DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

14

Mar

I am – Daydreamin’ of a Stuffed Toy of the Day

It’s raining and it’s depressing out. I started coughing up what looked like blood today. I may be dying and that’s ok, because when I drift into a day dream not even impending death can throw off my game….

Speaking of having my game thrown of, I got some Cease and Desist about the Aniston Topless pics Perez is getting sued for.

Here is my response. Enjoy.

To my friends and NBC Universal,

I didn’t post any Jennifer Aniston picture. I posted a screenshot from another website that featured her image on the cover of a Magazine called Choc. In this case you may want to run after the magazine in question, or the website I got it from. A blog of my nature does social commentary on various web finds and the laws are grey when it comes to what is freedom of speech and what is copyright infringement online.

Also, the revenue of my website is next to none, my company is based out of another country with different copyright laws you will need to follow and the whole thing is really not worth your effort.

If you choose to sue me, I can always declare bankruptcy, I mean the $14 in my piggy bank won’t get me too far, I could just send it to you personally right now and get it over with.

The publicity that will come from this will take me to the next level and I could represent myself and get featured on Access Hollywood like Perez Hilton.

If you do sue me, do you pay my airfare to California? I’ve always wanted to see the ocean again. It’s been years and I could really use a vacation.

Will this be aired on courtTV? I have seen what lawsuits have done to these bloggers and you have to admit it’s GREAT pr, I guess I should hit the gym cuz I hear the camera adds 10 pounds and I would want to look my best!

This is all very exciting and has added new meaning to my life. Dreams of being a millionaire like Perez seem more possible than ever and I’d love to thank you for this golden opportunity.

If you need anything else, please let me know.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez

Now watch the Daydream video, asshole…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Daydreamin' of a Stuffed Toy of the Day

2 Comments »

It’s raining and it’s depressing out. I started coughing up what looked like blood today. I may be dying and that’s ok, because when I drift into a day dream not even impending death can throw off my game….

Speaking of having my game thrown of, I got some Cease and Desist about the Aniston Topless pics Perez is getting sued for.

Here is my response. Enjoy.

To my friends and NBC Universal,

I didn’t post any Jennifer Aniston picture. I posted a screenshot from another website that featured her image on the cover of a Magazine called Choc. In this case you may want to run after the magazine in question, or the website I got it from. A blog of my nature does social commentary on various web finds and the laws are grey when it comes to what is freedom of speech and what is copyright infringement online.

Also, the revenue of my website is next to none, my company is based out of another country with different copyright laws you will need to follow and the whole thing is really not worth your effort.

If you choose to sue me, I can always declare bankruptcy, I mean the $14 in my piggy bank won’t get me too far, I could just send it to you personally right now and get it over with.

The publicity that will come from this will take me to the next level and I could represent myself and get featured on Access Hollywood like Perez Hilton.

If you do sue me, do you pay my airfare to California? I’ve always wanted to see the ocean again. It’s been years and I could really use a vacation.

Will this be aired on courtTV? I have seen what lawsuits have done to these bloggers and you have to admit it’s GREAT pr, I guess I should hit the gym cuz I hear the camera adds 10 pounds and I would want to look my best!

This is all very exciting and has added new meaning to my life. Dreams of being a millionaire like Perez seem more possible than ever and I’d love to thank you for this golden opportunity.

If you need anything else, please let me know.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez

Now watch the Daydream video, asshole…

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Sienna Miller Vaginal Definition of the Day

3 Comments »

I saw these pictures months ago, but were shitty quality. The only reason I am posting these is not because of her tits, it’s because of the way her bathing suit bottoms are riding up her box. I think I have a vagina fetish. I am also so interested in knowing how much inner versus outter versus clit hood a girl’s got. I guess it’s the same thing as girls wondering how big a dude’s dick is. Based on these pics, Sienna’s got a bit of an outty and I am okay with that. My whole quest for the perfect coinslot ended when I found out they didn’t exist. Either way, here are the rest of these old pictures cuz I know you hate pussy. Homo.

Posted in:Sienna Miller|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Ashley Olsen’s Bra of the Day

1 Comment »

People give these girls way too much credit. They made such a big deal about their 18th birthday that’s followed them around for the last 3 years since they turned 18. I feel like if you can buy cigarette and lottery tickets, you’re too old to suck my dick. In fact, from all the emails I get, the older girls get, the less inclined they are to suck your dick. I remember hearing stories when I was 15 about how much dick the 15 year old girls would suck at summer camp and other random places, I guess it’s because they weren’t giving up their box and knew the only way to finish off the dude was with their mouth. I was too busy slamming the Albino down the street to really capitalize on that shit, you know with being the immigrant in the school and shit but as they get older, they slowly phase the blowjob out and leave it up to you to bang em. It’s like you never get a chance to fully enjoy head and they never finish you off from the way you want them too. Before you know it their pants are off and they are riding you. In case you haven’t noticed, I am not really talking about you because you are a virgin and don’t have sex. I am not really talking about me either because I can’t get it up, but I am talking about the Olsen’s being past their prime and here is one of them in a bra, or lack there of because her tits are smaller than my dick.

I had to delete the pics because Paparazzi are fucking assholes with deep pockets…

Posted in:Ashley Olsen|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Ashley Olsen's Bra of the Day

1 Comment »

People give these girls way too much credit. They made such a big deal about their 18th birthday that’s followed them around for the last 3 years since they turned 18. I feel like if you can buy cigarette and lottery tickets, you’re too old to suck my dick. In fact, from all the emails I get, the older girls get, the less inclined they are to suck your dick. I remember hearing stories when I was 15 about how much dick the 15 year old girls would suck at summer camp and other random places, I guess it’s because they weren’t giving up their box and knew the only way to finish off the dude was with their mouth. I was too busy slamming the Albino down the street to really capitalize on that shit, you know with being the immigrant in the school and shit but as they get older, they slowly phase the blowjob out and leave it up to you to bang em. It’s like you never get a chance to fully enjoy head and they never finish you off from the way you want them too. Before you know it their pants are off and they are riding you. In case you haven’t noticed, I am not really talking about you because you are a virgin and don’t have sex. I am not really talking about me either because I can’t get it up, but I am talking about the Olsen’s being past their prime and here is one of them in a bra, or lack there of because her tits are smaller than my dick.

I had to delete the pics because Paparazzi are fucking assholes with deep pockets…

Posted in:Ashley Olsen|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Janice Dickinson’s Bra of the Day

46 Comments »

Plastic Surgery isn’t always a bad thing. I think Janice Dickinson looks hot even if she’s 1/4 science experiment, 1/4 petrified from drugs and 1/2 old lady I want to fuck. Watching her adjust her bra excites me enough to post it because my wife stopped wearing a bra about 3 years ago and anything that is the opposite of what my wife does appeals to me. Maybe that’s why I am so into anorexic porn, I guess it’s kinda like Hugh Grant getting a blowjob from a tranny while being involved with Liz Hurley in her hot years. Admit you liked that pop culture reference from the 90s.

I am not usually that good with pop culture shit. I have no idea who the blond in these pictures is and I don’t really care, I can’t keep my eyes off of Janice’s skinny legs, There’s something amazing about skinny chicks that will always remain a mystery to me. I know that eating disorders are so fucking played out, but I have a feeling that this bitch doesn’t have an eating disorder, she just got her stomach removed in the lab one day and lives off speed like all your fat girlfriends should be doing too….

I know you don’t have a girlfriend. It was just an example.

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Janice Dickinson's Bra of the Day

No Comments »

Plastic Surgery isn’t always a bad thing. I think Janice Dickinson looks hot even if she’s 1/4 science experiment, 1/4 petrified from drugs and 1/2 old lady I want to fuck. Watching her adjust her bra excites me enough to post it because my wife stopped wearing a bra about 3 years ago and anything that is the opposite of what my wife does appeals to me. Maybe that’s why I am so into anorexic porn, I guess it’s kinda like Hugh Grant getting a blowjob from a tranny while being involved with Liz Hurley in her hot years. Admit you liked that pop culture reference from the 90s.

I am not usually that good with pop culture shit. I have no idea who the blond in these pictures is and I don’t really care, I can’t keep my eyes off of Janice’s skinny legs, There’s something amazing about skinny chicks that will always remain a mystery to me. I know that eating disorders are so fucking played out, but I have a feeling that this bitch doesn’t have an eating disorder, she just got her stomach removed in the lab one day and lives off speed like all your fat girlfriends should be doing too….

I know you don’t have a girlfriend. It was just an example.

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Reese Witherspoon Working Out of the Day

2 Comments »

My new fetish is watching girls workout and here is Reese in joggin’ action. These pics look old because she always wears the same fucking outfit everywhere she goes, but at least the pants are tight.

I hate the fact that girls who get dumped hit the gym to get fit, even though I just said it’s my new fetish, I am inconsistent like that. What is consistent in my like is that my wife just keeps getting fatter and fatter the longer we stay together and I resent girls who take pride in themselves.

This bitch has probably cried away 10 lbs and jogged off another 10lbs and quit food for the last bit. Sheâ€™s back on the market and has to work extra hard because no one wants a fat washed up mother of 2, because that’s some serious fucking baggage. Oscar winner or not, a slut with baggage is still a slut with baggage and brings back memories of when I got into this whole mess.

But I still believe that there’s nothing wrong with being a stepfather, because you can always run away, but there is a problem with post-pregnancy body and lucky for Reese she’s got that one covered, even though we can’t tell how damaged her box is based on these pics. I don’t know what I am talking about but I am thinking about passing the fuck out.

Posted in:Reese Witherspoon|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Kimmy Stewart Is Still Ugly of the Day

14 Comments »

There was once a time when I couldn’t turn on my computer without seeing some Kimmy Stewart bullshit. It was never really that fun for me but she’s been laying low for the last few months, which is a pretty good thing because she looks like her dad accidentally ran over her face with his Rolls Royce while he was drunk from writing that Maggy May song and she was drunk from sucking Jack Osborne’s Dick.

Point of this post is to say, where the fuck has this bitch gone. When people lay low it means a few things, either they are in a relationship, they have AIDS or they have taken up heroin. I know Kelly dropped some AIDS and her family member shit and I guess Kimmy could be the source….

If Kimmy happens to die, I think her legacy should be that she was the only rich person in history who couldn’t make themselves decent enough for me to fuck….I don’t know if that made sense, I am still fucked up on allergy pills and I have no standards, but even with no standards I wouldn’t bang’er but I would bang a car’s exhaust pipe at a busy intersection. Hope that brought my point home.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted

2007

14

Mar

I am – Brooke Burke and Her Baby of the Day

1 Comment »

I know that a mother and her newborn baby is a beautiful thing. I know that every mother of a newborn baby always has to brag about how it has changed her life and how amazing her baby is. It’s like playing dolls the adult version….the my barbie has more to offer than your barbie kinda thing, only their toys are living things that came from their womb, so I guess they can do whatever the fuck they want with them…I am just excited for their spawns to turn 18 and become fuck ups so this new found excitement goes the fuck away and stops annoying me,

That said, everytime I see a hot mom walking down the street with her baby, I think to myself how she got into that position. I think what position in her bedroom got her into this position. I think of all the doctor’s visits and flaunting of her vagina around the hospital and in front of family and friends. I think about how she breast feeds so much it becomes a chore and one day when tired and in the grocery store, and little baby starts to cry, that I may happen to walk past her with her tit exposed and make eye contact with her baby….and smile back at her letting her know that I like her tit turning a beautiful natural thing into porn….something I am good at.

The other day I got caught watching a girl eating a salad and she got creeped out. I can only blame my wife for breaking my penis.

Either way, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, new life brings new beginnings and lucky for me those beginnings usually mean I’ll see tit in the park. Just not Brooke Burke’s Tits.

Posted in:Brooke Burke|Unsorted