I am convinced that 95 percent of women have cellulite on the back of their thighs, it’s got something to do with having ovaries and a uterus or someshit. I like to call it estrogen love pockets. The other 5 percent of girls who don’t have cellulite are either 9 year olds, crackwhores, anorexic bitches or dudes dressed like women, you know the contour panty wearing type. I love the fact that people are gonna bust on Christina’s face for having a little junk on her legs, and I will do, just because she’s in the fucking lime-light.org, and has to realize that being on TV, in Concert, and a subject of many photographers, bitch better maintain. That would be like me auditioning to be in a porn movie, I am impotent and 3 inches hard, if I can even get hard….

I don’t think that made any sense, but the point of this post is to say, that I would still stick it to X-Tina, fat latina legs and all.

Big up.

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I don’t know about you, but that Rosie O’Donnell TV movie where she plays a retard changed my life. I realized that there are some women that I would never fuck, even if I was stuck on a deserted island with Rosie O’Donnell and the Fag who won the first survivor and I needed to pussy, I would take the survivor guy. He would also be a good choice for obvious survival skills, and being his man-love would only bring good things, but you get the point, I would take cock over Rosie any day, even if her pussy resembles a cock….anyway Andie McDowell was in that retard movie and rumor on the internet is that she has breast implants. I am not really a fan of breast implants, but more importantly, I am not a fan of floppy pancake titties, I figure if a bitch has nipples that aim towards the ground, or that flatten against her chest like a deflated hemroid donut, shit’s gotta be re-worked. Now Andie McDowell looks like she’s in her 40s and with age comes loosening at the seams, like that old sweater I rock, cuz I can’t afford a new one. Reality is age never really through me off when it came to bedding girls, I lost my virginity at the age of 14 to a 63 year old who used to make me cut her grass then eat her out, I am not the type of person who turns down a dollar.

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I don’t know about you, but that Rosie O’Donnell TV movie where she plays a retard changed my life. I realized that there are some women that I would never fuck, even if I was stuck on a deserted island with Rosie O’Donnell and the Fag who won the first survivor and I needed to pussy, I would take the survivor guy. He would also be a good choice for obvious survival skills, and being his man-love would only bring good things, but you get the point, I would take cock over Rosie any day, even if her pussy resembles a cock….anyway Andie McDowell was in that retard movie and rumor on the internet is that she has breast implants. I am not really a fan of breast implants, but more importantly, I am not a fan of floppy pancake titties, I figure if a bitch has nipples that aim towards the ground, or that flatten against her chest like a deflated hemroid donut, shit’s gotta be re-worked. Now Andie McDowell looks like she’s in her 40s and with age comes loosening at the seams, like that old sweater I rock, cuz I can’t afford a new one. Reality is age never really through me off when it came to bedding girls, I lost my virginity at the age of 14 to a 63 year old who used to make me cut her grass then eat her out, I am not the type of person who turns down a dollar.

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She’s the hottest thing right now, horse teeth aside, I would totally let her wash my car in cut off shorts and a bikini top, that is if I had a car, which I don’t, but I have a pretty slammin’ bus pass that gets me where I need to go, when I need to get there….The benefit of having her all over the media, comfortable in her newly found in-shape body, ready to flash us her floral print panties when getting out of her ride. Now I don’t fully have a problem with floral panties, except for the fact that they remind me of my granny and I have nothing but good memories of her. I don’t know if you are a fan of the site, but if you are, you will know that I was kidnapped by a texan cult leader and I was responsibe for cleaning up after his his ceremonial gangbangs, before social services saved my youth. During those years, I was cleaned my fair share of floral panties that belonged to a few older widows, who were searching for salvation. Jessica Simpson is officially closer to my heart, unless the colors we see are really a result of vaginal infection, her period and Nick’s fetus.

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Jordan is a total nothing of a celebrity, but we all know her, simply because of her tits and her ability to expose herself at all the right events. This is her at the Dukes of Hazard premier, which may not be the classiest event to attend, but realistically it doesn’t warrant showing up in a bikini bottom and grabbing your cooter for all to gawk over. It’s actually pretty trashy and I am offended by her behavior. Who am I kidding, the reality is that I am no Emily Post, and I fucking love a trashy girl and someone confident enough to show off her body while masturbating at a major “industry” event. I think more women out there need to unbotton their cardigan sweaters and show the world what you’re made of, unless you’re fat, because no one wants to see that unless they are fucking drunk and incapable of remembering you the morning after.

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Mandy Moore has taking things too far. In a publicity stunt, this bitch has decided to congregate with the common people, but by being raised in the entertainment industry, she has no concept of what common people are. So she hooked herself up with someone way below the realm of average, a homeless diesel dyke with a fem-mullet. The reality is that wholesome Mandy Moore, isn’t so wholesome, when she was with Andy Roddick, he taught her how much tennis players like taking out the aggression of losing out on the cunt, in his very own sex dungeon. I think the reality is that she’s not trying to hang with common people, she’s just trying to reach the next level in her sexual escapades, and that includes getting fucked by a strap-on dildo totoing – middle aged homeless lesbian. The one and only time I ever let a girl fuck me up my ass with a strap on was when I got raped by a woman who liked this. Rape is not a laughing matter, but it is when it comes to me, because my years in Prison taught me how to take it like a man.

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Scout Willis is Bruce’s 14 year old tramp-in-training of a daughter. Her dad’s slamming Lohan, her mom’s slamming Ashton Kutcher, making her future potential step-parents, equally washed-up “it” celebrities of yesteryear. If you’re asking yourself why I dropped the word yesteryear, I don’t blame you, it’s a gay fucking word that should be re-issued in day-to-day conversation, because nowadays everyone’s a fucking faggot. Now, looking at Scout Willis, one can predict a future teenage-film career, thanks nepotism, you can also predict future abortions, STD tests and cocaine binges. Bitch is already rocking lingerie for an outfit and a pair of Frye Boots, and we know only sluts wear Frye.

I remember when I was down in Arkansas on business, and I use the term business loosely, I say a whole lot of Cowboy hookers rockin’ Frye. They told me they worked the farm scene by day…apparantly that meant the milked cows and got fucked by horses….

Ok, so I am lying, I have never been in Arkansas, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a loser for reading this.

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So those fuckers at google are at it again, now with IM. If you want to talk directly with me download this shit at Download Google Talk and add me.

My gmail is: drunkenstepfather@gmail.com

I look forward to having IM wars and cybersex with you….if I like you enough, I will make you famous, bitch

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The T-shirt of the day is from a pretty obvious place, but keeping up with my old school strategy of trying to piss you, the reader off – I am just not gonna tell you…The reason I like this shirt is not cuz it’s hard, and makes people think you’re crazy suicidal and pedophilic while you rock it, I like this shirt because it reminds me of my childhood. Yes, I am that little girl on a swing, and that man hanging himself is my dad, he hates me because I cost too much money to raise. The pressure of putting food on the table while buying me all the frilly dresses at the local market is just too much for him to take…the pressure of raising a little princess on a peasant’s budget would drive any man crazy…you see that’s what I thought my whole life, I was convinced he did it because I was too expensive, and blamed myself, until I realized that he did it cuz my mommy was fucking his brother and father behind his back.

Did you like that story. It was all a lie. But the t-shirt’s hot…admit it.

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I know the rumor on the street was that this bitch didn’t have a pussy, and was built a little more like Denzel Washington than most of you jiggy hip hop kids would like to admit….you know that kind of girl you hook up with late at night after a night of drinking, who looks banging from the front with tits like “this” and slammin’ from the back with a booty you could use as a bookshelf..only to realize that once bitch is done sucking you off she pulls out her dick and says “my turn. These pics don’t prove shit, all we know is that Ciara doesn’t maintain her junk, cuz bitch has a little cabbage patch on the left side, yeah that’s the crip side.

Word.

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