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Archive for the Alessandra Ambrosio Category

2014

22

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio Takes a Selfie of the Day

There’s something magical about seeing people taking selfies shamelessly in public. It’s just part of our culture and it happens almost everywhere you go. It’s the internet turning you into the inner narcissist you’ve always been. Forcing you to think people care about where you are, what you are doing, or every little bullshit thing you see….or think…it’s like a 24/7 reality show starring you..and I totally find it boring – until it ends in nudes and sex tapes…in which case…I find it amazing…

So here’s Alessandra, bikini model, taking a selfie, because she doesn’t do enough photoshoots, she isn’t on camera enough, and she needs to turn the camera on herself…you see because the people of instagram are just sitting there waiting to like the shit.

The world is fucking crazy….

Feeling the elements ?????????? #glamz @justinpurdue @kaylamichelehair #aunaturel #beautybythebeach #fashion

A photo posted by alessandraambrosio (@alessandraambrosio) on

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2014

16

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Swimsuit Collection of the Day

Victoria’s Secret Bikini and Lingerie Model and mom of 2 – has figured out the complex plight of the bikini model – what do you do when the bikini model body turns too old to bikini model – you start a bikini line – usually funded by the people you bikini modelled all these years for because you owe them your life for bringing you out of Brazil and taking you to this level…

You see because even products being pushed to 40 year olds, use young girls for them to hate – rather than people their age to hate….it’s simple logic, they can always blame their youth for their bodies, but when you put someone their own age in front of them half naked, it makes their mom asses look lazy and sloppy as shit…

So instead of modelling, launch a brand, Jessica Alba this shit, get rich….and these are the pics.

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2014

08

Oct

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Ass for Replay of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio ass was in jeans for Replay and she got Paid a lot of money for that…Here’s the video

I don’t find it all exciting – considering she’s a nude and lingerie model…it’s like girl take your pants off..that’s what you’re here for – that’s why you were imported from brazil….

To See Her in Leggings CLICKINGS

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2014

06

Oct

The Story of Alessandra Ambrosio’s Shorts of the Day

Some people say they need the confidence of a person who doesn’t have a case on their expensive iPHone…it was a meme that I guess people find clever because people are idiots and it circulated the internet – landing on my Facebook feed and reminding me that people don’t get it…

The real confidence you need is that of a hooker who lets a guy paying her 100 dollars a half hour – fuck her up the ass and cum in her without a condom…because he tells her he’s a virgin – when everyone know that no virgin is fucking hookers up the ass – or ever telling them the virgin line to negotiate no condom – virgins don’t think like that…and I guess believing sociopathic anal hooker fuckers isn’t confidence anyone needs – ok maybe that’s a bad example…

A better example of the confidence you need to walk through life – is one in which you can pull off wearing white shorts with no fear that you’ll get your fucking period. Possibly because you’re too old for periods, possibly because you don’t eat so you don’t get your period, possibly because you’re from Brazil and build with male sex organs…but every junior high girl knows – the day you’re in the white shorts is the day that you’ll inevitably become a woman – so to be able go through life not giving a fuck about these childhood fears…like Alessandra Ambrosio is what all you fuckers need to be doing.

Inspiring.

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2014

16

Sep

Alessandra Ambrosio in See Through Shorts of the Day

Mom Alessandra Ambrosio, who I like to pretend isn’t a mom, because it makes looking at her more tolerable, wore see through shorts to some Madrid Fashion Week event, shorts that I am partially excited to see come into trend, you know that all mom’s of two will wear, especially the ones in line at Walmart, because I am ready for that level of disgusting.

I guess if that doesn’t interest you…here are some pics of her in workout gear back in LA

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2014

09

Sep

Alessandra Ambrosio for Harper’s Bazaar Australia of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is better when not posing with her kids, because I can just look at her model implants pretending that they haven’t been milk filled and sucked on by some lecherous vagina ruining assholes….

The pics are for Harper’s Australia, not quite as trashy as you’d expect if you’ve ever spent the night listening to a drunk Australian talk, but still rockin’ some Victoria’s Secret made cleavage that I guess people don’t think she’s too old to bother with….those people aren’t me…I’m all about the fresher meat, the newer model, the more eager, hungry, and poor…and desperate…who have already had a bit of rejection…so their confidence is shot…but maybe I’m just an opportunist..

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2014

05

Sep

Alessandra Ambrosio at an Event of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is a model.

I like models.

I don’t really know what event she’s attending or leaving, I guess it doesn’t really matter, since I wasn’t invited to it, but more importantly, since she’s busting the fuck out of her top, like she’s rockin’ a pair of model implants, you know the smaller version of pornstar implants…and showing some leg…that since I like models…is pretty fucking distracting from anything else going on…like the fact that under that skirt is a vagina that shat out a couple kids. I try to ignore that…when other good things are going on..

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2014

27

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio for Vogue Brazil of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio was part of this Brazilian photoshoot that took place during the Worldcup, which I assume is the only time she goes back to Brazil, you know because she is contractually obliged to make an appearance for her people…and she took it to the streets, where she gutter ratchet – chola herself up…despite being totally so far removed from the streets of Brazil, that this is almost mocking all the poverty with her silly posing, living the glamourous millionaire model life…

I like how they threw the gutter kids in…nice touch.

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2014

26

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Bikini Vacation of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio bikini pictures are floating around the internet, not like they are anything you haven’t already seen before. She’s a bikini model who is still making huge money, but is also still past her prime, meaning that there are decades of bikini archive photos of her prior to these…more importantly, those pictures were probably better shot, and most importantly, pre-pregnancy…worth jerking off to even…

But the paparazzi ones of her with her kids frolicking around, even bent over enough for us to see her mound in white bikini bottoms that if wet, could be show us the window to her soul, a window that has severely been tampered with and broken into…is really only good for really lonely people who crave a wife and family…but never will have one…because they are jerking off to family vacation pics…and that’s fucking weird.


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2014

18

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Bikini Pic for the Win of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio is winning the bikini model on vacation in a bikini game…at least when she posts pictures of herself either for the paparazzi or her instagram that involve her not with her two kids…but rather upside down in yoga poses…her body doing things I am tempted to join a yoga studio to watch other girls do…even knowing that they won’t look anything like Alessandra, but rather like a horrible sloppier interpretation of this…in what I can only imagine would be a room that smells like a giant fart…from all the queefs and farts I’v been told happen since vaginas and assholes aren’t built to tolerate these kinds of positions…and just kind of explode everywhere…which I guess is a fetish in and of itself…

You can hate yoga people for being all spiritual and annoying…but I like them for their ability to eat themselves out.

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2014

15

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio Still Bikinis of the Day

It turns out that when I see Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini, alone on the beach, showcasing her multi million dollar ass, that is designed or at least hired to do this by professional companies who know far more than us about what a bikini is supposed to look like on a girl…she’s amazing..

It’s when the kids and husband get thrown in where I get confused, not because I hate seeing babes happy with other men, it’s that I start thinking about how mangled her vagina is and that fucks everything up…

But when I don’t mention the kids, I don’t think about the mangled vag, and I take in the bikini like it is art…

Unfortunately, I mentioned the mangled vag, and now even in pics where there’s no evidence of mangled vag…all I’m thinking is mangled vag.

I really fucked this one up…

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2014

14

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Loving Family Ruins Bikini Pics of the Day

Two kids. Happily married. Sounds fucking boring to me. More importantly. They seriously ruin a good bikini pic. It’s like I know she, along with Snooki – lose their tampons when not wearing panties to hold them in place. …you know some stretched out vagina shit that her amazing fucking body doesn’t really override…when all her pictures involve how in love and happy her family is.

There needs to be a clause in every bikini model’s contract that if they ever have kids, even though they shouldn’t until they retire, they can’t post pics of their kids or husbands or boyfriends on the internet – it fucks with the dudes trying to fantasize about them – because they have a wife of their own, they don’t need to jerk off to some other asshole’s wife or mom…she’s gotta pretend that it didn’t happen and doesn’t exist. It’s her job and why she gets paid.

Let’s stick to the half nakedness. I can’t imagine anyone wants to see this shit. Not wife’s because they will resent her body. Not husbands because we don’t like moms and kids.

TO SEE THE BIKINI PICS CLICK HERE

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2014

13

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Pictures of the Day

Bikini model, Alessandra Ambrosio, was in a bikini…posing with an inner tube and her kid while I was staring at her ass….


Partially because it is pretty amazing, but mainly because this is some supernatural shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Her ass looks great, but kids always destroy a woman – both spiritually and more importantly physically – despite what they will tell you – because mom’s feel guilty about admitting their kids fucking suck, since they were shat out of their vaginas and that doesn’t work for their egos, especially not after ruining their lives for the unappreciative fuckers. But I’m sure their husbands can.

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2014

04

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio in a Bikini …. Possibly with New Implants of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio wore a bikini on the beach because when you go to a beach that’s what people do…even though most of them shouldn’t. I’m talking about the mangled stomach girl I posted on my Facebook who was fat shamed for being fat..because when you’re fat you shouldn’t wear a bikini – even if legally you are allowed…no one wants to see it…

One of the few people who have the VIP access card to wear a bikini pretty much anywhere…is a signed Victoria’s Secret model…because that stamp of approval is enough to say “I may be in my 30s, but we cool here, this bikini is something people pay to see, so consider yourself lucky to get it for free”…and I’m okay with that..

All this to say, if you’re a signed working model…you get a pass…all you other girls debating on what bikini to wear, maybe pass it by me first and I’ll let you know if you’re fit enough…

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In more Alesandra Ambrosio news, she wore a dress with her kid that showcased the roundest little tits in the history of tits…leading me to think she’s upgraded her implants because it’s that 10 year mark when you trade them in…and she didn’t feel like going with the tear drop shape, or keeping things as small as they were in the past…she went bigger and rounder…these things happen.

Little known fact, most models have implants, so when you see your girl’s shitty tits, keep that in mind….the majority of the girls you jerk off to are plastic..and there is no merit in that…there is just a lot of money in it – cuz these bitches get paid…

I guess she could be in a push up bra, but where’s the fun in that.

I’m More into her silly breast implants CLICK HERE

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2014

29

Jul

Alessandra Ambrosio Tanning With Friends of the Day

Alessandra Ambrosio posted this picture to her instagram…and I approve.

I figure if you’re a bikini model, even if you’re an old tired mom that has already made more money than she ever really imagined she would – all thanks to a brand taking her under their evil, billion dollar wing, you still owe it to people to take some cues from some low level models and fame whore as hard as you can by getting as naked as you can on instagram without getting deleted.

It’s this fine line they walk for likes cuz it makes them feel good about themselves, and I guess they are hoping to get jobs…and I guess they are hoping to get billionaire boyfriends…I guess Alessandra doesn’t need any of that…she’s just posting her ass to post her ass and there’s something far more amazing about that than the fame whores…

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