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Archive for the Jordan Category

2009

24

Mar

Jordan Promoting Her Equestrian Line of Clothing of the Day

Jordan is pretty hysterical. It’s pretty hard to hate her for milkin’ those tits, more than her retard baby did. You know, she’s managed to do so much more shit with silicone than pretty much anyone out there, she’s launched product line after product line, has had sex tapes, makes massive amounts of money, and has the public watching her every move because I guess they find her important, but this tacky line of horse products has got to be one of the ultimate jokes she’s hustled.

I don’t know too much about horseback riding, but I know that not everyone who partakes in the sport is classy, or from old money and I guess there are sluts, prostitutes, trash and farmers that like to go nuts with horses, there are probably perverted parents who like to shock the other parents, by dressing their girls up like this for horseback riding activity day with the school, and even strippers who like to dress like slutty horseback riders for their stage shows or hot date on the merry-go-round cuz they are ironic, so somehow this makes sense, just not to me.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price

2009

11

Mar

Jordan Getting Her Uterus Grabbed of the Day

So Jordan was out in some tight pants with her husband the other day and motherfucker grabbed her ass, because that’s what you can do when you own a bitch, even if she is the breadwinner for the household and actually owns you, it’s an animal channel situation, look it up, but I noticed that homeboy is doing a lot more uterus grabbing than ass grabbing and there’s gotta be a reason for that….

Sure in Jordan’s case, you’d expect him to be forced to massage her lady parts every hour on the hour so that they don’t harden, you know, since she’s one HPV outbreak away from a a hystorectomy, but I have a feeling she’s knocked up with another ball of retard mush, oh wait that wasn’t politically correct, I meant to say, special needs mush it is the new millenium after all……

It would explain her towel bikini from the other day, and that is a drunkenstepfather.com made up exclusive.

Sure I need to pass the fuck out…but how can I when it comes to such amazing news, sure who really cares if she’s knocked up or not other than the couples involved and child protective services and maybe Toys R’ Us for the potential income, not to mention all the doctors and nurses they’ll need to hire to make sure it survives developing in a pit of dry semen and period blood, but it’s a celebration never the less, so let’s give the lucky couple a big HOORAH you know, for their whole bringing new life into this cold dead world, even if it ends up a flipper, and cheer these cunts on as they ride their rollerblades, it’s like this was a 1975 10th Birthday in a New Jersey roller-rink.

Posted in:Grab|Jordan|Uterus

2009

10

Mar

Jordan in Some Shorts Goes to the Tanning Salon of the Day

Jordan rocked a bunch of towels the other day at the beach. I thought that it had something to do with her body being sloppy, saggy and scarred up. Maybe it had to do with her being insecure about her tits since they aren’t as big as they once were, I mean who the fuck knows what the fuck goes through a woman like Jordan’s mind, other than the complex thought of how to use her tits to peddle more product and make more money because she wasn’t satsified getting 10 dollars a song like the other strippers out there and I think above all it reflects how fucked our society is and what we really put importance on.

That said, here she is at a tanning salon getting a tan, because I guess her shade of orange is fading and needs to be retouched and that’s probably the real reason for the Towel Bikini….

Posted in:Jordan|Shorts|Tan

2009

09

Mar

Jordan in Her Towel Bikini of the Day

So exhibitionist, successful slut, borderline prostitute, with the dumbest set of fake tits, and the ability to pretty much attach her name to any useless product, was out at the beach, but instead of being half naked and sucking on a set of testicles while getting her pussy licked, like you’d expect the whore to be, at least based on her shitty sex tape that hit years ago, she’s wearing a couple towels and covering up more than a Muslim chick or that pilgrim lookin’orthodox jew I saw outside with her 8 kids the other day and who I asked if she would come over to host my thanksgiving party where we pretend to rape and pilage natives, but she just ignored me, I guess her religion raped and pilaged her vagina enough to not have a sense of humor, but maybe it was just because she’s not allowed to communicate with non jews since we’re heathans, but more likely it’s just that it wasn’t funny and I should have gone with my horse and buggy joke instead.

Either way, I wish some bitches took Jordan’s lead and wrapped the fuck up when it came to bikini time, I’m talking to you fat chicks.

I guess Jodan not happy with how her body’s looking, and here she is doin some stretchin….before a work out to tighten shit up…

Posted in:Beach|Bikini|Jogging|Jordan|Stretching|Towel

2009

18

Feb

Jordan and her Tits Go Shopping with Their Fly Down of the Day

I am guessing that Jordan is shooting a reality show in LA and that’s really fucking life changing and inspiring.

It makes me really want to tap into my brain and find something that relates to girls I know with big fake tits who made it, not that there have ever been any, that shit’s just a myth, because the second a girl gets the shit, they get stupid. They expect their stripping wages to go up and for porn producers or Hollywood to come knocking at their door to sweep them away, because they think that all their problems will be solved with their 5000 dollar purchase, and hey why not, it worked for Pam Anderson, Jordan and 95% of pornstars, what they don’t realize is that they still have busted faces and they are still fucking idiots, and their eagerness to flash their tits at anyone willing to look, just makes them trust every sick fuck with fake business cards and a button-down shirt, leaving them raped and killed in a warehouse. Unfortunately, Jordan didn’t have the same fate and here are a bunch of pics of her.

Jordan Doesn’t Look Like Jordan Anymore….But She Does Wear See Through Shirts….

Bonus – Jordan and Her Hair Curlers For Those of you with a 1955 Beauty School Fetish

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|See Through|Slut

2009

06

Feb

Jordan in Some Slut Outfit of the Day

When I first came to this country, I was enrolled into some Elementary school where I lived, I didn’t really fit because I couldn’t speak the language, so I don’t remember much since it was traumatic, but I do remember Lisa.

Lisa was the mother of this skinny kid with long hair, who had all these cool toys, but who everyone avoided because he was pure white trash. He dressed like a trucker, used to spit and swear and fight and smoke cigarettes and he was only 10. He would always talk about fucking and pussy and other crazy shit and was constantly being suspended. Halfway into the year, his mom came into the school to a lunch monitor, I guess to make sure he wasn’t getting into trouble, but I couldn’t really understand why the fuck the school hired her to work there, since she always dressed like a whore.

Now, I’m pretty used to seeing girls dressed in stripper gear now, but I wasn’t when I was 10, so Lisa and her spandex dresses, g-string panties, huge tits busting of her low cut shirt, hard nipples, and platform whore shoes, was something I’d look forward to. While the other kids were out playing, I’d just sit there with my little 10 year old boner staring at this platinum blonde, hoping to get a glimpse up her skirt, thinking dirty things that I didn’t really understand, like playing with those hot fucking tits.

I tried to become friends with her kid, but he was a racist, I tried to ask him if he was still breast feeding, because I knew if she was my mom, I’d never let those things go, and he’d just punch me in the face. Other kids would make fun of his mom, as if it was a negative thing to be a whore at an Elementary school, but I knew despite her being a piece of fucking trash, she was my fuckin’ dreamgirl, like Jennifer Hudson.

I like to credit Lisa for turning me into the peepin/creepy/pervert I am today, because since that year in school, the only other place I never saw a woman like that in broad daylight. I always had to go to stripclubs to get my fix and waste my money, until the day I walked into a club in my hometown and sitting across the stage from me was Lisa, smoking a cigarette, a few years older, just as trashy, and just as desperate to put food on her table, I got a lap dance from her, never told her that she was the object of my desire all these years, and the shit stain she left on my new jeans was enough to make me move on, even though it was the only time in my life that one of my dreams came true.

I assume that this kid Harvey’s going to have a lot of friends, despite not being able to function in society, because he’s retarded, and it’s all because kids know a mom like Jordan, makes an invite to the retard’s birthday worth the energy they have to put into being the retard’s friend.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Slut

2009

05

Feb

Jordan Going for a Fake Jog of the Day

If you’re wondering how Jordan keeps her slim figure, it’s definitely not by working out and staying active, it is from starving herself, suckin’ dick, plastic surgery and probably a drug addiction,or maybe her pussy’s so busted up and diseased that it’s become some kind of parasite with a metabolism of it’s own that feeds off her fat reserve, but I don’t know if that’s possible, and if it is she’d be attaching her name to it, branding it and selling her pussy juice in decorative tubs to fat chicks, because Jordan like most whores, do it all for the money.

Just don’t let these pictures of her jogging fool you, it’s a staged scene from what I assume is a reality show that I hope no one watches because her face is so doctored she looks like a fucking cartoon and here are the pics.

Posted in:Jog|Jordan|Katie Price|Reality

2009

04

Feb

Jordan Hits Up Toys ‘R’ Us with Her Retarded Fake Tits of the Day

Here’s an obvious bad joke:

So Jordan went to Toys ‘R’ Us to buy her spoiled brat kids some toys while showing of a set of toys she bought for her spoiled brat self.

I figure that’s the angle every other site’s going to take because let’s face it when Jordan goes to Toys ‘R’ Us, there’s nothing much else you can say. I figure that the exposure she got them while exposing her stupid tits warrant a spokesperson deal, you know since this whore has managed to whore out ever other possible venue.

The truth is that if I knew mother’s with tits like that, dressed like that, shopped at Toys ‘R’ Us, I’d spend less time checkin out the little girls in their cute pink little dresses.

But every time I’ve been there, I’ve only seen fat, tired and disgusting mother’s trying to shut their annoying kids out, but truthfully, I usually get escorted out within 5 minutes of being there for simulating sex for a group of kids with random stuff animals, so I’m definitely not an expert on this shit.

Either way, here are her tits and haggard face shopping because you weren’t able to see it live while hiding in the life sized doll house you’ve always wanted but felt to awkward to buy yourself.

Here they are shopping for groceries and in love. It seems like Jordan’s got a wireless mic pack on her back pocket, or maybe it’s some hormone release therapy to keep her from growing her dick back or some shit. I guess this shopping bullshit may be staged for some money making scheme, because everyone knows that Jordan’s the kind of girl who would have someone do it for her, since she is incapable of the simplest tasks in life, like putting on her massive bra, making dinner, or wiping her own ass. But boy can she get titty fucked…..

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Tits|Toys

2008

17

Dec

Katie Price Launches More Products of the Day

Seeing Katie Price in a pair of pajamas I’d expect a young mother to wear on Christmas morning is a little out of context, like the hooker selling bibles before you pay her to fuck her, because flannel loose fitting pants are pretty much never hot, always wholesome and something you’d expect your wife of 10 years to sleep in because you don’t have sex anymore, and not really something a girl who’s career is based on her retarded fake tits and slut behavior to be promoting, unless of course they come with lowkey dildo attachments, in which case shit’s genius, like a sleeper sleepwear that is all sex on the inside and all business on the outside, so the perfect gift for any slut you know who plans on spending time staying at a family or friend’s house and doesn’t want the people who’s house she’s staying at to judge her for the sexual deviant that she is when she walks down for her Pop tart and orange juice in a pair of chaps, a strap on and a gag mask.

Sure this post is weak, but so is Katie Price and whoever is backing her brand and producing this shit….and the real issue in all this is who the fuck is buying this trash allowing her to keep on making new shit….I just don’t get it, but then again, I don’t get much.

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Sleepwear

2008

20

Nov

Jordan Katie Price In Her Lingerie of the Day

Jordan or Katie Price was out promoting her lingerie with her 3 year old son in tow, which is a bit of a relief for that little fucker, despite what everyone’s saying about shit being inappropriate for him, because the majority of the time he has spent with her, she’s either spread the fuck eagled and shoving random things in her cunt, or playing with her retardedly big reduced tits so the implant doesn’t harden, so if anything, she’s bought him a little more time before coming out of the closet in 13 years….despite prancing around for him in a thong….

I used to hang with this really poor dirty kid, like even poorer and dirtier than me because I was living with white perverted religious people, and I went over to play video games when I was 15 years old. He lived in a shitty one bedroom apartment, and he slept on the floor in the living room, and I walked into this garbage bag taped on the windows, shit pretty much everywhere, hell they called home, that in hindsight looks a lot like where I live now, but was something even shittier than I had experienced back in Mexico.

Anyway, it was around 4 in the afternoon, and this tight bodied, haggard slut walks out with a cigarette hanging from her mouth, a drink in one hand, in nothing but a pair of fucking panties, and no shirt and about a minute later, some trucker lookin motherfucker walks out, slaps her on the ass, thanks her, says what’s up to us and schedules a meeting for the same time a couple of days later, so here I am in a ghetto fucking brothel, with some haggard lookin’ whore and her son, staring at some tits, knowing she just got fucked for money and it was fucking hot and probably one of the biggest influences in my life…..

Either way, I guess it didn’t have the same affect on him, because a couple years ago, this is over 20 years after it happened, I ran into the guy, he remembered me, I asked him what was up and he told me he had AIDS and spent the last 20 years as a male stripper, male pornstar and a street hustler, I said something like “following in mommy’s footsteps aren’t ya” and he didn’t laugh and I didn’t shake his AIDS hand…..but yeah…slutty mom’s breed gays and that was the point of my story….

Here are the pics of her and not of her kid, because who really needs to see a 3 year old with highlights in his hair….

Posted in:Jordan|Katie Price|Lingerie