Some of us can’t afford to eat, while this cunt’s showing off her 1000 dollars worth of bathing suits, she probably got for free. Maybe she’s trading them in for a smaller size, or maybe she’s handing them out to poor 12 year old boys who can’t afford a bathing suit of their own. This could be Richie’s idea of a charitable event.

I bet Trerez (that’s my name for TRENT and PEREZ’s Romantic Union in their Gaydom that is celeb blogging) loved that one-liner. It was on par with the smut they’re peddling. Anyway, she’s also banging Pro Skater and Founder of C1RCA Shoes – Chad Muska I remember a time when pro skaters weren’t running around with celebrity daughters and 10 kids would show up to their demos at the local skate park. I guess they should all thank Tony Hawk and his Videogame for their d-list fame. Thanks Tony.

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I have a statement that I think I should make to Kate Moss pictures because I think her cocaine scandal is something relevant to what I have to say…

Someone I know sent me a text message saying to stop harassing his friends. He said that it’s funny when I harass celebs but not when I harass normal people. The point is that this site is about normal people as much as it is about celebrity. I just do my commentary to celeb pictures because no one gives a fuck Melissa from Albany doing her grocery shopping.

That means that when I am looking for inspiration, I write menacing, harassing, obscene, funny messages to random people on myspace that I find through searches or through other people’s pages.

That also means that you put yourself out there, and put up pictures of yourself, and make yourself accessible to everyone expect messages you may or may not want. If I feel the inspiration to write you a fucking message that you may or may not find funny, because let’s face it, I am not that funny and you are pretty fucking lame. You should do one of 4 things, make your profile private so that people like me can’t message you. You could also delete your account all together and get off the myspace train, or you could read it, get offended and ignore/block me, but I suggest that you could stop taking your useless self so fucking seriously and laugh about it, because that’s what it is all about, it’s comedy. This is the message that offended my friend’s friend and made him message me about no harassing people:

do you look good in person
or is it all smoke and mirrors
if it is smoke and mirrors
can you send them to me
i want to look at my own asshole
and can’t afford a mirror
the smoke is for dealing with my shame after i look at my own asshole.
that was funny
admit it

Read my site
It will change your life…

with love
jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com

OR It coulda been

i am not very smart. But that was a really good dis considering it was from a lesbian. I was expecting you get your bull dyke of a girlfriend to hunt me down and wrestle me….I know my kind disgust you but it’s not my fault I was born with a penis and you were molested as a kid and now you’re scared of cock.
My life’s alright, I write the hottest site online and you only look good in your modeling pics..

With Love
Jesus

In closing, if you get a fucking myspace message from me. You should be fucking happy. We’re running the 18,000th largest website here, and if being messaged by the man behind this media empire isn’t an honor – I don’t know what fucking is. Cunt.

I guess that had nothing to do with Kate Moss at all,….

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I have a statement that I think I should make to Kate Moss pictures because I think her cocaine scandal is something relevant to what I have to say…

Someone I know sent me a text message saying to stop harassing his friends. He said that it’s funny when I harass celebs but not when I harass normal people. The point is that this site is about normal people as much as it is about celebrity. I just do my commentary to celeb pictures because no one gives a fuck Melissa from Albany doing her grocery shopping.

That means that when I am looking for inspiration, I write menacing, harassing, obscene, funny messages to random people on myspace that I find through searches or through other people’s pages.

That also means that you put yourself out there, and put up pictures of yourself, and make yourself accessible to everyone expect messages you may or may not want. If I feel the inspiration to write you a fucking message that you may or may not find funny, because let’s face it, I am not that funny and you are pretty fucking lame. You should do one of 4 things, make your profile private so that people like me can’t message you. You could also delete your account all together and get off the myspace train, or you could read it, get offended and ignore/block me, but I suggest that you could stop taking your useless self so fucking seriously and laugh about it, because that’s what it is all about, it’s comedy. This is the message that offended my friend’s friend and made him message me about no harassing people:

do you look good in person
or is it all smoke and mirrors
if it is smoke and mirrors
can you send them to me
i want to look at my own asshole
and can’t afford a mirror
the smoke is for dealing with my shame after i look at my own asshole.
that was funny
admit it

Read my site
It will change your life…

with love
jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com

OR It coulda been

i am not very smart. But that was a really good dis considering it was from a lesbian. I was expecting you get your bull dyke of a girlfriend to hunt me down and wrestle me….I know my kind disgust you but it’s not my fault I was born with a penis and you were molested as a kid and now you’re scared of cock.
My life’s alright, I write the hottest site online and you only look good in your modeling pics..

With Love
Jesus

In closing, if you get a fucking myspace message from me. You should be fucking happy. We’re running the 18,000th largest website here, and if being messaged by the man behind this media empire isn’t an honor – I don’t know what fucking is. Cunt.

I guess that had nothing to do with Kate Moss at all,….

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I am pretty fucking pissed off I missed The View today. I slept in because I spent my night at a strip club. It was Meredith’s goodbye roast, the show of the year, and here I was sleeping in, like the lazy fuck I am. I watch the show daily, mainly because it helps relate to housewives, but also because I don’t have cable and I sit at home all day. Meredith was the original View host I wanted to bang, until they brought on that survivor baby factory slut. In her Goodbye the Jewish one who isn’t Jewish made out with her, and I missed it.

However, it was partially worth it because there’s a stripper at the club who I am convinced is Post Op tranny. She is black, tall, has an adams apple and the worse tit job I have ever seen. She drinks red wine with a straw and dances with a feather and dressed as a sea captain. Bitch is obvioulsy putting on some kind of drag show, and when the pants came off she didn’t have a 40 year old’s vagina, it was more like a 4 year old vagina they make in Thai plastic surgery offices.

Either way, I like my women dainty and useless. If I wanted my woman to have the strength to push my car out of the ditch. I would date a tow truck driver. I don’t have a car, and I’d rather fuck a manly bitch than a dude, but I was trying to make a point, which I failed at. At least I realize I suck and don’t need you to let me know.

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I am pretty fucking pissed off I missed The View today. I slept in because I spent my night at a strip club. It was Meredith’s goodbye roast, the show of the year, and here I was sleeping in, like the lazy fuck I am. I watch the show daily, mainly because it helps relate to housewives, but also because I don’t have cable and I sit at home all day. Meredith was the original View host I wanted to bang, until they brought on that survivor baby factory slut. In her Goodbye the Jewish one who isn’t Jewish made out with her, and I missed it.

However, it was partially worth it because there’s a stripper at the club who I am convinced is Post Op tranny. She is black, tall, has an adams apple and the worse tit job I have ever seen. She drinks red wine with a straw and dances with a feather and dressed as a sea captain. Bitch is obvioulsy putting on some kind of drag show, and when the pants came off she didn’t have a 40 year old’s vagina, it was more like a 4 year old vagina they make in Thai plastic surgery offices.

Either way, I like my women dainty and useless. If I wanted my woman to have the strength to push my car out of the ditch. I would date a tow truck driver. I don’t have a car, and I’d rather fuck a manly bitch than a dude, but I was trying to make a point, which I failed at. At least I realize I suck and don’t need you to let me know.

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I just called a girl using Skype and she was masturbating. She yelled at me because she was in the middle of masturbating and I was disturbing. Where I come from, when someone calls you while masturbating, you either don’t answer the phone, or you let motherfucker get involved in the process. It never works so well when it’s the bank calling, but makes for a good way to get them to stop calling about your VISA bill. Anyway, I asked her to put the phone next to her conch so that I can listen to the sounds of the ocean, I was trying to be romantic, but I don’t know why I bother because I have never been able to convince any girl to masturbate for me, over the phone, or webcam, because I suck at life.

Needless to say, this attempt was no different that the last 300, and bitch didn’t let me listen, she hung up the phone when I asked her to pretend her fingers were the cured sausage I had hangin in my basement…And now I am mad, unlike Jewel – she’s married to some retarded cowboy looking motherfucker and she’s all smiles and dance in this Women in Songs 16 photoshoot for lesbians and moms everywhere. I hope that made sense. Motherfuckers.

Bonus: Jewel’s Action Shot Brought to You By: Listerine

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I don’t understand the big deal about Hef. Dude ripped off Esquire and threw in some naked girl spreads to sell a ton of magazines. It’s a pretty fucking obvious strategy and instead of idolizing him, you should kick yourself in the ass for not thinking about it. Everything will sell a lot fucking better with a naked bitch in it. The fact that he’s dating 3, 5 or 15 chicks is totally irrelevant. These bitches are whores. Hef pays them and gives them a good life to be his “girlfriend”. If you had money, you could hire whores to be your gf too. They are 150 dollars an hour, maybe you could work out a deal or something. You know, a volume discount. Either way, his trashy girls don’t have to be strippers anymore and he gets to fuck what he considers prime pussy, and I consider garbage. But I am not 90 years old.

Speaking of whores. I was at the strip club last night and they had a special feature. This busted up old hag of a woman who is some kind of internet pornstar. I am on the internet all day and I have never heard of this bitch, so I am guessing she’s not that big of an internet pornstar. When her MC (she had a stage hand, MC, sound and lighting dude entourage), gave her the intro he listed off her many accomplishments like the fact that bitch partied with Gene Simmons and other useless celebrites and that she won Miss Nude Canada, obviously a contest with 3 contestants and the other 2 were 300lbs….

Anyway, bitch calls 2 dudes on stage, a 18 year old gangster kid and a 350 pound bald french guy and gives them dildos. So dudes have to simulate jerkin her off, fucking her, all while talking dirty to her and the winner gets a free polaroid with her. The 300 pound french dude was really into it, like his life dream came true, and motherfucker talked dirty and slapped her up with the dildo like the whore she was. He won and was really fucking excited about it. He ran around the stage like he just won the fucking lottery. I guess there was really no point to that story – other than that bald fat guys have lots of sexual frustration because they don’t get laid enough. I probably should have gone on stage, being a fat and sexually frustrated and talked my shit, because it woulda been funny, but I didn’t because I don’t do stand up. I could write some of the things I coulda said to her, but that’d be lame. Just like this story.

If you wanted to see this busted up old truck of a whore, click this link.

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