It’s been a pretty intense weekend of drinking…that’s still not over cuz everyday is a weekend….but this one started by watching bikini clad fat chicks in bikinis swimming in a swamp, to running into a 75 year old who claims she fucked Elvis before he was famous, to the adult version of degrassi high, you may not get that reference, but there’s a fat chick, a black chick, a retarded kid in a wheel chair, you know one of those typically Canadian politically correct show that has a little of every culture to be relevant and non-discriminatory, making for a joke gang of rejects that would never happen in real life, or at least that I never thought existed until I saw the adult version in a park with a one-eyed dog….not that it matters….to working on my stand-up and most importantly to getting nudes from a seriously hot ass…and I’ll keep on going and going…until I die from my body giving out on me…which is going to happen…but before it does…here are the Morning Hangover links to get things started…

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I drank and I drank and I drank some more….from eating one too many tacos….to wishing my bald waiter who was a rude prick luck on his chemo therapy while slapping his ass and saying he was the hot damn waitress I’ve ever had, in efforts to emasculate him while making me out to be a bit of a poofter……to walking into a black club that smelled like so many perfumes I felt like I was in a department store….to making friends and alienating people, mainly retards with Downs Syndrome for being such sluts.. to waking up on my floor covered in a horrible smelling taco shit….to being here with you today….to give you the morning hangover links….hungover.

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I was celebrating Lohan’s criminal record release party last night…alone…in some dive bar…seeking tacos…that I never found…but forgot I wanted…thanks to hard drinking…which seems to be the cure for everything except maybe a hangover…cuz I feel like something’s going on…either diabetes or a brain tumor….or I’d get it checked out…but doctor’s are for pussies…especially pussies with rashes on them…

Here’s some links to send you to other sites and have you leave me and my amazing life changing posts alone….

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I was sent a flask filled with Vodka from as a Gift from Wolf & Harrison….cuz some people appreciate me….so I took it to the public biking system we have here after sniffing each public bike seat to find the one that smells most like pussy..drinking and staring at bitches while trying to ride the fucking thing until ultimately running into a bitch crossing the street and getting into a really irritating altercation with her drunken boyfriend who wanted me dead…cuz it is summer and the city is alive…the tits and asses are out and drinking and biking is the new drinking and driving…someone shoulda told Ryan Dunn he was being so last year….

Here’s some shit going on on other sites…cuz I’m waking up from my messy, yet pleasurable evening.

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I had one of the best nights of my life. From trying to rent a communal bike and finding out the girl who had it before me had a rank pussy that left traces of pussy smell on the rubber seat…..To going to a free concert and watching some of life’s biggest titties bounce….To watching a black girl booty shake….to being touched by a fucking taco…closing out the night drunk and buying crackheads with dogs and face tattoos popsicles like a fucking popsicle fairy but way more manly….

I’m alive people. I’m alive. This hangover burns when I pee.

Here’s some morning links…

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The morning hangover dump is usually easier to write about when I actually leave my house…you know cuz I get to see hot bitches doing random things while being hot…or other idiotic drunken adventures go down…but for some reason I put myself in lockdown and the only exciting thing that happened was a bitch put a pic of her tits in a bra on my Facebook page, and that reminded me, my life is pathetic, but I wouldn’t mind if this stirred up some competition and all the girls on my facebook started a best bra contest cuz it’d probably make things a little better…cuz tits are the cure of all things…except AIDS, Cancer, and really most other diseases….but they are still fun to look at….are you with me on this?

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The highlight of my week was talking to a girl on facebook a few minutes ago who claims her mom was a lesbian and she was an artificial inseminated baby. She’s 20 and I did used to sperm bank before the hepatitis, making me think, she may be my daughter. I’m so gonna try to fuck her to find out, but the only problem is that people raised by lesbians are by default lesbian and that fucks up my whole incest cuz “I didn’t know it was incest” I just hoped it was incest plan….and really even if it’s not a classic example of DNA-ttraction, she’ll have a bag full of daddy issues, I’ll be happy to wash off my genitals….and a bag full of proving she’s not a lesbian like her mom …..Exciting.

Maybe posts like these are why this site’s not popular….

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My stomach is fucking shot and I have a feeling it is from bad Mexican I got from non Mexicans cuz the Mexicans are oppressed and too busy working McDonalds to start their own taco stand…..But then again, it could be the bottle of wine, or the bottle of vodka, or the bottle of cough syrup I drank cuz I needed to get to sleep to wake up bright and early to embrace the day on 2 hours of medicated sleep….

Like Ryan Dunn. I’m death-wishing….that’s why the Jackass people should hire me as his replacement, shit I can fit two tonka trucks in my ass, hot wheels are for people who have never been to prison son.

Here’s some shit going on this morning around the internet….

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I don’t know if it is a summer issue…you know a whole weather getting hot and girls feeling slutty, by my inbox has beeing banging with pics from readers, even though I didn’t think I had readers, naked….In the last 3 days, I’ve had 15 emails with naked pics of people in them, now I either I really turn bitches on with my prose, like I was Shakepeare or some shit, or girls are just slutty and looking to get judged by some random internet asshole, but I’m not complaining, I’m also not posting the pics, cuz it’s taken me 6 years to get to this point, when this was my only goal of the site, and I suggest you start your own site and get your own submitted pics….I’m hoarding but remember…it’s not that hard to come across them as all girls are sluts…

And so am I, cuz here’s some shit going on on other sites…

Monster Truck Backflip. Whoa
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Meghan McCain and Her Big Republican Cleavage
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Some WWE Sluts to Start You Day Off Right
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Free Cam Shows, Because Nothing Else You Have to Do Is More Important Than Naked Chicks
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The Ten Freakiest Celebrities
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When I’m Sitting at Home Contemplating Suicide, I Watch Maru and All is Well
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Get a Load of Cyn Santana
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When You Need a Job Done Right, You Enlist a Professional
FOLLOW THIS LINK

How About a Bendy Cheerleader
FOLLOW THIS LINK

And That’s Why You Don’t Fuck With James Bond
FOLLOW THIS LINK

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There’s nothing worse than going outside and seeing 100 kids playing in some day camp in the park, when you know their parents are out working to pay for the shit, not because I’m a parent and the issue hits close to home, or because I think those kids should be out working, while the parent go out and play all day, but I do think there should be a lot more hot young moms in bikinis masturbating and tanning on the sidelines instead of just treating the shit as a dumping ground so they can have the day off….cuz it’d make my walk a lot more erotica…

I haven’t figured out where I’m going with this, or what this was all about, I thought I had an angle, but clearly I don’t…here are my hangover dump to divert focus from my boring

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