I was reading the Lohan Speak Album liner notes the other day as I was practicing a dance routine for the song “Rumors”, and I noticed something funny. LinLo proclaimed her love to my little mexican buddy Wilmer. I didn’t realize how funny it was until I read it on OhNoTheyDidn’t…..This is what it says…

Wilmer: Since you have come into my life you have been so supportive and understanding. I feel blessed to have you. Thank you for being by my side whenever I need you. Papi, thanks for telling me I can do it all and for being proud. Thank you for loving me. I love you.

It is an unfortunate case of being a fool, a fool in love with a mexican. But it is nice having this permanently part of your album, to remind of what being drunk and in love felt like.

You are 18 and our mexican loverboy is older. You were the “it” girl, you were all over the media, you had big boobs, you were appealing and sexually inexperienced so you wouldn’t mind his ridiculously small penis. He is Fez from the ’70s show, he has lots of money and little talent, his hobbies include picking up young girls and fucking them. I hate to break it to you but he never loved you like I did Lohan, he just told you that to get you to do anal…He was never supportive, but he acted like he cared because it was all part of the manipulation process….when he realized that were annoying and obsessed and after having you in every position he needed you in, your job was done.

Lindsay Lohan where is Wilmer Valderamma now? Is he in Ashlee Simpson or Mandy Moore? Has he found a new C-Lister to C on?

Don’t worry Jesus Martinez can make you feel a lot of things, I am sure blessed is one of them… your inexperience in the bedroom is a turn-on for me, I can be the sex educator. And the only person you should be calling Papi is your DrunkenStepfather, now come sit on my lap I have a story to tell you….

It is Christmas afterall….

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I am pale and I look like a rapist on heroin. My stylized facial hair has nothing on my black eye. I have spent a night in Paris and it wasn’t that eventful.

Here

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I am pale and I look like a rapist on heroin. My stylized facial hair has nothing on my black eye. I have spent a night in Paris and it wasn’t that eventful.

Here

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Does watching an hour of the OC leave you confused and dizzy. Not sure who’s related to who and the love intrests between all the various kids…Me either, but if you want to look “COOL” with the young kids you gotta know whats up on the O.C. It’s the Beverlly Hills 90210 for this generation.

This handy little chart will help you fake your way through an OC conversation on Seth Cohen, Julie Cooper, Ryan Atwood and the rest.

Chart Here

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This is a long one, read it if youre bored

Almost all Coca Cola produced in the United States is made with corn syrup instead of sugar. Corn syrup is cheaper because imported sugar is subject to tariffs. It is only a tiny price difference, but a tiny difference adds up to some money when you are producing billions of cokes. Some Coca Cola mavens claim that Coke tastes better when made with sugar. There are only two major sources of Coca-Cola with sugar in the United States.

Some Mexican restaurants import Mexican Coca Cola. (We hesitate to say they import Mexican coke). The other source is well-known to “real thing” mavens. During Passover, the Coca Cola bottling company of New York makes kosher for Passover Coke. Sugar is used instead of corn syrup, because corn is not considered kosher for Passover by Orthodox Jews of Ashkenazi
background. Coke mavens, Jewish or not Jewish, try to snap up the Coke produced during the six week period when “kosher for Passover” coke is on the market. It is referred to as “the search” among Coke lovers. In point of fact, the difference between Coke containing corn syrup and Coke with sugar is pretty minimal. The water quality of the area where the Coke is bottled has more to do with the variations in taste than anything else.

New York City is justly famous for having a great source of good tasting water. Therefore, the “kosher” great taste that many out-of-New York Coke drinkers attribute to the sugar in kosher for Passover Coke may be due to the water.

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NICO VAN HOORN has made the world a little better with his TRASHLOG. He collects a Piece of trash for the internet everyday.

Find out more HERE

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Yahoo: chyna’s penis in porn video #24
MSN Search: gonerhea pictures #2
MSN Search: santa2005 #7
Yahoo: Jewish Sluts
MSN Search: ashley flint go kart accident #38
Google: drunken stepfather #1
HOTBOT: tommy lee’s big cock pic #7 (i wish i was making this up)

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When looking at the stats of this site, which I do sometimes, I find a lot of people come to our site from random searches. I decided to feature the top three searches, if there are days that aren’t so interesting, I will make search results up…..

Today’s top 3 search results are: (these are real)

1-chyna’s penis in porn video
2-uncles sucking their little nieces cunt
3-gonerhea pictures

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After reading the Minx Winxy Pudding + Pie smut on my site, I thought to myself that I need to delete this self-righteous shit, it isn’t part of the Drunken Stepfather way. I was going to make the decision to ban her but I figured I would let the people voice their opinions in the comment section. It would be unfair to dump her, without having your support, I mean you are the ones reading this shit, not me.

The Reasons We Should Keep Her on Here:

1- She is 18, and my stepdaughter’s are in that age range, I like the energy, enthusiasm, perky tits and naivity (i love that word, i think it is the umlaut that i love, punctuation sometimes makes me happy).

2- She thinks I am funny and that is good for my ego, sometimes my failure as a son and as a husband gets me down, and any positive reinforcement keeps me going.

3- She is a Jewish Slut, and this site is all about Jewish Sluts.

The Reasons She Has To Go:

1- Self-righteous poetry shit doesn’t get me hard, if I wanted that shit on here, I would have started a blog called Mr-Martinez’s Shopping List (great feature idea – this is how the genius happens, you just witnessed it, how does it feel to be in my brain for a minute, pretty nice isn’t it…), back to this self absorbed shit, where assumptions are made about people actually caring about your feelings/and your daily activities. That shit is reserved for kids with no friends and lesbian hippies who recently came out and need an outlet with an audience. Drunken Stepfather, hates that shit.

2- She isn’t hot enough to make me cum all over-myself with little or no touching, it would take her a good amount of work to secure the climax, probably some prostate massaging….which I am sure I would enjoy…but it wouldn’t be a volcanic reaction that I am looking for…i want a wet dream sensation, in the middle of the day, while eating some Chinese food and watching some John Malkovich….

3-Nobody is into mind sex, you do have to take your clothes of yet, so post some nudity and the Stepfather says stay….and if you want to talk about boys you love in far aways places, can you try to talk about what you do to yourself while thinking about them… no one cares about black hole theory, unless that theory involves insertion and clit rockin!

This doesn’t have to be a Boys Club, I welcome content from the girl kind but there should be some regulations… I am – the enforcer…and I have said my piece, but now it is up to you. Post the comments whether we keep her, or ban her….I know what I think, but DrunkenStepfather.com is a democracy….so rock the vote like P.Diddy runs marathons.

Post comments anonymously if you don’t want me to know you are here (Lohan I am talking to you)

– Jesus

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i have a crush on this boy
he lives 3000 miles away
one day we will be reunited
he is so goodlooking
i cant shower anymore
because every time the hot shower water drips down my body, i think of his tongue there
because i have stopped bathing
a certain scent is escaping my pores
my parents sent me to dollard
i have not seen anyone in four days
i have made friends with racoons, like when i was a kid
i fear they are trying to make an alliance with me so that when i am sleeping they can pick out my eyes.
i stumble down corridors, and find this book by Jean Pierre Luminet about black holes.
there are about 400ish pages
but only one has writting on it
and it says “hello margicka”
which is the name my loved ones call me for endearment purposes.
it was at this point that i blacked out.

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