When it comes to relationship advice, girls get mad at me whenever I say “if you were a guy and he was a girl, you’d call yourself a sexual predator, stalking date rapist and you’d probably organize a feminist lynching to hunt yourself down and remove yourself…but since you’re a girl…it’s not predatory…weird”…to which they […]

Diary of a Facebook Prisoner: Jesus Martinez DAY 24.5 in Facebook Jail I think the real loser in this Facebook jail is the fans…you know all of you who I inspire everyday with my wise and positive words designed to bring you up with kindness and insight as the screen you are staring at rots […]

Diary of a Facebook Prisoner: Jesus Martinez DAY 15 in Facebook Jail It turns out that I forgot that I was in facebook jail, I guess when you spend 2 weeks away from any addiction, no matter how lame that addiction may be, you develop new habits and realize that you don’t care what other […]

Diary of a Facebook Prisoner: Jesus Martinez DAY 9.5 in Facebook Jail The highlight of my weekend in Facebook prison is taking my trolling to real life. It’s the leaving the inappropriate comments, or saying the inappropriate troll thing to stir up people, by just saying it loud enough for them to hear or just […]

Twas the Night Before Christmas Eve and everyone is fucking crazy. I saw at least 3 road rage incidents, and I haven’t even left my couch….because for some, mainly poor people, Christmas is depressing as fuck…while the rich people just medicate. Statistically, at least one of you will commit suicide this season.. I’d like to […]

Someone asked me why Santa doesn’t have kids…I had to explain that Santa is a pedophile…who loves kids…so much he breaks into their houses and gifts them so that they don’t tell their moms and dads…unless they are naughty…then he punishes them…like a masochist pedophile…I mean he is a man with army of kid-like fantasy […]

People get so uptight when you say a girl deserved to get raped for wearing a sexy outfit, because we all know that no one deserves to get raped, unless they are hanging out with a known rapist, naked… But it’s safe to say that if a girl is showing a room full of frat […]

It is cyber Monday – which means no one will be killing themselves in the stores…but rather just bogging down internet servers looking for that deal on a Christmas gift for someone you don’t think deserves full price…or some shit.. I realized last week, with all the holiday laziness, turkey and dysfunctional family bullshit, that […]

Red cups remind of Jesus blood….which reminds me of myself…because I am an egotistical narcissitic instagram whore… And sometimes I revisit the first post I ever wrote on the site – on November 23, 2004 (almost anniversary)….to see if I achieved my mission statement….and stuck to the original plan…. “Here, We Will Take Off Our […]