In this multi part series I will take you through the Jewish Attitudes Towards Sexuality and make you a better person.

According to my Rabbi, “sexual desire comes from the “yetzer ra” (the evil impulse. Like hunger, thirst or other basic instincts, sexual desire must be controlled and channeled” (What the hell does that mean).

He also told me “when sexual desire is satisfied between a husband and wife at the proper time, out of mutual love and desire, sex is a mitzvah”. (I wonder if that includes your stepdaughter)

Thats it for now…my Rabbi is hungry and Im taking out for a nice Gefilte Fish dinner. Tune in next time

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All I want for Christmas is a Jew….

That being said.. maybe you have asked yourself what do Jews do for Xmas….

Well topping the list is Go out for Chinese Food. But I would argue that a lot go away to the beach, mainly florida to visit their bubbies….

The list of what Jews do for xmas is here

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Here are some gift ideas when shopping for a poor person

1- Rubbing alcohol
2- Can of Baked Beans
3- Food Stamps
4- Crack Rock
5- Iceberg Lettuce

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Here are some gift ideas when shopping for a poor person

1- Rubbing alcohol
2- Can of Baked Beans
3- Food Stamps
4- Crack Rock
5- Iceberg Lettuce

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Everyone hates them
They use up our tax dollars
They shop at Wal Mart
They are less educated
They are less attractive
They upsize when they can
Most of them are obese
They prey on rich people during the holidays
They where snowsuits that don’t match

They are – Poor People

Definition: [n] a person with few or no possessions
Synonyms: have-not
See Also: down-and-out, drifter, floater, pauper, poor man, unfortunate, unfortunate person, vagrant

See what a poor person looks like

Here

Here

Here

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Carl’s Jr has a new hard hitting Breakfast Burger that has 830 calories and 46 grams of fat.

Their slogan is “It’s a Coffee Shop Breakfast Plate on a Bun”

It consists of Egg, Hash Browns, Bacon and an All Beef Patty and cheese nestled between two hamburger buns.

An insider said this “Our Theory was that the lower consumption pattern for burgers was due to the lack of availability and awareness of burgers as a breakfast option or the lack of a burger specifically designed for breakfast”

If you want to see this dirty slophole – suicide sandwich click

here

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the tables have turned.
no longer can i declare what is commonly known as holy war on guilty bystanders,
because my time has come to get knocked.
this morning, at breakfast, innocently eating my 7 pub style chicken fingers,
my step mother walks in and tells me i am eating the wrong fingers,
i grabbed her fist and attempted to take a bite but as my delightfully unmanicured hands grabbed her horribly manicured hands, she yelped, i stopped,
resorted to eating my own fingers, thank you VERY MUCH.
as i got up, mid meal with my fingers in between my un-lipsticked lips,
dodging plates, plants and fried matzoh (which was being aimed at me, even though i was EATING-
anyways i was getting ready to walk up the stairs to go back into bed (current time, 2 pm) when nanny screams “you look like shit, take a shower and put some makeup on!”
to which i yelled back,
with a fist which pierced through the air
like a proud beacon of my beliefs
“I AM AGAINST MAINTENANCE!”
and crept back under the covers, with my fingers.

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Friendster Message of the Day comes from Cynthia.

Cynthia overanalyzes everything and am completely paranoid about the smallest details. she laughs too loudly. and swears too often. chugs expensive coffee like water and spends all her money on art. i have the best job in the world and let all the waiters buy me drinks (as often as they’d like). i fall in love with older boys and enjoy (faking) orgasmic bliss.

Her Subject was Randy:
Her Message was:

i’m a little overwhelmed.
but i LIKE it.
i’m really not a man.
my french sucks too.
i would only be able to tolerate celine if i was really plastered and drawing you naked.
my alcohol tolerance is embarassing.
we should make out.
i’d let you touch my boob.
i’m glad you introduced me to your female-named hero.
tell him i said hi.
i’m a bit of a prude.
but i was serious about my teachers.
i think you’re clever.
i wonder if our inperson conversations would be dull or excentric
you make me blush.
i think we should seriously go for drinks.
i wonder if you’d stand me up.
i’m pasty white too.
and always have paint on my hands.
my eyes are green.
i stalk scott moffatt.
i am random.and intrigued.
and goddammit your humor is a turn on.
now what?

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This is a new feature that will last for about 1 hour….It is food products that I would assume poor people feed their family because of the low cost and high value (can feed a lot of people).

The stereotypical Poor People food that comes to mind is Kraft Dinner, Spam and Baked Beans…but I believe that there are better products out there.

Send in submissions if you want, but I probably won’t listen, because I hate you.

Today’s Poor Man’s Food Product is :

Tomato Paste

Here

Tomato paste is a commercial concentrate of puréed tomatoes commonly sold in small cans and used to add flavor and body to sauces. For superior flavor, look for tubes of imported double-strength tomato concentrate in Italian delicatessens and well-stocked food stores.

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This is a new feature that will last for about 1 hour….It is food products that I would assume poor people feed their family because of the low cost and high value (can feed a lot of people).

The stereotypical Poor People food that comes to mind is Kraft Dinner, Spam and Baked Beans…but I believe that there are better products out there.

Send in submissions if you want, but I probably won’t listen, because I hate you.

Today’s Poor Man’s Food Product is :

Tomato Paste

Here

Tomato paste is a commercial concentrate of puréed tomatoes commonly sold in small cans and used to add flavor and body to sauces. For superior flavor, look for tubes of imported double-strength tomato concentrate in Italian delicatessens and well-stocked food stores.

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