I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the stepLINKS Category

2008

03

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

So someone I was expecting to meet up with for a drink tonight never called me. I don’t entirely blame them because I am the kind of person I would cross the street to avoid if I unfortunately knew me, but I figured I’d let them know how I felt in an email….This is what I wrote….

Subject: Get Well Soon….

I wanted to wish you a speedy recovery from the  horrible car accident you were in, because that’s pretty much the only excuse I’ll be willing to accept for you not calling me to go out for a drink when you said you were going to. In fact, I hope you died in the accident so that I don’t have to make plans around you, only to get ditched by you ever again. I will spit on your grave you piece of fucking shit.

What are you up to tomorrow night?

Love Jesus

I wasn’t actually mad, I’m just trying to leave my mark and I was just concerned about her well-being, but I have a feeling this bird won’t get the joke like you won’t get these links….

A Predictable Table Prank is Always Good for a Laugh
GO

Naked Rock and Roll Daughter Prove That Drugs Fuck Sperm Count Up
GO

Aria Giovanni Teaches You How to Make a Grilled Cheese With Her Tits
GO

Learn About Tina Fey’s Scar and How She Got It…
GO

I Don’t Know Who Anna Friel Is, But This Is Her Pussy
GO

Some Chick Pretending to Amanda Bynes in This Video I Don’t Understand
GO

This Slut Eva is Glorious
GO

Britney Spears Would Like to Apologize
GO

Scarlett Johansson Covering Up Her Tits
GO

Kirsten Dunst has a Stalker and He’s Obviously Crazy Because He’s Stalking Her….
GO

Everything That Has Ever Come From Japan is Amazing
GO

Vin Diesel’s Wife is Way Too Good For Him
GO

Shauna Sand Got Beat the Fuck Up
GO

Pussycat Dolls Rocking Some Lingerie Cuz That’s Pretty Much What They Do
GO

Some Chick Opening a Beer With Her Tits
GO

Used School Girl Panties are Popular in Japan…Big Surprise
GO

The 12 Worst Mall Santas….
GO

Some Pictures of Chicks Beating Up Guys
GO

The Pussy Cat Dolls Performing at the Viper Room and the Sluts Who Went Out to See Them…
GO

The Evel Knieval Estate Auction….If You Were a Fan…
GO

French People Have the Biggest Dicks in Europe
GO

Some Angelina Jolie Gallery for Old Time’s Sake…
GO

Man, Ivana Trump Doesn’t Waste Any Time
GO

Your Tax Dollars At Work
GO

Gemma Atkinson in a Swimsuit is Fine By Me
GO

The 7 Hottest Scarred Women
GO

Miranda Kerr May Not Be Engaged, But That Still Doesn’t Mean She Would Fuck You
GO

Do These Bitches From Victoria’s Secret Ever Sleep?
GO

Victoria Silvstedt No Panties Upkirt Throwback
Because She Almost Sued Me Onces
GO

A Christmas Light Show Like You’ve Never Seen
GO

Jana Jordan is Hot
GO

Pussycat Dolls in Their Live Performance
GO

Jungle Jane is Lovely
GO

Penelope Cruz, WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

Fuck You Beyonce, BritNey and Xtina, TINA TURNER is Where It’s At
GO

Let’s Play Marathon
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Holly Valance Does German FHM
GO

Sickos Make Girls Puke
GO

Heather and Lela Will Make You Day Better
GO

Stephan Colbert Has a Dream To Bring That Bitch Kanye Down….
GO

Ashlynn Brooke is the Treat of the Month
GO

Monique Luchese’s Name Doesn’t Matter. Her Body, However, Does
GO

Barry is Man of the Year
GO

Sean Penn Likes to Be Gay
GO

Natalie Marie is Your Playboy Babe
GO

Square Dance Fun
GO

The Inner Demon
GO

Is this Kid Scared or Excited?
GO

Some Help a Brother Out Links……

Naked Girls on Webcam are Better than Your Mom Checking In On You on Her New Macbook Ichat Program….
GO

This Spray Is Proven to Get You Pussy
GO

Some Chick Does The Cat Fish Dance While Fishing With Her Fat Tits
GO

Seduce Local Girls Who Want to Fuck..
GO

Find New Porn To Jerk Off To
GO

Hamster on a Piano
GO

Some Rope Swing Disaster
GO

A Couple Tacky Vegas Whores…
GO

BONUS – Sean Avery Calling Elisha Cuthbert Sloppy Seconds to dis her Hockey Boyfriend Dion Phaneuf and it is Funny… Even coming from a Hockey Player…..and I Hate Hockey…and People Who Play It….

To translate his Canadian Accent….

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

02

Dec

stepLINKS of the Day

Before I got married, I wanted to have more than one wife. So that when one was out, I’d have another one to fuck, but after getting married, I realized why prostitution exists, you don’t have to deal with any of the headaches of listening to them talk. I didn’t end up fucking a whore this weekend, but I should have. Instead, I tried to convince girls on the internet to send me nudes, hoping thanksgiving was making them feel lonely, I did watch porn, I didn’t go to any bars, but I did eat Caribbean food, because I figured black people are poor and that shit is affordable. I didn’t celebrate Anna Nicole’s birthday and I didn’t jerk off to Miley Cyrus on a Macy’s Thanksgiving float because she looks retarded. I didn’t watch the Britney Documentary, but I did hear her song on the radio and I have I barely dranks, but still manage to forget everything I came across. I did ask a random 17 year old if she has a nipple ring and I did try to grab at her to see if she was lying when she said no, I didn’t get arrested for it, but I probably should have. I am writing too much about nothing but I did go through my emails though and here are my all my links….click them.

Sluts Have Nothing Better to do and Neither Do You
GO

Britney Spears Father is the Scariest Man Alive
GO

Snowboarder Gets Caught in the Wind – VIDEO
GO

The Hottest Slutty Calendars of 2009
GO

Katy Perry is Not Funny. Or Hot. Or a Good Singer. Or Interesting.
Why is This Fucking Bitch Famous?
GO

Anna Freil Upskirt is Which She May or May Not Be Wearing Panties
GO

I’m Pretty Sure Lucy Pinder Spends More Time Naked Than Clothed
GO

Alessandra Ambrosia is in Lingerie, As Always
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

No One is Superior to Hercules
GO

A Tribute to Mrs. Clause
GO

Dry That Beaver!
GO

Courtney Love Defends Doing Drugs While She Was Pregnant
GO

If the US is in a Recession, Nobody Told John Travolta
GO

Do YOU Know Your Hip Hop Lingo?
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO GO

A Good Ol’ Red Neck Wedding
GO

Enough With You Sluts Having Babies
GO

Accidents Make Me Smile
GO

Youngin’ Gets His Pimp On
GO

Being a Soccer Fan Isn’t Easy
GO

Sandy Summers Plays Peek a Boo
GO

Girl Makes a Cucumber Salad, With a Special Dressing
GO

David Spade is the Father of the Year
GO

I Hate to Break It To You Rickie, But You’re Still Fucking Fat
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Imogen Thomas Has a Huge Fucking Rack
GO

Now Here’s an Anniversary Worth Celebrating
GO

Queef Competition
GO

Emo Girls Make Out
GO

Shauna Sand is Fucking Disgusting
GO

Girl on Girl Massage
GO

I Think You’ll Enjoy Sophie As Much As I Do
GO

Aubrey O’Day Helps Out Poor People
GO

Winona Ryder Has Sticky Fingers
GO

This Guy is Drunken Than I Am
GO

Cat Loves Yoga Instructor
GO

Blake Civil Fielder States the Obvious
GO

Girl on Girl
GO

Remove a Bra with One Hand
GO

Elephant Sex Rampage
GO

40 Greatest Lost Icons in History
GO

3 Crazy Isreali GIrls Drunk in a Club
GO

Some Chick Named Belinda Taking Off Her Tits on Webcam
GO

Some Ass Tattoos
GO

Some Girl Playing Dance Dance Revolution in a Bra
GO

Her Name is Danni Wells and This is Her Topless Calendar
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Chick, Her Big Tits, In Some Staged Pics
GO

Some Canadian with Big Tits
GO

BONUS VIDEO – I HAVE HUGE NIPPLES

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

29

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

So I got sidetracked today, but I did manage to get wasted off wine at some piano bar with a friend of mine. She is some kind of 30 year old chick who can’t find love and who has turned to the internet to find a boyfriend, which is the kind of desperation I appreciate. You know, no one wants to become an old maid, everyone wants that white picket fence because they’ve been told their whole life how good it will be. They don’t want to use internet dating, or deal with dudes who want to put their years of masturbation practice to actual use, but sometimes you’ve got no choice, like the piano man I was harassing to play the song “Piano Man” who I accidently told I loved and who I think thought he was going to get lucky tonight. Unfortunately, that’s not how I roll, even if he winks at me as he rocks out to Billy Joel for me….

Here are my links, I am pretty ready for this weekend to be over……

You Can’t Teach an Old Bitch New Tricks
GO

Vampires….Suck!
GO

Scarlett Johansson is Topless. Kind Of
GO

CNN Has Heroes, Most Notably the Two Inside Salma Hayeks Blue Dress
GO

In Case You Wanted to Throw Up Today, But Couldn’t
GO

Table Top Mega Man is Amazing
GO

Crazy Gideon is Just Plain Crazy
GO

Adventureland Trailer
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Kate Moss is Starting to Look Beat
GO

Who Would You Rather?
GO

How NOT to Shoot a Gun
GO

Here’s Some Blind Items Because It’s Really Fucking Slow
Thanks To All That Turkey Everyone is Shoving in Their Faces
GO

From Corporate Type, to Dance to…Porn?
GO

Finish Off the Holiday By Finishing Off Yourself
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

As If Willy Wonka Couldn’t Get An Weirder
GO

Dog Owns a Little Ice Skater
GO

In the Dog House
GO

Lexy Belle is Oh So Sexy
GO

Two Blondes, a Changing Room and a Strap On
GO

Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter Are Disgusting
GO

Cate Blanchette is Kind of Hot For an Old Chick
GO

Can Someone Just Fucking Off These Two Already?
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Taekwondo Knock Out
GO

Spank That Ass
GO

Spring Break Wet T Shirt Comp
GO

Remember Leelee Sobieski?
GO

Topless Girl Gets a Pie in the Face
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Hayden Party Airs is Digusting
GO

Barry Mannilow Will Punish You
GO

The Best Neon Sign EVer
GO

Now THAT’S Therapy
GO

Bailey Owens Was Delish
GO

School Girl Attack
GO

Open a Locked Door With a Credit Card
GO

Girl has 3 Boobs
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Girl Showing Off Her Tits
GO

Some Vegas Asian WIth Big Fake Tits in a Green Bikini
GO

CHICK FIGHT

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

28

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

Here’s a list of the top 6 things I am thankful for:

1 – AIDS – Because it filters out the weak
2 – The Economic Crisis – Because it brings people down to my level and it’s nice to feel like I can relate to people
3- Amateur Porn – Because without it I’d have no sex life
4 – Parades for saving my life by reminding me that I am not the most useless thing in the world….
5- The Hills- because it proves that you don’t need talent to make a lot of money, you just need to sell your identity to MTV which is better than selling your body to science testing meds, or having someone identity fraud your ass…
6-Puppies – Because they are cute….

Ok, that’s enough of that, thanksgiving is over and I could go on all night about shit I am thankful for, so instead, I’ll just post some links

Papa Joe is Gonna Lay the Smack Down on Someone
GO

Find Sluts Here
GO

Dita Von Teese is Naked in Some Immigrant Playboy
GO

Trash Can Suicide….Stunt….
GO

If You’re Not Thankful For Bikini Models Then I Don’t Know What You’re Thankful For
GO

Why Am I Not Surprised that Whoopi Goldberg Reads a Site Called HOLY TACO?
GO

Since I Know All You Guys Out There Are Always Looking to Get Laid, Yes Amy Winehouse is Finally Single
GO

10 Deadliest Girl Fights
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Boy George is a Walking Disease, Sf Course if You Have Any Brain in Your Head At All
You Didn’t Need Me to Tell You That
GO

Aubrey O’Days Nipples
GO

I’d Totally Fuck Meg Ryan
GO

Beer Bottle Explosion Prank
GO

GET YOUR OWN TURKEY!!
GO

Married with Children Throwback
GO

Kitty Wants to Pole Dance Too
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Brooke Bell Wants to Take it From the Back
GO

Electric Doorknob Will Keep Away Houseguests
GO

Anal Masterbation
GO

Jessica Vander Steen is Lovely
GO

Mischa Barton Doesn’t Look Completely Disgusting For Once
GO

Carson Daly is Going to Have a Meth Baby
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Now If That’s Not Getting Owned, I Don’t Know What Is
GO

Nothing Like Tits Flying Out on TV
GO

Heather and Lela Will Make Your Day Better
GO

Louise Griffiths Throwback
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

America’s Next Top Topless Models
GO

More Topless Bitches in NUTS
GO

Keri Hilson is HOT
GO

This Real Housewives of Atlanta Shit is Just Plain Fucked Up
GO

Kelly is Floating
GO

Wheel Chair Back Flip
GO

Bottle Break FAIL
GO

How To: Last Longer in Bed
GO

20 Pound Titties
GO

Some Slut Does a G-String Dance To Evavesence…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

26

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I know you are probably on the road, in a car, on a train, taking the bus, flying to visit your family on this glorious holiday, or you are sitting alone at home because your family didn’t invite you since they decided to go to the beach to avoid you and the disappointment you always bring with you. Maybe you’re the one who decided not to see your family because they always judge you and embarrass you knowing you came from them, but it is still Thanksgiving and you should be getting into your turkey costume for the traditional turkey stuffing to clear out your insides for the Turkey Feast tomorrow, but maybe that’s just how they do things in my home, I guess any excuse to stick dick in ass, is a good one…..

The point of all this is to say, be safe, eat well, don’t get too drunk and fuck your family members, don’t get too made and go on a murderous rampage because you feel alone in life, because you’ve always got me….not that that’s a good thing and I will only communicate with you via email, but it’s better than offing yourself.

I admit, I am partially jealous of you, since I like eating, it’s kind of a hobby of mine, but I don’t have to work on the site tomorrow, but probably will, because not everything is about USA, there are other people in the fucking world you know….and some of us had Thanksgiving months ago.

Now unbutton your pants, start your drinking and send me some pictures of the craziness that happened.

Remember no party is a success unless at least one of the people involved has to take the morning afterpill…

I am not sure if that applies to family functions….

But it does to me.

Ok, enough of this haiku bullshit, here are my links for now….

Thanksgiving Turkey Porn
GO

The Penis That Ruined Tara Reid, Ruins Another Girl….
GO

I Don’t Know Who Kitty Lea is But She Makes Me Want to Fuck the Shit Out of an Elf
GO

Why Hello There Shovel..I’m Nuts
GO

Britney Should Stay on Whatever Starvation Diet She is Doing Because It’s Working
GO

Sharon Stone Geriatric Upskirt
GO

Electric Door Knob Prank…
GO

Diddy Thinks He’s Obama Cuz Money Makes a Motherfucker Crazy
GO

The Hottest Native Americans in History
Happy Thanksgiving, You Fucks
GO

Maria Sharapova Is Good For More Than Just Tennis
GO

Throwback Hair Dryer Prank
GO

Find a Girl to Fuck Because, Well, DO You Really Need a Reason?
GO

Danica McKellar is Just Too Much
GO

More of the Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show
GO

More Drama With Paris
GO

And That’s Why You Don’t Play Darts When You’re Drunk
GO

Rope Swing Fail
GO

A Couple of Ad Agency Employees Banging in the Office at 5 pm, Because They are Hypocrites and Think What I do is Porn…Well Maybe They Should Be Watching More Porn, Because Their Cubicle Sex fucking Sucks…
GO

Some Archie Bunker Homophobia That Would NEVER Air on TV Today Because We’ve Got Soft….Motherfuckers…
GO

Top 10 Dysfunctional Families
GO

Some Cheesy Sluts Posing WIth Motorbikes Gallery
GO

Chelsea Handler Posed Naked for Playboy
GO

OK Magazine Has a Funny Typo…
GO

13 Things to Look Out For in Steven Segal’s Reality Show
GO

Old Video of Some Reporter Turns Hood
GO

Sign-UP to this Porn Site and Make Me Rich…
GO

13 Female Celebrities Crawling Around on All Fours…
GO

Tiffany Mulheron Gallery
GO

THE ARRESSTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE IS HAPPENING
GO

Georgia Jones Loves the Great Outdoors
GO

The War on Drugs
GO

Sophia is Sultry
GO

Economic Crisis is Killing These Celebs….
GO

Miranda Kerr Looks Good on the Cover of Page Six
GO

Angelina May Be Knocked Up Again
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Naughty Dog Versus Shaking Ass
GO

Chick Gets Nipple Pierced
GO

A World Without Crazy Ladies on Crack is Not a World I Care to Live In
GO

Build a Raft Naked! Why Not?
GO

You This to Get Sex Because You are a Loser That Never Gets Laid And Its Starting to Be Pathetic
GO

Sorry, But I Love Snoop Dogg
GO

The Stomping of the Grapes, But without I Love Lucy
And in Cartoon Form
GO

Infinity + Infinity + Infinity
GO

A Whore Named Aubrey O’Day is GOing to Be Doing Playboy…..
GO

Even Madonna’s Own Daughter Hates Her
GO

Train Your Cat to Poop in the Toilet
GO

How To: Lose a Stripping Contest
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS…

Hot Young Ass Posin in Underwear…
GO

I don’t know if this is legal photobucket….you guys should go to jail….
GO

Vegas’ Version of a Scene Chick in Her Underwear
GO

Thanksgiving is Depressing, you know seeing how annoying your family is, or how happy your brother is, so steal his credit card and make yourself fuckin’ happy for once in your shitty fucking life….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

25

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I almost sold an ad deal to a sex toy company…but then it all fell apart…because nothing works out for me and I can never catch a fucking break. Here’s my last correspondence with the girl I was dealing with:

Hi Jesus,
 
I understand there has been some confusion around the issue of us advertising with you. Shortly after we last corresponded, I put in my notice. My last day is tomorrow (Wednesday). I have discussed advertising, and this is not something we would like to run with at this time. I would also like to add that a contract was never signed. We were merely in the negotiating stages. I apologize for the inconvenience.

I wrote back:

Yo,

A contract was not signed, but the last email you wrote me was:


Hi Jesus,
                         
That sounds perfect. What do we need to do to get started?
                         
Thanks,
                         

To me means we pretty much had an agreement. I am not very impressed with how you’ve handled, but good luck in your future project and I hope you have a nice collection of sex toys to bring home with you from this job, so that you can go fuck yourself.

Merry Thanksgiving, I know I won’t be giving thanks to you this week, and that’s got nothing to do with me being located in Canada, and everything to do with you stringing me along with your lies.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Ok, so I am not very good at ad sales or being diplomatic and not burning bridges, there’s a reason I am broke, but I am good at bringing you the biggest link list on the internet daily. Who needs money anyway, that shit always fucks people up and will just make me drink myself to death. I’m happy not making money.

I really should have broken these links into 2 posts, oh well, I suck at life, whatcha gonna do….I suggest drinking….

Nothing Like a Day at the Beach
GO

Jordan is Into Tanning Her Husband’s Brown Dick
GO

My Long Distance Relationship
GO

Imogen Bailey is on the Cover of Maxim. I Know, I Have No Idea Who She Is Either, But Whatever
GO

Jessica Simpson is a Retard…
GO

Goldie Hawn Pokie Throwbacks
GO

The Ten Deadliest Girl Fights
GO

Kim Kardashian’s Ass Crack
GO

Maria Sharapova is in the Wrong Business
GO

Who’s The Biggest Loser?
GO

Odette Yustman Can Scrub Me Down
GO

Scissor Sex Workout!!!
GO

If Jennifer Aniston Turned Down Getting Married, Then Paris Hilton Doesn’t Have Herpes
And I Am Looking Forward to Sex with My Wife with My Non Impotent and Very Large, Erect Penis
GO

Find Girls to Fuck
GO

Watch This Kid Dunk Himself
GO

Now That’s a Beat Down
GO

You’ll Never Guess Where Amy Winehouse Was The Other Night!
GO

They’re Still Making That?
GO

Nikki Cox Gallery
GO

Aneta Smrhova is Sexy on the Phone
GO

Galia is Gorgeous
GO

Wowm Tara Reid is Actually Not Making Want to Vomit in these Old Bikini Pics….
GO

A-Rod is a Real Stand Up Guy
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Petra Nemcova is Tasty
GO

Teacher Strips For Students
GO

Motor Cycle Mayhem
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

Laura Dundovic is Miss Australia
GO

Jelena Jensen
GO

Mini Skirt Gallery
GO

Ali Landry is Prety in Pink
GO

Let’s LAugh at Gays. Sorry
GO

Kelly is Floating Around
GO

Olga Kurylenko is the Bond Girl I Love Most
GO

Remember Jordana Brewster?
GO

Top 10 Signs You’ve Drank Too Much
GO

Are these tits real or fake?
GO

12 Sex Lessons from Late Night Movies
GO

Some Hot Japanese Porn Clip….
GO

HUGE Tits in a Hooter Shirt VIdeo
GO

A Couple of Asians Singing Love Songs to Me….
GO

Denise Milani’s Big Tits Being Washed Off…
GO

This is what 20,000,000 Dollars and 4 Camels of Fireworks Look Like
GO

Some Girls on E Making Out Video
GO

How to Nail a Hippie Chick….
GO

Fat Ass Fetishist Gets Stuck In His Weird Sex Balloon
GO

Bruce Lee Playing Ping Pong with Nunchucks…
GO

A Gallery of Girls With Wedgies…
GO

Some Dude Jumps a Cannon with a Rocketpack Craziness
GO

SPECIAL FEATURE – PORN SITE REVIEWS…

Mom’s On TV
GO

Cum Swap Guys
GO

Planet Interracial
GO

Tranny Cum
GO

BI Sex HD
GO

Teen Stop
GO

Women Who Punish
GO

Gay Asian Anime
GO

DIY Redneck Rollercoaster
GO

Public Pissing Gone Wrong
GO

SPECIAL FEATURE – BANANA Videos….

These Bitches Need Practice
GO

School Girl Edition
GO

Fat Titties Like Bananas
GO

Banana Gag Video The Kids of Columbine Edition…Sure You’re Not Gay Funny Hair….
GO

How to Eat a Banana from Australia Weirdness….
GO

The Intense Goth Chick in a Collar…
GO

Really Big Cleave and a Banana
GO

Really Fake Fucking Tits…and hair…and lips…shit…she could be a dude….
GO

Tired of gloryholing dudes for money? Earn $200/day here instead
GO

Find Sluts Who Will Do Anything For You
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

25

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

Still no hate mail but I came up with a new really insane sign off to my emails….it goes like this:

Jeuss….Like Zuess But Mo’ Wetter…and I aint talkin bout the Weather….I mean Jesus Martinez. Thanks. Good Times.

And it makes no fucking sense. I figure it comes in handy when dealing with people who are trying to sue me, so that they realize they are dealing with the village idiot and they go leave me alone….

Some guy asked me what I did over the weekend

My plan was to win the lottery. I didn’t. Which is too bad because I was really banking on it.

My other plan was to get a threesome with with teenage girls. Which I almost did, if you consider watching a porn clip with two 40 year olds dressed like school girls making out a threesome with teenage girls. But I dont.

Life’s pretty good, I am drunk and I feel like I am at a Sweet 16 party, but I’m the only guest…

Yeah, this was a waste of your time to read, but I hope the links aren’t. American Thanksgiving is retarded. You guys take a fucking month off for this shit, I just don’t get it. But since I’m in Canada, I’ll be updating the entire week, so you all come back, ya hear….

I Just Told a Lesbian Teen Asian Girl On Webcam To Show Me Her Tits…Then Asked Her If She came With a Fortune Cookie…..
GO

I Hope Nicole Richie and Mischa Barton Set Up a Cage Fighting Match
GO

Human Catapult FAIL
GO

Paris Hilton is Way More Fun Now That She’s Not Dating Whats Hi Face Anymore
GO

Heidi Klum is Smokin’
GO

Throwback Lilly Allen Tit Flash
GO

Dropping Spiders On People is More Fun That You May Think
GO

How About So me Turkey Porn for Thanks Giving?
GO

Lindsay Lohan Was Most Probably Strip Searched When She Went to Dubai
GO

The Seven Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner
GO

Is Rhianna a Hoe or a Housewife?
GO

Katy Perry Looks Disgusting in FHM
GO

Billy Ray Cyrus Is Pretty Cool Shit…Too Bad He Made That Cunt….
GO

More of Paris Whoring It Up Around Town
GO

Lily Allen Needs to Lose Some Fucking Weight
GO

Guitar Master!!!
GO

Japan Markets the Manzier!!
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

China Hates The Guns and Roses, and Its not just Cause of Axel Rose’s Braided Extensions
GO

Shelby Chan Photoshoot
GO

Sandra Shine is a Red Head Beauty
GO

Julia is on the Rocks
GO

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Got Married…Now Let’s Hope They Die.
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Somebody Capped a Mother Fucker at the Scientology Centre in Hollywood
GO

Nunchuck Ping Pong
GO

Ise Skate Fail
GO

Who Says Indians Don’t Work Hard?
GO

Cooking Show Tit Flop!!!
GO

Lela Star is Totally Down With Letting You Think About Raping Her…
GO

Zahyra is Nude
GO

PORN REVIEWS…..
GO

Gemma Massey is a Slut You Will Think About Fucking….
GO

Amy Winehouse is Getting Divorced
GO

Beyonce and Rhianna, WTF Are You Wearing?
GO

Stand By Me
GO

Caterpiller Stunts
GO

MTV Whores Will Bring the Network to a New Low
GO

Tera Patrick is Incognito
GO

Stop Motion Pancakes
GO

Lesbian Crazies
GO

Some Everyday Ass on the Street
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart…But You’re Kinda Scaring Me a Little….
GO

Some McDonald’s Employees are Porn Peddlers.
GO

Some Kid’s Being Treated Because His Pet Fish “Accidentally” Swam Up his Penis….
GO

13 Cheerleader Bikini Videos
GO

Spanish Sperm is the Worst Sperm
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Chick With short Hair, Weapons who Is Way too Intense for Me, Even in her Panties…
GO

Some Young Girl Sluttin’ Out With Her Tits
GO

More of Her…
GO

And More of Her
GO

And More of Her….
GO

And More of Her….
GO

MIAMI TITS ARE INSANE
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

BONUS VIDEO – Toddler Fights ARE More Fun Than Dog Fights

BONUS VIDEO – Some Girl Getting Her Nipple Pierced.

This Girl Named Meghan Promised Me Nude Pics if She Wins This Contest So Scroll Down and Click “VOTE FOR MEGHAN’ and I’ll Post the Nudes She Sends When She Wins…Even Though She’ll Probably Ignore Me When She Wins Because All Women Are the Same and Walk When They Get What they Want Out of You…Yes, I am a Bitch….
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

22

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I don’t get hate mail anymore. That means I am not doing my job properl, not that this is my job, but you know what I mean. People are over it and not bothering with me and I used to get at least 5 a day, and now nothing. I miss it. I’m like the annoying kid in the corner who is finally being ignored and I blame the economy.

Here are my links…

Because I Know There is No Chance You’re Going Out On a Real Date Tonight
GO

Okay This Lohan/Ronson Thing is Getting Out Of Hand
GO

Here’s a Trailer For Some Show That is Going to Be a Piece Of Shit
Which Proves Even More So Why I Hate Television
GO

Aria Giovanni Cooks a Boiled Egg Video Weirdness….
GO

Granny Meox Mix Grosses Me the Fuck Out
GO

Meadow Soprano is Letting that Fat Dude From Entourage Stick His Peen in Her
GO

Fox News Upskirt Throwback
GO

The History of Kim Kardashian Ass Shots
GO

Christina Aguilera Take Her Tranny Ass Down the Block
GO

Tricia Helfer is Fucking Ugly
GO

Elisabetta Gregoraci Will Make Your Boner Tingle
GO

Will It Blend? ihone 3G Edition
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

I Really Fucking Hate Katy Perry
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Surprise!! Angelina Jolie Manipulates the Media to Her Advantage
GO

How About a Tara Reid Drinking Game
GO

Women Gets Hit By Motorcycle
GO

Fuck You Oprah
GO

The Wrestler is Probably Gona Suck, But Maybe Marisa Tomei Will Get Naked
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Sarah Palin Celebrates Thanksgiving
…By Having a Turkey Slaughtered In The Background Of Her Interview
GO

Britney Spears is Impersonating Her Dad
GO

Memphis Monroe is Delicious
GO

Hottie and a Dildo
GO

Guy Eats 200 Worms
GO

Larry King is a Genius, And By a Genius, I Mean He Must Have a Fucking Brick For a Brain
GO

Would Taylor Swift Shut Up Already About The God Damn Jonas Brother She Dated
GO

Rosie O’Donnel is Disgusting of the Day
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

If the World is in Economic Crisis, Nobody Told Dubai
GO

How To Run The Country By George Bush
GO

Tricked by the Janitor!
GO

Celebrity Side Boob Gallery
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Jennifer Hawkins Looks Like a Real Doll
GO

Comedy Shows in Russia Are Awesome
GO

Kanye West Needs to Be Punched In the Face
GO

Shut the Fuck Up Britney Spears, You Had a Free Ride and You Fucking Blew It
GO

Because I Believe You Need to Be Honest About Things
GO

A Little Kimmy Gibbler Update
GO

Yes, I Admit It. I Like Claymation
GO

Emily Elizabeth Rides a Peterbilt
GO

Aishwarya Rai is One Bollywood Star I Want a Piece Of
GO

And That’s Why You Don’t Go Into the Tiger Pen
GO

Q & A with Monster Khloe Kardashian
GO

Dos and Donts of Selling things on QVC
GO

Best Strapless Bra Instructional Video
GO

Nerdcore 2009 Calendar Release Party
GO

2009 Pirelli Calendar Pictures…
GO

Danielle Lloyd’s 2009 Calendar Pictures…
GO

Celebrity Guess Who….
GO

Elvis in a Post-Humanous Video with Martina McBride Singing Blue Christmas…Something You’re Probably Used To….
GO

Understand Texas Slang
GO

Dildo Record Breaker
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Girl and her Vagina
GO

Some Tits in Yellow
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

21

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email today…

I need some hardcore sex advice please, and have no one else to turn to about things this slutty and lets be honest here, it is pretty much right up your alley…
 
How do I talk a guy into cumming inside me?
 
About a month or so ago me and my boyfriend decided to fuck bareback for the first time. His first time ever inside a girl without a condom on. I could spend forever going on about how much better it feels to actually have a mans dick inside you without anything covering it, but thats not the issue at hand. Thing is, he is smartly paranoid about accidentally getting me pregnant, so after a few almost accidental finishes inside me he pulled out and came all over my stomach and chest. Im not complaining, I happen to love cum pretty much anywhere it lands… but…
 
Im a dirty little girl and want to feel him shoot inside me. He cums hard so I know feeling him explode in my tight little pussy will be amazing. Its so much fun to feel it get harder and throb and then shoot off a nice warm load inside, not to mention the fun of laying around in bed talking afterwards with his cum slowly dripping from my body…
 
Im a smart girl too and know my body’s schedule and can be certain within like 98 % that I would not have any pregnancy issues to worry about, if I choose the day this happens.
 
But what Im asking from you is should I ask for it? Should I tell him how dirty I am and that I want nothing more than to know what a cream pie from him would feel like? Or since he is kind of perverted too do I just wait for his dick to take control of his mind and let him be the one to suggest we try it? You are a guy- even if your cock doesn’t work- which would you prefer?

I wrote this back to her:

Either dude’s gay, you have a rank pussy, or you’re too needy and emotional that he’s scared if there is a slip up, you won’t abort the fucking mission. If he’s gay, slick your hair back, get a strap on and shove it down his throat, if you’re pussy is rank, wash it, hose it down, or strap a fleshlight between your legs and pretend it is you or just give him a blowjob, and if you’re too needy and emotional, show up equipped with a coat hanger to let him know you’re not fucking around….or documentation that you’ve had previous abortions and having his baby is the last thing you want, but his sperm inside you is the first thing you want. I don’t know, every guy I know would love their girlfriend to have this problem..internal cumshots is what sex is supposed to be if you are part of some religious movement who only has sex for procreation or if you’re a dog mating…

Either way, I am probably better suited to give you masturbating advice, since I don’t have sex.

Love

Jesus

Here are my links:

Pussy is Easy When the Slut Wants Money
GO

I Want Rhianna To Wrap Those Legs Around Me
GO

Monkey on a Bike Makes the Pathetic Day I Had a Little Brighter
GO

Kelly Brooke Does Bikini Right
GO

Why Anyone Would Stalk Jennifer Garner is Beyond Me
GO

Some Shitty Paris Hilton Upskirt
GO

The Hottest Hip Hop Gossip Sluts
GO

Doutzen Kroes is All Over the Fucking Place
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

STREAKER!!!!!
GO

My Step Daughters Annoy The Shit Out of Me, But I’m Glad They Didn’t Turn Out Like These Little Bitches
GO

Jennifer Aniston Still Sits Around Watching Old Episodes of Friends.
Fuck That is Depressing
GO

Lohan Continues to Waste Away
GO

Operation and the Temple of Doom
GO

Dolphin Porn
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

How Much Bad Internet do YOU Watch?
GO

Kelly is My Kind Women
GO

Amy Winehouse is Dead in a Pool Of Blood
GO

As I Was Going to St.Ides…
GO

Next Time, Use a condom
GO

The World’s Most Wanted Weiner
GO

I Wanna Motor Boat Shoshanna Lonstein
GO

Sophia’s Legs Go On For Days….
GO

Who Knew Hyphenated Last Names Could Bring So Much Joy?
GO

Winona Ryder Od’ed on an Airplane
GO

Kurkova Has No Belly Button….But She Probably Has a Pussy
GO

This is So Much Hotter Than Beyonce or the Gay Guy Doing Her Dance in a Leotard…
GO

ANTOURAGE!
GO

Bitch Breaks a Boat Bench
GO

Molested in the Stadium
GO

Tired of gloryholing dudes for money? Earn $200/day here instead
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Lichelle Marie is Delightful
GO

Blake Living Doing Some Thing or Another
GO

Apparently The World’s Fattest Man Got Laid, Which Means Anything is Possible!!
GO

Kimmy HAs Fun With Lotion
GO

The Opposite Sex is The Only Sex I Want
But Being a Homo is Okay Too
GO

Claudia Verela Wants to Play Football
GO

Everyone Hates George Bush
GO

Some Classic Jenna Jameson
GO

Gay and In BOth Shitty and Homosexual
GO

Let’s Laugh at Dimitri the Lover Again, Just Because
GO

Hayden Panettiere Topless
GO

Stupid Cliches You Should Use More Often
GO

A COuple Almost Gets Busted Fucking in a Park By a Jogger…
GO

A Little Zebra Bra Strap Showin…..
GO

Top 10 girls in John Hughes Movies…
GO

Denver Nuggets Cheerleader’s Big Tits Silences the Announcer…
GO

Israeli Big Boob Dance video
GO

This is Probably One of the Weirdest Pictues I’ve Seen…..
GO

Sarah Palin Hanging WIth Some Turkey’s That Are Getting Slaughtered…AMAZING….
GO

The Best of Hand Bras…Gallery
GO

Some Pictures of the Ugliest Bride Ever…Poor Fucker…
GO

Pam Anderson Naked for Hef
GO

The Kind of Passed Out You Don’t Want to Be
GO

The United Nations of Hot Cheerleaders
GO

Hypnotizing Hips
GO

Death By Vaginal Cockaroach
GO

Some Scary Winehouse Art…
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS:

Some Girl Masturbating and Making Out With McDonald’s
GO

Some Penetration
GO

Some Chubby Legs in a Tube Dress
GO

BONUS That is Definitely Not a Bonus…..Rosie O’Donnell Beefing With Barbara Walters…..This Would Make The Worst Sex Tape In History, One I’d Still Try to Jerk Off to, Just to Prove How Fucking Good I am at Jerking Off…Like this would be the Ultimate Challenge for Masturbators Everywhere, The Everest of celebrity sex tape sex with yourself…..If you know what I mean…..I like challenges like Rosie O’Donnell Likes Beef….Wow..That was a Shitty Bonus…I should try to find another one…But I am too Lazy….

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

19

Nov

stepLINKS of the Day

I got this email….

Hello,

QVC is searching for Men and Women with a background in hosting television, internet broadcasts, radio or live events. You MUST have host credits to be considered.

Host must be energetic, upbeat, intelligent and enthusiastic with a natural curiosity. You must have a passion and drive for sales as well as be a quick thinker and good listener. Hosts should be friendly, credible, entertaining sincere and sophisticated with a sense of style and fashion

Your website has a great readership and I was hoping you could let them know of our search.  
 
Information on the casting can be found here:
 

My response….

Dezmon,

I may not be experienced in hosting television, but I am pretty persuasive. Seriously, every time I want to get a blowjob, I just take 50 dollars out of my wife’s purse and get a random street whore to rock my shit. I think that skill could really be used to QVC’s advantage when lookin’ for a new host…

I am also overweight and feel that that would really speak to the losers who are at home in front of their TVs watching QVC…ya know.

Let me know if you are interested and I can send you the headshots you need, but they may not be the headshots you’re used to.

I look forward to your response….

With Love, 
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Here are my links…

Because One Day Your Cock Will Be Old and You Won’t Be Able to Use It…So Take Advantage When You Can…
GO

Victoria Beckham’s Got Some Hot Tits
GO

Here’s a Fast Fucking Hamster
GO

Megan Fox is Your Obsession
GO

Brad Pitt Really Hates Jennifer Aniston
GO

Carmen Electra Crotch Shot Throwback
GO

I Think This Cat is Smarter Than I Am
GO

The Hottest Puerto Rican Chicks Ever
GO

A Diving Board Fail is Always Good For a Laugh
GO

I Guess Grandma Was Hungry
GO

Find The Best Porn on the Internet According to Me
GO

Web 2.0 Will Solve Your Browsing Needs
GO

Were I Just a Bit of Black Spandex Cloth, I Would As For Nothing Else
GO

Lohan and Ronson Need Their Own Reality Show
GO

You’re the Man, David Hasslehoff
GO

How NOT to Drive You Car. Ladies, Take Note
GO

Cat Box Fight
GO

Rhianna’s Gucci As Almost Made Me Touch Myself
GO

Ashley Dupre is Hanging on to What Little Thread of Fame She Had With All Her Might
GO

Nicole Graves Doesn’t Need a Man, She Needs My Cock In Her Mouth
GO

Here’s One Hot Ninja Who I WOuld Gladly Let Kick My Ass
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Human Speed Bump
GO

Fuck You Ed Hardy
GO

Dutch Babe Flys Solo
GO

Paris Hilton and Benjo Broke Up Because She Fucked Stavros and He Was Caught Jerking Off To Pics of his Brother
GO

I Wanna Bang Kate Beckinsale So Bad It Hurts
GO

Anna Kournikova May Be Back Out On the Market
GO

IT Couldn’t Have Been More Perfect If It Had Been Planned
GO

Let’s Call Bush The Puppet Master
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

Sex Tape Goes Oh So Wrong
GO

A Man Gets Caught Having Oral Sex With a Jar of Pasta…I Prefer Fucking a Bag of Chicken Skin..
GO

Wedgie Gallery
GO

The Most Masculine Man Bra Ever…Well Not Really…But It’s a Bra Made for Men
GO

Megan Gale is Looking Good At the James Bond Premier
GO

Skipping in the Nude
GO

This Video is Fucking Vile….
GO

Mel B and Kelly Monaco to Perform Topless in a Vegas Show
GO

Ladies Beware of Frank….He Shits on Kitchen Floors
GO

O-Face or Melrose Face
GO

The Hottest Women Celebrity Chefs
GO

Lucy Pinder Very Naked in Nuts Magazine
GO

Amy Winehouse is a Vampire…
GO
Because I Know You’ll Never Ask For Help
GO

Geraldine Bazan Does a Good Job At Looking Good
GO

Mya Will Make You Sweat
GO

Lanni Barbi is Slammin
GO

I Can Think of Many Places For Jessica Simpson to Put Her Newly Injected Lips
GO

Aly Michalka is All Sorts of Sexy
GO

Dance Like Beyonce
GO

How NOT to Spice Up Your Sex Life
GO

Jennifer Garner Stalker May Be One of You…I Mean…It is Probably One of You…
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS….

Hot Young Topless Chick
GO

Some Slut in a Tube Top
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS