Christina Milian needs to hire a photographer to take her selfies for her…I don’t even know what I am looking at other than a fuzzy badly lit mess that may or may not involve a set of tits in a bikini…that remind me of when I am driving at night and a black guy crosses the street like he’s the fucking invisible man…only the bikini version..it’s like girl, you’re rich, buy a camera, buy the latest iPhone, shit the companies will even comp you, pay a retoucher 10 dollars, run the pic by your team before it gets put up, because there’s a way to always look amazing, and that is by photoshopping your shit..or at least taking better pics…but as a pervert…I’ll still stare…because tits in a bikini are still tits in a bikini…

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Christina Milian posted a bunch of badly shot pictures to her internet shit because I guess she’s got lazy, probably tired for doing all that “parenting” she does when collecting her monthly checks from The Game…you know in Vegas and Miami and wherever else the party she is chasing after she drops the kids off at Stage Grandma’s…or maybe she just realizes that she doesn’t need to put effort in cuz she’s on TV and people will like her shit even when out of focus and not spread eagled like her first music video back when she made herself relevant rolling around in mud…

I’m posting them anyway…

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Christina Milian doesn’t really grasp the whole being a mom means stop trying to be a video vixen, half naked whore, tweaking at every pool party she is invited to, and even when she’s not at a pool party, she’s out there in her bikini snapping pics of herself in the bikini, because after being divorced and failing at relationship, it is nice to have some male attention to feel like you still got it, and if you’ve got the budget to hire a replacement mom to watch your kid, while you’re taking booty pics, why the fuck wouldn’t you…

This is like the rich person version of that MEME that circulated years ago of a woman doing a masturbation selfie with her kid in the background playing…only more luxurious with all the rich person amenities…to make it less weird to masturbate to…

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Christina Milian posted these pictures of her in a black bikini and fishnets on instagram and I can only assume it was from her kids’ kindergarten end of year party…because this is how responsible moms everywhere dress when hitting the pool…at least that’s what I wish…because it would make creeping not the public pool far more enjoyable…

The reality is that Milian is not with her kid, I don’t think she ever is, she’s got staff and her own mom for that, I mean who wants that bad decision standing in the way of opportunity, career and FUN!!! I mean the thing already destroyed her fucking body, isn’t that enough?! I mean just cuz she wishes it was an abortion, doesn’t mean it can all of a sudden become an abortion, so like all good divorced mom’s, she’s out slutting around…and I totally fucking dig it..even if the baby is at home crying “momma”…preparing for future mental health issues and drug addiction his allowance that stems from guilt will afford….

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Mom Christina Milian is in a bathing suit for Cosmo for Latinas, like she’s not a mom, like she’s still got that body, in a magazine that actually exists, even if it seems racist, like Latinas are their own breed that need content on the latest loud and tacky dresses to where to church, to tips on cutting your husband’s dick off if you think he cheats, cuz unlike the other Cosmo for white people, Latina women are a little more insan which is probably why a full bodied single mom bitch like Milan is someone they’d feature in their bullshit racist shit….

Here are the pics..

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I find it kinda funny, especially after seeing CHRISTINA MILIAN’S FAT SLOPPY CELLULITE RIDDEN MOM ASS IN A BIKINI , that any brand, even the lowest level brand that is probably owned by one of her friends, calling on her celebrity as a favor, because it will help launch his collection of bikinis, would ask her to be one of their models, but then I am reminded there is photoshop and really when touched up, this Christina Milian has a bit of sex appeal, it’s not like Roseanne or Precious’ best friend asking them for a favor to model half naked to help get the name out there, although part of me wishes it was, you see precious in a bikini or lingerie, as scary as it might be, would be fucking comedy gold.

Here’s Milian, bikini-ing.

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Christina Milian is my kind of single mother, recent divorcee, who has tried the playing house traditional shit….but who would much rather go wild on Spring Break like she was still 21…leaving the baby with the nanny, and spending the ex husband, who writes songs for Bieber’s money, going nuts…shooting off pics of her ass and her friend’s ass…in what is typical spring break booty party….in a generation that is booty obsessed…all to let her ex know what’s he’s missing, despite probably fucking three hotter versions of this girl at the same time as she took these pics, cuz that’s just how groupies work…..while she’s just lookin’ desperate while lookin’ like a bad mother….too old to be doing this shit…and for some reason, that’s fucking porn to me….

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It is pics like this that make me question my life choices….because even at the gym…I’m not staring at a girl’s cleavage…that shit is high school…I’m fucking staring at her pussy lips in her tight pants…gyrating and spreading apart…full definition….imagining her naked….as her pants ride up her proper….ideally when sweaty as fuck…looking like she just squirted on herself…it’s really the only reason you should go to the gym….you know seein’ that vag from all fucking angles….but instead I’m sitting here on a soiled couch…watching my wife get the only exercise she gets….stuffing her face…arm from bag to mouth curls…and high salt, high blood pressure, high heart rate cardio routine….lookin’ at pics of some has been’s cleavage she posted to the internet….celebrating it like it matters…totally misrepresenting myself…cuz I probably wouldn’t even notice it if it was in front of me…cuz at the gym…it’s about the pussy.

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Christina Milian was at the gym working out…..and snapped off an instagram pic that would have been way more effective if it was shot in the lockerroom while taking a shower…or stretching…or all sweaty in spandex doing squats..all crotch soaked with vagina definition….but instead we get this….but she still inspires all you fat moms out there to get off your fat ases cuz all it takes is a little work to get your twerk…someone like me would be willing to get down to your instagram poics….which is something I know all of you moms dream of….I make marriages bearable….

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