I guess there’s no real argument that this is the best place to get celeb paparazzi pics, because you get to read my stories while looking at the pictures. All the other sites suck and the logic is that no one really cares about what the celebs are actually up to and who they are fucking. All we want is to see pictures of them fucking, in bikinis and living their useless lives. We want to talk about hookers, naked girls, drug addictions and impotency, or what I like to call, the issues that shape our lives. We are all self absorbed fuckers and the only ppl who care if Britney and K-Fed are getting a divorce are 15 year old girls, gay men (Trerez PinkSuit is the New Hilton) and housewives. I know I don’t care whether Keira Knightly has a PMS playlist, or if Lohan will be in Turks and Caicos for her birthday. That’s probably part of the reason why I am not jerking off to Ryan Phillippe’s abs. The point of all this is to say that you are a lucky 500 people to be a part of something this special and while other sites get their millions of visitors and 5 minutes of fame on VH1, we have each other. So you are all useless readers and I am never going to make money off this shit, meaning I am not chilling on the fucking beach, I may never see another fucking beach in my lifetime. I am okay with that. In honor of being in a one room shitty apartment that houses 4 people with no food in the fridge, no money in the bank, I give you a bunch of celebrities on the beach. In my shitty life, I don’t have to go to the beach, I got all these cunts doin it for me. Cuddles.

UMA THURMAN

TERI HATCHER

PAMELA ANDERSON

Bonus – What The Hell Is This Pam Anderson

More Beach….

JESSICA ALBA

COURTENEY COX-ARQUETTE

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Do you remember that stage in your life when you were ugly, and by ugly, I mean uglier than you are now and whenever you see the pictures you cringe and think to yourself “how the fuck did I let that happen”. I usually alway think that when I see any pictures of myself, but not because I get all teenage girl and hate the way I look, , but because I am usually covered in vomit and doing something embarassing, like exposing myself. I don’t plan on cleaning up, but by the looks of some old pictures of Nicole Richie in the fat years, it looks like she has. It’s funny that all people talk about is how much weight she lost and how skinny she is and how she needs a sandwich, “Somebody get her a sandwich”, but do these same cliche motherfuckers realize that before the weight loss, she was a fat pile of oreo cookie shit that even I wouldn’t go down on, and I have no standards. That’s the story I heard.

New Pics Of Nicole

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I once offered a homeless girl 150 dollars to come back to my place and let me handcuff her to the toilet bowl and lick the seat while I took a pee. She didn’t take me up on the offer. I am pretty sure that homeless girl is now Keira Knightly, the flat chested slag in the Pirate Movies. I could be wrong, it’s happened before.

Here are some older pics of her, from when she was first launching her career. It’s all part of July 4th “This is your Life” series that I just made up.

New Pics of Keira Knightly

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I once knew a girl who had such a passion for life that she was committed to experiencing everything she possibly could to live her life to the fullest. This meant she was the first to introduce the group to new drugs, new sex acts and for awhile to visits to the abortion clinic, because she wanted to know how many abortions were considered too many. These pictures of Janice Dickenson remind me of that girl, only she is the drag queen version.

New Pics of Janice

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I am cleaning out my closet, and by closet I mean hard drive and felt like posting old pictures of useless people to remember our past on this 4th of July. That was my attempt at having some level of philiosphical insight into the world, and that attempt was a failure. I am used to failure, something that we hope Nelly will get used to when she realizes that no one wants to watch a single mother sing about being a premiscuous whore. This is America and we like the nuclear family, happy households and we look down on single mothers, teenage mothers, and ethnic people. I just ate too many blueberries because they are good for my prostate and my stomach hurts, much like Nelly’s vadge right after her little portuguese cod fell from her womb.

New Pics of Nelly “The Cod Fisherman” Furtado

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There was once a time when Paris Hilton wasn’t everywhere I looked. It was a time before the sex tape and before she knew how to market her useless self. I have had discussions with people about Paris Hilton’s business sense, because I don’t have much of a personality and I am not a major conversationalist, and the conclusion was always that kinda blurry because I tend to not listen to useless conversation, even when I am involved in them. Last night I witnessed a drunk/psycho driver near my office. Dude drove through an intersection, crossed 4 lanes of traffic, smashed into parked cars, reversed, fled the scene of the accident, flew through another interesection and ended up in someone’s house/front yard. I hope Paris Hilton’s career has that kind of accident soon.

New Pics of Paris

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Do you want to know what I find funny? I figure you do since you are reading this. Well, I am not going to tell you what I find funny, because I don’t think it’s any of your business, but what is your business is that fat girls who lose weight become sluts. I’m talking morbidly obese bitch in your grade 9 science class, who found a new life with a personal trainer who charged her 20 dollars an hour for 2 hours a day everyday of the week until she was a size 2. I am talking about that same girl who never had many friends, who smelled like the cafeteria and who only got fucked once in her life, and that was by you when you were drunk and your friends teased you for being a virgin.

That girl is now stripping somewhere, or starring in porn movies, because guys like fucking her now that she is that size 2. The damage that was done in highschool is irreversible, but the benefit is that bitch uses her pussy as a way to mend those deep wounds….

The good thing is she will still probably fuck you out of spite since you fucked her over when you were 16, but do not fall in love with her cuz the second bitch gets married and has a kid, her fat gene will come back again. Point of the story is that Etta James just lost 200 lbs and even this old bitch slutting it out. That’s my story.

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Nothing says “I have a mangled vagina” like a woman playing with her baby. I guess the thing this bitch has going for her is that she tainted her womb with Ryan Phillippe’s seed when she was still young. That means that her body rebounded nicely back into shape, so at 27 years old she’s not sitting on the porch, 300 lbs, eating oreo cookies, while her daughter nurses off the neighbor’s cat. That’s what usually happens to bitches who wait until they are past their prime to start baby making, they let themselves go on all fronts. They are the bitches you see at WalMart in their slippers and fat ass filled jogging pants. The lucky ones end up on Dr Phil complaining about how their husbands don’t fuck them anymore, and we all get to laugh at them proving that they aren’t useless at all.

For the non-peds who read the site, you’ll have have to wait another 15 years before knowing if the HUDSONSTD turns out to be a hot little slut or not. As for the peds, put your dick back in yo’ pants, this is not THAT kind of website. Pervert with your diaper fetish.

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Nothing says “I have a mangled vagina” like a woman playing with her baby. I guess the thing this bitch has going for her is that she tainted her womb with Ryan Phillippe’s seed when she was still young. That means that her body rebounded nicely back into shape, so at 27 years old she’s not sitting on the porch, 300 lbs, eating oreo cookies, while her daughter nurses off the neighbor’s cat. That’s what usually happens to bitches who wait until they are past their prime to start baby making, they let themselves go on all fronts. They are the bitches you see at WalMart in their slippers and fat ass filled jogging pants. The lucky ones end up on Dr Phil complaining about how their husbands don’t fuck them anymore, and we all get to laugh at them proving that they aren’t useless at all.

For the non-peds who read the site, you’ll have have to wait another 15 years before knowing if the HUDSONSTD turns out to be a hot little slut or not. As for the peds, put your dick back in yo’ pants, this is not THAT kind of website. Pervert with your diaper fetish.

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Being a celebrity is like being in high school. Their lives are filled with gossip, all the hot girls are passed around like a bottle of whiskey at the homeless shelter and every week you play dress up and have pictures taken of you like it was prom.

I never went to prom, I dropped out of school because I had dreams of being a pro tennis player. The only problem was that I had never played tennis and I just ended up being a pro….

I remember hearing about one of the girls from my school having a dumpster birth on prom night. No one knew she was pregnant and she refused to let the little fucker that is her baby ruin her night. She ended up getting arrested. I never understood why people take things like that so seriously, I mean it is her kid, she should be able to throw it in the dumpster if she wants. It’s like animal planet motherfuckers…..

That was my post….

Haylie Duff is DUFFgusting….

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