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Archive for the Complex Category

2009

24

Feb

Slumdog Millionaire’s Freida Pinto Slutty for Complex Magazine of the Day

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Leave it up to America to take a wholesome, naturally beautiful, Indian girl and get her to take off her clothes to show our culture what she’s been hiding in her colorful silk dress, to get it into their heads that she’s worth masturbating to or some shit that really doesn’t matter, because she’s done it, it’s too late for her, she’s tainted and I guess I should be lovin’ it because I am lovin’ her right now, but kinda feel like I did when I found out my high school sweetheart wasn’t a virgin last year when I first got with her.

That said, I saw Slumdog Millionaire last night because I felt obligated to. I wasn’t surprised to see a girl he’s been chasing all his fucking life come out of the woodwork when he was slated to win 20,000,000 rupees. All bitches seem to be nothin’ but gold diggers. Good thing I don’t have to worry about any of that shit, you know….since I am poor. At least I know who my real friends are…I mean…if I had real friends…


To See the Rest of the Pictures and Read the Interview You Gotta Follow This Link….
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Posted in:Complex|Freida Pinto|Slumdog Millionaire|Slutty

2008

22

Oct

Marisa Miller Does Complex of the Day

1 Comment »

So it looks like Marisa Miller has finally achieved the level of fame that I have by being featured in Complex 10 months after me. I mean sure, I wasn’t their covergirl, and I think my write up was 100 words at the back of the issue at best, but it was still the highlight of my year, maybe even my life, because it is the only recognition I have ever received, pretty much ever and for someone like Marisa Miller, who’s been on the cover of all magazines all these years, it’s probably not a big deal, but to someone like you who has been jerking off to Marisa Miller all these years it probably is.

The truth is since being featured in Complex, the company has really done their part to make me feel like family. Just last week I reached out to Marc Ecko asking for some free clothes, since he owns the magazine and Ecko and he never responded, then there was the time a few months ago when I asked him if he could get me tickets to the Lil Wayne show for my stepdaughter and her hot teenage friends and he never got back to me, or the time I reached out to him asking for some money, or a job, or anything because I was struggling and never hearing back from him, then there was my birthday when I got no card or gift from him and his birthday when I got no invitation. I guess Complex really aren’t like family at all…..but they did give you something you wanted and that’s more Marisa Miller in a bikini, which does nothing for me, not because I am gay or due to my impotence, because not getting hard doesn’t mean not getting horny, but because I think she looks old, boring, and like a less attractive stripper than the strippers I am used to. I see the whole All American bullshit, and maybe that’s the real reason why I find nothing interesting about her and I am sure some of you probably disagree. So this one’s for Ellen Degeneres and all you’ve she’s done for the lesbian movement, life wasn’t better when women hated men secretly. Thanks for that.


TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS, AND READ WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY AS YOU JERK OF, FOLLOW THIS LINK
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Posted in:Complex|Marisa Miller

2008

09

Oct

The Paparazzi Dis Fabio of the Day

2 Comments »

The paparazzi dissed Fabio by saying something along the lines of “hey, you still have fans”, in some passive aggressive asshole attempt to call him done did.

I think the paparazzi are just bitter that they spend their days chasing the dude who made enough money to have a Ferrari for being the topless dude on drugstore romance novel covers and the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spokesperson, 10 years after the fact, and despite how fun that sounds, it’s a hell of a lot more useless of an existance than being the dude who cashed out for having long hair and a ripped body who gets to spend his days “having fun” and “going to the gym”. That’s like this alcoholic friend of mine who never wanted to get off his ass to do anything, but always wanted to make his life seem worth living by lining up menial tasks, he’d call me and ask if I wanted to run errands with him. One day, it would be to go to the post office to buy a stamp, another day was to buy a pen and he always managed to find one thing he felt needed to get done, only instead of driving a Ferrari, he took the bus, and instead of being Fabio, he was fat and girls wouldn’t masturbate for him, even if he paid them.

What it comes down to is that I am even more bitter than they are because I’m the asshole writing about Fabio and the Paparazzi and that’s pretty fucking weak, but not as weak as my heart that I think is about to explode from smoking this cigar on an empty stomach.

Posted in:Complex|Fabio

2008

17

Sep

Aubrey O’Day Does Complex Magazine Topless of the Day

7 Comments »

So yesterday I posted the exclusive news that Aubrey O’Day has breast implants, but that was before I saw these pictures of her where I would have realized that we didn’t need whoever the guy being interviewed’s opinion on whether her tits are real or not, because shit look like they were rippped off a fuckin’ sex doll and taped to her chest. The good news is that Complex may be publishing full nipple pictures of her based on one of the pictures and I always support mainstream music and lifestyle magaines making the move to postin’ tits, because tits are really what we all want to look at.

It looks like she grew up with no father, was molested by her stepfather and has been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship all her life and now deals with her shit by lookin like a pornstar and dabbling in lesbianism like she was Lohan all in hopes of getting some positive male attention, but she’s just a rich kid from Palm Springs being a whore that you’d find in the gutter, and that kinda disappoints me, but these pictures don’t.

To See The Rest of the Pictures and Article
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Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Complex

2008

09

Apr

Mila Kunis is a Jew I’d Like to Fuck of the Day

5 Comments »

The Jewish girls I come across look more like a muppet than anything I’d want to fuck. You know with their big noses and droopy eyes, something so wonky lookin’ that you’d expect it them to have a hand jacked up their asses making them whine about everything they can think of on their way to get get their nails and hair done in daddy’s Lexus SUV because daddy doesn’t buy German cars after what the German’s did to his people or some shit. I just always blamed the facial disorder on the incest the strength of the culture is based on. It was also the reason I had for their asthma, allergies, bad eyesight and money making ability. So when I see Mila Kunis knowing she’s Jew I get thrown off in a good way. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge their people because there’s always going to be an exception to the rule and maybe I should be more accepting as a person but the truth is I am pretty accepting and just cuz a bitch looks like a muppet never stopped me from letting them show off their blow job skills they learnt in camp on me. I actually encourage rich girls whose parents want them to marry into their religion to use me as a form of rebellion against the family but that’s just because when a bitch thinks she’s being naughty, it usually comes through in the way she fucks, so Muppet-faced or not, I am usually always down for a good time.

Unfortunately, Mila Kunis has some sick Home Alone 1 through 3 fantasy that’s lead her to end up with Macaulay Culkin. She’s been with him for 8 years or some shit and seems like she is under his child star spell, so that just leaves me with jerking off to her voice on Family Guy or reruns of That 70s Show, now all I need to make that happen is a TV. I guess it’s good to have dreams.

In case you didn’t know, Complex featured me in their magazine too. I guess that may make their editorial team questionable, but I think it makes them my friend so click the link and show them some love, because they showed me love and that’s gotta count for something.

To See The Article and Rest of the Pictures
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Posted in:Complex|Jew|Mila Kunis