I just obtained Sophie Turner’s criminal record and mug shot and it made me laugh.

For those of you who don’t know who Sophie Turner is, She’s an Australian celebrity who dropped out of Law School, because she won some kind of Australian reality show about being a model, moved to LA to continue her quest of stardom, the USA didn’t give a fuck, despite her attempts to get noticed by the paparazzi but instead she just turned to twitter for attention… she got married for a Greencard, went back to law school and is now a lawyer…and is now getting arrested for 273.6 of the California Penal Law …despite her normally being more about the penal to further her acting career that never was…and lawyer career that must be comical every time her fake tits give you legal advice…

So someone sent me these documents from when she got arrested for domestic violence, beating her husband. It was back in March, but she’s so irrelevant that’s how long it takes for this shit to trickle in…in fact she’s probably the one who sent it to me, since I’ve been around since 2004 and I am probably the only person who knows she exists…

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Sophie Turner has taken an interesting and trashy approach to show her support for Boston, support she is only showing because it’s an opportunity to get people talking about her, you know because we all know girls who look like this are so fucked up, that they only care about themselves and the fact that they’ve failed at the whole getting famous shit and every day that goes by, makes the chances of that success few and far between. There’s not enough botox in the world to make her 30 year old face look like it was 20 again, if anything, it just makes her look like some coked out gutter pornstar trash who has taken too many loads to her face in hopes that this blowjob will lead to actual mainstream work.

I am almost offended that she’s jumping on any opportunity, but even more offended that she’s a fucking lawyer and that this is how she spends her downtime, producing low level, fully clothed porn, when clearly she should be taking double anal. What a waste of an attention whore, but she does have a great ass.

Keep up the philanthropic, show us you care, work, you amazing desperate girl.

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Sophie Turner is my kind of lawyer, you know, one with Daddy issues that are so bad she dropped out of law to be a model who went no where, forcing her to go back to law, but still leaving that taste in her mouth, that she needs to dye her hair and show off that booty, cuz an ass shelf like this can’t go to waste in a courtroom, just slowly getting more and more fat with every case she wins, cuz that is her job. That ass shelf must be put out there on the internet screaming “I may be 30, I may have dropped my modeling childish dreams to get a real high paying job, but my body still got it, at least for now, please hire me, I can’t live with the rejection of my modeling career, and I hate law, even shit pays me a million a year, I just want to be half naked in mindless work, cuz that gets me male attention I crave more than a good career”….kinda thing.

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Sophie Turner is a funny story to those of you who have never heard of her…and I am going to assume most of you haven’t…because that’s all part of what makes her story funny….

She’s some Australian who was in law school, but decided that she was too hot for law school, and decided to join a reality show finding what I can assume was the next Glamour Model….but that she likes to call “supermodel competition”….leading her to LA where she got little to no work, was nothing but a bikini body to the paparazzi, and that kept the struggle on until realizing she should go back to law school, cuz this fame shit doesn’t work for everyone…..but she still had the bug….burning in side her…the fire….leading to her self produced twitter pics…and now this shoot with some youtube channel…where she crawls around in her lingerie…for what I can assume she didn’t get pay for…unless you consider someone noticing you…getting paid…and I’m gonna assume she does…

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This reminds me of those college girls from when I used to go to college parties…who would get “so drunk”….that they’d have to make out with each other aggressively….all because they loved the guys cheering them on and celebrating the idea that girls kiss each other…in a time when lesbians and gays were not mainstream or everywhere or trendy…but instead some forbidden thing that happened at slumber parties that we weren’t invited to….and I guess it makes sense that Sophie Turner would be doing that hustle for social media…since she is her her 30s and totally out of touch….but I’ll still post it…

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Sophie Turner is an interesting case of low level model with a dream….a dream that didn’t include her Law Degree she was in school for….a law degree most low level models wish they were capable of getting….but were just too retarded to pull off…..

So as instead of working that gig….she decided to focus on getting half naked and showing off her fake tits and fat ass….unsure of where that could take her into her 30s….she decided to risk it….cuz sometimes the logical 1,000,000 dollars a year you’re already lined up to make as a lawyer….for the rest of your working life….is not as appealing as the 1,000,000 dollars you’ll make in your entire modeling career…if some hip hop act pick you up and get you pregnant…

She’s gone back to law because I guess, like us, she’s figured out that she’s never had a paying modeling job and it was a dumb strategy….but she still has the urge…the craving…the desire to be wanted…so she produces pics of herself in a bikini and that’s ok with me….cuz she’s got a body.

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With all the legal threats I get from the paparazzi agencies for linking to their pics that they have horrible management of….even though there are 1000 sites posting their pics they have horrible management of….cuz like the porn industry and music industry…they’ve had a hard time adapting to bloggers writing about things they find on the internet that they find funny, pathetic or hot titty in a bikini….not to mention adapting to social media where the celebs and models are posting pics of themselves in bikinis and looking hot….making the paparazzi virtually a useless, evil entity that Bieber has every right killing…

I should hire this Sophie Turner, straight from Australia, moved to LA to become a famous model, but instead ended up like Joanna Krupa, pre-Reality TV, you know low level and forced to go back and finish her Law Degree…but at least she’s got a camera phone and a twitter account….am I right? Cuz I like her in a bikini, but not enough to want her to be famous enough for the evil paparazzi to follow her around…it will feed her ego…while this sense of failure and giving up is a better look….inadequacy always leads to good things…

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I know Sophie Turner’s rocking body is one the industry she has been trying to be a part of doesn’t give a fuck about….

I know that she is forced to take pics of herself…for the internet and her creepy fans…cuz no one gives a fuck about her….at least not the right people her 35 year old ass is probably too old and too replaceable to bother with….

I know she’s a lawyer….with a law degree cuz she didn’t believe in herself as a model and figured it was the smart back-up plan…..

But I think what she needs to do…is focus her energy on that hook, you know the fact she’s a lawyer and looks like a hooker…cuz maybe people will stop complaining about the outrageously hourly rates lawyers are notorious for…and maybe…if all lawyers looked like this, dressed like this, the reputation of the lawyer would be closer to that of a hooker…cuz if they are fucking you up the ass…they might as while have fake tits, ass, hair and tans and be in bikinis about it….since paying for half naked girls never gets complaints…

It’s a new business model…merge one hourly rate profession everyone hates with another one everyone loves…

I am a genius…and so are Sophie Turner’s self shot pics.

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