Candice Swanepoel gave Utah a shout out, because either she shot this pic there, or she feels as though Utah is just a Cowboy filled land of polygamous relationships, that I would like to hope she is planning on retiring to, because it feels like South Africa, but more importantly, because it feels good to have multiple dick on call….not that she’s a man in a mormom home, but she’s Candice Swanepoel, fit and hot enough to make anything she want happen…like turn me on dressed like a cowgirl leading to impure thoughts of her in the barn, covered in manure, getting fucked up the ass with a rake while sucking me off….not that that is something she wants to have happen, but this is the internet, let’s pretend.

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Candice Swanepoel’s mom celebrated her birthday yesterday, so everyone wish the uterus that built Candice Swanepoel, instead of aborting her, a happy birthday. Her vagina was ravaged in the making of a vagina you all masturbate to, and she should be celebrated for that.

That said, looking at her picture and using my scientifically backed “Looked at the bitch you’re fucking’s mom before getting too serious, because the chances are she’ll end up looking like her, acting like her and aging like her because mom, although fat and scary now, was once young and vibrant, like the pussy you are sticking your dick in”…..leading me to think Candice Swanepoel may not be what she is now, in 20 years, but the good news is the world will probably blow up by then and we’ll never have to see it, so until then, Candice is toned and not muff gutted, her gunt is glorious not menopausal, so whatever she’s gonna age into doen’t really matter, because what she is today is all we care about.

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I can never have too much Candice Swanepoel, even if the pictures of her are fucking boring, staged the same as every other pic, with a little black background to add some flavor to an otherwise identical shoot to every other shoot she has done, because adding the black background is as far as those Victoria’s Secret organized assholes go, and even that probably took a year of planning and pitching from an eager new employee with a vision that finally came true, when really this Candice babe is a puppet, willing to put her legs over her head while naked, if the photographer told her to.

What a waste, but the kind of waste I don’t mind trying to masturbate to.

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Candice Swanepoel is pretty alright. especially when half naked and up against a cop car like she’s some kind of terrorist from South Africa here to drop bombs on the beach in her bikini. You know, or a blood diamond smuggler that uses her vagina as her hiding spot. I mean seeing her bent over any car, in this position, would be worth staring at, the fact that it’s a cop car doesn’t make it any more interesting, because you know she’s just being silly, and really who cares what she’s up against, when all you gotta do is stare at that gap. She’s good at this booty thing…

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Ever get that feeling where you’d rather be in a sexual relationship with a picture than your actual wife, because your actual wife is fat, annoying, disgusting, smells and complains all the fucking time. You know nags like she was a hot chick, when she is a vile pig who should learn how to play it fucking cool because otherwise no one will want anything to do with her, because if we wanted to put up with bullshit, we’d do it from hot bitches who other guys can’t handle, but we don’t mind cuz they look good.

Well that’s what’s happening to me right now, thanks to her instagram.

This Candice Swanepoel character is good.

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At least this isn’t Victoria’s Secret, but I am going to assume that it is probably owned by Victoria’s Secret, because Candice Swanepoel is modeling it, and she’ pretty much is owned by the billion dollar brand, because I hate Victoria’s Secret pictures. They are all the fucking same, they lack creativity, and they edit out the good parts of the girls, like their stubble on their inner thigh bikini line, and their hard nipples they’d totally expose if they were allowed or told to,, because that’s life as a fucking puppet…a puppet a want to fuck…but in all seriousness, what puppet wouldn’t I fuck….

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Last summer, CANDICE SWANEPOEL DID A NUDE PHOTOSHOOT FOR MUSE MAGAZINE and it was pretty fantastic.

5 Days Ago, the guy who shot the video of the shoot put up the video to his VIMEO Page.

Just Now, I posted it, because I think Candice Swanepoel, at least in pictures, is a delicate and beautiful flower I want to care for and water with my dick, because in person, she’s probably 6 foot 6, with a clit the size of my dick, but in front of the camera, this bitch has good features.

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Sure I prefer Candice Swanepoel half naked in standardized Victoria’s Secret pics….or topless for fashion pics….or showing her tight little booty in magazines….because she’s got a body that’s incredible, at least in pictures….making me appreciate all things that she does…including posting pics of her boxing….and not just because I like hot girls who can beat the fuck out of me while I get to punch them in the face in the process….knowing she’s 4 inches taller than me and probably is 140 lbs of solid muscle, you know spread out over her 6 foot 2 frame….no wait that is the only reason I like this pic.

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