Here’s Sofia Vergara’s ass in fitness gear, because I guess she’s getting ready to get married, or maybe she realizes she’s 100 fucking years old and that she needs to go to the gym to maintain that sex appeal that too her 20 years of hustle to finally land the right part, on the right show, to suddenly validate everything and everyone she did along the way to the top….

I am not overly excited by 45 year old strippers who never were, because they were smart enough to get to Miami, date rich, get into the right circles, make money…and it all paid off…

But I know that people are, especially 35 year old aspiring actors, not just hispanics trying to border jump, but every 35 year old who hasn’t made it says “Sofia Vergar only got Modern Family at 37, it could happen to me”…not that I like 35 year old aspiring actors, but I do like their desperation…

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There are paparazzi pics floating around of Sofia Vergara leaving the Botox clinic, which would be more shocking if she didn’t look like she got Botox, or more importantly, if everyone didn’t get Botox. I’m talking there are 25 year old girls getting Botox, so for a 45 year old starlet who only got famous at 40 getting Botox, it almost makes sense. It’s all part of the lie that is Hollywood….

To perpetuate that lie, here are some pics of her for Shape Magazine that apparently hits news stands November 17…because I’ve been to the future and now I’m back to deliver these to you…because it’s important to stare at Shape pictures that have historically been the worst or most obvious photoshoppers.

You know taking girls are rebuilding them into something that isn’t’ the middle aged, single mother, who fucked her way to a hit show thanks to the help of her drug running family from back home…because hollywood loves a few things…tits and coke..and she comes with both…while making you come…

Good girl.

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I saw this earlier and didn’t really care, before realizing that everyone fucking loves Sofia Vergara and I would not be doing my service to you assholes if I didn’t post it, even though we all know that showing her nipple is the least of things she’s done to be celebrating at these post-Emmy Party, while all the shameless shady things she’s done over the years to get from the ghetto to this level…make showing her nipple in a celebratory dance tame as fuck. I’m imagining cocaine bribes, blowjobs, gangbangs – maybe even her getting shit on…because hooking is how success happens for most immigrants I know…and it would only make sense if that applied to this lottery winner too….even if she wants you to think it’s all her hard work. Bullshit.

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Sofia Vergara posted this picture of her in bikini bottoms – wearing the most ridiculous heels possible because they lean her out – make her seem sexier than she is – when the reality is she’s pushing 45, is a mom of at least one, and despite maintaining a hot body until she fucked the right producer to land the right show to be at the top of the food chain…but this right here is smoke and mirrors…living the luxury life…but rocking’ angles, so many angles and filters…to make you think she’s still as hot as she once was…as hot as she needed to be to seduce all the people who hooked her up…and really I don’t care what she looks like under a spotlight – with flats and no filter or make-up – with her belly hanging over her bathing suit…I care about the content she’s producing of herself for the internet…because that’s what I get to look at…

Now I am not a fan, but I like that she gives so many 30 year old failures hope….that if they sleep with the right people they could be her too…cuz sometimes it takes being a failure at 30 to really realize what is important….

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Sofia Vergara posted some cleavage pics to the internet…cleavage pics that would be more exciting if she wasn’t 100 years old. I mean sure, ever since noticing my grandmother’s old ladies tits, I thought old lady tits were fascinating…so big and juicy….but not in an erotic way, more like scientific researcher researching the slow death of sex appeal…

I figure the only good Sofia Vergara has done in the world is proved that you can exploit your ethnicity, if your coke smuggling drug lord family are working with hollywood people…who love coke…you don’t need talent, just tits to get work…

From immigrant to famous at 40….lots of dicks were sucked in the making of this ,but who has the last laugh….

Life lesson, always suck the right dick girls.

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There was once a time when single, immigrant, South American Sofia Vergara, floated into Miami on a raft, where she was forced to either work at Kmart, or shop at Kmart with her stripper money, to clothe her bastard baby, who I assume is in his 20s now…and now she’s peddling her own line of clothes at the discount retailer.

That was, unless she was rich, or fucking rich dudes early on, hence why she’s now living the hollywood fuelled American dream…but I don’t like that storyline as much…

I prefer the rags to riches to drug cartel cocaine trade stories of owning hollywood because hollywood runs off cocaine…it makes her tits more desperate, or more icons of the desperate girl out there in her 30s, who uses her to remind them that it’s never too late to make it…

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The Sofia Vergara backstory confuses me. I assume being Colombian, there are a lot of drug cartels involved in her rise to fame. I feel like writing this may even get me shot, because most South Americans with an American dream, who come to Miami at 20 with a kid in tow, don’t end up being huge stars on huge TV shows 20 years later.

Not only is she a huge star, she’s also one of these girl who women love, and men love, marketing perfectly…where even doing a campaign for Kmart, a cash grab since you know she doesn’t shop at Kmart, doesn’t turn people off…but instead makes the middle americans shop at fucking Kmart….

I just know that producers were paid off, dicks were sucked, some Scarface shit went down…because so many other people wish they were her…I’m talking actual Americans, but I guess they just didn’t have the drive…or the titties…

Either way, here she is cashing out…

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