If you are black and you’re reading this, the only difference between Jay-z/Beyonce and you is that they don’t have to steal cars to feed their family. That was my bad racist joke of the day. I remember a couple of weeks ago I was at someone’s house for dinner. Yes, people occassionally invite me to dinner parties and I got stuck talking to someone who knew about the site and felt like upstaging my comdey, if you can even call it comedy, I call it social awkwardness. Dude was like “Jesus you’ll love these” but anyone who reads this site knows, I never drop racist jokes, I find them cliche, but this guy at the party just wouldn’t shut up, he obviously thought I got hard for them and this asshole dropped the birthday-bike joke, the hanging from a tree joke, the velcro on the ceiling joke, the bucket of shit joke, pretty much every lame black joke. I just asked him if he was on a joke of the day email list and he told me he was and I told him to go fuck himself and that the next time I am stuck talking to him, he best be packin’ som Jew jokes. I am always in the mood for Jew jokes, no matter how cliche they are. If you have any send them HERE.

I guess the point of all this is to say that although Beyonce’s upper body looks tight, and her ankles look slim, there is a reason she’s rockin’ those shorts, and that reason is her fat ass. Cuddles.

Bonus: Beyonce Dressed Like a Banana Yesterday (it’s one of Jay-z’s Fetishes)

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I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…

Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

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I have had a thing for Ricci since The Adam’s Family. I would have gone for her in Mermaids but I like my woman’s age in the double digits. Yeah, that was a lame pedophile joke, deal with it. The truth is I was always into her, I thought she was a good enough actor, only because I don’t know what a bad actor is. Her hair was always black, her skin pale, she smoked and had a few tattoos and I found her teenage angst hot. That was before the suicide girls ruined girls with piercings and tats for me. Thanks Suicide Girls. I thought about jerking off to her enormous tits once, but she doesn’t have those anymore, she chopped them off. Now all we’re left with is a sloppy, small breasted, bad tattooed dirtbag of a celebrity I once loved and I would still bang in a bikini of the day. It is late and I have sleep apnea…

Bonus: Magazine Make Girls Pretty or Not…

Another Bonus: Cher in her Lingerie for as punishment for not laughing at my Mermaids joke….

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Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

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Four….

…Three…

…Two…

…One….

…None…

…Ruben ate them…

…because he is fat, and it is lunch time in Miami.

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I am not going to claim these are the best links on the internet today. I will say that they are the ones I am posting and I will also prove they are the ones I am postin, by posting them. If you have better links, send them in by clicking HERE.

Alanis Morissette Looks Better than She Usually does which is Ugly
Keeley Hazell’s Got Some a Slammin’ Rack (TOPLESS CHICK)
Lohan Gone Wild
Mad TV’s Debra Wilson Flashing her Tits…(TOPLESS CHICK)
Throw Back Pics of Pink Making Out with Kristina Loken(LESBIAN CHICKS)
Wedding Betting is Funny
The Sun, The Sea and Marketa (NAKED CHICK)

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Matthew Broderick’s a total twat. So he was Ferris Bueller, big fucking deal, that was 1980, no one cares. Sarah Jessica Parker is also a total twat, yes girls like to relate to your character on Sex in the City and how fashionable she is, but that show’s off the air, no one cares anymore. Point of the story is that your kid know’s you are both twats, and he’s lettin’ the world know he’s not a total twat too.

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Matthew Broderick’s a total twat. So he was Ferris Bueller, big fucking deal, that was 1980, no one cares. Sarah Jessica Parker is also a total twat, yes girls like to relate to your character on Sex in the City and how fashionable she is, but that show’s off the air, no one cares anymore. Point of the story is that your kid know’s you are both twats, and he’s lettin’ the world know he’s not a total twat too.

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I don’t keep track of upskirt pics as closely as I should, but was told these were old. I know I have never seen them before and since this is what I do to fill my worthless days, I figured most of you haven’t seen them either. I guess the big surprise in all this is how well Pink has tucked in her testicle-lookin’ labia. This bitch always reminded me of the movie Ladybugs, where a boy joins the girls team to take them to the championship, only instead of soccer it’s singing, and instead of championships it’s MTV Music award or whatever this useless singer’s won. The thing I really love about her and by her I mean him is how he still rock’s the pink hair like she doesn’t realize we get it already….you were a raver, you loved E, you had crazy raver hair and you were given the nickname Pink…there comes a time in everyone’s life where they don’t have to live up to their nickname. Take me for example, all my life people called Jesus, so I got a real Jesus tattoo on my chest, but I got fat and now that tattoo looks more like Rosanne than Jesus and people still call me Jesus. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but what I am trying to say is Pink hair’s been done…we’ll all remember your name when you go back to blond. I guess she’s trying to keep our focus off the bulge in her pants.

Bonus – Pink is a Man

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Watch this video, Jack Black and Dave Grohl are in it and if they like the band enough to be in their video that they must be pretty fucking cool, right? Because neither of them are completely washed up or anything….That was sarcasm. It doesn’t really come across that well on the internet. Anyway, the band is named Eagles of Death Metal and the members are Joshua “Baby Duck” Homme and Jesse “Boots Electric” Hughes. Josh is from some band called Queens of the Stone Age that you all probably love because the last time I did a post on this band for their Bikini Bandit Video, I got tons of emails dissing me for not knowing them. Point of the story is that I am doing a giveaway. Admit you’re excited.

I have 2 prize packs, one for a girl and one for a guy. Each include a signed poster (admit your gonna jerk off on it), a copy of the CD “Death by Sexy” (admit you’re gonna give it to a friend for his birthday), a Cardboard Robot T-shirt (admit you’re gonna use it as a cumrag), and a Babeleand Vibrator(admit you’re gonna shove it up your ass, homo).

All you have to do to win it is send in something SEXY via email HERE. I will only be keeping this up for a couple of days since I don’t get shit for doing this. That’s right, I am doing it for you fuckers.

Here’s what the shirts/vibrator look like:

Don’t ever say I am never there for you…..

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