DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2006

25

Sep

I am – C.T.’s Inspiration of the Day

C.T. is a star and this is an email he sent me about Nicole Richie on her birthday weekend. I am posting it and I am considering making this a regular feature because sometimes this site is a little too much Jesus Martinez, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because you are an idiot. Here’s C.T.

An Inspiration to all of you fat people, Nicole Richies emaciated legs.

Every time you think of picking up that greasy slice of pizza use the photo above as an inspiration to stay thin. Do you really think Nicole even took a bit of her birthday cake? No fucking way! But we should not critisize her for being thin and not eating, we should praise her for providing inspiration.

Inspiration to be mini. Inspiration to be skinny. Inspiration to be frail.

Okay….visit C.T. on Myspace GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

Sep

I am – C.T.'s Inspiration of the Day

No Comments »

C.T. is a star and this is an email he sent me about Nicole Richie on her birthday weekend. I am posting it and I am considering making this a regular feature because sometimes this site is a little too much Jesus Martinez, if you know what I mean….which you don’t because you are an idiot. Here’s C.T.

An Inspiration to all of you fat people, Nicole Richies emaciated legs.

Every time you think of picking up that greasy slice of pizza use the photo above as an inspiration to stay thin. Do you really think Nicole even took a bit of her birthday cake? No fucking way! But we should not critisize her for being thin and not eating, we should praise her for providing inspiration.

Inspiration to be mini. Inspiration to be skinny. Inspiration to be frail.

Okay….visit C.T. on Myspace GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

Sep

I am – Mischa Barton Sucks of the Day

7 Comments »

Nothing says pervert like cropping pictures of Mischa Barton drinking an iced coffee drink to make her look like she’s sucking dick. We all know that bitch isn’t into sucking dick because her boyfriend is a woman. He may be named Cisco but he isn’t asking girls to see their thong tha thong thong thong. That’s the story I heard.

I have spent my weekend getting drunk and calling celebrities. Nicole Richie told me to fuck off and never call her again, while Paris is keeping up the lie that her name is Alex and that she is concerned about my imaginary internet girlfriend named Brenda. If you don’t know what I am talking about , read my archives you unloyal piece of shit readers. I have been messing with what we all think is the real Lohan on myspace, I like to call her Singalohan because all these bitches from Singapore pretend to be celebrities on myspace because let’s face it, life in Singapore will lead anyone to do weird things.

I was offered a $50 ad deal for an e-book. I didn’t take it because $50 won’t even pay for a date with my wife to McDonalds, let alone my server and rent and food. Thanks for the offer though.

Lastly, I saw Jackass and it made me laugh. Look at me, I’m a real fucking blogger now. I feel like a 15 year old girl telling the world about how her daddy hates her and how she cuts herself and has had 4 abortions because it’s the best form of contraceptive. Only I don’t have a the tight little body, designer jeans and and breasts that touch the sky like Kanye West. Cuddles.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

Sep

I am – stepINTERVIEW with the Guy in the Lohan Pics of the Day

1 Comment »

Dear DJ Sam Young,

We’re going to do it like this, 10 questions all of which will be semi retarded, because let’s face it, I am not a journalist. You can answer them however you want, you don’t have to be funny, the fact that you are answering this is funny enough..

1- So what’s it like being the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

It was nice meeting LL, she has good taste in music ! Being that guy just means all the fake Lindsay’s try and add me on myspace, lol.

2- How does one become the guy in the Lohan Pictures?

Busting your balls for years DJing and good luck.

3- What does Lohan smell like?

She didnt smell of anything particular, but she was looking good.

4- So you’re a DJ, I am guessing you’ve seen your share of box…what’s the craziest thing a girl mashed out on MDMA and Cocaine did in a party you were playing at that involved her box…

Ive had my fair share of box action pussy, girls touching me up in the booth drunk and trying to kiss me to get a song etc. I dont do drugs but plenty of people have snorted in there. I actually havent had a BJ in the booth yet, that would be interesting.

5- Speaking of Vagina, if you could be any girl’s vagina for a day, who’s would it be?

I wouldnt wanna be a girls vagina thanks, I wouldnt want any cocks that near to me.

6- Are you the UK version of DJ AM?

Me and AM are different, but we do the same kind of parties. And if hes reading this, get your ass over to London.

7- Which celebrity are you going to get gastric bypass surgery for, drop 150 lbs, propose to marry and end up on her shitty reality TV show before she gets caught making out with Steve-O from Jackass, calling off the engagement and landing some Laguna Beach rich kid….leaving you broken and sad….

I dont need gastric bypass, they can get that shit for me ! And if I was dating a ‘celeb’ I wouldnt end up on her shitty show for publicity. She’d probably catch me fucking her best friend.

8- Do you think the chances of getting an STD are higher if you met the slut at a nightclub than if you meet her on the Internet?

The club whore for sure, cause if shes easily banging you shes no stranger to it. So wrap your tools.

9- I never get into clubs because I smell like urine and three year old semen as I haven’t had a boner in about 3 years. I want to know the top 5 DJs you hate and more importantly, can I be on permanent guest list to all the events you DJ?

To be on my glist I would suggest you wash and cut your pubes. I dont wanna mention my top 5 worse DJ’s as I dont wanna give them any free publicity ! Haha.

10- Since you’ve been so cool to us, feel free to write about whatever you are promoting here…and can you dance?

No worries, I have just set up my online record label Nod Factor which is being distributed by JUNO online.
Label will be launching soon, if you know anyone with some hot underground music get them to hit me up on myspace ! I can dance, but I have to rat assed drunk ! Its a shame, caus before I djed I was always dancing like I had MC Hammer in me.

Ps – Why do girls love djs?

Girls love DJ’s cause we are the centre of attention in the club and are good with our hands : )

PPS – Are you gay?

No, sorry to break your fantasy.

Visit Him On Myspace GO

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW

2006

24

Sep

I am – stepLINKS: Weekend Edition of the Day

1 Comment »

I meant to post this yesterday, but got side-tracked. I wanted to say that all the Jews were running around the streets Friday because it was one of their holidays and none of them went to work. I wanted to say that that is a typical Jew thing to do…you know have their own vacations and use the christian ones too, but then I realized that my lawyer is Jewish, so Happy New Year or whatever it is you say in HEEB.

I wanted to talk about how I ran into my local homeless dude who I last saw punching himself in the face and is now missing a tooth and I wondered what happened to it.

I went out and got drunk last night, only to learn that hipster parties make me feel awkward. That didn’t depress me, but made me think to myself that drinking is sometimes more fun alone. I sent a lot of text messages to the celebrity numbers I have, but deleted them before I went to bed, I sent a lot of text messages to people I know, I’d apologize for that too, but it’s all part of the fun in knowing me. I like to think of it as their personal blog entries in their phones at 4 am.

And now for my links:

Lohan and Morton Broke Up…. Let The stepSTALKING Begin
GO

I always Hated Harry Morton…Here’s the Break-Up Video with her Crying and Shit – Sad Story – I Said…Let the StepStalking Begin….
GO

Katie Fey is Sex
GO

The Little Superstar Freaks Me The Fuck Out…
GO

Lucy Pinder Photoshoot – Video
GO

Some Dude Who Takes Pics of Random Girls Walking Around NYC
GO

Vanessa Minillo in Maxim
GO

I saw Jackass 2 – It Was Funny. Check Out This Steve-O Interview
GO

Bansky Fucks With Paris’ CD Video
GO

I think this is a movie called Vomit Dolls or Something. StepSteve made me watch it months ago…and it’s weird.
GO

White Rappers of the Day
GO

Weird Icelandic Ad Campaign Where Giant Puppets Take Over
GO

Here’s a Girl on the Phone at the Beach for You
GO

Some Self Shot Pics With A Little Trendy Peace Sign Action…
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Rub one out to Fully Clothed People In Sex Positions…
GO

Raven Riley and Brooke Skye Get Naked – Together
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Turkish Singer TuÄŸba Ekinci You will really love her
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How About Some Firecrotch Action
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Some Christina Ricci in Black and White
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There is No Such Thing as Too Thin
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Here is a Whore Putting on Lotion
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Here is a Little Sexy Anetta Taking he Plunge – Whatever That Means Zini
GO

An Interesting Japanese Facial…Not The Kind You Want
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Kristy Gallacher in Bikini
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I like Hearing Foreigners Talk About Their Casts…
GO

Get yourself some Milk – Read These Comments…
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Girls in Bras Doing Body Shots
GO

Promotional Myspace of the Day- Meaning Bitch is Trying to Be Famous and Make money off her 100,000,0000 friends
GO

Here are a series of Tongue Tricks
GO

Tamara Witmer Hosts Some Game Show or Something…This is Her Naked
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Carrie Ann Moss Gets Her Ass Rubbed Down…
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Pubic Hair Designs
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Lohan Gets Spotted Doing Some Weird Fucking Dance at The Lot
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Tara Reid Has Smaller Tits…
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the most beautiful women alive according to some dude on flickr
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Kirsten Dunst In Another Magazine
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These are the Hollyscoop Girls Who You May Want to Bang…They Are More Successful than me….
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Bar Rafaeli is Leonardo Dicaprio’s Girlfriend
GO

Dinosaur Porn is Weird as Shit
GO

This is going to be taken completely out of context, my response – don’t blame me – blame YouTube.
GO

Mom Breast Feeding Her Baby – Sexy
GO

A Danish Men’s Mag for You To Pretend to Read
GO

John Goodman T-Shirt of the Day
GO

What is this?
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Sep

I am – Juliette Lewis Doesn’t Shower of the Day

No Comments »

If Perez Hilton is the Queen of all media , and Howard Stern is the King of all Media, does that mean they fuck? Are they going to have a public marriage like Princess Diana and will Perez get killed by a jealous paparazzi for stealing his photo, while Howard get’s girls to ride the sybian? I don’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I like to think of myself as the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media, I mean this site is BIGGER THAN VICE and VICE probably makes a solid $20,000,000 a year and I’m making somewhere around $2,400 a year. My server alone costs $4,800 a year. You do the math.

I hate getting all business on you, but it is a Jewish Holiday and figure my Jewish readers at home reading this can call on some favors from their rich uncles. I know VICE doesn’t only make money off the website, they have the magazine and the record label and a brand name that 16 year old girls love, but even if they pull in 100,000 a year off their site, I should be making more the $2,400. Ya heard?

Speaking of poverty and septic tanks, here’s some pictures of Juliette Lewis looking FANTASTIC and by fantastic I mean, like a poor hungry person who just swam through the septic tank looking for undigested corn and nuts and such to eat for dinner. Most of the time, posts don’t need my rambling, this is one of those times.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Sep

I am – Juliette Lewis Doesn't Shower of the Day

No Comments »

If Perez Hilton is the Queen of all media , and Howard Stern is the King of all Media, does that mean they fuck? Are they going to have a public marriage like Princess Diana and will Perez get killed by a jealous paparazzi for stealing his photo, while Howard get’s girls to ride the sybian? I don’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I like to think of myself as the septic tank cleaner of all media and by all media, I mean this site is BIGGER THAN VICE and VICE probably makes a solid $20,000,000 a year and I’m making somewhere around $2,400 a year. My server alone costs $4,800 a year. You do the math.

I hate getting all business on you, but it is a Jewish Holiday and figure my Jewish readers at home reading this can call on some favors from their rich uncles. I know VICE doesn’t only make money off the website, they have the magazine and the record label and a brand name that 16 year old girls love, but even if they pull in 100,000 a year off their site, I should be making more the $2,400. Ya heard?

Speaking of poverty and septic tanks, here’s some pictures of Juliette Lewis looking FANTASTIC and by fantastic I mean, like a poor hungry person who just swam through the septic tank looking for undigested corn and nuts and such to eat for dinner. Most of the time, posts don’t need my rambling, this is one of those times.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Sep

I am – Kate Moss’ Umberella Holder of the Day….

4 Comments »

I just wrote a joke that I think could be the next big thing in jokes. It goes like this….

A girl emails me telling me about how she busted her live-in boyfriend using the LPSG.org website. She told me that she found his profile name and went through some of his posts all of which were about how much he liked big dick and gay shit like that. So she confronts him asking him why he is on LPSG.org because she didn’t understand why he’d be there since he was below average in size. The only logical reason was to find himself a big cock of his own. Anyway. She sends me this myspace message saying that THIS DUDE has been chatting her up and since he had a 6-pack she took her fat ass to the kitchen and made some panty soup. Point of all this is to say dude has a kid but he’s a total fag with a shitty radio show (listen to his myspace “song”).

So here comes the joke I wrote that will be the next big thing in jokes and it goes like this….

Maybe fag’s are into to you because you are an asshole

Feel free to use it. So I guess you’re thinking, all that reading for absolutely nothing. My joke fucking sucked and you’re mad right now. Well just be happy that you aren’t Kate Moss’ Hired Umberella Holdin’ Slave. Even though he makes more money than us, holding a bitch’s umberella is like wiping the shit off an old lady with alzheimer’s ass because bitch keeps forgetting what it feels like to shit until it’s too late. Maybe that alzheimer joke is the joke that will be the next big thing….I just don’t know.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Sep

I am – Kate Moss' Umberella Holder of the Day….

4 Comments »

I just wrote a joke that I think could be the next big thing in jokes. It goes like this….

A girl emails me telling me about how she busted her live-in boyfriend using the LPSG.org website. She told me that she found his profile name and went through some of his posts all of which were about how much he liked big dick and gay shit like that. So she confronts him asking him why he is on LPSG.org because she didn’t understand why he’d be there since he was below average in size. The only logical reason was to find himself a big cock of his own. Anyway. She sends me this myspace message saying that THIS DUDE has been chatting her up and since he had a 6-pack she took her fat ass to the kitchen and made some panty soup. Point of all this is to say dude has a kid but he’s a total fag with a shitty radio show (listen to his myspace “song”).

So here comes the joke I wrote that will be the next big thing in jokes and it goes like this….

Maybe fag’s are into to you because you are an asshole

Feel free to use it. So I guess you’re thinking, all that reading for absolutely nothing. My joke fucking sucked and you’re mad right now. Well just be happy that you aren’t Kate Moss’ Hired Umberella Holdin’ Slave. Even though he makes more money than us, holding a bitch’s umberella is like wiping the shit off an old lady with alzheimer’s ass because bitch keeps forgetting what it feels like to shit until it’s too late. Maybe that alzheimer joke is the joke that will be the next big thing….I just don’t know.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Sep

I am – Young, Rich and Famous of the Day

13 Comments »

Do you ever wonder why some people are famous and you aren’t? I don’t really care about this Hollywood shit. I would like to have enough money to pay my motherfucking rent though and Hollywood seems like a really lazy way to do it. All you have to do is show up to events and such.

I know some of you fuckers are talking in the comments about how I have a 4 bedroom condo on the top of the mountain and that I am making all kinds of money off this shit that I am hiring hookers while drinking champagne and laughing at you fuckers for buying an 80stee. I want you to know that that isn’t ture and you should know that because let’s face it, how many 80stees have you bought since visiting me here? I know that I have more that 10 people coming to the site daily. I just know that the other couple of thousand of people just click in and leave. They don’t count as readers.

The dude who posted my Alexa Rank needs to understand that Alexa means nothing, it’s based on people who have Alexa toolbars on their computers. How many of you have the Alexa toolbar on your computer? I know I don’t. I was linked on collegehumor and a couple big sites this month and it had nothing to do with MUNG. I have been doing this a long time, sometimes I get 150,000 people a day, somtimes I get 5,000. That traffic doesn’t stick around for long it isn’t consistant and it doesn’t pay my fucking bills. This site is a complete fucking bust.

The solution is to me is to get American Apparel to sponsor the site. I want you fuckers to start emailing them demanding they support me.

All this is to say, that you should be happy where you are in life. You should not want to be these poeple. They are all a bunch of losers who take themselves too fucking seriously, but at least they can pay their fucking rent.

PS- I can’t believe people read Perez Hilton. Dude’s too ugly to be taken seriously, even on the internet. Not to mention the person he is calling out to feed Nicole should probably stop feeding him. I am a fat guy, But I’m not red carpeting it. They won’t let me.

Now, as MUNG would say, while biting my style, Go fuck yourself. Cuddles.

Someone Ran Over This Kardashian Bitch With The UGLY Armenian Bus