I didn’t have sex with enough hookers this weekend and I didn’t have nearly enough pregnancy scares with any hookers because I only cum in the ones I can tell don’t get their periods anymore thanks to drug addiction and old age. They are the bargain basement vagina anyone can afford….and that’s the life lesson from this past drunken weekend I hardly remember…but expect to relive tonight…

Here are some links…to start the week…..

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I spent my morning hangover staring at pregnant bitches in the park doing some kind of post pregnancy excercise. I think one of the bitches still had the placenta jacked up in her spandex pants, cuz something wasn’t right when I watched her do every single squat…..

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I have something seriously against morning…except if I’m still drinking from the night before…cuz usually by that point I’m numb and all the repressed memories are forgotten….

I think that’s why I always wake up at noon.

This hangover would be better if it had pussy lips in it….

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It turns out that I am a paranoid person. I always think I am being followed. Last night a car alarm went off out side my house and next thing you know all my lights were on, I was hiding in the closet with a fucking knife and I accidentally shit myself. I shoulda twitpic-ed that… but I was too humilated….I ended up all night pacing back and forth in a way that I think means I’ve done too many fucking drugs….

Here is my morning hangover dump.

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I haven’t had a wet dream since I was 12. I think it is because I don’t have dreams anymore. I’ve reached that stage in horrible drunken depression. Yay.

On a sidenote, I’ve been putting Rogaine on my dick and it hasn’t grown at all, but my bush is longer, fuller and far more luxurious….which actually makes my dick look smaller.

Here are the morning hangover dump….

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Who cares about my weekend? No seriously does anyone even know I exist? Just curious….not cuz I actually care….It’s just makes me wonder if I should bother writing captions on bullshit…or if I should use my brain power on better things like addiction….I got one email in the last 72 hours…I am pretty sure your grandmother gets more emails than that and she doesn’t run a top 2500 site in the USA….but at least that email was some 19 year old asking me what makes an ugly vagina, my answer – if it has a penis.

Here’s some morning hangover links to site with more staff, cuz today was one of those days I thought I might die if I get out of bed…and this weekend was one big blur of bikinis, cheap wine, hot weather, sun stroke and public masturbation that didn’t count cuz I didn’t get to completion….

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Last week I decided I am going to make myself famous. So I started my facebook page and figured I’d strategize some publicity stunts, maybe even a university tour, or a party…but I decided the whole thing was too exhausting, so I got drunk alone, cuz that’s when you know you really mean it…and the whole thing continues to be pretty pathetic and thus amazing.

Here’s some morning links. LOVE and CUDDLES.

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I never understand those nights where I drink but never get drunk, but wake and feel groggy as shit….I figured it’s got something to do with the diabetes, high blood pressure, dehydration and attempts to drown myself in my wife’s overweight vagina cuz suicide attempts are fun… Making today’s hangover not alcohol related….On a side note, don’t eat beets if you think you are dying cuz that shit will fuck with your head, literally.

Here’s some shit going on around the internet while I regain my composure.

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I spend too much time on this site and it gives me so little return….traffic never grows, people I meet have consistently never heard of it, it’s just a failure across the board, but I keep at it like some kind of sick person….so coming soon….I’ll limit my time spent on the site to 8 minutes…cuz that’s all it’s worth…but unfortunately, I know I am a sick depraved self mutilating man with an addictive personaly who can’t stop the feeling until I hit big or at least until Britney Spears starts using DrunkenStepfather t-shirts to wipe cum off her whore tits….or until I die…and It’s the internet website equivalent to banging your head against the fucking wall….pathetic.

HEre’s the morning dump…

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I didn’t die from my high blood pressure yet, so I’m forced to update this stupid site, not by a boss or any readers begging me to do it, but by myself, cuz as an addictive personality, I get addicted to stupid shit, and in my case that stupid shit is this site….

After spending the night drinking my sorrows of high blood pressure and bloody eyes, I met a fascinating pregnant homeless woman begging for change to buy a coffee at 4 in the morning, not cuz she wanted to get an early start on the day, but because she actually wanted to buy heroin….as I found out when I said no and she offered to suck my dick, so I asked how much for unprotected anal, you know cuz she was pregnant, and she said she was HIV posiitve and prefers sticking to sucking dick.

And they say there are no decent people/ prostitutes left in this world….if I was her I’d take the unprotected anal for 10 bucks and let the freak paying me deal with his shit when he goes home to his wife with AIDS, but I guess that’s a testament to the kind of person I am….a self absorbed asshole…

I didn’t give her money. No unprotected anal in a back alley, no 10 dollars. I only reward work ethic.

Here is the morning hangover to start you HIV positive avoiding day…..

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