Dear DJ AM,

Do you remember a time when you were the only monkey-looking motherfucker in Nicole Richie’s life. I have been listening to love songs all night and I can only imagine the pain seeing these pictures is causing you. I wanted to let you know that the good thing about what you do is that you can fuck any hot party slut you want. You own a club and you are the guy who was engaged to Nicole Richie, chicks dig that you’ve been inside her box. Chicks dig the fact that you helped her put her uterus back inside her after it fell out of her during the weight loss. So forget about the skinny whore, bitch wronged you and focus on getting your dick the love it deserves, from sluts dreaming of being made famous.

Remember I will always be here for you in this sad time and in recycled myspace message tradition, this one’s for you (and the 50 other people I have sent it to tonight)….

I wanted to write you something special. I was thinking about making it about how you were a gift to me, how you were someone who I could share my life with and someone who will be by my side every step of the way out of the gutter to the top…but then I realized that we’ve never met and that I’m not your type. But I thought that you were the one, even if it was for only a minute.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

These Pictures Seem to be From X17ONLINE but I found them somewhere else. I hope they don’t try to sue me again for not paying for the right to use their pics. They get mad when I write that they threatened me with legal action on 3 occassions, but I will say they were cool about it. I am the criminal here…I didn’t take these pictures, I don’t own the rights to publish them, I realize that….That’s why I linked as precautionary measure….CUDDLES!

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I got tagged. I remember when taggin’ a bitch meant you fucked her and came all over her. Kinda like what Michael Bolton does to this slut Nicolette Sheridan, his desperate housewife. Now, tagging is some gay blogger term that means I have to answer some questionnaire. I remember when I would have deleted this email, because I hated all things “bloggerâ€?. But lucky for you, all the rejection I have received from other sites and companies I tried to get to advertise and promote the site has made me come to terms with the fact that I am nothing but a useless fucking blogger and despite the fact that I hate bloggers more than I hate myself, I have come to terms with reality.

I have decided to go the “gay blogger” route and do “gay blogger” things, but I am just not really sure what I am supposed to do as a “gay bloggerâ€? because I have never really read blogs before, because I hate them with I passion.

I remember a time when I told people that I wasn’t a blogger, and that bloggers were faggots and fat girls who didn’t get attention when they were in high school cuz the cool kids were too busy laughing at them. I remember denying that this shit was a blog and I remember telling people that I just used blogger cuz it was a free way to make a website. I remember documenting my story thinking that I was writing articles and posting random shit that people wanted to see like I was running a magazine.

I am – what I always hated and this is me showing the world that I have accepted that I am a gay blogger. Enjoy.

10 years ago…

1. I was drunk and living in halfway houses.
2. I was fucking around with drugs and having a lot of fun doing it.
3. I was bouncing from shitty job to job
4. Fucking a couple hooker on the regular, when I say hooker, I mean the streetwalking kind, and they didn’t clean up as nicely as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. In fact, I don’t think they cleaned up at all, ever…just the constant smell of stale cum on their breath and in their pants….but yeah, that’s who I was rollin’ with.
5. I was not Living in Canada
6. I was arrested a few times for nothing that criminal…I am not a rapist and I didn’t kill anyone or anything …You are an asshole for thinking that…

5 years ago…
1. I married my fat wife who I met off the internet while I was in jail
2. I found myself more attracted to her teenage daughters and realized that I was a sleazy stepfather that you read about, if you know how to read, which I also learnt while in jail.
3. I got a steady job in a factory packing boxes, but not the kind of boxes I like. Ie: Your Daughter’s Box.
4. I was in Canada cuz that’s where the wife was, and because I got acquitted on the charges meaning I could leave the USA.
5. I quit the drugs, hookers, but kept my drank on because being drunk was my only skill.
6. I started fucking around on message boards on the internet at night, cuz my wife was too busy eating and my stepdaughter’s would let me use their computers. That’s where this glorious internet communication style originated.

one year ago…
I was writing the hottest blog on the Internet (according to me) at night and working for a bunch of useless cunts that would shit on my box packing parade by day.

5 songs I know all the words to…
1. I don’t listen to music enough to learn lyrics. If I was musically inclined I’d be in a fucking band, I wouldn’t be writing the hottest blog on the internet (according to me).

5 snacks I love and wish I could eat
1. Booze. I don’t drink right now cuz of this a cancer scare. But I drank a bottle of wine last friday, but that doesn’t count. I want ethanol…I’m kinda addicted it’s genetic, so I will never accept responsibility for what I do while drunk.
2. All the other snacks are eaten by my whore wife before she gets home from the fucking grocery store, meaning she saves none for me, and we live on a pretty tight budget…so I’m not out treating myself. Ya heard?

5 places I’d run away to…
1. I can’t run, I have breathing problems and the stamina of a 95 year old with COPD. That’s what hard livin’ will do to you. It’s worth it.

5 things I’d never wear…
1.women’s underwear, it’s too emasculating and if I was to die while rockin’ a pair of panties, it would be embarrassed, even if I was dead. So yeah, I’d never wear women’s underwear, but you probably would.

5 favorite tv shows…
1. No TV Means No TV Shows. I watch the Internet.

5 greatest joys…
1. Being Drunk
2. When I wasn’t Impotent and I could bust inside bitches…
3. Drinking fresh breast milk out of a pregnant teen’s tit. I have a thing for teenage pregnancy.
4. I don’t fucking know, I have never been happy.

5 favorite toys….
1. I am poor, I have always been poor, as I kid I was giving a mud puddle and a stick for my birthday. I wish that was a joke, but it’s too sad to be a fucking joke. It’s my life. My only asset is this lap top….but it’s more of a tool than a toy…whatever. Fuck you I hate this shit. I’d say my stepdaughters were my toys, but I bet that would get me in trouble. I am convinced the FBI reads this shit. In the event they are, I am impotent, I can’t be a sexual predator, even if I tried. That’s the story I heard.

5 people I’m tagging…
1. I don’t know other bloggers, because I hate other bloggers, but if you want to be tagged by me cut and paste this shit into your own blog and sort it out, because I am done with playing homo blogger games. Meaning I am not tagging anyone. The fun ends here motherfuckers….

I’d like to thank my FAVORITE JEW CUNT for tagging me. That was sarcasm. It doesn’t really translate nicely on the net.

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I realize that I do not have the capacity in my work ethic, contacts, skills to post the most up to date pictures on here. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a media outlet like the other celebrity blogs, who get quoted on MTV and VH1 and any other media outlet that drives insane traffic. I realize that I am holding onto a dream, and that I will still post despite the fact the site costs me too much money to run and I make no fucking money off it. But I decided that the key to making you, the reader, my only reader is to run around and find the newest celeb content that I was too shitty at my job to find….Here they are and send in any webfinds you want linked. I can guarantee at least one person will click…..and that person is me. Cuddles.

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I am so fucking behind on this one, but that’s the nature of this site. It takes me about 10 days before getting the pictures up. It has to do with the whole dealing with being an alcholic situation and the not drinking because of the cancer scare. I guess it doesn’t really matter how long it takes me to get it up here….It’s just a question of getting it up. Right? RIGHT!.

So Michelle Marsh is a modern day pinup girl/ slag. She’s been in magazines and calendars and shit like that, because she has big tits and is the type of girl the average guy who works in a factory wishes his wife looked like. She looks like a piece of shit stripper who made it to the top by stripper standards. Her real passion is singing, because no one likes to admit that the only reason they make money is because of their tits/ass, and it seems like she’s trying to pursue that. She sings cover songs of Alanis Morisette, which makes me want to kill myself but at least she still dresses like a hooker. I predict that she will be pretty fucking successful as long as she keeps showing off her panties. Guys like panties.

The question of the day is: Why do girls hate the word panties so much? I have never met a girl who can stomach it when I drop it….I always get the “Ewww, I hate that word”, well suck it up whore cuz I like it, and this is my playground….Cuddles.

Visit her Official Site and Support The Cause BY CLICKING THIS LINK

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This is another unknown celebrity post because it seems like the unknown celebs are the ones willing to expose their tits. Catherine Fulop is 41 and from Venezuala and I am not sure what these pics were taken for or when they were taken, because I have never heard of this bitch before today. What I do know is that there seems to be a whole new movement in erotica and that movement involves bloody beat up bitches. I am all for beating up a bitch to keep her in line, but I am not so into jerking off to her bloody, battered face. I usually make her sleep in the basement when I am done with her. Not that I actually beat girls or jerk off at all because of my impotency issue, but I felt the need to lie to gain your approval.

Here is Some Links to Some Bloody Erotica – there are only 2 links cuz I know nothing about this fetish and probably never will, because it’s weird. It reminds me of the Gothic girl in highschool who everyone was scared of because she had a pet rat and would cut herself in class while wearing a PVC suit. I went to school in Texas in the 80s, so there were no Gothic girls, but I am allowed to lie in attempt to gain your approval….we went over this already, asshole.

Mudererotica on Myspace
Some Other Bloody Girl on Handjob Nation

There’s obviously more of this shit out there, I suggest using google if you dig it.

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Ryan Gosling….you are not a conformist, we get it. You are one of those guys who decided that you would never give into society by wearing a suit in your life. You became an actor so you could live the bohemian life with a lot of money in your bank and you let everyone know this by wearing a Tuxedo T-Shirt to all the black tie events you attend. You are subtle in your irony. We get it. But I would rather you be obnoxious in your irony. Instead of rocking the gayest fucking t-shirt ever manufactured, I’d like to see you hire the dirtiest looking crackwhore you can find. One who smells of piss, shit, vomit, rotten cunt and semen with no teeth and a stained party dress, a pair of mismatched shoes and who is coming down from a 3 week meth binge. That would be a better way to give the big “FUCK YOU” to the black tie events you are asked to attend. It’s much more effective than the passive aggressive “Fuck You” in the tuxedo shirt approach. What I am trying to say is that I am like this Ryan Gosling motherfucker. I don’t wear suits or like suits. I rock an old pair of jogging pants, a stained t-shirt and I don’t shower daily, but if I was asked to attend some sort of function, I would suck it up and put on a shirt and tie. It’s called having a little fucking decency. If I wanted to make a fucking statement, I would do it the right way. I hope this met your standards my reader.

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Ryan Gosling….you are not a conformist, we get it. You are one of those guys who decided that you would never give into society by wearing a suit in your life. You became an actor so you could live the bohemian life with a lot of money in your bank and you let everyone know this by wearing a Tuxedo T-Shirt to all the black tie events you attend. You are subtle in your irony. We get it. But I would rather you be obnoxious in your irony. Instead of rocking the gayest fucking t-shirt ever manufactured, I’d like to see you hire the dirtiest looking crackwhore you can find. One who smells of piss, shit, vomit, rotten cunt and semen with no teeth and a stained party dress, a pair of mismatched shoes and who is coming down from a 3 week meth binge. That would be a better way to give the big “FUCK YOU” to the black tie events you are asked to attend. It’s much more effective than the passive aggressive “Fuck You” in the tuxedo shirt approach. What I am trying to say is that I am like this Ryan Gosling motherfucker. I don’t wear suits or like suits. I rock an old pair of jogging pants, a stained t-shirt and I don’t shower daily, but if I was asked to attend some sort of function, I would suck it up and put on a shirt and tie. It’s called having a little fucking decency. If I wanted to make a fucking statement, I would do it the right way. I hope this met your standards my reader.

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I had no idea who this Ana Turpin bitch was, but I looked it up, because this is the internet and that’s what it does. It is also a place where you can seduce kids by pretending you’re 12 and setting up “meetings” in the park. Or you can use it to send the same myspace message to 200 people. Which is what I did and this is that message….

you would look good naked.
and you would be the kind of girl i would try to get pregnant by “accidentally” cutting the tip off the condom, pretending that it was a manufacturer’s defect….
maybe it’s my human need to procreate…but I think it’s those pants.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

This was the only response I got:

HEY ASS HOLE
You creaped out my girlfreind fag…
You and your insain comments about inpregnating here.

I cant believe you are a father.. you dont desirve children. I sure hope they dont follow in your footsteps. You are a discrace to mankind.. and all these other creeps on this site are screwed in the head ass well..

You need some mental help, you should be in a hospital.. Or are you already?

Im sure i will see you on the news one day!

LATER FUCK NUTS!

This was what I wrote him :

thanks…your new nickname is gonna be spell check.
i know that the jocks aren’t trained to write
i know they are too busy date raping bitches and hanging out naked in the shower checking out each other’s dicks.
i know that hazing rituals usually involve anal play
but it’s all to build team spirit.
you are a piece of shit low-life.
i get it.

You are the type of person i keep my girls away from….

Now learn how to take a fucking joke, do some fucking push-ups, and roofy up that same girlfriend who was creEped out by me….and when your done, you can go fuck yourself. But be sure to call the boys from the team in, I am sure they’d like to watch.

Whatca know about that? Homo.

Love

Jesus

That’s the first post of the week, and the first post I have had flacid cock in. I am sure it made some of you closet cases happy. I also hope it made you feel like you just wasted 5 minutes of your life (15 minutes for 95% of my reader who are foreign or retarded….). Now, go fuck yourself. CUDDLES.

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I would like to thank my 2 loyal readers for your support in this time of feeling unhealthy. My updates are still the best fucking content you can find on the internet, but they are not as often. I would be disappointed in myself, if I wasn’t so busy checking my pulse compulsively to see if I am dying. The most recent doctor verdict is that I have acid reflux. If all these fucking breathing problems and sinus problems are caused by something as gay as Acid Reflux, I am going to be pretty fucking annoyed. It’s not that I want to have cancer, but at least having cancer is a little more mainly than saying I have acid fucking reflux….Point of all this is to say that I have links for you to click and send in your links to me, I haven’t been working so hard and need your help. Cuddles.

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Nicky Hilton looks like she’s been eating Paris’ weight in ribs and potato salad at the Hilton family BBQ. Maybe she’s depressed that she’s the “OTHER” sister and emotionally eating her way to the top of daddy’s list of favorites. But I have a theory that she’s a spare sister. They fatten her up in preperation for any organ transplant Princess Paris may need. Like the kidney transplant she’s going to have done when hers crap out from having too many Urinary Tract Infections. Someone told me you get those from going vadge to anal and back to vadge, which is something I used to do on the regular, but I never kept the girls around long enough to find out if they scored some inexpensive treats from our romantic encounters. I would however like to say that the Hilton kidney transplant joke fucking sucked, even if Paris does have a lot of UTI’s, I’ll save the sci-fi/clone/pod talk for you Virgins. Paris is the hotter sister and should be allowed to do whatever she wants, even if it includes infection. Right? Right! Now go fuck yourself and dream about the day you give a slag a UTI, but don’t expect it to ever happen, Virgin…..

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