I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

06

Sep

I am – Lohan Rides Sobieski


When you are a celebrity, you have the luxury of going to the beach anytime you want. I know that it was the long weekend, and that most of you fools weren’t working, not that any of you actually work. I have a feeling you’re just a bunch of lazy rotters on disability who sit in front of their computers jerking off while eating Cheetos, playing video games and chatting with your internet girlfriend from Idaho, anyway, if you were a celebrity, you could have hit up the beach, possibly with another second-rate celebrity.

I guess the benefit of hanging with less-successful people than you is that you can treat them like your personal bitch, you can get them to carry you around while you smoke your cigarette and drink your redbull.

I can only assume that Leelee Sobiesky has been trying to get Lohan to hang with her for months, and finally Lohan agreed as long as she carries her around. You know how famous people are with their celebrity requests, Lohan was like “Bitch, I will go to the beach with you, but I don’t want my feet to touch the sand”. Sobieski, built like a horse, agreed to be Lohan’s personal rickshaw. The free dance lessons make it all worth it.

I am not going to re-read this post. I have a feeling it’s really not post-worthy – but I am doing it anyway – cuz I hate all of you, but not as much as I hate myself.

Posted in:Bikini|Leelee Sobiesky|Lindsay Lohan|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

06

Sep

I am – Charlotte Church’s New Video

I was talking a 19 year old lesbian, actually she’s not fully lesbian she has had penis once but I don’t think she liked it, it probably messed up her hair and makeup or someshit. She’s a little high-maintenance and cock just gets in the way of looking pretty. So I’m talking to this lesbian who hasn’t realized she’s a lesbian yet, and she’s telling me about modern etiquette, that involves ripping lines of cocaine off the toilet seat at high profile clubs and ditching your classically trained Opera career, where you were once thought of as a child prodigy, to dress up in lingerie and dance around like your were Kelly Clarkson.

Charlotte Church says goodbye to culture and sluts it up like every good girl should.

Check Out Video Here via ThighGuy

In other news, her Daddy just wants to get to know his little girl.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

06

Sep

I am – Charlotte Church's New Video

I was talking a 19 year old lesbian, actually she’s not fully lesbian she has had penis once but I don’t think she liked it, it probably messed up her hair and makeup or someshit. She’s a little high-maintenance and cock just gets in the way of looking pretty. So I’m talking to this lesbian who hasn’t realized she’s a lesbian yet, and she’s telling me about modern etiquette, that involves ripping lines of cocaine off the toilet seat at high profile clubs and ditching your classically trained Opera career, where you were once thought of as a child prodigy, to dress up in lingerie and dance around like your were Kelly Clarkson.

Charlotte Church says goodbye to culture and sluts it up like every good girl should.

Check Out Video Here via ThighGuy

In other news, her Daddy just wants to get to know his little girl.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

01

Sep

I am – Liz Hurley “Beach”

When I think of England, I always think of beaches, cuz the country is known for sunny weather, oceanview and sand in your underwear. The British are known for their tanned surfing bodies and their dominance in all watersports. That’s why when I found out that Liz Hurley launched a swimwear line called “Beach”, I wasn’t the least bit surprised, seeing as she comes from England. I will not argue that she looks good for a 50 year old, and I will not argue that Hugh Grant got busted with a tranny whore while with her, but I will argue that she lacks creativity, calling swimwear “Beach” is as obnoxious as naming it “Bathing Suit” Now, I don’t fully have a problem with a bathing suit brand called “Beach”, I am poor and do everything generic, I can’t afford the big brand names. I am sure this is gonna be HUGE at K-Mart, right next to Kathly Lee Gifford’s lingerie line,

Go To Mr Skin to See More of Liz Hurley’s Skin

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

01

Sep

I am – Liz Hurley "Beach"

When I think of England, I always think of beaches, cuz the country is known for sunny weather, oceanview and sand in your underwear. The British are known for their tanned surfing bodies and their dominance in all watersports. That’s why when I found out that Liz Hurley launched a swimwear line called “Beach”, I wasn’t the least bit surprised, seeing as she comes from England. I will not argue that she looks good for a 50 year old, and I will not argue that Hugh Grant got busted with a tranny whore while with her, but I will argue that she lacks creativity, calling swimwear “Beach” is as obnoxious as naming it “Bathing Suit” Now, I don’t fully have a problem with a bathing suit brand called “Beach”, I am poor and do everything generic, I can’t afford the big brand names. I am sure this is gonna be HUGE at K-Mart, right next to Kathly Lee Gifford’s lingerie line,

Go To Mr Skin to See More of Liz Hurley’s Skin

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

01

Sep

I am – Kirstie Alley’s Son Is Gay

I would hate to get caught in a leg-lock from the ever-big breasted cuz she’s fat, Kirstie Alley, because those motherfuckers are massive and being caught under the weight, while choking on the fat is not really the way I wanna die. I am not gonna get all morbid, and I will focus on the ray of sunshine after the storm in this pic, and that is Kirstie’s son, who may not be toting a rainbow flag just yet, but his girlie hair and Rod Stewart t-shirt is enough for us to know that he’s discovering himself sexually to pics of Malcom in the Middle.

See Kirstie Alley Naked at Mr Skin Before she was FAT

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

01

Sep

I am – Kirstie Alley's Son Is Gay

I would hate to get caught in a leg-lock from the ever-big breasted cuz she’s fat, Kirstie Alley, because those motherfuckers are massive and being caught under the weight, while choking on the fat is not really the way I wanna die. I am not gonna get all morbid, and I will focus on the ray of sunshine after the storm in this pic, and that is Kirstie’s son, who may not be toting a rainbow flag just yet, but his girlie hair and Rod Stewart t-shirt is enough for us to know that he’s discovering himself sexually to pics of Malcom in the Middle.

See Kirstie Alley Naked at Mr Skin Before she was FAT

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

31

Aug

I am – Crazy Myspace Cat Lady

Unfortunately, I am an asshole. I don’t know why but I take pleasure in other people’s misery, even when those said people are completely harmless and content in their existance. Some righteous part of me feels the need to point out their insecurities and flaws, it’s not meant to be hurtful, it’s just a way to give people an outsite, realistic perspective on their behavior. I don’t sit here on my throne, and by throne I mean 2 milk crates, thinking I am any better than you, but when it comes down to it, I probably am. This is a myspace profile that I came across and felt it deserved to be commented on. This girl’s maternal instinct is kickin’ in hard, she’s ready for love, proven by her “erotic” pics, and ready for babies proven by her uncomfortable relationship with her cat. So here after the laughter subsided here at DrunkenStepfather, I decided to reach out and do a little public service, because it’s been a while since the court ordered me to help the community, and I figured I had my fair share of lonely male readers on the site, so I decided to direct all you guys, who are ready to settle down to this poor girl, and in the process give all you sane people a good laugh, because admit it, other people’s misfortune and a crazy cat lady under 30 is always fucking funny.

Visit this slut Here, but don’t tease her, she will just try to convince that she’s completely happy with her life and don’t say I am all bad, cuz baby I may get you cock.

That said; I just made you famous, bitch.

Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

25

Aug

I am – Shania Stolen Sex Tape

The rumor is that these video clips of a girl getting fucked by a redneck with a dildo, stuffed in his pants and stickin’ out his fly is really of a younger Shania Twain. I think the reality of the situation is that the only thing Shania had to do with these clips is provide the soundtrack, and probably not even legitimately. The real issue at hand here is that dude’s stuffin her with a rubber dick, simulating real sex, and I don’t fully understand why. Either he’s impotent (we respect his creative ways to work around that), he’s got herpes (90% of the population does) or he’s not Shania’s boyfriend, and everyone knows that fucking someone with a rubber cock is not considered cheating, either is paying for sex. That was advice for you married guys who are in the mood to stray, but I realize none of you are married and the next time you have the chance to stuff a chick with a dildo is probably never.

It’s your turn to be the judge: Check Out:Shania Stolen Sex Tape Screenshots and Video Clips(phun.org) and let us know what you think. By us, I mean me. I don’t do entourages.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

25

Aug

I am – Christina Aguilera’s Cellulite

I am convinced that 95 percent of women have cellulite on the back of their thighs, it’s got something to do with having ovaries and a uterus or someshit. I like to call it estrogen love pockets. The other 5 percent of girls who don’t have cellulite are either 9 year olds, crackwhores, anorexic bitches or dudes dressed like women, you know the contour panty wearing type. I love the fact that people are gonna bust on Christina’s face for having a little junk on her legs, and I will do, just because she’s in the fucking lime-light.org, and has to realize that being on TV, in Concert, and a subject of many photographers, bitch better maintain. That would be like me auditioning to be in a porn movie, I am impotent and 3 inches hard, if I can even get hard….

I don’t think that made any sense, but the point of this post is to say, that I would still stick it to X-Tina, fat latina legs and all.

Big up.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted