Baby Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

28

Jan

Rebecca Gayheart’s Baby Hasn’t Been Run Over By A Bitch on a Cellphone Yet of the Day

I don’t think I am allowed to called Rebecca Gayheart a muderer because she got off from running over the kid who wouldn’t have died if she hadn’t run him over, becuase being from Hollywood means good lawyers, and good lawyers make shit the kids fault for jaywalking, when every other car didn’t run the kid over because the drivers weren’t in a rush to their bullshit appointments that clearly never helped her career because she’s all self righteous, self absorbed, life she things is so important…..

So I like to check in with her pregnancy every once in a while to see if Karma’s got his revenge yet, or if he’s going to wait until the kid is older and she’s more attached to it….I guess we’ll wait and see….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Baby|Murderer|Pregnant|Rebecca Gayheart

2009

19

Aug

Lil Wayne’s Having Another Baby of the Day

7 Comments »

Black men are fuckin fertile as shit. No wonder the line at my local Walmart is filled 25 year old girls, black, white and asian all pushing around their 2-4 black babies in fake designer clothes. It’s like brothers don’t use condoms, don’t mind cumming in a bitch and have no fear of having to take care of the shit, cuz when you’re a rapper or street hustler, all you gotta do is throw some money at them, or disappear and not answer your two-way.

Lil Wayne just had a kid a few months ago, and today reported he’s pregnant again with some Jewish Black chick named Lauren London, who has been in movies and music videos and who clearly has no fuckin’ taste, cuz last time I checked, Lil Wayne was a good rapper, but pretty fucking disgusting to look at. Maybe she shoulda actled like all the Jewish girls I know and licked it like al lollipop like shit was Jewish summer camp instead of letting it explode inside her uterus….and here are some pics of her from 2006 cuz I love black girls…even when they are Jewish and not officially black…

Posted in:Baby|Lil Wayne

2009

08

Jul

Hayden Panettiere Steals Babies of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere pullin a Michael Jackson and stealing a fuckin baby to do god knows what with. I’m thinking she’s taking the kid to join her carnival, you know get them in when they are young so they don’t remember the outside world, but maybe someone will walk in on her trying to shove it into her uterus due to mental issues that stem from having her heart broken by her one true love who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and have a family with in a “Look what you made me do” kinda way.

Either way, I predict there is going to be some kind of out of court settlement, if you know what I mean.

Posted in:Baby|Hayden Panettiere|Theif

2009

14

May

Jennifer Aniston is a Baby Thief of the Day

No Comments »

Someone call the police, check the missing person’s reports, issue an amber alert or some fucking shit, because Jennifer Aniston has finally taken what she thinks she deserves, but can’t manage to get on her own and that’s a baby.

I guess her hormones are all out of fucking wack, because everyone knows that a baby is the worst kind of STD that never seems to disappear. For 18 or more years, you have to put up with its bullshit, you have to compromise your busy schedule for it and the only joy it brings is when it sleeps over at a friends house, other than that, it’s some needy shit, like demanding food, clothing and shelter like it’s your fuckin’ job, without realizing that you made them, and they should go out there and beg for change on the street to contribute to the household, like your own little army of earners.

Either way, I just don’t get the appeal of breeding, I only think it’s cool when it’s teenage pregnancy, but that’s just because I am a pervert, I guess neither does any man who has been with Jennifer Aniston, like that Brad Pitt guy, he always refused and he was always convincing that he’d never have kids, oh, right…sucks to be Aniston, I guess.

Check out the guilt in her shifty eyes. She’s up to no good, I can tell…

Posted in:Baby|Jennifer Aniston|Kidnapper

2009

17

Mar

Rebecca Romijn Stamos and Her Mom Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

You know when a girl dates a guy she used to fantasize about when she used to watch TGIF on ABC, then marries a guy she used to fantasize about when she used to watch TGIF on ABC, and brands herself by that guy she used to fantasize about when she used to watch TGIF on ABC, and everyone in the world is shocked that someone so hot would end up with someone so useless, and I’m not talking about Stamos being the hot one ladies, get your slut heads out of the gutter and onto my dick, it makes living it down impossible, so despite letting My Secret Identity cock in her long enough for shit to stick and make babies, he’ll never be Stamos.

Not that any of that really matters, what does is her big full tits and the fact that babies may ruin bodies but turn me on because I know slut doesn’t use condoms.

Posted in:Baby|Mom Tits|Rebecca Romijm Stamos

2009

29

Jan

Ashton Kutcher is a Little Bitch of the Day

24 Comments »

Ashton Kutcher made and released this video taken at 7:30 in the morning complaining about his neighbor who is building a house right outside his house and who starts construction at 7 am everyday. So Ashton is doing what any real man would do and is making videos for his lawyer to build a case against the guy and teach him a real fuckin’ lesson about building a fucking house at 7 in the morning.

I find the whole thing funny. I mean first of all, it’s easier to break legs than to send lawyers letters. Second of all, you’re not drinking enough if can hear anything at 7 am, when I drink, I black the fuck out around 5 am and hear nothing until at least 11. I’m talking anything, houses have burned down next door, people have been shot, and I’ve slept through it like a baby. Lastly, we’d all be annoyed with 7 am construction, I am sure we’d want to kill our neighbors, but I doubt we’d make a little video and put it on the internet for the world to see how good we are at being little whiney bitches.

I thought this whole thing was funny.

Posted in:Ashton Kutcher|Baby

2008

29

Dec

Salma Hayek Smokes Unlit Cigarettes in Front of Her Kid of the Day

17 Comments »

So Salma Hayek smokes unlit cigarettes outside when she pushes her baby in a stroller, or pretends to cuz the cameras are there and doesn’t want to look like a mexican treating a motherfucker like a mexican, and I have a feeling this is going to be big news on those shitty tabloid shows that pollute your TV at 7 pm, more than unlit cigarettes pollute little babies. I seriously hated the dramatic performances that health addict hypocrites would make everytime I lit up in a non-smoking section, before they changed the fucking law because they health addict hypocrites don’t shut the fuck up, like you used to fuck up my meals. But the truth is that the air in NYC or LA is worse that the air of an unsmoked cigaretter 5 feet away from a kid, the pesticides in foods, and the vaccines that cause autism, also worse than an unlit cigarette. A molesting uncle, a bitter divorce, a broken home, even a public school education or a mother who pumps too much money into its hand to avoid having to spend time with it, is also worse than an unlit cigarette, polluted water is also worse than unlit cigarettes, so stop being fucking pussies. When I was this kid’s age I was fucking smoking already, and when I wasn’t, I was in vans and other closed window places with people who were smoking, and nothing happened to me. And the important thing is to remember what this kid did to Hayek’s body, and how he ruined the sloppy shit she had going for her, by making it more sloppy and deserves a to die or at least suffer a little, maybe with some pediatric cancer…..and I make that joke okay by saying I donated 2 dollars to the Kid’s Wish Foundation at the pharmacy earlier today. I have a cardboard star to prove it.

Posted in:Baby|Salma Hayek|Smoker

2008

21

Nov

Ashlee Simpson Names Her Baby Something Stupid of the Day

7 Comments »

Bronx Mowgli Wentz. I call brown skinned people Mowgli when I am in bars drunk and they annoy me when I’m trying to move in and get a drink, you know like “Hey, Mowgli, you’re not perched on your tree, make a fucking move” and the shit usually ends badly, with me called a racist and them trying to fight me with their Jungle moves, while I’m trying to explain that someone told me their name was Mowgli, you know diverting the attention to some other drunk guy, before slipping away, because I don’t like getting in fights, especially not by someone raised by fucking wolves….Either way, it some artistic statement of some bi-sexual guy who takes himself too seriously, and I think it’s appropriate since their relationship is just as big of a joke as the name they chose for their kid.

I guess that makes Jessica Simpson a crazed, jealous aunt, so her uterus will be out on the prowl pretty fucking soon, when she sees her dad’s attention diverted from her to her sister, the only upsetting news for Joe was that Ashlee didn’t have a girl, because he’s way more into touching and exploiting little girls than boys, so it’s safe to say, Jessica’s been givin’ the task to make her daddy some new talent…….

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Baby

2008

19

May

Rachel Bilson’s Barren Womb of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Rachel Bilson’s tits holding a doll like she’s some kind of mother who just lost her baby to cancer, or maybe like some kind of 38 year old woman who has been trying to have babies for the last 5 years but has some kind of fucked up uterus because she’s not all woman. I guess she’s taking the whole celebrity pregnancy shit to heart and wishes she could fit in with the fertile girls and this is her only option to accessorize in fashion. I guess it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that she’s banging that dude from Star Wars and that probably makes you really upset because you are into Star Wars and have a bit of a man crush on the fucker and late at night as you lie in bed alone you imagine you were with him but know that he’s with this bitch. She’s ruining all your fun and you hate her. I know how these things work and don’t worry, it’s not that gay that you just want to explore the darkside of a guy who is part of the only thing you love….well actually it is, but I doubt you’re his type so for now it’s just your dirty little secret no one needs to know about and that makes you and your fantasies a lot more socially acceptable and leaves you up to little scrutiny from your peers and the good news is that you can jerk off to these pics knowing that your dream boy jerks off on them.

Posted in:Baby|Rachel Bilson

2007

14

Sep

I am – Heidi Klum’s Baby Daddy isn’t Really Her Baby Daddy of the Day

1 Comment »

I got this email today reporting the Heidi Klum’s baby doesn’t belong to the man she says it belongs to. I figured I’d report it because I got nothing better to do. It could be fact, it could be fiction but who really cares, Heidi is damaged goods now with enough interracial kids to start a circus.

Either way here’s an email from a German reader:

Heidi with her kids freak me out.

She is claiming her blue eyed daughter Leni is Brown Eyed Italian Flavio Briatore’s daughter, when in fact she is Johannes Kerner, a married german TV host who has a super squeaky clean image and tonnes of advertising deals. Italian nepapers have reported it and I know people who know him, and he fucks all sorts of chicks.

I mean I would have fucked Heidi before she took a Seal cock in her, but I would have barebacked her anal or shot my load in her mouth, because when you got a wife that is what you do……

That’s all I have to say about that. This is some pretty heavy hitting reporting I am doing here. I feel so professional. I am pretty sure the feeling will go away when every other blog reports it making it legit, or I get sued by these bastards for posting fake news…