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Archive for the cleavage Category

2007

20

Aug

I am – Christina Aguilera's Crazy Fucking Cleavage of the Day

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christina_aguilera_tits_top.jpg

Being the slowest site to update out there, I am sure you’ve seen all these pictures before, but it’s Monday so I don’t really give a fuck about giving you what you need and how fast you need it, I am still trying to wake the fuck up and deal with the fact that my life is pretty fucking shitty, especially when I am sitting here cropping pictures of a bitch with big tits, like it’s fucking newsworthy or relevant to the world.

I am more fascinated with milk filled tits than I am with fake tits, lucky for use Augilera has both since she’s knocked up and a highend stipper or pornstar who doesn’t need to fuck on camera or get naked on stage for some dude’s pocket change, she does it behind closed doors but she still has to live up to the image by getting fake tits, fake hair, fake tan, and a manager boyfriend type who is ready to exploit her the first chance he gets to make a dollar, because that’s just what his kind does….

I once knew a stripper who made breast milk a huge part of her act. The stripclub was in some small town in some barn and the girls were all pretty strong from working the fields all day and the pole all night. This one bitch they called Creamy Clementine would get on stage and hose the locals down with her tit milk from having numerous kids and a breast pump that kept shit going well into her 40s. Anyway, I originally didn’t understand why all the grown men were going crazy like she was the Kool Aid guy and she just broke through their highschool cafeteria wall, but they were fucking hooked. I am talking pushing each other down and beating each other up to get to the stream of milky goodness squirting out of her tit.

I never took part in this show because it grossed me out and I didn’t research what kind of diseases a diseased whore can spread through her tits so I just kept my curiosity at bay until this guy I knew with the hottest wife around asked me to babysit. I know asking a drunken pervert to babysit seems fucking weird, but I love kids and we had a good time, the only problem is that she had about 4 bottles of her milk set aside for the kid and I couldn’t help but taste it thinking about old Creamy Clementine from years before.

I got hooked and I drank all 4 bottles, shit was powerful and I needed more so I’d show up unexpected a couple times a week and down all the tit milk I could find….that was until they caught on and I was blacklisted from their home and banned as a friend of the family, but I still remember the smooth flavor that touched my lips and slowly dripped down my throat and every time I see a bitch with milk filled titties I get all excited to get a taste, for some reason asking for a taste never goes over as well as planned cuz girls just think you want to suck their tits and end up slapping you or having their husbands defend their honor, but I promise I’ve got good intentions….

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Posted in:Christina Aguilera|cleavage|Pregnant|Tits|Unsorted

2007

06

Aug

I am – Eva Herzigova Upskirt of the Day

2 Comments »

Eva Herzigova

I have this sorta-friend I met while drunk at a bar, who’s also a party-slut. I texted her to see if she wanted to get drunk and felt up. She said yes. I call her SallyYuki because she is Japanese and I can barely understand what she says, and she doesn’t mind that i can’t pronounce whatever her name is. We get picked up by three Romanians who are fairly hot and most importantly, ready and willing to shower us with top-shelf liquor.

We tell them we want to move to a club (aka grind and make-out), so we all hop into their beamer and head to some place I can’t fucking remember, but it cost $20 to get in, and they paid. While SallyYuki was occupied with Romanian #1, I was busy sandwiching with Romanians #2 and #3. At one point #2 and #3 hoisted me up onto the DJ’s stage, where I shook it and whipped off my shirt until security escorted me down. Later, while #2 was getting more drinks, I let #3 slither his fingers down my pants and into my soft slit. The next thing I know, SallyYuki taps me on my shoulder and is waving her arms in the air, screaming in Japanese, then storms off in some bizarre spaztic fit of rage. Whatever.

We dance and I divide my time between #2 and #3 till closing. I ask if they can give me a ride home. They oblige. As we’re waiting for the car, the 3 Romanians make a proposition: a foursome. Now I wouldn’t do that shit as a hooker, and I am not about to break my old hooker standards. I did a three-some once (two guys and me) under pressure from my pimp, and I didn’t like it: too much of a balancing act and the guys didn’t realize how homo-erotic it was for them, which is pretty fucking funny. I said no thanks on the foursome, but I WILL blow them all in the beamer on my way home. They were like kids on Christmas day. So about every other block, they stop the car and play musical chairs, only there are no chairs, just me deep-throating various Romanian cocks. In the end, they got a free ride, and so did I. Hurray.

Here is Eva Herzigova at the opening of Chopard’s store (yeah who the fuck knows, sounds expensive). She is Czech, which is pretty close to Romania in my geographically challenged mind. Eva is giving you a free peak up her dress and plenty of cleavage. I wonder if she had to sucks any cocks to get where she is today? I feel like it’s a right of passage in the modeling, acting, and general slut industry. Now go let on fly and pretend it’s shooting up her cooch.Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:cleavage|Eva Herzigova|Model|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

31

Jul

I am – Amy Adams’ Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Amy Adams

When I was a little kid, we would drive 7 hours north to a lake that had only a few feet of water during the great late 80’s California drought. My grandparents lived up there for a while because lakes with no water have cheap property. What I remember best is this hick named “Blaze.” Blaze lived in a trailer down the hill and had a ravine filled with over a thousand beer cans–his own homemade landfill. Us kids liked to go down and play at Blaze’s because he let us swim in this huge metal drum he filled with water. Our parents would compaire shotguns while we bobbed in 3 feet of liquid rust. If you had to pee, Blaze had an authentic outhouse, and the walls were papered with porn. I never looked down inside the hole in the seat–the smell of years of piled-up shit was enough to fulfill my curiosity. Blaze always seemed to have a new wife every time we visited. One was fat and jolly. One was oily and petite. Another was thin and liked to paint animal skulls. My uncle recently told me that they found out Blaze had died, and that he had been a pimp. I wonder how many “wives” he buried beneath those beer cans out back…

Here is Amy Adams at the “Underdog” premier last night. She has great cleavage and is as cute as a motherfucking button. As a child, I’m sure Amy Adams never swam in a big barrel of tetanus in the yard of a hillbilly pimp, and she never grew up to have an angry Turkish pimp. For these reasons, along with the red hair, I want to be her. So I present you with her cleavage. Now go wallpaper your bathroom with porn.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Amy Adams|cleavage|Unsorted

2007

31

Jul

I am – Amy Adams' Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Amy Adams

When I was a little kid, we would drive 7 hours north to a lake that had only a few feet of water during the great late 80’s California drought. My grandparents lived up there for a while because lakes with no water have cheap property. What I remember best is this hick named “Blaze.” Blaze lived in a trailer down the hill and had a ravine filled with over a thousand beer cans–his own homemade landfill. Us kids liked to go down and play at Blaze’s because he let us swim in this huge metal drum he filled with water. Our parents would compaire shotguns while we bobbed in 3 feet of liquid rust. If you had to pee, Blaze had an authentic outhouse, and the walls were papered with porn. I never looked down inside the hole in the seat–the smell of years of piled-up shit was enough to fulfill my curiosity. Blaze always seemed to have a new wife every time we visited. One was fat and jolly. One was oily and petite. Another was thin and liked to paint animal skulls. My uncle recently told me that they found out Blaze had died, and that he had been a pimp. I wonder how many “wives” he buried beneath those beer cans out back…

Here is Amy Adams at the “Underdog” premier last night. She has great cleavage and is as cute as a motherfucking button. As a child, I’m sure Amy Adams never swam in a big barrel of tetanus in the yard of a hillbilly pimp, and she never grew up to have an angry Turkish pimp. For these reasons, along with the red hair, I want to be her. So I present you with her cleavage. Now go wallpaper your bathroom with porn.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:Amy Adams|cleavage|Unsorted

2007

30

Jul

I am – Kendra Wilkinson’s Days Are Numbered of the Day

6 Comments »

Kendra Wilkinson

Recap: Old client WR flew me to LA for his 50th to nail me for cash. WR puts me up in a hotel, which is weird since I slept over in my hooker days. He hurriedly shows me his Brentwood estate, avoiding the bedroom. I ask for a glass of water. Maybe we can do a quick slam over the breakfast table? My gift to him: I’m generous like that. I hop up on the kitchen counter, flashing some panty. WR keeps his distance. I notice a pad by the phone with a number and a restaurant scribbled in frilly female writing (?).

I’m not invited to the birthday bash, but he’ll pick me up later… It’s 3:30 am and he’s finally fucking me bent over the rail of his boat in Marina del Rey. I’m staring into the dark water while he pinches my nipples. Realization: I am a kept woman. I am not in control. I cut him off, grab his balls and confront… Cunt is dating a gold-digger bent on killing my plan of him dying childless/ alone from his cholesterol issue. I don’t want to marry the douche, I just want to be the hot piece he remembers while writing his will in between strokes.

I squeeze his balls harder, angry: the contact we kept over the years was a waste. He’s not the lonely twat I knew. He’s about to nest. I’m the lonely one now, making out in bars with guys who buy me drinks. I hate him… So I push him to the deck and savagely bone him in ways his new princess never will… I come hard and he pinches a nerve in his back… In the car, he tells me I can have the weekend off, but to be on call Monday night. So I went to San Diego and did the only thing a kept woman at the end of the line can do: spend the weekend slut’n it up in a bar.

Here is Kendra Wilkinson slut’n it up in a bar in Chicago Friday night because she is a kept woman playing second fiddle to Hef’s obvious favorite girlfriend, Holly Madison. Like mine, her days are numbered. I feel her pain. Not really. She is busted in the face and dumber than dirt.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:cleavage|Kendra Wilkinson|Playmate|Unsorted

2007

30

Jul

I am – Kendra Wilkinson's Days Are Numbered of the Day

No Comments »

Kendra Wilkinson

Recap: Old client WR flew me to LA for his 50th to nail me for cash. WR puts me up in a hotel, which is weird since I slept over in my hooker days. He hurriedly shows me his Brentwood estate, avoiding the bedroom. I ask for a glass of water. Maybe we can do a quick slam over the breakfast table? My gift to him: I’m generous like that. I hop up on the kitchen counter, flashing some panty. WR keeps his distance. I notice a pad by the phone with a number and a restaurant scribbled in frilly female writing (?).

I’m not invited to the birthday bash, but he’ll pick me up later… It’s 3:30 am and he’s finally fucking me bent over the rail of his boat in Marina del Rey. I’m staring into the dark water while he pinches my nipples. Realization: I am a kept woman. I am not in control. I cut him off, grab his balls and confront… Cunt is dating a gold-digger bent on killing my plan of him dying childless/ alone from his cholesterol issue. I don’t want to marry the douche, I just want to be the hot piece he remembers while writing his will in between strokes.

I squeeze his balls harder, angry: the contact we kept over the years was a waste. He’s not the lonely twat I knew. He’s about to nest. I’m the lonely one now, making out in bars with guys who buy me drinks. I hate him… So I push him to the deck and savagely bone him in ways his new princess never will… I come hard and he pinches a nerve in his back… In the car, he tells me I can have the weekend off, but to be on call Monday night. So I went to San Diego and did the only thing a kept woman at the end of the line can do: spend the weekend slut’n it up in a bar.

Here is Kendra Wilkinson slut’n it up in a bar in Chicago Friday night because she is a kept woman playing second fiddle to Hef’s obvious favorite girlfriend, Holly Madison. Like mine, her days are numbered. I feel her pain. Not really. She is busted in the face and dumber than dirt.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:cleavage|Kendra Wilkinson|Playmate|Unsorted

2007

27

Jul

I am – Leah Remini’s Scientology Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

Leah Remini

When I was still living in LA as a kid, i spent the night at my friend’s house one Saturday. She lived on a golf course and her big fancy house had maids and ping-pong. She took me to her church in the morning. Guess what church that was? The Church of Scientology.

I was only 11 but knew something was up. We were in the “Sunday School” section, where we just drew some trees after a mind-blowingly boring story about guess what… some trees. At the end of the adult service, we were paraded out in front of all the brainwashed Hollywood folk and prodded into singing this new-age hymn like little performing monkeys. As I was leaving, they asked for my address and phone number. Now, they had already added my name to the giant attendance poster in sharpee, even though i repeatedly told them not to since I was just visiting and went to a real church. Fuckers were aggressive. So I gave them a fake number and address for two reasons: 1) my parents told me never give personal information out to strangers, and 2) my parents were poor and a waste of their time.

This story is relevant for two reasons: 1) Leah Remini is a crazy-ass Scientologist, and 2) I am back in LA for a few days. This is Leah at the El Cantante premiere last night. I don’t know why these people ‘drink the Kool-Aid,’ but whatever Scientology has given Leah spiritually it hath taken away from her rack. Poor Leah’s cleavage now has this flattened, upside-down V thing going on. I blame Xenu. Also, she looks tired and/or drunk. Fucking Thetans.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:cleavage|Leah Remini|Unsorted

2007

27

Jul

I am – Leah Remini's Scientology Tits of the Day

No Comments »

Leah Remini

When I was still living in LA as a kid, i spent the night at my friend’s house one Saturday. She lived on a golf course and her big fancy house had maids and ping-pong. She took me to her church in the morning. Guess what church that was? The Church of Scientology.

I was only 11 but knew something was up. We were in the “Sunday School” section, where we just drew some trees after a mind-blowingly boring story about guess what… some trees. At the end of the adult service, we were paraded out in front of all the brainwashed Hollywood folk and prodded into singing this new-age hymn like little performing monkeys. As I was leaving, they asked for my address and phone number. Now, they had already added my name to the giant attendance poster in sharpee, even though i repeatedly told them not to since I was just visiting and went to a real church. Fuckers were aggressive. So I gave them a fake number and address for two reasons: 1) my parents told me never give personal information out to strangers, and 2) my parents were poor and a waste of their time.

This story is relevant for two reasons: 1) Leah Remini is a crazy-ass Scientologist, and 2) I am back in LA for a few days. This is Leah at the El Cantante premiere last night. I don’t know why these people ‘drink the Kool-Aid,’ but whatever Scientology has given Leah spiritually it hath taken away from her rack. Poor Leah’s cleavage now has this flattened, upside-down V thing going on. I blame Xenu. Also, she looks tired and/or drunk. Fucking Thetans.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE


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Posted in:cleavage|Leah Remini|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Jennifer Esposito’s Almost Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Jennifer Esposito

I was hanging out with Julien at the gay bar on the weekend, you know, me being Julien’s fag hag and all, and telling him how when I watch porn to masterbate to, I only like to watch girl-on-girl shit. He says its because I am, in fact gay, and I said its because porn guys are disgusting to anybody thats not a gay man. We had to agree to disagree on this one. The topic then moved solely onto masterbation, a portion of which I have included here.

PS: He still thinks I’m gay.

Girls are really fucked up about masturbation. I’m not talking on the whole Guys can talk about jerking off but girls aren’t allowed to, double standard thing (yeah yeah I know you have a vibrator, you’re so empowered, big whoop). No, girls are fucked up about masturbation because they have to many moral hang-ups about who to masturbate to.

I was talking to a few female friends about their fantasies and because they are all children of the 80’s, they all had a thing for Michael J. Fox, specifically in the Back to the Future movies. They all had these elaborate scenarios that they used, most involved the DeLorean, some involved Christopher Lloyd (ok that was a joke but I do think that would be kind of hot). Anyway, so I asked them if they still masturbate to young Michael J. Fox and they were all like No way! That’s sick! He has Parkinsons! So basically, the fact that he used to be hot and he now has a disease has stopped them from masturbating to him all together.

Now I don’t understand this at all. I jerk off to anyone I want to, I don’t give a fuck how they die. Some of my all time best fantasies are: River Phoenix, Christopher Reeves as Superman and Freddy Mercury. But my all time masturbation champ would have to be Jesus (Christ, not Martinez. Although if comes back from his trip all tanned and trim, he might work for him). Yeah man Jesus is fucking hot, I don’t care that he was crucified and is the son of God, he has a really tight body and could probably do all kinds of freaky shit in bed. Demigod sex is so where it’s at.

So my advice to everyone is to masturbate to whomever the fuck you want to. If you want to rev your vibrator up to the max and have multiple orgasms about Marty McFly, go right ahead, the fact that he is all shaky and shit now doesn;t cancel out that he used to be hot. But if you still have some weird hangup about it here are some almost cleavage shots of Jennifer Esposito. She used to be on Spin City with Mr. J. Fox. Maybe she can be the next best thing.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:cleavage|Jennifer Esposito|Unsorted

2007

26

Jul

I am – Jennifer Esposito's Almost Cleavage of the Day

3 Comments »

Jennifer Esposito

I was hanging out with Julien at the gay bar on the weekend, you know, me being Julien’s fag hag and all, and telling him how when I watch porn to masterbate to, I only like to watch girl-on-girl shit. He says its because I am, in fact gay, and I said its because porn guys are disgusting to anybody thats not a gay man. We had to agree to disagree on this one. The topic then moved solely onto masterbation, a portion of which I have included here.

PS: He still thinks I’m gay.

Girls are really fucked up about masturbation. I’m not talking on the whole Guys can talk about jerking off but girls aren’t allowed to, double standard thing (yeah yeah I know you have a vibrator, you’re so empowered, big whoop). No, girls are fucked up about masturbation because they have to many moral hang-ups about who to masturbate to.

I was talking to a few female friends about their fantasies and because they are all children of the 80’s, they all had a thing for Michael J. Fox, specifically in the Back to the Future movies. They all had these elaborate scenarios that they used, most involved the DeLorean, some involved Christopher Lloyd (ok that was a joke but I do think that would be kind of hot). Anyway, so I asked them if they still masturbate to young Michael J. Fox and they were all like No way! That’s sick! He has Parkinsons! So basically, the fact that he used to be hot and he now has a disease has stopped them from masturbating to him all together.

Now I don’t understand this at all. I jerk off to anyone I want to, I don’t give a fuck how they die. Some of my all time best fantasies are: River Phoenix, Christopher Reeves as Superman and Freddy Mercury. But my all time masturbation champ would have to be Jesus (Christ, not Martinez. Although if comes back from his trip all tanned and trim, he might work for him). Yeah man Jesus is fucking hot, I don’t care that he was crucified and is the son of God, he has a really tight body and could probably do all kinds of freaky shit in bed. Demigod sex is so where it’s at.

So my advice to everyone is to masturbate to whomever the fuck you want to. If you want to rev your vibrator up to the max and have multiple orgasms about Marty McFly, go right ahead, the fact that he is all shaky and shit now doesn;t cancel out that he used to be hot. But if you still have some weird hangup about it here are some almost cleavage shots of Jennifer Esposito. She used to be on Spin City with Mr. J. Fox. Maybe she can be the next best thing.

Smooch!

Julien


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Posted in:cleavage|Jennifer Esposito|Unsorted