I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Ali Lohan Category

2008

28

Jul

Ali Lohan’s Already Showing Off her Tits of the Day

Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.

It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.

On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote

you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….

it will be amazing

I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Tits

2008

23

Apr

Ali Lohan is Not Hot of the Day

Here’s ugly duckling Ali Lohan out and about wherever the fuck she is. I am not sure why I am posting it, but she’s ugly. It reminds me of this thin-lipped long chinned lesbian who used to play Rugby and who I always lost to in beer chugging contests at one of the local bars I used to frequent. I never really got over that loss, but the real thing I never got over was that the thin-lipped long chinned rugby playing lesbian wasn’t actually a lesbian and would constantly have dirty man sex with guys she met at the same bar I used to frequent. I never could grasp how a dude could fuck a chick who looked like a dude and acted like a dude as she burped, farted and challenged us to arm wrestling matches like some kind of tomboy who was more boy than the average tomboy , but I guess guys have no standards and like a chick they can kick it with. I am not one of those guys. I remember laughing in her face this day I saw her wearing a dress and she punched me in the face. I bled and she jumped on the table and roared like some kind of wrestler…a wrestler who looked a lot like Ali Lohan.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Ugly

2007

27

Dec

I am – Lindsay and Ali Lohan in Jewish Outfits of the Day

Here are some pictures of Lohan and Little Lohan wearing Jewish outfits of the day like they were Jewish, but the reality is that the Jewish outfit of the day isn’t only for Jewish people anymore and has slowly and secretly worked its way into the mainstream

It’s come to a point where you can’t tell a Jewish Outfit of the day apart from non-Jewish outfit of the day and they seem to be everywhere you look. It’s like Nazi Germany all over again, only instead of gas chambering people because they became too powerful, we’ll have to gas chamber leggings and over-sized shirts and stupid boots to put an end to the takeover,

For the record, I think that’s a bad idea, because unlike Jews, Jewish outfits bring good to the world and don’t hoard all their money in hypo-alergenic mattress after ripping non-Jews off, but instead is the closest thing a girl can be to being pantless and shows off her legs, ass and even mound, whether 13 or 35 and that’s a Jewish Christmas miracle that lasts all year.

Related Posts:

Mischa Barton in a Jewish Outfit of the Day
Old Lohan in a Jewish Outfit of the Day
Elisha Cuthbert is a Jewish Retiree
Sophie Monk Shops in a Jewish Outfit of the Day

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Jewish Outfit of the Day|Unsorted

2006

08

Feb

Lohan, the supportive sister….

Lohan has one of those psycho mother, who had dreams of being famous but only landed a job as a Rockette, doing the fuckin’ Can-Can back in the 70s. Now I am not anti-showgirls, but I realize being a Rockette, is the equivalent of being an upscale stripper. It’s like when you look at the prostitution hierarchy, you have the streetwhores and the tranny whores at the 50 dollar level, you have the escorts that fuck you for 100 – 250 dollar an hour level, these are the ones advertised in the back of all the local papers and then you have the highclass bitch that cost 1000 dollars and hour and only escorts you to the Opera or dinner, only willing to put out if she likes you enough and thinks your worth it. So essentially you are paying a bitch for her company, with no guarantees of pussy, but that girls still a whore. That’s what Lohan’s mom is to the entertainment world, a glorified stripper, who doesn’t get naked. What good is that, so she settles down with some drug addict/boozer and has 14 kids in efforts that one will become famous. Now we all know what Lohan’s done for us, yesterday I posted on her little sister, well today I post on the brother, a striking young redhead, that Lindsay is pointing at and laughing at. He is the thirs Lohan to break into the industry, maybe he’s the one who will get it right. I am sure there are typos within this post, I know you hate my spelling mistakes. I guess you deserve an explination. I never went to post-secondary education and I am hung over. Last night I drank red wine. I felt pretty fuckin’ luxurious. Unfortunately, it was 7 dollars a bottle, which means it tasted like piss.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Dina Lohan|Lindsay Lohan|showgirl|Unsorted

2006

07

Feb

Lohan Jr.: Coke Slut in Training


I guess Lohan’s sister has the obvious dream of girls under 18 everywhere, and that is to become a coke slut via a bullshit marketing ploy of a music career. I am not entirely jealous of how easy it is going to be for her to make it in life, I am however jealous that I can’t be the next under 18 year old talentless performer. I know saying that is pretty premature, considering I haven’t heard her sing, she may be a child prodigy, and maybe her sister was just a patsy, being used to pave the way for the real talent in the family, but then I realize that I have just done way too much analysis of Ali Lohan and her future as a rich, infertile from too many abortions (celebs don’t use condoms), child star making meth in her bathtub with that bitch from Full House.

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Coke|Lindsay Lohan|Slut|Unsorted