Here are some pics of Christina Aguilera in concert showing a little toe. This is a stretch, cuz it could just be a wrinkle in her pants, but i am delusional at times, especially when it involves Christina Aguilera’s vagina. It’s like when my wife tries turn me on, because she can’t accept the fact that she made me impotent, and starts getting all frisky and I close my eyes and pretend that she’s someone like Christina Aguilera or someone even mildly attractive, but reality always comes a knockin’ when her pants are taken off and room fills with the warm smell of freshly baked shit. I am not sure what freshly baked shit is, but since I invented the term, I have decided that it’s when you shit on a cookie sheet and back it at 350 for 45 mins to give your home that warm back alley outhouse scent like it was Thanksgiving and we were making pies.

Either way, I am stlll hungover and I just found out that I write better drunk than hungover. Look at the pics.

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Since she’s been gone, she’s been eating lots of cake…. I knew this girl was a little heavy in her pants but i had no idea she was this down-loaded. Down-loaded is an expression used for girls who are heavy from the waist down. I know that it’s a pretty weak expression that I used to use in the 90s on a girl I once knew who was built like a tonka truck in designer jeans but was hot from the waist up. She would have made a great news anchor but I think she ended up working construction, which made sense considering she was a good lifter.

I went to the strippers last night, I drank too much, I have indigestion. It was worth it. Cuddles.

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Since she’s been gone, she’s been eating lots of cake…. I knew this girl was a little heavy in her pants but i had no idea she was this down-loaded. Down-loaded is an expression used for girls who are heavy from the waist down. I know that it’s a pretty weak expression that I used to use in the 90s on a girl I once knew who was built like a tonka truck in designer jeans but was hot from the waist up. She would have made a great news anchor but I think she ended up working construction, which made sense considering she was a good lifter.

I went to the strippers last night, I drank too much, I have indigestion. It was worth it. Cuddles.

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I got a haircut today and it was pretty fucking exciting. If you are wondering how I could afford a haircut, it’s pretty simple, I haven’t cut my hair in 6 years and it was long and fucking disgusting, so I made my way to the cancer charity and shaved my head for free. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with my hair as their wig because it may give them herpes B, that’s the shit that I heard some dude caught from a pet Monkey and it destroyed his vital organs. I guess since they’ve already got cancer, the diseases and bugs that they can land from my hair is the least of my concerns. Point of all this is to say…I am just doing my part this festive time of year….

Speaking of doing my part, check out Britney’s Nips and the other amazing links I brought you today. It’s a Chrsitmas Miracle…CUDDLES.

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I was too lazy to research this today, but I think these are pics of Marcia Cross and her Girlfriend. I remember reading that she was a lesbian and that she was pregnant and I don’t know how that happens but I do know that at first glance you’d assume that this is her mom or sister because of the red hair. What you don’t know is that redheads are a breed of their own and they stick together. I remember knowing a redhead in highschool and he was fucking strong. He looked like some computer programming motherfucker but if you teased him he’d go fucking nuts. I was told that the reason he was so strong was because in historical times a redheaded baby was thought to be the devil and they’d live them out in the woods to fend for themselves. So the ones who survived were stronger than normal people and as they reproduced the redhead strong gene trickled down the line. Point of all this is that they band together because they know they are there own special kind of person.

Speaking of special kind of person and lesbians, here’s an email I got about a link to a Tranny I knowingly posted yesterday…..

I’m just a noobie to the site you have so gratiously provided the internet with, and I hate to nitpick, but lets be real. Under your links there is a “Hot myspace girl”, and below “Her personal website”.

Naturally, I, being a college male figure “Why the hell not”. Upon inspection I see that this person is very old compared to me and is quite the non-looker. Very drag-queen-like make up.

Moreover, on the person’s website there is *ahem* a “Services” section. Upon which, I could not help but click – because what could someone so cracked-out possibly provide the internet world.

And let me tell you dude – do not EVER get drunk and go to a bar in New York City, because in her services she provides SHE-MALE CONTACT!

ITS A FUCKIN DUDE!!!! NOT A HOT MYSPACE CHICK!!!!!!

Well, enjoy scrubbing your wang furiously in the shower if you’ve already beaten off to her..him…it?

Just thought you Should Know

Thanks dude….

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I haven’t really figured out why I gave MUNG the opportunity to post once a week, I think it had to do with how good he was in the comments and how he was eager to help me out. Since I do this stupid site alone, it makes for a lot of fucking writing and I wanted to take focus away from me, or find someone to take over if I ever hit it big and win a trip somewhere. I should have learned to trust my instincts and stick to my own posts because MUNG has only made me laugh once since he started this, but I can’t shut him down now, we’re in too deep. Here’s his post for the week.

I am kinda glad that my one true fan missed me. Someday I may travel to Argentina on a motorcycle like Che Guevera did in Motorcycle Diaries and visit you and watch your band play my ballad while I wear a beret. Until that time though, I can only imagine that you look like Salma Hayek. The main reason I can only picture you as Salma Hayek is because I know that in real life you have a mustache, smell like moneterey jack cheese, and your vagina looks like when you go to squirt hot sauce on an open-faced chili cheese burrito.

Please DeluXXXe Rape Machine, send me pictures. Send them to me and send them to Jesus.
I would love to see what you look like. Rescue me from this dungeon I call my parents basement and take me on the road with your band. I want to see the Argentinian landscape. I want to watch a prostitute have sex with a donkey….but more importantly I want to see the birthplace of Evita. Take me with you and make me your roadie.

Your Argentinian Prince,

MUNG

Thanks for nothing MUNG…Here are some more pics…

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I haven’t really figured out why I gave MUNG the opportunity to post once a week, I think it had to do with how good he was in the comments and how he was eager to help me out. Since I do this stupid site alone, it makes for a lot of fucking writing and I wanted to take focus away from me, or find someone to take over if I ever hit it big and win a trip somewhere. I should have learned to trust my instincts and stick to my own posts because MUNG has only made me laugh once since he started this, but I can’t shut him down now, we’re in too deep. Here’s his post for the week.

I am kinda glad that my one true fan missed me. Someday I may travel to Argentina on a motorcycle like Che Guevera did in Motorcycle Diaries and visit you and watch your band play my ballad while I wear a beret. Until that time though, I can only imagine that you look like Salma Hayek. The main reason I can only picture you as Salma Hayek is because I know that in real life you have a mustache, smell like moneterey jack cheese, and your vagina looks like when you go to squirt hot sauce on an open-faced chili cheese burrito.

Please DeluXXXe Rape Machine, send me pictures. Send them to me and send them to Jesus.
I would love to see what you look like. Rescue me from this dungeon I call my parents basement and take me on the road with your band. I want to see the Argentinian landscape. I want to watch a prostitute have sex with a donkey….but more importantly I want to see the birthplace of Evita. Take me with you and make me your roadie.

Your Argentinian Prince,

MUNG

Thanks for nothing MUNG…Here are some more pics…

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So there’s a website called thecobrasnake and it’s basically party pictures of some hipster photographer who goes to all the happening events. He hired a 16 year old intern named Cory Kennedy and she’s become some kind of internet phenom with a blog and lots of myspace friends. She’s banging Vincent Gallo and she’s partying with Lohan (see pics) and is the envy of 16 year olds internationally. I decided to email Mark from CobraSnake to see if he could help me make my stepdaughter famous this is what I wrote.

Dear Mark,

I have been getting a lot of annoying emails about the 16 year old girl that you made famous who is banging Vincent Gallo.

The reason I am emailing you is because I have a pretty disgusting 16 year old stepdaughter who resembles a homeless piece of shit too and I would like to make her famous.

I only have 10 readers on my site daily and all of them are perverts so the kind of fame they can offer her is pretty fucking illegal, if you know what I mean. I am impressed with what you did to that homeless girl, I hear she’s got a D&G job lined up and that life on the streets will be no more for her so l figured that maybe you could help me.

I look forward to hearing back from you,

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

This was his response….

16 year old homeless looking girls are the new crazy..
its like pokemon..
collect them all..

Thanks Mark. That was pretty fucking insightful. I can only assume your 16 year old intern wrote that to me and in that case…do you have any nudes.

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I just got this email:

she is a famous actress here (paraguay,) she have 2 tv programs, 1 radio program, and she acts in 2 series here.
Her name is Paola Maltese, here are some pics of her:

I was back at the strip club last night because I get in for free and get free drinks from one of the strippers because I told her that I would make her famous and to make a short story shorter I saw a group of college dudes in the VIP area. These college guys were having the time of their lives and they weren’t even rockin’ out with any strippers. They were rockin’ out together…I’m talking one dude who obviously doesn’t know that he was gay, went nuts to one of the songs and started booty dancing and bouncing off his boy’s lap…He played it off as a joke but it seemed pretty homo.

Speaking of homo there was an inuit family, who I guess came into town for the week from the north pole, it is Christmas you know and I hear Santa runs some kind of sweatshop up there and pays them in fish. That was a bad joke, but what wasn’t a joke was that there was 5 generations of inuit men sitting at the table from the 15 year old to the 110 year old great-great grandfather. It’s nice to see families spending time together.

Speaking of Inuits and Strippers and Gays, here is Paola Maltese. Enjoy.

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