I remember a time when I got an insane amount of fan mail. People would constantly send in pictures of themselves and stories of shit they’ve done and it was always a good time. In the last 72 hours…I have received 4 emails, one that was legit and the other 4 were spam. At first I thought it was my mail server fucking up. I was all like how could this shit not be coming in, but them I realized tha the fuck up in all this is me. I’ve lost my appeal, people are bored and the last 2 weeks of death leave has forced people to find other stomping grounds. I do feel rejected and like this is an end of an era and I would have shed a tear if I honestly believed this site deserved being called an era. Either way, stepSTEVE told me that he learned how to play the Bass this summer and now is in a band that is recording an album with a producer from Warner. I’d like to wish him the best of luck and to remember his humble beginnings when he reaches the top. I am always surprised by right place at the right time situations….I always seem to be at the wrong place at the right time. Speaking of wrong place, Avril’s box is in the wrong place, if it was a little too the left, these pics would be worth posting. Assholes.

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Do you remember Traci Bingham? She was a baywatch slut but no one noticed her because she made the beach look like a giant kitty litter while Pam Anderson was showing off her hard nipples. I was like am I watching Baywatch or is this the shit in the sand hour on the Discovery channel. I don’t know what I am talking about but at least she’s got solid cleavage, cleavage that her whole career is based on, the best $5k investment of her life. Speaking of cleavage, some girl from myspace sent in a DJ AM story, DJ AM once had cleavage but then he got gastric bypass surgery. Cuddles.

so you probaly dont care but you seem to have a distaste for nichole richie so im gonna tell you my story….her stupid ex-fiance dj am stoopid adam golstien who even refers to himself of late as a.m. yelled at me for taking a xanax last night…at his friends show mickey avalon who happens to “rap” about herion pills coke and hookers…not to mention i have seen him stand by while she blew lines…they both suck!!!

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Some tranny looking woman sent me this myspace message:

Make me famous because I can deliver messages thru comedy and Kisses to the masses. I own the trade mark for rating anything. No thumbs up. No 5 stars. Everyone does that. No 5 hard on’s, limp to hard Hustsler Mag. No Zagat. No Foders…Yup me. Tina O.
1 out of 5 Kisses or I KISS IT OFF…. later got to get some zzzzz’s.
We can both see if this works. I related to your poster and I am doing well. Now I am going to be great!!!

read my sight I have been on 4…………….. 2 days

Kisses
All 5 of them
Tina O

I didn’t really understand what she was getting at, so I did what every guy with something a woman wants does, and that means I asked her to send me nude pics of her tranny-self. Instead I got this message which was probably a good thing, considering she has testicles.

I trade marked the first female rating system. IOWN IT. 1 out of 5 Kisses or I KISS IT OFF.

I am in the process of getting a TV show out calld “KISS THIS” 2007

comedic half hour show about a movie critc and her daily life and trying to give reviews,and I juxtapose movie clips, and crazy charectures (up and coming comics) like Seinfeld did as he played a comic….
mine is a little wackeir than his show….anyway ….thats a small pease of it and you can read my reviews on my blog

KISSES
all 5 of them

Now the thing that pisses me off in all this is that I know this girl is going to be famous before I ever will. She spells worse than me and her claim to fame is a rating system based on kisses. If you’re bored, sexually harass her by visting her myspace GO . Try to convince her to kiss you off until you bust in her face or at least all over your belly, cuz I know you like trannies. HOMO.

Speaking of trannies, here are some pics of Carmen Electra at some event in different outfits which leads me to believe that these are pics of 2 different girls but I never have an eye for that kind of shit…..

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There was a retarded kid in the high school I went to. He wasn’t 100 percent retarded, because he got by, but he was definitely semi-retarded. The dude had a tongue the size of a baseball and every time he tried to talk the fucking thing would be all hanging out and dripping and motherfucker sounded like he had a pair of socks shoved down his semi-retarded throat. I got to talking to an old high school friend of mine the other day and she told me she ran into him. I asked if she lived out her high school fantasy of sitting on his face and testing out that fucking tongue, because it was like the tongue of tongues and there’s no way bitch never thought about his semi-retarded face between her things, coming up for air and saying how much fun he likes to have in his wet, mess, big tongued muffled voice.

To me it’d be like running into one of the girls who had big tits and not trying to touch them. My old friend wasn’t impressed and asked me why I had to always be a sexual deviant like that…reality is… I really don’t know why the first thing I think of when I see a retarded kid with a fat tongue and a speech impediment is how good he could rock a girl. But I am convinced that if I am thinking it, so are they. I know they all secretly dream about him talking his retarded sloppy way on their boxes. I guess they just don’t like me calling them out on their weird fucking fantasies. Perverts.

Speaking of retarded, here are some pics of Janet Jackson’s retarded tits. These pics are old, but I guess that’s how I do things, cuz I hate celebrity, except my own. I love my own celebrity.

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There was a retarded kid in the high school I went to. He wasn’t 100 percent retarded, because he got by, but he was definitely semi-retarded. The dude had a tongue the size of a baseball and every time he tried to talk the fucking thing would be all hanging out and dripping and motherfucker sounded like he had a pair of socks shoved down his semi-retarded throat. I got to talking to an old high school friend of mine the other day and she told me she ran into him. I asked if she lived out her high school fantasy of sitting on his face and testing out that fucking tongue, because it was like the tongue of tongues and there’s no way bitch never thought about his semi-retarded face between her things, coming up for air and saying how much fun he likes to have in his wet, mess, big tongued muffled voice.

To me it’d be like running into one of the girls who had big tits and not trying to touch them. My old friend wasn’t impressed and asked me why I had to always be a sexual deviant like that…reality is… I really don’t know why the first thing I think of when I see a retarded kid with a fat tongue and a speech impediment is how good he could rock a girl. But I am convinced that if I am thinking it, so are they. I know they all secretly dream about him talking his retarded sloppy way on their boxes. I guess they just don’t like me calling them out on their weird fucking fantasies. Perverts.

Speaking of retarded, here are some pics of Janet Jackson’s retarded tits. These pics are old, but I guess that’s how I do things, cuz I hate celebrity, except my own. I love my own celebrity.

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There is something really inappropriate about what I do for a living and the way my brain works. I am still in the coffee shop and a group of 10 year old Jewish girls just sat down next to me. They are obviously rich kids and they are loud and eating their chicken caesers like the senior citizens next to them were 15 minutes ago. I feel like I have just experienced the circle of Jewish life and it is tightly linked to chicken caesers. I am going to LIVEBLOG their lunch.

These girls are going to be dangerous when they are older. They are already in tights and Uggs and they are with their Jewish mother, who is raising them to be future annoying bitches with an eating disorder. She just told them that she can’t eat fries because she needs to go try on a dress and the daughter just told her that Ilal the Israeli personal trainer is going to be mad. Then the mom just said she’s so proud of her daughter because she is letting her nails grow and now the daughter is saying that she can’t eat anymore because she won’t fit into her dress. I guess this is some monkey see monkey do shit. Now, the mother is telling the girls that they have big teeth, but not to worry, they are fixable and this shallowness is fucking amazing. You know the dad’s are at the office making millions while the mom is spending her day ruining these girls. The mom just got up to pay and the girls started talking about making out with boys in their class. They are 10. When I was 10, I was too busy learning English and being beat up by Texans to worry about seducing the lady’s in my class. I predict teenage pregnancy, but since they are Jewish and don’t want the neighbors to know, I also predict teenage abortion. Enough of this….

The reason that I said I was inappropriate is not because I was thinking dirty thoughts, I am inappropriate because I was cropping pictures of this Italian slut topless and there’s something really creepy about a man in a winter hat cropping titty pics with the elementary school graduation committee next to him. I have no idea who Adriana Volpe is but I can guarantee these are really old pictures because I am a lazy blogger like that and I am never up to date. That’s enough for this post because it’s really not where I want it to be…that means not so funny.

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I feel like there is not enough Christopher Reeves coverage now that he’s dead. When he was alive, I couldn’t turn on the fucking TV without seeing him talking/trying to talk about his accident and how he’s out on a mission to help the quads of the world walk again. A modern day hero and I’d like to bring Christopher Reeves back because I know you forgot about him. So the way I am going to do that is post a picture of some painting some weird artist made of him. With bringing Christopher Reeves back to everyone’s attention, I am also bringing MUNG’s shitty art commentary concept that I was hoping was dead back to life. I am not going to have you fuckers analyze this shit like we were in art school, because people in art school are generally fags, and you aren’t fags, you are virgins and that’s worse than being fag because because at least fags get to bust on another person’s tits, even if that person’s tits are man tits.

I am listening to Blind Melon in this coffee shop polluted with Jewish senior citizens. They are talking about cheese while eating chicken ceasers. I am kinda out of practice on this whole blogging thing since I’ve been on death leave for the last 2 weeks. Unfortunate circumstances, but the cliche still stands, with endings come new beginnings, so I’ll need you to help me take this cunt of a site to the top because let’s face it, it is the hottest fucking blog online and it’s my turn to be made famous. Tell your friends.

Remember to remember Christopher Reeves.

Visit Artist’s Site if You’re Down

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Someone made this video for me and I didn’t realize there was a soundtrack to it when I first saw it. The soundtrack is the best part and it made me laugh then Lock my doors…then laugh again.

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I would have been more interested in hearing about why MUNG hasn’t emailed me in 2 weeks, rather than hear some bullshit lie about how he was masturbating form 186 hours, because let’s face it, that’s just stupidities. It reminds me of this kid in my highschool who wasn’t that smart and you’d ask him what he did the night before his answer was always “I was jerking off” and if a teacher asked him why he didn’t do his homework he’d say something like “oh I did my own kind of homework if you know what I mean”, and we all knew what he meant, and we never laughed because it was really predictable and repetitive and in honor of that idiot, who I think ended up making a couple of million dollars with some website he sold to FOX. It seems like it is always the idiots who succeed because they are too dumb to fail, either way, I bring you MUNG.

I am still knee deep in family commitments, but things are supposed to get back to normal tomorrow and I appreciate the 10 people who have been coming back in this very weird time for me. Cuddles.

Hello everyone,

I have been gone for quite some time and some of you have enjoyed your time away from me, and the rest of you, (like Jesus) don’t really give a fuck where I was because you were all too busy praying that I was dead. The truth is that I have spent the last 186 hours masturbating to these pictures of Scarlett Johanson. I think I have rubbed the first four layers of skin off around my genitals and my penis now resembles, and smells, like an over-boiled hot dog.

The thing I like about these pictures is there is not only a sexy picture of her, but a cute picture of her too. A new born baby could be holding a duckling and a 4 week old kitten in his crib while sucking his thumb and blinking his little eyes and it wouldn’t even compare to how cute this hot slut looks in this picture.

My hand is cramped and my penis is sore, but the good news is you all just wasted your time reading this shitty post and now you wish I would go away again.

MUNG

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After the success of my Nicole Richie text messages and by success I mean 40 useless comments from 5 people posting under different handles, I decided that it would only be appropriate to post these upskirt pics that landed in my inbox. I haven’t heard from MUNG in the past week, I can only assume that you all broke the fucker down. Knowing the luck that I have had the last couple of weeks, I can only assume he’s dead. Speaking of dead, I have been in and out of family functions the last few days dealing with all the loss of a couple of loved ones. It’s been hard to see the pain it’s caused a lot of people and I hate to make reference to serious things within a post about Nicole Richie’s meaty box/ uterus being held up by her child size thong, which brings up a whole other issue as to why there are child sized thongs even available, when I was 6 – I wasn’t thinking much about panty lines. I’ll do what I can to update more later, but no promises. Cuddles

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