cleavage Archives - Page 20 of 28 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

19

Oct

I am – Britney Spears Ass Cleavage of the Day

The thing I like about Britney is that she proves that people love trainwrecks. She’s done everything in her power to make the world hate her or feel sorry for her, or laugh at her, or want to fuck her and she’s still got the number one song out there, so no matter what you say about her being a bad mother or drug addict or crazy, none of that really matters because she’s famous and successful and that shit goes a lot farther than being a good parent.

The other thing I like about Britney is that she’s a fat chick I want to bend over and smell like we’re a couple of dogs in the dog park. I just have a thing for trying to figure out what she ate for dinner the night before.

The thing I don’t like about Britney is that she’s untouchable. She’s one of those celebrities who you will never be able to seduce, not because she isn’t a desperate stupid girl that would probably be impressed with by a shiny new quarter, but because K-Fed has damaged her and from this point on it’ll be impossible to be the next K-Fed, which is too bad because it was kind of a retirement dream of mine.

She prove that so much can change in a person from the age of 16 to 25 and she’s pretty much doing everything we all hoped she would do, like showing off her tits and pussy and rockin’ jeans that don’t fit because she’s living the dream that she’s still a size small. Unfortunately it’s about 10 years too late, but I usually take what I can get.

Here she is with some ass cleavage.

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Britney’s Birthday Panty Ass Flash

Posted in:Ass|Britney Spears|cleavage|Jeans|Unsorted

2007

15

Oct

I am – Britney Spears Cleavage Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

I am not that interested in Britney Spears, because I am convinced this bitch is doing all this for record sales. I am talking her custody battle, her head shaving and all that vagina slipping.

I am pretty interested in the 2 ambulance drivers who were in line for coffee in front of me, not cuz I am a fag but because they were. They were both flaming queers and I didn’t realize that flaming queers do much more than being ridiculously fabulous at their cocaine sex parties. I was a little confused how they ended up in this line of work, I figured that maybe it was the hope of saving other fags from drug overdoses on the night shift, or maybe the fact that they get to see lots of men half naked, or at least they can get men naked when they are trying to save their lives. I was also confused as to how they both ended up on the same shift, because if I was a boss, I’d never let the queers work that closely together unsupervised because within the first few minutes they’d be sucking each other off….but then I realized that maybe all the downtime of waiting for old people die is a great gig to have if you can work with someone who will suck you off.

Speaking of fags, here’s some Britney cleavage pics because I’d totally fuck her tits up the ass.

Related Posts:

Britney Spears Upskirt Pictures
Britney Spears Bikini Wig Pictures
Britney Spears Ass Shot in Panties

Posted in:Boobs|Britney Spears|cleavage|Unsorted

2007

12

Oct

I am – Ivanka Trumps Rich Breasts of the Day

6 Comments »

I think I may be in love with Ivanka Trump. Not because she is hot but because I fall in love every time I leave my house, which isn’t as often as it probably should be meaning I am forced into falling in love with girls on the computer who I don’t know and will never know, but not because she’s got it going on, or because she’s got huge tits but because she’s got a huge bank account, and like most whores out there, I am willing to Anna Nicole Smith her ass because it would make for a good retirement fund, unfortunately she’s not 90, she just acts that age by being all studious with her business degree and all career oriented when she could be out getting fucked on camera while high on cocaine she bought from Lohan.

Either way, I did decide to leave my house and I am sitting next to some dude who is trying to seduce his girlfriend. I can only assume she doesn’t give him enough blow jobs and he figures charming her with his stupidities will make her feel special enough to take his load on her face. He just told her that he’s never fallen in love with a chick before her and that they were just pussy to him, but she’s something special….what his girlfriend doesn’t realize is that he never fell in love with a chick before, because there were no chicks, just cut outs from magazines in his wallet and posters on his wall. I guess this is what it’ll be like when you get your first girlfriend, I should ask him if he’s one of my 5 readers because you guys are way too similar for him to not be.

Look at Ivanka’s tits. They are big and they are rich. Like my penis, only the complete opposite, if you know what I mean….

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Ivanka Trump’s Big Ol’ Titties
Ivanka Trump Lookin’ Fat
Ivanka Trump’s Nipples

2007

11

Oct

I am – Petra Nemcova’s Tits Hugs Black People of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.

I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.

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Petra Nemcova Upskirt Pictures
Petra Nemcova Topless and Body Painted Pictures
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Petra Nemcova and James Blunt On the Beach in Bikinis…Well She’s in The Bikini…

Posted in:Black People|cleavage|Petra Nemcova|Unsorted

2007

11

Oct

I am – Petra Nemcova's Tits Hugs Black People of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova hugging Denzel Washington or Wesley Sinpes or Kanye West or whoever the fuck this is because I am not good at recognizing people, not because all black people look the same, you fucking racist.

I am trying this new thing called obvious joke, but I don’t think it’s going to work out too well for me, because I am not funny. So I guess I’ll stop it now. I got fucking tanked last night without realizing it. I was doing tequila shots like a good Mexican for a homies birthday and I was dropping what I thought was gold, and by gold I mean my pants. People weren’t laughing at the shit I was saying and I realized that I have no future in stand-up. I am not going to pressure myself to bring back the funny, you can just keep coming back to watch me slowly drowning in my own vomit.

Related Posts:

Petra Nemcova Upskirt Pictures
Petra Nemcova Topless and Body Painted Pictures
Petra Nemcova Hearts Brown People
Petra Nemcova and James Blunt On the Beach in Bikinis…Well She’s in The Bikini…

Posted in:Black People|cleavage|Petra Nemcova|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian’s Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

10

Oct

I am – Kim Kardashian's Tits of the Day

4 Comments »

So it turns out that Kim Kardashian’s got some reality TV show with her sister called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and I am sure it’s going to be some next level shit that will change all our fucking lives. I am not really sure what Kim Kardashian does but I can only assume keeping up with her is pretty fucking easy. Other than the fact that we don’t have high powered lawyers as a father, who died and left us a huge inheritance to travel the world and attend events, or the fact that we don’t fuck black men on video for the world to see, or the fact that our asses, despite being 300 lbs aren’t as big as hers, I think the only real challenges this bitch faces is putting on a pair of jeans in the morning.

Reality is that I like to think I am going to the top, and will have my own show called Keeping up with Jesus Martinez, that would involve me sitting on a computer all day and drinking myself into the gutter all night, but not at those trendy clubs, I am talking a bottle of whiskey and a park. I am not going to the top because I am talent or because I have any readers or any prospects but I like to think I am because I have a slutty reader who wants to fuck me and that shit makes me feel like a star. She’s got daddy issues and I am all about daddy issues. She probably has a boyfriend or husband and she is probably 200 pounds and likes videogames and jogging pants, but I don’t care. I like the attention. I am the flavor of the month for her and she’ll be done with this site in the next couple of weeks, but right now I guess she gets off to what I write. It’s too bad that the real me is a lot less interesting and attractive as I make myself out to be. If I ever made my way to California where she lives, which is always possible cuz I hate my wife, and set up a little meeting with her to get her to let me watch her shower, she’d only look at me in disgust and call the police. See you and me really do have a lot in common. Only difference is that bitches aren’t leaving you these kinds of messages.

Listen to the Message She Left Me Today .

Either way, here are pics of Kim Kardashian’s tits at the premiere of her shitty show….

Related Posts:

Kim Kardashian’s Mom Jeans
Some Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Preview Pics
Kim Kadashian’s Bikini Pictures
Kim Kardashian’s Armenian Ass

2007

10

Oct

I am – Rihanna All Dolled Up of the Day

6 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Rihanna at some Unicef shit because she cares about the people and I decided to post them because I care about her. She’s my new Lohan, because let’s face it, Lohan has herpes and way too many issues for me to bother stalking her. So Rihanna may be the future, but I haven’t decided. I am just excited to see her bad skin because pimples remind me of High School and High School reminds me of Musicals and Musicals remind me of this gay dude I used to know who liked to dance and sing show tunes and that always gave me a good laugh. I don’t know where he is now, but he’s probably pregnant in some hospital and by pregnant I mean dying of AIDS…not cuz AIDS is the gay disease but because he was a man-slut….oh wait…maybe it is cuz AIDS is the Gay Disease. CUDDLES!!

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Rihanna’s Vagina Definition Pictures
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Posted in:cleavage|Event|Hot|Rihanna|Unsorted

2007

10

Oct

I am – Jane Seymour Dancing With the Stars Rehearsal Pics of the Day

2 Comments »

I have a confession to make. I went to a friends house and his daughter’s were watching dancing with the stars yesterday and I was in the other room, because he doesn’t like me getting to close to them, because they are 18 and I am a bad influence, but I couldn’t help but overhear the shit that was going down. Basically, Jane Seymour’s mother had a stroke earlier in the year and her favorite show was Dancing With the Stars, the UK version. When Jane Seymour decided she was going to do it, she told her dying mother who hadn’t spoke in months and her mother spoke for the first time since her stroke saying “YES”. So that inspired Jane Seymour to do the show and since the stroke her mother ended up passing away and she decided to kick serious ass on her show, because she knows her mother is watching her and last night’s tango was so meaningful to Jane Seymore because it was the one dance she was going to dedicate to her mom.

Now I am all for sob stories, I think it makes for good entertainment, but the only question I had was did the Dancing with the Stars producers pay for this bullshit story for the tear-jerking drama it caused or did Jane Seymore off her mom, she is Dr Quinn Medicine Woman after all, so that she could win points with the judges. The whole thing was pretty fucking suspect and all the judges were nice to her after her dance, because none of them wanted to look like heartless bastards.

I remember when I used to use my mom’s death to get me passing marks in English class because I was a Mexican immigrant I couldn’t really write much more than “MY MOM DIED BE NICE”.

Point of all this is to say this Jane Seymour bitch looks like a fucking clown in this outfit, she is 56 years old and looks like she’s made of plastic, but not the good kind of plastic, more like the pastic wrap I used to take off of cheese slices to tape to my dick as a makeshift condom…I’m crafty like that.

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Mel B’s Ass Leaving Dancing With the Stars Rehearsals
Mel B’s Tits for Dancing With the Stars
Stacy Keibler Thinks She’s Avril Lavigne
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Posted in:cleavage|Dancing With the Stars|Jane Seymour|Plastic Surgery|Unsorted

2007

09

Oct

I am – Rihanna’s Dog’s Got the Coolest Job of the Day

No Comments »

Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.

The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….

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Rihanna’s Got Some Fuckin’ Legs Yo….
Rihanna Hides Her Forehead But Not Her Tits…
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