DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

04

Aug

Sofia Vergara’s Bikini Bottoms of the Day

Sofia Vergara posted this picture of her in bikini bottoms – wearing the most ridiculous heels possible because they lean her out – make her seem sexier than she is – when the reality is she’s pushing 45, is a mom of at least one, and despite maintaining a hot body until she fucked the right producer to land the right show to be at the top of the food chain…but this right here is smoke and mirrors…living the luxury life…but rocking’ angles, so many angles and filters…to make you think she’s still as hot as she once was…as hot as she needed to be to seduce all the people who hooked her up…and really I don’t care what she looks like under a spotlight – with flats and no filter or make-up – with her belly hanging over her bathing suit…I care about the content she’s producing of herself for the internet…because that’s what I get to look at…

Now I am not a fan, but I like that she gives so many 30 year old failures hope….that if they sleep with the right people they could be her too…cuz sometimes it takes being a failure at 30 to really realize what is important….

Posted in:Sofia Vergara

2014

04

Aug

Hannah Lyne for Dave Hauserman of the Day

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HANNAH LYNE is amazing. I know absolutely nothing about her or these pics by David Hauserman . I just know she’s topless in the kitchen, wearing hot little panties, covering herself with dish soap, in a maternal, domesticated woman I wish I was married to because I am a slop and so is my wife, and this girl is fucking a dream…kinda thing…I mean sure, naked girl, half naked girl, in a cool looking kitchen is nothing revolutionary…I mean I’m sure you’ve dreamt about it at least once…but this Hannah Lyne is….I am a fan…even though I have no idea who she is.

Posted in:Hannah Lyne

2014

04

Aug

More Jillian Murray Amazing Bikini in Mexico of the Day

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My dreams were answered last week when I posted bikini pics of what I consider a goddess sent from heaven, not polluted septic water Mexico, in her bikini…Jillian Murray….not because she flew into my arms and we started a life together because that’s what we are meant to do. It’s all part of being soul mates…and not because she had a movie premiere from her new horror movie and I was invited…but because she retweeted me…which may not be love, marriage, sex, a blow job, or even a hand job…hell it’s not even holding hands…but when you don’t leave your house, have friends, interact with people…it feels like it is…

Jillian Murray is amazing, still in her bikini, probably with another man, breaking my heart…all while I love every second of it…thanks to that hot fucking body…I don’t mind sharing something that isn’t mine…I also don’t mine licking the screen even though the people around me in this starbucks seem to…

Posted in:Jillian Murray

2014

04

Aug

Lily Collins Covered in Mud of the Day

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Lily Collins is one of Phil Collins’ many kids, who I don’t really think used Phil Collins to really get ahead in life, because he’s a touring Rockstar in the UK, and she was separated from him as a little kid, forced to live the life of luxury with her mother who was some socialite from LA before marrying Phil Collins….

I wouldn’t be surprised if she hasn’t seen much more than a check from the guy since she was 5, but that check helped the family afford a good life and good friends, and thus connections with good casting directors, producers and etc.

I don’t know anything about her, or really care about her career, or her personally life. I am much more into staring at her shit covered ass…not because I am into scat…but because there is something magical from a girl from an affluent privileged life…smearing her own feces on herself like some bi-polar episode…those are serious daddy issues…

Unless of course…she’s just rolled around in mud…in which case…less exciting but still involves staring at her ass…which is good enough for me to stare at…because every ass is…seriously, it doesn’t need an IMDB page or a hit making parent…it just needs to be half naked…

Posted in:Lily Collins

2014

04

Aug

Emmy Rossum Bikini Selfie of the Day

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Emmy Rossum has been naked so many times on TV, that I really don’t think her bikini selfies matter.

She’s up on the – “we’ve seen you simulate sex enough to know that you love your body and think you’re worth more than you are, since you get paid well and you are living the dream you always had as a young girl in a single mother household that taught you the right way to whore yourself to the top of the food chain, or at least as close as you can get, with the little talent you have”…kind of thing…

Or maybe I am just hard on her because I want to see her in self produced sex tapes, after seeing her in simulated sex.

Posted in:Emmy Rossum

2014

04

Aug

Alessandra Ambrosio in a Bikini …. Possibly with New Implants of the Day

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Alessandra Ambrosio wore a bikini on the beach because when you go to a beach that’s what people do…even though most of them shouldn’t. I’m talking about the mangled stomach girl I posted on my Facebook who was fat shamed for being fat..because when you’re fat you shouldn’t wear a bikini – even if legally you are allowed…no one wants to see it…

One of the few people who have the VIP access card to wear a bikini pretty much anywhere…is a signed Victoria’s Secret model…because that stamp of approval is enough to say “I may be in my 30s, but we cool here, this bikini is something people pay to see, so consider yourself lucky to get it for free”…and I’m okay with that..

All this to say, if you’re a signed working model…you get a pass…all you other girls debating on what bikini to wear, maybe pass it by me first and I’ll let you know if you’re fit enough…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE BIKONI PICS CLICK HERE

In more Alesandra Ambrosio news, she wore a dress with her kid that showcased the roundest little tits in the history of tits…leading me to think she’s upgraded her implants because it’s that 10 year mark when you trade them in…and she didn’t feel like going with the tear drop shape, or keeping things as small as they were in the past…she went bigger and rounder…these things happen.

Little known fact, most models have implants, so when you see your girl’s shitty tits, keep that in mind….the majority of the girls you jerk off to are plastic..and there is no merit in that…there is just a lot of money in it – cuz these bitches get paid…

I guess she could be in a push up bra, but where’s the fun in that.

I’m More into her silly breast implants CLICK HERE

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio

2014

04

Aug

Shay Mitchell Thigh Highs for Instagram of the Day

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Shay Mitchell is starting to improve her instagram game. I guess she realizes that she’s insanely famous on the internet thanks to being on some really popular show. We’re talking more famous than a lot of people, because little kids use the internet and social media and that’s why we are all fucking doomed…

Because here she is posting an innocent little hipster outfit. Some short shorts, some thigh high boots….that hipster dressing girls may not realize is some fetish gear for us old as fuck dudes who grew up in the late 80s and 90s…where ass cheeks and thigh highs were enough to jerk off to…or maybe they do realize it…and this is all part of their seduction. It’s working.

Posted in:Shay Mitchell

2014

04

Aug

Casey Batchelor Bouncy Castle Bra Flash of the Day

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I just did a quick google search of Casey Batchelor because when you see a girl who is over 18, in a loose fitting crop top bouncing on a bouncy castle, flashing her bra, for the paparazzi, who you’ve never heard of….you know the kind of girl you’d want to invite to your kid’s birthday party because your wife isn’t this fun – even if it is is some staged attention seeking bullshit that would be better executed…topless.…so now, it is up to me to find out who she is…and thanks to google I have come up with…the girl who said

‘My boobs have never made me happy’

Are you fucking kidding me, the only reason she exists, and the only reason she even exists or is noticed…or stands out from the UK trashy girl crowd is because of her tits..You’d think a girl who had tits that didn’t make her happy, would find other ways to make money, you know by not using them for her job…or maybe she uses them cuz she hates them.. Or maybe She’s full of shit..and here are her tits…that may bring you the happiness they never brought her…

Here are a few of her calendar pics…cuz she gets no joy from her tits…maybe it’s just a misquote her tits don’t bring joy because she has no feeling in them anymore thanks to implants…or maybe…who the fuck cares.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Casey Batchelor

2014

04

Aug

Michelle Rodiguez Bikini Party of the Day

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Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron our having sex. Considering she was a lesbian and he is gay, we can assume it is more about getting high and him jerking off into a shot glass for her to insert in her vagina to make herself a baby, as lesbians do…but I could be wrong…it happens…what I am not wrong about is how she’s diving into the ocean off a boat…and she posted this video…

Then she posted this video of what I think is her using a vibrator…that’s what it sounds like…because she’s clearly not getting dick…not that she wants dick…it kinda goes against being a Lesbian…

Here is her pic of her with a bunch of dudes…because well…she clearly she doesn’t identify herself as a lesbian…since lesbians hate everything with a penis.

TO SEE MORE OF HER BIKINI PARTY CLICK HERE

Posted in:Michelle Rodriguez

2014

04

Aug