked up and shit….I would estimate that a good percentage of you are into Role Playing Games, Fantasy and Sci Fi, so a bitch that looks like a little elf must getting you fucking hard. Aren’t you excited that I just gave you a boner. That totally makes you a fag.

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I am not a picky person, I have a 300 pound wife who looks like she got hit by a bus. I came across this picture and realized that Ashlee Simpson looks fucking disgusting from the side. I figured I would post it, even though there is nothing funny about having a horrible looking side profile. I always feel like a bitch looks better with her face in the sand, so there’s still much hope for Ashlee to get knocked up and shit….I would estimate that a good percentage of you are into Role Playing Games, Fantasy and Sci Fi, so a bitch that looks like a little elf must getting you fucking hard. Aren’t you excited that I just gave you a boner. That totally makes you a fag.

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I am not one to judge a dirty homeless lookin’ person, because I look more homeless than this guy. I rock the same t-shirt that I have had for 20 years, and the shorts that I do wear, usually come from cut off jogging pants that I have stained up too badly to recover. The difference between me and this dude, is that he’s hanging with Lohan and bitch made 50 million dollars last year. If I had a friend worth 50 million dollars, I can guarantee you that I’d be wearing designer tuxedos every fucking day, I am talking to the beach, to the strip club, to the fucking amusement park with my girls. You would not be able to get me out of that shit. Having access to that kind of cash is something that should be embraced, trying to look like a fool like me and all the other drug addicted homeless friends I have, makes no fucking sense to me, the only conclusion I have from all this is that you are clearly a cunt and I look great in tuxedos.

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I am not one to judge a dirty homeless lookin’ person, because I look more homeless than this guy. I rock the same t-shirt that I have had for 20 years, and the shorts that I do wear, usually come from cut off jogging pants that I have stained up too badly to recover. The difference between me and this dude, is that he’s hanging with Lohan and bitch made 50 million dollars last year. If I had a friend worth 50 million dollars, I can guarantee you that I’d be wearing designer tuxedos every fucking day, I am talking to the beach, to the strip club, to the fucking amusement park with my girls. You would not be able to get me out of that shit. Having access to that kind of cash is something that should be embraced, trying to look like a fool like me and all the other drug addicted homeless friends I have, makes no fucking sense to me, the only conclusion I have from all this is that you are clearly a cunt and I look great in tuxedos.

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I am a fan of drunk bitches, they are usually the kind that are easy to manipulate and get naked. I love to be involved in getting girls drunk, by drunk I mean fucking drunk, to the point where they can’t walk or talk, there sense of self is lost. With no inhibitions, good things happen, and with no sense of depth perception, ugliness is not a factor, however when you are on the outside, looking at drunk girl while sober, it’s easy to see they aren’t so attractive, unless you are enterprising like me, and by enterprising, I mean getting them naked and stuffin them like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Jessica Simpson looks awful in these pics, but bitch is probably easy. So if you have a chance to get with with a drunk girl…or one on roofies, you may have the time of your life. If she throws up in the process of this stuffin, don’t freak out, it just adds to the experience, like icing on a cake.

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The benefit of watching Will and Grace is that chicks thing you’re down with gays, and an open-minded gay friendly dude is usually a lot more desirable than a homophobic gay bashing jock, who sucks his buddy’s dick off after the game. The problem with being a fan of the show is that a girl probably won’t find you gay friendly, and probably think of you as a sister, and guess what, girls rarely have sex with their sisters, unless they are twins and they only do that because it’s not like fucking each other, it’s more like masturbation. Either way, I don’t watch Will and Grace, the bitches just aren’t hot enough, and proven by this pic, should probably lay off the cheese blintzes and hit a fucking treadmill. When you are on TV, your responsibility is to teach the youth what’s right, your fat ass ain’t right. I am sure guys still fuck it, but trust me, this bitch isn’t marriage material, after a few more kids, and an addiction to valium, she won’t be walkin around in a bikini, something she probably shouldn’t even be doing now. I know all of you are gonna start whimpering like a bunch of hungry cunts about how you like fat asses, and about how I am wrong is saying she’s fat, but that’s only cuz in comparisson to the bitches you get, Debra Messing is a goddess.

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The benefit of watching Will and Grace is that chicks thing you’re down with gays, and an open-minded gay friendly dude is usually a lot more desirable than a homophobic gay bashing jock, who sucks his buddy’s dick off after the game. The problem with being a fan of the show is that a girl probably won’t find you gay friendly, and probably think of you as a sister, and guess what, girls rarely have sex with their sisters, unless they are twins and they only do that because it’s not like fucking each other, it’s more like masturbation. Either way, I don’t watch Will and Grace, the bitches just aren’t hot enough, and proven by this pic, should probably lay off the cheese blintzes and hit a fucking treadmill. When you are on TV, your responsibility is to teach the youth what’s right, your fat ass ain’t right. I am sure guys still fuck it, but trust me, this bitch isn’t marriage material, after a few more kids, and an addiction to valium, she won’t be walkin around in a bikini, something she probably shouldn’t even be doing now. I know all of you are gonna start whimpering like a bunch of hungry cunts about how you like fat asses, and about how I am wrong is saying she’s fat, but that’s only cuz in comparisson to the bitches you get, Debra Messing is a goddess.

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The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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The benefit of being a college drunken frat slut is that you know how to have one night stands, take the morning after pill, mask your herpes scabs, and most importanly the ability to lie to your parents about the $500 they sent you for “textbooks”, but was really spend on a baggy of coke and 2 abortions. That shit don’t come for free….don’t feel bad, I think he would have been an irresponsible father, the way he was doing those beer bongs off the strippers tits, convinced me that you made the right choice. I guess the real exciting part of your life was after college, when you found out that some reality show was recruiting and figured it would be a legitimate reason to maintain your lifestyle, as the drunken whore, without feeling the level of responsibility your married suburban friends felt. I am sure the emptiness you tried to fill with cock everynight allowed you to believe you were worth something, and that all your friends were jealous of you, even though you humiliated yourself on the national level, not just in your small town. I guess the day you were asked to do The Surreal Life, you knew the dreams you had of stardom had fallen through the cracks. At least you showed us your titties before you killed yourself, cuz diggin up your coffin and undressing your AIDS corpse is not something I would be willing to do. However, I have a feeling many of my readers would have a different take on this, you know when they’re dead, they can’t say no….something you may want to consider!

Watch The Clip Here

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After making the move as a useless person on a Soap Opera to the hottest thing on a show about middle aged women, it’s pretty easy to get excited. It’s like the gods are too good to you, and containing your excitement is impossible, jump up and down girl cuz I predict that your success will only dwindle when another network produces something better, or when you have a drug overdose in your luxurious hotel suite after a night of sucking off some producer. I really don’t know much about Hollywood or TV, but I do know about false sense of security, a lack of responsibility, a desire to do what you want, and a conviction that you are can get away with doing whatever you want because you are who you are. I had this happen to me a while ago when I was running a little overseas sex-trade, you know the guy who imports the Russian girls to service your dad the business man, anyway, when things were riding high, I got a little arrogant, and ended up being part of my own sex trade, in prison. That’s right, it doesn’t pay to be as good looking as I am, when in jail, it’s asking to get sodomized. Now, Eva’s probably not as out of control here, maybe a little drunk or a little jacked on diet pills, a girl’s gotta maintain her figure, but it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down,and I will be the first in line to buy her sex tape. Girls’ got a good body, is a fellow mexican, and right now has some coin, so I’d be crazy not to jerk off to her, if I had the ability to get hard, something you probably aren’t familiar with. You’re the kinda guy who can’t leave his house or ride the bus without a visit from your trusty old friend. He’s not doing it to embarass you, he’s just telling you, it’s time to clean up your image and seduce some dumb bitches. Don’t say I never give you good advice.

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