Negotiating with a girl’s boyfriend in front of the girlfriend to sell you their sex tapes is a dying art form….because all this shit is just available for free…and everyone seems to be in open relationships and into you seeing their girls’ pussy, or them fucking their girl..which would be weird..if it wasn’t so awesome…. […]

I just spent 2 hours watching “Suction Cup Steve” from Virginia climbing Trump Towers…because according to the live feed I watched – he was doing it for Harambe, Pokemon Go, to Propose to his girlfriend on the 30th floor…dragging out NYPD to Keep Trump Tower Safe again….it was tedious as hippie mountain climbing is…causing traffic….being […]

I am trying to convince a girl to get butt plugs for ANAL training, but her main concern is the shit…because shit is gross So in my anal training course, I suggest she stop eating for 48 hours before anal….or she can stop 24 hours before and have a series of enemas, because poo is […]

I like crossing the friend card limitations by sending female friends of mine videos of me jerking off to them, you know penis rubbing against my computer screen on their facebook profile…to really add strain to our relationship they think is platonic to let them know…I am a dude and if I had to I […]

A girl asked me if I could ever get hard for her, possibly because I joke about my impotency, when really I just have a micro penis… I told her that I could if she was whispering slutty things in my ear while jerking me off while a hot girl posed naked for me…. Needless […]

When going to a full service strip club in the middle of fucking no where…in a car that barely works…at 2:45 am in hopes to pull a Lamar Odom because you’re drunk and ready to die in the hands of french white trash sex workers…and one black chick….all half dead zombies…finger banging themselves on stage…you […]

I am always alone, no one likes me, not even my wife….people are repulsed by me, especially my wife, but sometimes I cum usually by accident….like if I pee too hard. Looking at your girlfriend, mom and sister’s nudes. Cuz despite being a loser….sometimes…I win…especially compared to you… Great Asses CLICK HERE Heidi Klum Ass […]

Don’t tell a girl you want to have sex with that she’s got a revolving door pussy. Don’t send the message “Do you want to fuck me”….when it autocorrects to Dorothy…she may have an Aunt or Granny or Nana she calls Dorothy…coupled with a golden girls obsession that leads to everything but fucking you… I […]

My new text pick-up line is “So…I’ve been jerking off to you for the last 5 hours…I still haven’t come, could you make a noise, or send an emoji or something, to make this feel like we’re really in it together, and like I’m not just some creep jerking off to you from across the […]