Here’s some news and I hope some of you idiots are in these clips…cuz that would make me proud to write this site and greatly rewarded knowing I cater to such fucking weirdos…like the sex change couple robbing walmart, I need you at my birthday party…..or the dude who was attacked by vampires…that’s a legit concern….

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Here’s some news to get you through your day….you know to help you realize that you’re not the dumbest, weirdest, creepiest person in the country, and that if you are, you aren’t doing a good enough job of lettng the people know, you’ve kept it under the radar and off the news…which is no fun because if you’re a mental case weirdo…share it with us…make some moves…stop being a pussy.

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I could write a blurb about how good news is for your brain cuz it allows you to laugh at people stupidier than you…but I can’t stop laughing at the story of the weatherman who woke up to his dead choked friend in the bathtub with him….fucking crazy…..and hilarious….

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Here’s some news…..to keep you informed…cuz I am a provider of quality information too you….and I’d like to be rewarded with nude pics of girls….cuz my wife’s not cutting it…and hasn’t for years…I mean unless we’re talking about cake…in which case she is cutting it…but usually with a fork as she shovels it down her fat face.

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Here’s the news….if you’re on the computer…cuz news makes you sound smart, aware, tapped into the events of the world…and all it’s hopeless, scary, ridiculousness…

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This is hyseterical…

An Upper East Side man who suffers from a condition called priapism — which causes painful erections that can last for hours — was busted for allegedly trying to steal money for painkillers

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Here’s an amazing story. A cop was caught fucking a bitch on the hood of a car when he was in uniform and assumingly on duty, it is amazing and I can relate because if I was a cop, that would always be my optional out clause….you can go to jail for jaywalking miss…or you can let me fuck you on the hood of the car….I mean shit I’ve tried to get my hands on cop uniforms to pull this shit on the fucking street…It hasn’t worked out yet, cuz apparently I’m too fat for cop uniforms despite all the fat cops I’ve seen…but shit’s a good way to get laid….abusing power …

On a sidenote…here’s another stepNEWS story where a Massage Parlor case collapses when the lawyer got called out as one of her clients…genius world we live in. Genius.

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The world’s so classy…especially in Minnesota…

Here’s today’s news….

Man Sucked into Storm Drain, Dies
Despite the best efforts of rescuers, a New Jersey man has died after getting sucked into a storm drain pipe.

Girl Beaten with Stiletto on School Bus
Administrators for Shelby County Schools said a student was suspended for attacking a fellow Bartlett High School student Thursday.

Man Accused of Throwing Son Off Boat
A 35-year-old Irvine man was arrested by Orange County sheriff’s deputies for child endangerment and resisting arrest after he slapped and then threw his 7-year-old son off a sight-seeing boat in Newport Harbor, a sheriff’s spokesman said today.

Woman Accused of Dangling Daughter
A Phoenix mom has been arrested, accused of the unthinkable — dangling her toddler by the arm from a stairwell, just to get the child’s father’s attention!

2 Minnesota Girls in Pajamas Take Stolen Goat for Walk
A 911 caller said two young girls, dressed in their pajamas, were out for a walk with a goat about 11:30 p.m. Saturday in Mankato. The girls told the investigating officer that the goat lived in their bedroom closet and that they regularly took it out for late-night walks.

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Here’s the news…I figure we all need a dose of enslaving our employees, I mean it is the recession and we need to make the most of the people we’re paying, you know why treat them well when so many more desperate people are eager to get work…so eager they wouldn’t tell one you when you enslave them….and if that’s not good for you…then maybe the teacher named Cinnamon who fucked her students is more your thing….because the name Cinnamon wasn’t enough of a red flag you know stripper names mean….sexual deviants….and I threw in some other shit too….Enjoy.

VA Man Busted Looting Liquor After Hurricane
A Virginia Beach man was confronted about looting liquor from a beach home and gave a tearful apology.

OH State Troopers discover Rice Krispies pot treats

Yogurt shop manager tries to enslave employee

GA man busted for forcing women into prostitution

TN Teacher Cinnamon Davis accused of affair with student

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Here’s some news….to keep you up to speed on current affairs…you know to keep your brain all well lubricated like the 1 in 4 teens having sex…

Study: 1 in 4 Teens are Having Sex

Police: NBA Player Wanted for Murder

DC Man Regains Hearing After Quake

Police Search for Copycat UT Bike Groper

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