DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

24

Apr

I am – Angelina Jolie Hides Behind a Flat Ass of the Day

I guess this ass isn’t so bad, but it’s still covering Angelina Jolie, which isn’t such a big deal to me, because I don’t really give a fuck, but I can imagine that some of your creepy motherfuckers who have a collection of her pictures in a box in your closet, a hard drive full of every spread bitch has done and maybe even videos of you jerking off on glossy prints of her face, making the fantasy that much more realistic do care that this ass is covering what could have been a hot post pregnancy upskirt, my favorite kind of upskirt.

Either way, I’d let this ass, dance nude for me. Speaking of nude dancing, I had this friend who was rich, he’d hire girls to dance on his dinning room table. I’d go over and it was like my own little strip club. The dude was pretty fucked and everyday at noon, a 12 year old kid he hired wold stand outside his house everyday in a paperboy outfit screaming EXTRA, EXTRA, like it was the 1920. Dude, would run down, give him a quarter, take his paper and call him Timmy before start his expensive day…We were only friends for about a week, I actually accidentally met him, but it was a pretty fucking glorious time, I’m talking fully stocked bar and shit…

I guess that doesn’t have shit to do with Angelina Jolie or her tits and panties or who she is talking to, but I know that she’s not talking to you and that’s because you’re never going to get in up in her…Loser…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

24

Apr

I am – Britney Spears is Thin Overnight of the Day

11 Comments »

I know that these have probably made their way around the internet the last few hours. I guess that’s what happens when there are about 1500 celebrity blogs out there and you have a lazy cunt like me trying to figure out how to add titles to a shitty Debbie Does Dallas Camera Phone Video for 10 hours last night instead of posting all the pictures every fucker out there is posting. The only reason I am posting these now, is because bitch looks better overnight and I am guessing that only happens with liposuction, but still worth around not that it changes anything for me, I would have still fucked her back when she was in the gutter, with acne, cellulite and no shoes on, if I could get it up because there is no whore too dirty for me at least that’s my life’s philosopohy.

I am actually pretty pissed off that bitch pulled her shit together and got dancing and singing in efforts to make a comeback that will probably work out for her. She’s been in the media consistently the whole 2 or 3 years she’s taken off work to have babies and be a fat lazy cunt, but as long as she wears booty shorts and fishnets, she’ll be getting airtime on my site…..if this is even considered a site, I like to believe it’s more of mistake on the part of people who invented blogging software giving people like me the chance to talk about Britney’s ass…

Point of the story is that I like gutter sluts more than refined, choreographed, popstars like Britney and I was really looking forward to getting a 10 dollar a song lap dance from her in 5 years, had she lost everything as I had planned for her. She has officially let me down even though she’s wearing her underwear in public…which more girls should do, and I’d advise you to tell them to, but realize you haven’t spoke to a girl since you were in grade school before you realized you wanted to fuck them, which was the last time you weren’t creepy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

24

Apr

I am – Gwen Stefani Ruins My Fetish of the Day

5 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Gwen Stefani dressing close enough to a French Maid to make me never want to look at a bitch in a French Maid’s outfit again, even though I love that cheesy sexy shit that is so played out that every bitch rocks this shit for halloween which wasn’t a bad thing until Gwen Stefani ruined it for me. I feel like Halloween won’t be as good as it once was and now when every college slut on campus is rocking her variation of the french maid outfit, even if her variation involves no panties and an exposed cooter, even if her and her friend are going down on each other in the shower and a french maid party, my brain will go back to these Gwen Stefani pics poisoning me to never enjoy such an enjoyable thing again…

I guess the reality is that nothing will ever make me hate girls going down on each other, or girls dressed like sluts, but I had no other angle for the post and Gwen Stefani is pretty fucking busted, even when she’s showin’ off her long legs….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

24

Apr

I am – stepTV Does Debbie Does Dallas Again Party in NYC of the Day

95 Comments »

Debbie Does Dallas was the first porno I ever saw back when I was 15 or 16. It holds a very warm place in my heart as fetishes of big bushed cheerleaders never really left my mind. I wasn’t sure how much I liked the concept of remaking it with bikini waxes, fake tits and expensive cameras, so when I heard about the NYC Debbie Does Dallas Again launch party that happened in NYC last Thursday, I convinced Vivid that my site was good enough to get invited and they pulled through. I am obviously too broke to go to NYC so I found some people willing to help out. I wanted to get the whole thing on video but I don’t have equipment but the guy I spoke to said that he’d do it as long as he could get drunk. Since I encourage people being drunk, it seemed like he was the guy. He forgot to tell me that his camera was on a free cellphone he got for signing a 2 year contract, but he still pulled through –

This is what he had to say about the event:

So Big Pinky Derrick and I got a late start which upon entering the club was fine by us. There were swarms of shithead photographers with their expensive cameras and wall street pieces of shit in 3 piece suits that seemed to cover the place like a cum shot covers a pornstar’s tits. We immediately grabbed beers from the open bar, but only one beer at a time cause they wouldn’t let us double fist. I figured double fisting would be accepted because it’s a porn party, but maybe fisting hasn’t really made it into the mainstream porn yet.

Regardless we made our way to the cesspool of photographers, I was equipped with a polaroid I stole from my neighbor’s little sister about 10 years ago and began snapping up photos of Monique who was posing. I was catching glaring eyes of the “professional” photographers who I guess thought I was a total cunt and at one point even told me that the event was for professionals. Shit’s for DrunkenStepfahter, how much more professional can I get so I told him to Fuck off. We continued drinking staring at the scene, having team huddles in the bathroom to assess the situation.

Finally after getting shoved around by “professionals”, karma kicked in. They escorted the porn stars to a roped off section and with three piece weasels and shithead photographers foaming at the bottom of the stairs they pulled me and Big Pinky up. Giving my competition the proverbial fuck off smile me and my cohort parted the sea of scum and sat unaccompanied with Monique and Savanna who both seemed confused how a bunch of idiots like us were up there with them in the first place.

Alas the girls warmed up to us and our charming ways. The interview went fine, we parted with thanks, smiles, and gropes, and hit the bar once more before stumbling out onto the NYC streets, laughing at the whole fucking thing.” I’d say thanks Jesus and DrunkenStepfather.com, but I am convinced you had nothing to do with making this happen. It was all me, motherfucker.

here’s the video:

Here’s the interview that you can’t make out in the video.

The following questions were asked of our two lovely hedonists:

Who would win a fight Captain crunch or Captain Kirk?

Monique: Captain crunch. Probably due to brand loyalty.

Savana: Captain Kirk cause he is bigger and not a cartoon.

Who is your favorite smurf?

Monique and Savana: The only one that wore high heels and was slutty. Smurfette.

If there were a fire which would you rescue? A kitten or a puppy?

Both: The puppy. Kittens are too hard to catch an are not as cool. Puppies rule.

Punch mom in the stomach or wear a suit of Macaroni for a week.

Monique I’d definetly punch my mom in the stomach hard!
Savana: Macaroni suit.

Favorite shoes of all times?
Monique: Chucks
Savana:Giuseppi whatevers

Here are the polaroids:

I have decided that showing up to events with a camera phone is exactly where I want to take stepTV. Fuck 10,000 dollar cameras and high quality video, this shit’s ghetto there’s no denying it. I hope these guys become my NYC stepSTEVEs. If you’re wondering who they are –

Credits:

Big Pinky Derrick on camera and interviewer is from TVCARNAGE

and

Roedood behind the camera and drunk and is from VBS.tv (until I poach this motherfucker to work for me full time because Vice is massively gay)

For more info on Debbie Does Dallas Again Go HERE

Posted in:Pornstars|stepLIVIN'|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

3 Comments »

I just realized that I haven’t left the house yet today and it’s prett late at night. I don’t really know what I have been doing because I haven’t posted on the site since 4 am, but I am pretty fucking sure I’ve been doing work – it just doesn’t seem like I have been.

Either way, I am posting the links now and planning an evening adventure, because not leaving the house is almost as depressing as your life. ENJOY!

Amy Winehouse In Her Bra
GO

This is Brazilian TV
GO

Russians Love Jennifer Lopez Because They Are 10 Years Behind
GO

Some Girl Unwrapping Herself
GO

Charlize Theron Dressed in Yellow
GO

Intense Girls WIth Putting Tabasco In Their Eyes
GO

Teddy Bear Bondage Video
GO

Girl Publicly Degraded – They Say It’s Staged, But It’s Still Fucking INSANE
GO

Heath Ledger is the Next Joker, These Are the Pics
GO

Some Idiot from Laguna Beach Playing Russian Roulette
GO

More of Scarlett on SNL
GO

Cam Girl in a Video
GO

Some More Danielle Lloyd Lookin’ Big Tittied
GO

The 5 Hottest Nerds
GO

Mischa Barton in Mom Jeans
GO

Fatasia Barrino In a Tight Dress Lookin’ Busted
GO

Keanu Reeves Has A Hot Girlfriend
GO

Chevy Chase Has Mommy Issues, Maybe Because She Named Him After the Car She Got Knocked Up In
GO

Some Scren Caps of Gail Stanwyck from Fletch
GO

Val Kilmer Fat on the Beach
GO

Lohan in a Bikini in ALlure
GO

Some Chick Named Eva La Rue Posing
GO

Milla Jovovich is Last Week’s News and By Last Week I Mean 5 Years Ago, But She’s Pregnant and I love Unprotected Sex
GO

Bruce Willis is Banging a Girl in Her Mid 20s, Because He Can
GO

Nicole Richie Calls DJ AM’s Ex GF Fat
GO

Mischa Barton See-Through Dress
GO

Some Third Rate Celebrity from Third Rock From The Sun Turns His Camera to the Paparazzi and Makes a Video Abotu It
GO

Apprentice Contestant Naomi Lay Sex Tape Scandal
GO

Apprentice Named Kristine Lefebvre is Posing Nude for Playboy in June
GO

Changing Room Voyeur
GO

Some Swedish Band that is supposed to be pretty good…
GO

Some New Eve Song That You Don’t Care About
GO

Jewel has Insane Tits
GO

Perez Hanging Out With Jewels Tits
GO

Britney Shaved Her Head To Honor Dead Aunt
GO

Having Sex When The Kids Are Around
GO

Dude Turns His Back Into a Target
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

This Will Get You Laid and You Need It because Your Good Looks Aren’t Enough…
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Scarlett Johansson is Scared of Cameras of the Day

1 Comment »

I was walking by a pay by the hour motel I like to park myself outside of, even though I don’t have a car. I just like seeing the people go in and try to figure out if they are virgins who live with their parent’s trying to get freaky on their anniversary, or if they are dudes cheating on their wives, or if they are dudes hiring whores, or if they are dudes who pick up random drunk chicks they don’t want to bring home to their friends because they are ugly, but not ugly enough to stuff like a turkey if no one knows. Anyway, I was standing outside the parking lot and was spotted by a couple, they tried no to make eye contact, thinking I may have been someone they know and they didn’t want me to bust them.

It reminds me a lot of how Scarlett is with the paparazzi. Her career is based on being seen but bitch always tries to avoid people taking her picture, whether it’s with a sign telling the papraazzi to fuck off or a hood over her head, bitch is so fucking dramatic, maybe because she’s an actor and drama is what she’s all about, but I have a feeling it’s just a way to draw more attention to herself which is pretty fucking lame – but obviously works….because here I am talking about it, but then again, I don’t get out much so I talk about lots of shit no one cares about.

Bonus – I found old pictures of Scarlett Hiding Before Cuz Bitch is Repetitive GO

Posted in:Scarlett Johansson|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Morgan Fairchild’s Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

It’s always been said that men age gracefully and women fall apart at the seams the older they get, you know men get more distinguished as their hair gets grey and women try everything in their power to fight it, whether it’s with dye jobs, plastic surgery or intense work outs. They try to keep things interesting by becoming dirtier in bed and easier to get into bed, but it doesn’t change the fact that their tits aim to the ground, and their vagina’s dry up. But there are always exceptions to every rule and Morgan Fairchild makes post-menopausal unprotected sex an amazing bonus instead of a reason why you’re getting in bed with someone’s grandmother….sure bitch has a bit of a muff gut going on, but I wish a muff gut was all my wife had instead a buried vagina I don’t remember seeing since the last time she made me play “Pirate Treasure Hunt” and even that took me about two hours to pull off….

Posted in:Morgan Fairchild|Oldies|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Morgan Fairchild's Tits of the Day

3 Comments »

It’s always been said that men age gracefully and women fall apart at the seams the older they get, you know men get more distinguished as their hair gets grey and women try everything in their power to fight it, whether it’s with dye jobs, plastic surgery or intense work outs. They try to keep things interesting by becoming dirtier in bed and easier to get into bed, but it doesn’t change the fact that their tits aim to the ground, and their vagina’s dry up. But there are always exceptions to every rule and Morgan Fairchild makes post-menopausal unprotected sex an amazing bonus instead of a reason why you’re getting in bed with someone’s grandmother….sure bitch has a bit of a muff gut going on, but I wish a muff gut was all my wife had instead a buried vagina I don’t remember seeing since the last time she made me play “Pirate Treasure Hunt” and even that took me about two hours to pull off….

Posted in:Morgan Fairchild|Oldies|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Jennifer Tilly’s Big Ol’ Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

Big tits are a perfect distraction from a stupid dress that has plastic windows sewn onto it. I remember when I used to work at a marina and part of my job was zipping on the canvas roofs during rainstorms and the shit had windows made out of the same material. I guess the truth is that this bitch is thick enough to be a boat, and her tits are what makes her float.

Sometimes I think that tits are my enemy, they distract me from realizing a bitch is busted because I am too busy focusing on them bounce. Since I haven’t had a boner in a long time, it doesn’t leave me waking up the next morning in bed with a monster, but I know that tits have the power to do that to me.

Either way, Jennifer Tilly has some big ol’ tits that you can look at this glorious Monday.

Posted in:Jennifer Tilly|Unsorted

2007

23

Apr

I am – Jennifer Tilly's Big Ol' Tits of the Day

1 Comment »

Big tits are a perfect distraction from a stupid dress that has plastic windows sewn onto it. I remember when I used to work at a marina and part of my job was zipping on the canvas roofs during rainstorms and the shit had windows made out of the same material. I guess the truth is that this bitch is thick enough to be a boat, and her tits are what makes her float.

Sometimes I think that tits are my enemy, they distract me from realizing a bitch is busted because I am too busy focusing on them bounce. Since I haven’t had a boner in a long time, it doesn’t leave me waking up the next morning in bed with a monster, but I know that tits have the power to do that to me.

Either way, Jennifer Tilly has some big ol’ tits that you can look at this glorious Monday.

Posted in:Jennifer Tilly|Unsorted