Jessica Simpson is the old Ashlee, or Ashlee is the new Jessica, either way, they are both running around trying to get as much publicity as possible and I am okay with that. I think they both have something hot about them, Jessica is very horse-like in the face, and I always wanted to own a ranch when I growed up, Ashlee is built like a fridge box, and I always wanted a fridge growing up so I still don’t mind checking them out. I actually have no problem checking any girl out. I was meeting my parole officer for lunch today and saw this woman who looked like a washed up stripper come in. She had skinny legs to my neck and a huge rack. Her face looked like someone threw acid in her face in grade 9 science class, but I was still trying to look up her skirt, point of the story is that I really have no standards.

Visit this Link if you want to see her in a BIKINI

Visit this Link if you want to see her in a BIKINI

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Being a fat person in Canada who never leaves my shitty apartment means that I never get the chance to see girls in bikinis, which is too bad because it is something I think I would enjoy. Molly Sims is some model turned MTV host, turned actress who doesn’t even really look that good to me, but I do like that she’s got a wrap on to cover up her ass. The fact that slut’s hiding something from the cameras makes me want to get up in that shit more than ever, I guess it’s the same reason I used to jerk off to Muslim bitches.

Either way, I was at the drugstore buying allergy meds, because I can’t breathe and walked past the yeast infection section, as I like to do because I like to see what sluts are shopping there so I can try to make them feel like the dirtbags there are. To my surprise I saw a 20 year old with a nose ring trying to choose the cream the best suited her vag infection. I laughed to myself because the intensity in her eyes made me me think she was buying a fucking car or house or whatever it is people have trouble buying because they don’t want any buyer’s remorse. I guess what it comes down do is that a vag is a pretty important place for a slag, it’s kinda all she’s got. It’s her job, her currency, her life savings and investment, it’s her recreation, it’s her hobby, it’s her anti-depressant, it’s her fucking education, it’s her fucking life. I guess that’s why bitch was being so careful.

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I don’t know what Movida Night Club is, I am not that hip. But I do know what a slut is and here are a couple of them outside that club. I am walking out for a bit, so I’ll let the pictures speak for themself. Based on these tits, these girls are obviously strippers that were hired to do some sleazy promo. I call it – not quite a hooker, not yet a pornstar. It’s like a modern day Britney Spears song.

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I guess it’s pretty obvious that Pink hates herself, but that’s only because I hate Pink and assume that anyone with any sense of logic would hate her too, including herself. Here is her self-hating tattoo of a razorblade, making us all remember how hardcore she is. It makes us all wonder why she didn’t actually kill herself and save us from the shit that is her music. Cuddles.

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Or should I say that Hilary Duff’s lame rockstar boyfriend is getting in bed with little boys of the day, because by the look of this girl, she’s got to be rockin’ a dick. I guess it has to do with him being a twin, I remember reading somewhere that male twins are 10 times more likely to become faggot. I don’t know what the logic is, but maybe it is because twins are always naked and gettin’ their diapers changed together. When you aren’t a twin, pulling your dick out in front of other dudes never really feels right, unless you’re gay. I am convinced that the dudes at the gym, who are straight and under 40, are never fully comfortable being naked with dudes, they just think it’s what they are supposed to be because fags took over the locker room the day they found out they could watch other men change there, because let’s face it, if you were allowed in the ladies locker room, you’d be doing the same thing and the straight dudes took the gay dudes’ lead and were like “shit maybe I am supposed to be showering naked like that dude” and that’s the story of Hilary Duff.

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I had some useless commentary to make about how women who lose weight become sluts, but realized I have said that before and would hate to repeat myself. I also wanted to talk about grown women with little girl bodies but couldn’t really find an angle. I was going to say something along the how the hormones in food are making girls develop huge tits at a young age so now people with little girl fetishes have to look to 25 year old skinny bitches to get off since 10 year olds have bigger tits than their lactating wife.

But I didn’t know where to take it from there. I know that in my time girls had no tits, they were all thin like Nicole Richie because fast food wasn’t the way it is now. I don’t think she’s too skinny and I am sure she’s a rockin’ good time in bed. I don’t have a little boy fetish, but bitch has hips and looks more womanly that someone 50 lbs heavier with cellulite and a shovel for you to dig with. The reason you have to dig, is cuz it’s a fucking treasure hunt just trying to find her pussy. When you marry a 337 pound woman, banging a small ass that makes you feel like a little more of a man is a good thing, not that I could bang a small ass if I wanted to, with the impotency and shit, but you know what I am saying….life’s about balance and to dis her for having a hot thin body is a waste of time, because we all know, thin is hot and you’re not….

Bonus….Candid Pics….

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The Pussy Cat Dolls are whores. I remember when they first hit the scene as some exclusive burlesque show that celebrities hosted years ago (if you consider that slut Carmen Electra a celebrity)….they had it going on. They were strippers with a business sense and instead of being the usually pole rockin’, 10 dollar a dance slut, they were making big money from high profile people who considered what they were doing an art.

Every single time I have gone to the strippers, I have considered them to be their own kind of artist, and by artist I mean con artist. Those cunts always find a way to get me to give them all my money. Even the ugly ones.

I remember one time when I got a lap dance, while wearing a white linen suit, when I left their was a huge skid mark down my leg. So I guess bitch was a bit of an artist herself, only her paint was her shit and her easel was my pants.

Either way, the Dolls may have gone mainstream and here they are performing for a TV show, but they will always be stippers with an idea to me.

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I used to work for a porn company. I was involved in stocking the shelves in the warehouse and packing boxes. I would get a porno movie a week bonus if I filled a certain number of orders in a day. I always hit target in the beginning, because there was some kind of excitement about the job, that excitement lasted about a month, until I was too bored of porn to care and realized I could make some decent coin selling movies to my friend for half price. I made a couple thousand dollars and was long gone before the company realized it, but that’s not the point of this. The point is that at the porn company, I saw a few banned german movies. There was one bitch who seemed to have enough shit in her to soil everything and everyone on set. She was rockin’ a hat like Cindy Crawford. I wonder if they’re related.

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I used to work for a porn company. I was involved in stocking the shelves in the warehouse and packing boxes. I would get a porno movie a week bonus if I filled a certain number of orders in a day. I always hit target in the beginning, because there was some kind of excitement about the job, that excitement lasted about a month, until I was too bored of porn to care and realized I could make some decent coin selling movies to my friend for half price. I made a couple thousand dollars and was long gone before the company realized it, but that’s not the point of this. The point is that at the porn company, I saw a few banned german movies. There was one bitch who seemed to have enough shit in her to soil everything and everyone on set. She was rockin’ a hat like Cindy Crawford. I wonder if they’re related.

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Wilmer Valderrama was right. Ashlee Simpson is the new Lohan. Stay tuned for some stalker content. I think I am in love with a talentless whore, just because she worked out a little, dyed her hair, got a nose job and stuck her tongue out. Yes, I am that easy to win over. Ladies, if you are out there, which I know you aren’t, send in some pictures, I feel neglected.

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