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Archive for the Ashlee Simpson Category

2008

21

Nov

Ashlee Simpson Names Her Baby Something Stupid of the Day

7 Comments »

Bronx Mowgli Wentz. I call brown skinned people Mowgli when I am in bars drunk and they annoy me when I’m trying to move in and get a drink, you know like “Hey, Mowgli, you’re not perched on your tree, make a fucking move” and the shit usually ends badly, with me called a racist and them trying to fight me with their Jungle moves, while I’m trying to explain that someone told me their name was Mowgli, you know diverting the attention to some other drunk guy, before slipping away, because I don’t like getting in fights, especially not by someone raised by fucking wolves….Either way, it some artistic statement of some bi-sexual guy who takes himself too seriously, and I think it’s appropriate since their relationship is just as big of a joke as the name they chose for their kid.

I guess that makes Jessica Simpson a crazed, jealous aunt, so her uterus will be out on the prowl pretty fucking soon, when she sees her dad’s attention diverted from her to her sister, the only upsetting news for Joe was that Ashlee didn’t have a girl, because he’s way more into touching and exploiting little girls than boys, so it’s safe to say, Jessica’s been givin’ the task to make her daddy some new talent…….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Baby

2008

04

Sep

Ashlee Simpson and Grimace Were Separated at Birth of the Day

13 Comments »

McDonald’s has ruined many people’s lives by jacking them up with shitty processed high calorie food that has caused premature death and obesity related diseases, but to make things worse, they have also alienated any of the obese people they have made from wearing purple because shit just makes them look like Grimace and leads to lots of pointing and laughing and making little kids cry.

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson in a purple outfit lookin’ like her and Grimace are cut from the same cloth, but purple doesn’t make a monster, being Ashlee Simspon does. So as she peddles her low quality garbage clothing line at low income clothing stores scraping the bottom of the celebrity barrel, she can swing by McDonald’s to see how her old friends at McDonaldland are holding up since she left them many years ago, I hear Ronald’s a convicted pedophile and Hamburglar has changed his name to Hamburgerapist, but neither as bad as this Grimace, who went onto marry a gender bending weirdo who knocked her up and did this to her….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Grimace

2008

08

Jul

Ashlee Simpson’s Got Hard Pregnant Nipples of the Day

6 Comments »

I heard when girls get pregnant, their nipples turn dark brown, so it’s safe to say that Ashlee Simpson has herself some African nipples and shit are hard while she’s out shopping with her fat baby filled uterus while Jessica sits at home crying and eating a container of ice cream because no one she wants is willing to knock her up, which is unfortunate because I know I would. Shit’s a pretty solid retirement plan, one better that knocking Ashlee Simpson.

The only mystery in all this is who knocked up this Simpson and why is Pete Wentz taking the blame, because everyone knows he’s scared of vagina, mainly his own.

Here’s some bonus pictures of Ashlee Simpson yesterday dressed like a french painter or someone married to a commerical Emo sexually confused asshole or a sailer at the ragatta lookin’ fat and fat tittied because she’s pregnant and not because she’s wearing horizontal stripes. See, I know fashion.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Hard Nipples|Pregnant Nipples

2008

02

Jul

Ashlee Simpson Pregnancy Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

I am guessing that Ashlee Simpson got pregnant via artifical insemination or some kind of sperm donor or cock she was getting on the side, because last I heard, Pete Wentz had a vagina and lesbian relationships can’t make their own babies.

Further proof that she’s a lesbian is that her tits look sloppy, her stomach looks fat and those are pretty much two things that describe all the lesbians I know. Throw on a flannel shirt and a pair of construction boots and cut off her long luxurious orange hair asymetrical and she’ll be pretty much in dyke business. The only problem with Ashlee, proven by her career is that she’s in a constant identity crisis trying to pave her own way in her sister’s shadow, so it’d be expected that getting down to business would take her longer than the average lesbian because she is a loser and just doesn’t know what’s up.

At least we know that we can look forward to their next pregnancy, when Wentz’s jealously makes him decide that it’s his turn to be the mom and we get to see motherfucker on Oprah talking about being the second man to get pregnant because he’s actually got a uterus instead of balls and stopped hormone therapy because he couldn’t handle watching the connection Ashlee had to her baby as she breast fed and his maternal instinct kicked in and he figured it was time to stop living the lie and do what nature had originally planned out for him….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

13

Jun

Ashlee Simpson and Her Pregnancy Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson and her sperm donor hanging out with her new tits that will be alright to look at in the infancy of her pregnancy before she gets all fat and there’s no pleading ignorance on the shit when you mount her and enjoy the fruits of her sluttiness by not worrying about getting her pregnant because she already is pregnant and you only have to use a condom if you’re not a risk taker. Pussy.

Not that you’d ever mount her because she’s a good little Christian girl who’s only real slip up has been lying to the fucking public and having pre-marital sex with a bi-sexual heathen, that you’ll never have the opportunity to get with because she thinks she’s all famous and shit, but let it be a lesson for you to use when you try to have sex with your friend’s pregnant wife because we all know she was a slut to get into this mess to begin with and sluts generally put out.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnant|Tits

2008

11

Jun

Ashlee Simpson’s Pregancy Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

One of life’s recent great mysteries is how Ashlee Simpson got pregnant when the person she married has a vagina. I guess another one of life’s great mysteries will be when her kid subtracts his birthday by his parent’s wedding day and realizes that there are a couple months missing leading the little unfortunate fucker to knowing that he was an accident and that his good little Christian family is just fronting for the media because everyone knows Christians don’t fuck before marriage, especially with some cocksucker who may not be the anti-christ but is such a piece of garbage as a person tha you could only assume is something Satan shat up after eating too much Mexican food.

I guess the good news is that with pregnancy comes a newfound sluttiness because girls know it’s the end of them as they were and from now on are either pregnant or chicks with baggage when they are back on the market because their little girl husbands decide to fuck off with the pool boy after spending 6 months showing him his asymetric hair down there, and by down their I mean on his asshole.

Either way, she’s got solid cleavage and that’s good enough for me and probably good enough for you.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Pregnancy|Tits

2008

07

May

Ashlee Simpson’s Tits With Her Girlfriend of the Day

2 Comments »

I wonder if Ashlee Simpon’s boyfriend resents her while watching her walk around the house in her underwear or naked. It’s like no matter how hard he tries to dress like a girl and be a girl, he just will never be a girl. No matter how many prosthetic breasts he shoves in his bra, or how creative he gets when folding his dick into his scrotum to make a vaginal lookin’ fleshy mess and no matter how many dicks he sucks, songs he writes, nights he cries himself to sleep like he’s PMSing, he will never be a girl. He’s just forced to look at her tits and hate them for being something he will never have and when he tries to fuck her and gets mad that he isn’t the one getting fucked because she’s too wholesome to explore shoving things in his ass and he’s too concerned with his image to go gay he just flips her over and shoves it in her ass to teach her a lesson for having a vagina that he will never have.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|cleavage|Tits

2008

18

Apr

Ashlee Simpson Suckin’ Songs Not Cock of the Day

8 Comments »

Here is Ashlee performing live on the Today show, or some other live show, which was a pretty big mistake on her and her management’s part because bitch is sucking harder than she’s ever sucked before, which isn’t saying much since she’s pretty much a lesbian and her fiance has a big fat pussy. He probably writes all her songs for her while he’s on his fuckin’ period, hormonal and crying, he probably also chose her outfit, did her make-up and told her she’d be awesome, despite knowing bitch has no talent.

I guess the good news is that anyone can become famous, that it doesn’t take talent to get ahead and for all the little girls reading this site, dreams do come true, except for that little crippled boy who wants to play professional socceer but only because he only has one leg.

Truth is that no matter how bad she sings, I kinda want to fuck the intensity and bad singing out of her which could take a long time and that annoying boyfriend would keep jumping on my back and scratching at me to get off his girl like a bratty spoiled motherfucker who doesn’t want you paying his videogames…..

I am hung over, Here are some pictures of her at some event:

Here are some pictures of her and her girlfriend:

To Download Her Obviously Heavily Produced New Album – We’ve Got the Pre-Release
GO

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Disaster|singing live

2008

13

Mar

Ashlee Simpson Bikini Lesbianism of the Day

18 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson kissing a topless chick. I wonder what her religious molesting father thinks of this shit.

I know I am sucking today. Someone offered me a free trip to Cancun for Spring Break leaving tomorrow night and I have been doing everything I can to make it happen.

Unfortunately everything was smooth sailing this morning but the travel agent the dude’s booking through cancelled it on us because the resort is over-booked or some bullshit. All my romanticized dreams of a vacation to the motherland where girls flash me while throwing their herpes at me are slowly being flushed down the toilet….I should have expected everything to go wrong for me because nothing ever works out and I suck at life…I’ve been fighting with them on the phone for the last 3 hours but the good news is that at least I am not Pete Wentz.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Bikini|Tits

2008

25

Feb

Ashlee Simpson Pretending to be Britney Spears of the Day

8 Comments »

I guess Ashlee Simpson is trying to get some attention, you know living in her sister’s shadow all her life’s gotta give the ugly sister a little complex. A complex that bisexual Pete Wentz is all about because it draws more attention to him and his emotionally driven bisexual make-up wearing music.

In this video from his blog that someone emailed me, not that I found on my own, because I don’t really follow his career, dude and Ashlee joke about having a baby while Ashlee pretends to be Britney Spears eating her Cheetos and speaking with a Southern Accent, one that isn’t too far from her own accent.

I guess what it comes down to is that if Ashlee was actually a fraction of Britney Spears she’d be worth talking about, but instead she’s the Simpson table scraps who was just lucky enough to have a sister with money to afford the kind of exposure and lifestyle she lives with her bisexual boyfriend.

I guess the good news in all this is that they won’t be making any babies anytime soon, Pete Wentz is only into ass play, so Ashlee may not be a pop queen but she takes it up the ass and she may not be a Pop Queen but she is an Anal Queen and that’s important to me and should be to you too, because bitches who take it up the ass are hard to find.

To Watch the Lame Fucking Video
GO

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Losers|Pete Wentz