Jordan Archives - Page 4 of 5 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Jordan Category

2008

Oct

Katie Price and Her Fake Tits Dressed Up Like a Slutty Clown to Promote Hair Products of the Day

Katie Price is a marketing genius. When she realized that she was famous for no fucking reason, other than having the biggest stupid fake tits around, she knew that either someone hotter with more plastic surgery would come along and steal her glory, or that if that didn’t happen, people would be bound to lose interest and find other whores with no shame to fixate on, so before her flame that is fame completely went out, she jumped into merchandising. She’s got a line of pretty much everything from lingerie to horse apparel, including some haircare bullshit.

I guess the real issue isn’t that someone with more money than they know what to do with can create a line of pretty much anything they want, but the fact that somewhere out there some slut is rockin’ this hair dryer in the dressing room of the strip club she works at, you know, the only kind of girl who can look at Katie Price as a symbol of inspiration, because the only other reason to buy this garbage is because it’s in the discount bin and you really need a hair dryer, which I doubt happens that often.

Either way, she was in some costume with her new scaled down tits that are still retardedly big and fake and I guess since I am a simple minded person, that’s enough reason to get a post here. Yes, it is that easy.

Posted in:Costume|Jordan|Katie Price|Tits

2008

Sep

Jordan Promotes Her Perfume Line the Only Way She Knows How….Half Naked… of the Day

4 Comments »

Katie “Jordan” Price is a whore who has managed to make a name for herself being a whore and I guess I shouldn’t hate on her for having the stupidest implants or a career based on being a whore, because I like whores and I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I don’t care that she has a huge product line named after her and I don’t care that she’s been successful doing what she does, I just care that she does it as slutty as possible and she seems to manage that pretty well. These are some pictures of her promoting some perfume and it reminds me of the time I wanted to start a porn magazine so I put an ad in the local paper and bought a couple sexy outfits, hired a photographer for the day and no one showed up, so I decided to bite the bullet and dress up and pose sexy, I figure why let a good thing go to waste. Boy, would I be happy if those pictures never hit the internet….

Posted in:Jordan|Perfume

2008

Sep

Jordan Sells Horse Products of the Day

8 Comments »

Jordan was out promoting her newest business venture with her newest set of small tits, because I guess she figures that her tits have got her about as far as they can and it’s time to get rid of the freakshow fantasy she’s been inspiring because shit causes back pains and just accept the fact that she’s done really well for someone with no skills other than having no shame and no fear of the scalpel.

Her new product is clothing for horses, because I guess she’s trying to class up her image or maybe it’s just a retaliation to not being allowed in any of the equestrian clubs because she didn’t meet the dress code and is starting up her own for the other trash with enough money from being whores and a dream of wanting to be a professional horseback rider and up until recently were forced to practice on men, many men on their rise to the top because she couldn’t afford a horse of her own or some shit. Maybe she just sees the opening in the market that sluts can’t slut up their horses like they were grown up Barbie Dolls and all the other horse products out there are traditional, boring and stuffy. She’s innovating, trendsetting and keeping it classy by taking a classy thing and bringing it down to the stripclub level and it’s all pretty entertaining because I heard she did it because horse dick is the only dick that touches the walls of her huge vagina when they fuck and it’s her way of guaranteeing cock as she ages and no one wants anything to do with her since horses are way less judgmental about fucking a herpes outbreak.

On a side note, it looks like her horse has colored contacts in and that freaks me the fuck out.

Posted in:Horse Cock|Jordan|Katie Price

2008

Aug

Jordan’s Down Blouse Tits of the Day

8 Comments »

I know that face all too well, it’s the sign that the roofies haven’t kicked in as strong as you wanted the to and you know you only have a few minutes to throw the slut over the club’s toilet and give it to her proper before she comes to her senses and starts to fight back, leaving you with a broken nose, a possible ciminal record, embarassment in front of all the clubgoers who witness the scene and judge you but even worse, a bad case of blue balls.

Either way, Jordan was out with her fake tits the other day and I figured it’s only right to post them since she’s put so much time, energy and money into them, it’s like they are her own kind of national momument only instead of being a country, she’s just a whore and her tits are really the only reason she’s famous and they aren’t even anything special they are just more like something you look at and wonder what went wrong in her life to make her put that much importance on something so stupid.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Tits

2008

Jul

Katie Price’s Titty Scar of the Day

4 Comments »

Here is Vagina About Town, Jordan/ Katie Price, showing off her titty scars. I’d rip into her for hiring a shitty plastic surgeon, but I heard when you mangle your tits beyond recognition by getting tons of operations to make them so unnaturally big, even a cartoonist at Disney can’t get ‘er done without leaving some eraser marks and you know what kind of perverts those Disney people are.

I guess all this is to say that I heard she was downsizing her tits, but shit still looks fucking big and disgusting, maybe I am just saying that because I hate fake tits, or maybe it’s because I am distracted by that aged monster of a face that keeps giving me sex eyes, like my friend’s horny mom used to do to me when I was 13 and I don’t quite no how to deal with it.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Tits

2008

May

Jordan Has Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

It turns out that despite having her nipple taken off and put back on so many fuckin’ times, Jordan still manages to have her nipples. I was expecting some Barbie Doll tits because I just assumed those were the battle wounds from doing that to your tits so many times. You’d think those things were like a set of tires on your car that the more you drive on them, the more rundown they get, until you have to tattoo a nipple on like a cancer patient, but lookin’ at these pics of Jordan with her normal sized tits from December, her scars are a lot better than the sluts I know with who have fake tits. I guess Jordan’s got a better surgeon than they do which makes sense because when your tits are your job, you are probably better off biting the bullet and investing a little more money into them tits because I hear it’s hard to get topless work when your shits look more like an autopsy. Here is Jordan in Cannes gettin some sun. And this is my worst post of all time. I blame drinking…

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Nipples

2008

Apr

Katie Price is Haggard Fake Titted Whore Who Dresses like She’s “THIS” Many of the Day

4 Comments »

I saw an old lady on a date with a young black dude. I guess they could really have a connection and met in a normal wholesome way, but I like to think she’s doing it to be adventurous and naughty as her sexual peak teeters off. She’s probably trying to fill a void but not the void of being lonely and feeling undesirable after being dumped by her successful husband for a younger hotter model, but the void that is her vagina after having 3 kids and 4 decades of use. It’s probably a big ol’ mess in her lacy underwear she bought after getting a brazilian in hopes of gettin’ new dick.

Speaking of old ladies, here’s a picture of Jordan lookin’ fucking old and haggard. I won’t let her club slut version of a 7 year old girl’s outfit throw me off but I will let her tits throw me…kick me…suffocate me and pretty much do anything they want to me, not because I like retarded fake tits but because they look like they have a life of their own and a whole lot of attitude, kinda like her little boyfriend in his Ed Hardy shirt….because when a dude wears Ed Hardy you know he means business and by business I mean gay sex.

Posted in:Fake Tits|Jordan|Katie Price

2008

Mar

Katie Price Jordan in a See Through Beater With Her New Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

Jordan has a new set of tits and these are them. They still look retardedly fake but they are just a lot smaller than her ridiculous sized tits but still ridiculous sized compared to the rest of the fucking world. She’s not wearing a bra because she’s put so much money into her tits that

In these pictures and I saw some nipple, not that it really impressed me because nipples don’t really impress me and it’s not like seeing nipple I want to see, it’s more like nipple I’ve already seen before more than enough times. What does impress me is what her nipples say about modern science because it is amazing that she’s still got nipples, You’d think those fuckers would have got pretty beat up along their journey living on Jordan’s tit. It’s probably a little more exciting than the life of other nipples who only have stories of being sucked or played with, while Jordan’s nipples are like the Christopher Columbus or First Man on the Moon of nipples, nipples that other nipples tell stories about at dinner and ask for autographs from when they meet them because they just don’t believe all the mystical stories until actually being areola to areola with them….

Either way, it’s good to know that money is being put into breast augmentation research when people are dying of serious terminal illness. It’s nice to see people have their priorities straight while driving their luxury cars and floating around in their infinity pools before spending the day at the spa and shopping for 800 dollar hand cream. Assholes.]

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price

2008

Mar

Jordan’s Plus Sized Tits Make Plus Sized Lingerie of the Day

2 Comments »

Jordan has a line of Lingerie called Katie Price and it seems fitting considering she made a career of posing in lingerie for freaks like you who like retarded sized tits, unfortunately, what is also fitting is the plus sized set bitch had made and it’s fitting a fat chick. At first I just thought it was the matching bra and panty set Jordan had lying around from before the downsize, because her tits were bigger than an obese chick’s tit and the only way she could get bras to fit was to buy the matching panties, but then I realized she’s trying to be politically correct and offer something for everyone…

I am not about to say that fat chicks shouldn’t wear lingerie because I know that some of you sick fucks like a woman with an appetite and the ability to suffocate you when you sleep, but as a man with a fat wife, I am saying that it would make life easier on me if that shit didn’t exist.

Not only does my wife love dressing sexy but she also loves me watching her while she’s dressed sexy and I don’t find it sexy, I find it disgusting. She believes that’s it’s ok for her to wear this kind of shit because companies make it in her size. So as long as Jordan is selling this shit, fat chicks who want to look sexy will just buy some lace instead of the traditional way of stopping eating and going to the fuckin’ gym. Maybe it’s her way of always lookin’ skinny, because as long as there are girls this huge, her body will always look tight by comparison.

Either way, here’s Jordan and her smaller tits posing her product line with a fat chick who makes her look better than she normally does.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Lingerie|Tits

2008

Feb

Super Jordan’s Got Nipples of the Day

1 Comment »

I was surprised to see these pictures of Jordan’s nipples because I assumed with all the surgery she’s had the fucker would have fallen off by now but I was wrong, it happens. I guess she just doesn’t have any sensation left in her tit, so when it busts out of stupid bustiers she doesn’t realize it.

Here she is signing some book she apparently wrote herself or something equally obnoxious like thinking any of us care about anything about her beyond her tits, but not as obnoxious as the fact that she has a stage name and a real name like every stripper who has broken my heart and pornstar I’ve had sex with without them knowing and not because my small penis doesn’t touch the walls of their big porn vaginas, but because they weren’t in the room with me. Or as obnoxious as her stripping outfit that she wore out in public or as if it shouldn’t have been left at home in the bedroom for her freaky husband. But not as obnoxious as her retarded baby Harvey when you steal his ball from him….and no I’m not talking about mommy’s breast implant she left lying around the house…oh wait…yes I am….that big little dude’s got some superhero strength when he doesn’t get his retarded way….

Either way, it’s Valentine’s Day and I wish you and the homemade fake vagina you call your lover a glorious day. I just hope that model glue, popsicle sticks and chewed up pink bubble gum last another couple of months for you, because I’d hate to see you alone.