I am not the panty evaporator I once was…..I mean not that I ever really had game….but it used to be a hell of a lot better. Last night I was trying to sext a girl and she wrote “Not tonight I have a headache” and she was fucking serious…I thought that was part of the tease…you know playing on being an unhappy married couple…but she was fully serious…leaving me hanging….and realizing….I continue to suck at life but at least it is funny.

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After today’s hangover dump….you’re lucky I didn’t take a picture of it…it was a bloody mess….literally….

Hello Day…thanks for not killing me off and keeping me around another glorious day….

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I spent my weekend drinking a couple of bottles of Gin…finally realizing that there is an alcohol that can fuck me up hard enough for me to run the streets shirtless scraming “Va-Gin and Tonika”….leading to making many new friends, possibly some youtube videos uploaded by on-lookers…and most importantly….an invite to a private part on a rooftop next to a trendy hotel….where we continued to drink as we watched a fat dude fucking some chick from at least 3 hours…I assume thanks to viagra…then one room was filled with gay guys, one in chaps with a penis pump and the last one was a hot girl getting dressed very fucking slowly…making my voyeur night quite genius…before the cops shut us down cuz I guess the hotel got wind of our pointing, laughing and attempts at videotaping…Good times…

Here’s some good times on the internet while I try to bring myself back to life.

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I am planning my sell out. I want to go mainstream. I figure, like Blink 182, that playing shitty shows for 3 people can be fun and all, but selling out arenas buys private jets and really private jets are more fun than the shitty life I live…I mean it would allow me to jerk off in the air, instead of on the ground and that’s just something I’ve always dreamt of doing, ever since I did it on a commercial flight two decades ago…not that you care about me…here is some shit going on on the internet….

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Today’s gift from God was when I saw an old fat lady, who might have been drunk but was probably just crazy, scratching the shit out of her twat. I’m talking wrist deep, under her pants and so aggressive I could hear the nail on skin action, and it brought back memories of when I worked in construction and had to hand sand a floor….that sound…that image…shit rocked my brain….in a good way….

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I am drunk still. I feel like I’d be lying if I said this was my mourning hangover. Cuz I’ve been drinking all morning…I was walking the dog at 6 in the morning and I saw a hooker getting beat up, then getting taken away in an ambulance as the police followed behind them as some dude screamed at the cops taking her away…I guess he had a date planned with her….and I just got home now….

On the positive side of things, I found a pair of ladies heels on the side of the road if anyone wants to buy them, ideally someone with a foot fetish who likes weird found objects that smell of feet…

Either way, here’s some shit going on

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I was just sent a gift from god….I was walking down the street and I looked into a car….and a bitch was breast feeding her baby…tits out and amazing…then I hit the park…where three 18 year olds were bending over in spandex about to play tennis….and I realized it is gonna be a good day….before remembering I have to sit on the computer all day posting shit I don’t care about….yay…

Here’s some shit going on around the net….

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I’m not an asshole…but thanks to great personal hygiene I smell like one….

So much is going on, so little time…here are the mourning hangover links to other sites who don’t have 72 hour benders..Good times…unfortunately I don’t remember them…but the site made $2.73 this weekend…balling…don’t be jealous of my success….

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The highlight of my drinking last night was at 4 in the morning when my neighbor’s teenage daughter and her friends were sprawled out on the stoop half passed out cuz I guess they got high….or drunk…puking all over the place and each other only for one of them to end up stripping out of her clothes to piss….in the middle of the fucking street in some really horrible high school movie, this is what happens when you drink and do drugs so don’t do them, life lesson that I can tell is the gateway to them being prostitutes….

Here’s to mourning….

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So I’m talking to this girl at a local bar …and I ask her the obvious “What’s the biggest and weirdest thing you’ve ever inserted” and after her initial shock at how awesome I am at interviewing new girls I am, she’s like “nothing too weird or too big, I’m tight so just a dildo”…bored by her obvious response, cuz every chick tries to say she has a tight pussy, and that bores me, so I decided to sabotage the 5% chance I had to fuck her in a back alley, so I said “dildo’s can be weird, I use one on myself that is molded to look like a dead rotting rat, and I have another that looks like an aborted fetus”….needless to say, we had creative differences and went our seperate ways…

Here’s some shit going on on other sites…

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