People think what I write is miserable, because I focus on pretty negative things. I feel bad about that. I think I should start looking at the brighter side of life. I am thinking it’s time for me to make obvious one-liners, because that’s really what people want to read. Stories of hookers, misery and depression are not funny. But like I always say, if you can’t laugh at the depressing part of life, then it’s just depressing. Once it becomes a joke it becomes comedy. So retards, stds, suicide, drug overdose, disease, poverty, addiction, impotency and anything else I write about is just to make you smile. If all else fails I post pictures of girls in bikinis to distract you from the misery. So stop complaining and start enjoying. Cuddles.

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I like it cuz there are tits on it. It is just that simple.

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This bitch was Miss Peurto Rico and now, she is Miss Universe. It’s just more proof that mainstream media like to steal all the local talent from the little island. It’s like they find a hot hispanic chick, kidnap her, and introduce her to the american market. Her obese mother is back home making tortillas for the village wondering where her daughter is. When she finds out, she will be really happy, because it will mean a life in AMERICA. Remember that bitch Selena, this is the same story but without the singing.

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I am out of town now, but my site is posting links that I found on Wednesday Night. I am pertty proud of myself for figuring out this WordPress Shit….Either way, I made a “casting” call for people to write for the site. I have only got one submission from DRUNKBOY- let me know what you think in the comments and go fuck yourself. Cuddles.

George Michael is Still Gay

Remember George Michael? You know the guy who was in Wham!? Remember how you thought he was a good looking dude and hitting every fucking hot model with perky tits and a great ass? Too bad he was gay and looking to bang dudes that look like your father after he drinks a twelve pack of Busch and mows the lawn. Yeah, that’s the guy.

Well…

Bad news for gay dudes looking for random sex in London. George Michael is off the market and getting married. Apparently the Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go singer has had his fill of random man ass in public restrooms or at least that’s what he is saying to his special man friend, Kenny Gross. He bought his lover a 1 million pound gift on their 10 year anniversary to make up for all the alleged cruising he has been doing. I think I know what the pound is and I don’t like it.

I would like to say I don’t even know how this is a news story. I wish George stayed in the closet longer with Lance Bass and Justin Timberlake…Whoops. One of them isn’t out yet! Shhhh! Anyway,I wish them nothing but the best and for the end of stories that involve George Michael and any kind of public sex with men. Thank you.

I used to be jealous of dogs because they got to sleep all day, people take care of them and are too stupid to hate life. The more exciting part about being a dog is that they get to watch their masters change, have sex, shower, take a shit, masturbate and do all the embarassing thing people do. They also get away with sniffing random pussy when out in public, and I am not talking about dog pussy, I am talking about women on the rag pussy. Either way, I know I have written posts on this many times before and I am only writing about it again because it is really one of the constant dreams I have and has been going on for as long as I can remember. That said, I would hate to be Hilary Duff’s dog for all the above mentioned reasons. I have no interest in knowing whether her dick was the reason Lance Bass is a faggot today. That’s the end of this post. Thank god.

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I used to be jealous of dogs because they got to sleep all day, people take care of them and are too stupid to hate life. The more exciting part about being a dog is that they get to watch their masters change, have sex, shower, take a shit, masturbate and do all the embarassing thing people do. They also get away with sniffing random pussy when out in public, and I am not talking about dog pussy, I am talking about women on the rag pussy. Either way, I know I have written posts on this many times before and I am only writing about it again because it is really one of the constant dreams I have and has been going on for as long as I can remember. That said, I would hate to be Hilary Duff’s dog for all the above mentioned reasons. I have no interest in knowing whether her dick was the reason Lance Bass is a faggot today. That’s the end of this post. Thank god.

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If Lohan was a hooker, you know she would be the kind that you find in the back alley drinking out of a muddy puddle. She would smell like a rotting corpse and her teeth would be falling out. The fact that this bitch has money to take care of herself makes all the difference, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s on some kind of self-destructive mission. If Lohan was a whore, this is how I would suggest you get free sex from her:

Get her to a safe haven, either a hotel room, if you can afford one (rich kid) or a quiet alley, tell her straight up that you are going to hook her up with some rock. She will go for it and give’r, however I like to take this shit to the next level and by next level I don’t mean condomless, I was never into risk, I mean get her a little more than high, session that bitch until she overdoses, then fuck her before she starts to lose consciousness, or while she’s convulsing. Just pretend she’s dancing. Not getting paid by you will be the least of her worries if she lives. Get up, walk away, and you my friend just had sex with a hooker without paying. I am not sure if that made sense, I kinda ripped it off an article I wrote that never got published.

Bonus: Lohan in Red

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I have no issues with Pam Anderson. I used to find her hot 10 years ago, when she was still on Baywatch. That was back when crazy implants were all the fucking rage. Every bitch in town was bleaching her hair and saving up her tip money from her waitressing job at the local diner for a set of tits. It was as trendy as cocaine and looking homeless is today. Pam Anderson was probably the smartest stripper lookin’ bitch around, because she pretty much made it. Think of all the tens of thousands of look-a-likes who are crowding up your local “POOR” neighborhood. Her influence may not have been a good one, but she changed the face of sexy in the 90s and that’s a lot more than I have ever accomplished. Here she is launching a PamelaPoker.com with some old dude. That’s the end of this….

Bonus Pictures:

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