I guess it’s only natural for a bitch in her 30s, who spent her 20s destroying her body with cock, coke and cristal, to look a little busted and in reality Tara Reid doesn’t look so bad. I have seen worse and slept with worse but none of them were celebrities, not that Tara Reid is worthy of being a celebrity, she hasn’t done much in years but she probably has a bank account big enough to support me for the rest of my life and she’s not fat, she’s still got all her limbs and she has fake tits, making her a perfect candidate to be my next wife after this one has a massive heart attack or whatever fat people die of. My fear is that she has a stroke and I have to push the bitch around in a wheelchair for the next 20 years because I can’t afford a home for her…

Before seeing Tara and her 6 dollars and realizing I should marry her, I was thinking that my meal ticket was to make a stepPORN that I’ll never get to make because I don’t have funding. I even emailed the dude from Vivid and said “Let’s make a stepPORN” and motherfucker never emailed me back because he’s too busy buying celebrity sex tapes off people….

I know Tara Reid would never star in it, but there was once a girl who worked in my neighborhood who I’d see in the bars every night and the next day she’d be wearing the same clothes she had on in the bar. We called her Sticky Vicky and we’d joke that she would pass out drunk outside work at 5 am, wake up in an alley, or in the park or in someone’s front lawn and that she’d brush the dirt off her outfit before heading in for the day. Reality is that she was probably having one night stand after one night stand. I’d pretend that I didn’t know Sticky, and she was probably too drunk to notice me and this went on for 6 months, until one day Sticky Vicky disappeared. I can only assume one of her one night stands became her sugar daddy or maybe that her alcoholism lead her one some crazy herpe ridden bar hopping, park sleeping adventure they write about in the movies, but if Sticky Vicky is out there, I may have work for her just as soon as those fuckers at Vivid hook me up….

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These are supposed to be recent candids of Jordan Katie Price doing pregnant chick things because she is pregnant. There’s really not much hotter than knowing a dude has dropped his seed inside some girl who he probably should have just met at a bar, taken back to her place to slam her with a condom because you don’t know where she’s been to go home to his wife, a respectable woman who raises his kids the next day. This is like a modern day fairy tale, where the bar slut that everyone’s had a piece of because her tits distract them from her washed up whore face and life’s all about experience and not many girls have tits like this to experience, finds love. I think the sentence doesn’t make sense, but you know what I am getting at, people don’t date girls like this, they have them on speed dial for when they are drunk and want some action, but due to life’s wonderful mysteries, some dude decided to marry the bitch. My only explanation is that she gave him STDs or has compromising pictures of him have sex with a man and is bribing her, or maybe dudes on her payroll but I guess that doesn’t change the fact that he came in her.

Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing, even on a bitch who’s probably had dozens of abortions in the last 2-3 years and the gyno said “NO MORE” you’re gonna have to make this one come to term…Maybe that’s why she’s hiding it with her bag, because she’s embarrassed of it. I guess I should stop now. Good thing no one reads this shit….

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These are supposed to be recent candids of Jordan Katie Price doing pregnant chick things because she is pregnant. There’s really not much hotter than knowing a dude has dropped his seed inside some girl who he probably should have just met at a bar, taken back to her place to slam her with a condom because you don’t know where she’s been to go home to his wife, a respectable woman who raises his kids the next day. This is like a modern day fairy tale, where the bar slut that everyone’s had a piece of because her tits distract them from her washed up whore face and life’s all about experience and not many girls have tits like this to experience, finds love. I think the sentence doesn’t make sense, but you know what I am getting at, people don’t date girls like this, they have them on speed dial for when they are drunk and want some action, but due to life’s wonderful mysteries, some dude decided to marry the bitch. My only explanation is that she gave him STDs or has compromising pictures of him have sex with a man and is bribing her, or maybe dudes on her payroll but I guess that doesn’t change the fact that he came in her.

Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing, even on a bitch who’s probably had dozens of abortions in the last 2-3 years and the gyno said “NO MORE” you’re gonna have to make this one come to term…Maybe that’s why she’s hiding it with her bag, because she’s embarrassed of it. I guess I should stop now. Good thing no one reads this shit….

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I just realized that summer is coming and that means that my stepdaughter and her friends are going to be running around outside in short summer dresses that look like lingerie and that always shows off their asses when the right gust of wind comes in or when they bed over to pic something up and that makes me happy. The other thing that makes me happy is that they love to lay in the park suntanning in bikinis because we aren’t the socio-economic class that has country houses or backyards and that’s a good thing too. What’s not a good thing is that it took pics of Britney’s panty covered cunt to remind me of how much I love summer, but I still stand by the fact that I would totally bang her if I had the chance, because that’s just the kind of guy I am. Some people kick them when they are down, I fuck them while they are down, or on all fours or even standing up.

Unfortunately, my penis doesn’t work, so I am not a real threat to anyone. I can’t even masturbate with my blinds open to freak out my neighbors and smile at them on the street the next day knowing that they are fucking sickos for watching some old fat fucker like me jerk off. It’s called reversed embarrassment and it is funny. Cuddles.

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I have never seen these pictures of Lohan before because I am pretty sure they didn’t hit the internet yet, even though they are about 4 or 5 months old, but knowing me, they have. But they are of Lohan partying at some hipster bullshit like she tends to do and they were taken by ridiculously UGLY hipster-poser cunt Cory Kennedy.

I guess they landed in my inbox because I am the furthest thing from being a hipster site, which sucks for me because hipsters are the new GAP, and if I could seduce those following losers in American Apparel to read this shit, then maybe I’d get some decent fucking ad campaigns and buy myself a van to live in or a RV to go on the stepTOUR in.

Either way, those shitty pics weren’t enough for a post so I am also posting this new spread in Nylon Magazine of Lohan. In the event you don’t know what Nylon is, it is the bible of hipster lifestyle. The editors of this shit are GODS to these kids ,leading them into a life of half nakedness, cocaine addiction and designer clothes and laziness. I guess that’s why Lohan’s trying so hard to get a piece by sucking every LA hipsters dick. She doesn’t realize that all she’s gotta do to be cool is take a bath with me.

Maybe I am old and jaded, but I kinda liked it when the underbelly of society was left for the underbelly of society and rich kids stayed where rich kids belonged at country clubs and going to high society events and showering. That concludes this post. I just woke up.

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I feel like a real celebrity blogger. I got exclusive pics of Diddy being a scum bag because he’s too rich for his own good and can use that to own any slut he comes across and I am pretty sure the motherfucker does. To him the whole world is like that seedy part of town where the street hookers stand at the corner for people like us to do whatever we want to do to them at an affordable price, but in Diddy’s world, his street whores are the hot girls we can’t get with because they like to fuck wallets….I am not saying all women are whores, but people who fuck for money are….Anyway, here’s the story.

Diddy is checking out the people at the three pools at the Setai, exclusive and amazing hotel in Southbeach. there are many wonmen there who sunbath topless–especially the models who typically surroud the pool while lounging on beds. Anyway, Diddy walks by the pool area, then makes a final pass and stops just past our bed. He talks about something with his entourage, all wearing Sean John and all looking very confident and cool, and they all start laughing. Then one of the guyas from his entourage goes to one of the more beautiful girls by the pool who was sunbathing topless. They talk for a little while, she puts her top on and then is escorted by the guy from Diddy’s entourage back to Diddy. I got a pic of them shaking hands and talking. They appear to exchange numbers and when they finish talking the girl walks passed us–looking very excited and Diddy walks away with his entourage laughing up a store.

I am told he regularly rents out the $25 k a night penthouse duplex in the condo tower and hangs out at the Setai frequently.

Hope you enjoy….not great quality bc taken on treo 700p

I even tagged the fucking pics like the tattoo I once gave a girlfriend on her forehead so other guys knew who she belonged to if she ever ran away….I mean…Look at me I am all professional now…Keep sending in Scoops!!!

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I don’t know who Ali Larter is because I am bad at my job, because it really isn’t a job. I am pretty sure you could type this shit into google and you’ll find everything out yourself. It’ll give you something to distract yourself from hating your life for a few minutes, so think of my negligence as a blessing. I am just trying to help like I was your real life stepfather, teaching you how to ride your bike, but if I was your real life stepfather, I probably wouldn’t talk to you, because that’s your real dad’s job, my job’s to fuck your mom.

Anyway, this bitch is stickin’ her tongue out at us, because she’s funny, but not as funny as my friend Rocco who has a tongue fetish and always sticks his tongue out at girls to get them to stick their tongue back, so that he can reference that shit when he gets home and fucks himself, or makes love to himself, I guess the level passion and intensity depends on how tired or drunk he is.

That means that indirectly, this Ali Larter bitch is a fucking pornstar because I am sure my friend Rocco isn’t the only motherfucker out there who gets off to this shit. I kinda love when girls are being total dirty sluts without knowing, like she probably wasn’t thinking that guys will get off to this shit when she did it, she probably thought she was being cute, which I am sure Rocco would probably agree with her and add something like “and her tongue was so thick and purple it drove me nuts” and by nuts he would mean all over his belly. True Story.

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I don’t know who Ali Larter is because I am bad at my job, because it really isn’t a job. I am pretty sure you could type this shit into google and you’ll find everything out yourself. It’ll give you something to distract yourself from hating your life for a few minutes, so think of my negligence as a blessing. I am just trying to help like I was your real life stepfather, teaching you how to ride your bike, but if I was your real life stepfather, I probably wouldn’t talk to you, because that’s your real dad’s job, my job’s to fuck your mom.

Anyway, this bitch is stickin’ her tongue out at us, because she’s funny, but not as funny as my friend Rocco who has a tongue fetish and always sticks his tongue out at girls to get them to stick their tongue back, so that he can reference that shit when he gets home and fucks himself, or makes love to himself, I guess the level passion and intensity depends on how tired or drunk he is.

That means that indirectly, this Ali Larter bitch is a fucking pornstar because I am sure my friend Rocco isn’t the only motherfucker out there who gets off to this shit. I kinda love when girls are being total dirty sluts without knowing, like she probably wasn’t thinking that guys will get off to this shit when she did it, she probably thought she was being cute, which I am sure Rocco would probably agree with her and add something like “and her tongue was so thick and purple it drove me nuts” and by nuts he would mean all over his belly. True Story.

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