I see it as only fitting to make this announcement to some new Victoria Silvstedt Lingerie pictures. If you are wondering what Victoria Silvstedt has to do with my cancer results, it’s pretty simple. This bitch had her legal team from France and NYC try to bring me down back in the beginning of the summer, thus making her a cancer to this site, like the cancer in my nose, which I am happy to say is not cancer. The biopsy sample did not have enough tissue to have a conclusive result, which surprised me, because when I had the biopsy it felt like the motherfuckers ripped a fucking baseball out of my throat through my fucking nose. The doctors decided to not go ahead with another biopsy now, meaning they don’t think it’s cancer and that’s good enough for me because Cancer, like Victoria Silvstedt is a fucking cunt.

I have received a lot of great supportive emails and myspace messages from 2 of my 5 readers, you know who you are. I am happy that you 2 people really dig what I am doing, so in response I decided to send you both a recycled myspace message since you were so supportive. I know you would rather it be a more personalized message but admit you had no idea that this was a recycled message and remember that without anyone to send the recycled myspace message to, there wouldn’t be a recycled myspace message to laugh at. So I do declare that it is too funny to give up on now. Just think of yourselves as part of something big.

Dear ___________,

If I had known you were so hot – I would have masturbated to your pictures while the real jesus watched me sin all over my belly.

Too bad I am impotent, not important. It could have been fun.

I appreciate your love and support and I hope one day we can cuddle

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Now, just because I don’t have cancer, doesn’t mean I am going to be a fun-loving, everything is roses and puppies, Real Jesus loving soft-on, because I save the soft-ons for my useless genitals. I leave you with this DrunkenStepfather message: I am glad to be alive, I still hate myself, but not as much as I hate you. Go fuck yourself, now. Cuddles.

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As I sit here in my underwear, I think about tomorrow. I am not trying to be poetic, the reason I’m thinking about tomorrow is because I get my cancer results. The rational side of me believes that I don’t have cancer because I am invincible even though I feel like shit 95% of the time, but the cynical side of me is a fucking pussy that expects the worst all the time. It’s kinda why I have this website. I haven’t really been able to leave my house the last 5 months since all this started, because I let it take over my life. It did make me change my life a little, losing 35 lbs, cutting down on drinking, feeling worse than I ever have , but I did however drink 2 bottles of wine on Friday, I think that’s called falling off the wagon, and I got drunk and a obnoxious and it felt good to forget only proving my life philosophy that booze is the best medicine, it pretty much cures everything. All this is to say, that I find out at 9 am Tuesday and if this is my last post on the site and you are reading this passed Tuesday, then you can only assume what the results are.

These are the links that were sent in to me today, if you have better links send them my way, if you have already sent them to me and I never posted them, send them to me again, I am pretty fucking useless and lose things often.

PS – I know my posts today SUCKED and were not up to my standards, but I was busy worrying.

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In typical stepfather style, I have no idea when these pictures were taken, because they all look the fucking same. I have been posting Victoria Silvstedt pics long enough to get a cease and desist from her lawyer for defaming her character for calling her a whore, but I have no idea if I have seen these pics before. I guess it’s a combination of not paying attention to what I do, not caring about what I do, and not actually being a fan of what I do…Either way, here’s some pics of slut scratching her dirty little whore ass and this is where the post ends because I have nothing more to say. Cuddles.

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I don’t think this bitch warrants the attention that we are giving her, mainly because I didn’t know who she was before I watched the Teen Choice Awards last night. If you are wondering why I watched the teen choice awards, it’s pretty simple, I get 4 channels on my TV giving me limited options, but more importantly, because I love knowing what teens are thinking/voting on, to keep my finger on the pulse of pop culture. It also helps me pick up 14 year old hot girls at the local arcade/movie theatre. Girls are smarter these days and totally see through the whole “I run a model agency, here’s my card”. Bringing up Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson usually gets them excited enough to go out for ice cream with you. Anyway, Sophia Bush is barely famous enough to be noticed walking down the main street of your home town that has a population of 500 people, all your cousins. Meaning no one really gives a fuck about her. I am only posting these pictures because I find bathroom breaks funny enough as is, throw in a c-list celeb and a romantic hand holding walk from the car to the bathroom and I’ve got a post for the day. Not a very good one, but a post nevertheless…

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Today was a day that didn’t involve many celebrities in bikinis or nip slips because I am trying to get rid of my useless readers who only come here for nipple. Your emails telling me how much I suck because I put up a pic of Castro and his gay lover are getting a little fucking annoying..I suggest you just read the shit I write, look at the pics I post and comment on the site using the comments. Emailing me your opinion that I don’t care about will get you no where. But you can email me links because surfing the net to find this shit also gets annoying sometimes….Like today. You will notice that all of today’s links are shit and that it’s all your fucking fault.

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So Heather Mills steps on a land mine, blows off her leg and now she’s driving around Beverly Hills in a convertible PT Cruiser, possibly the ugliest fucking car on the market, like she’s got a full set of working legs. Stepping on the land mine was probably the best business decision this bitch could have made without even realizing it. She was a nothing model before the accident. After the accident she had a reason to be in the public eye, she had a cause, she was no longer the slag in the sex-ed photoshoot, now she was a survivor and a hero trying to change the fucking world. Lucky for her Sir Paul was an amputee festishist, married the bitch despite what his family wanted and now she’s entitled to 1/2 his 500,000,000 dollars after being married to him for 5 years. I don’t even think this cunt was around when the Beatles first hit the scene, but is going to be living off their success for the rest of her one-legged life. That’s how fucked up the world we live in is….

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Leave it up to a crazy European dude in 2-tone pants to post a video of himself sniffing some bitch’s pantyhose covered feet. I don’t understand what the fuck is going on in this clip, but I do know that it wouldn’t give me a boner if I wasn’t this impotent piece of shit that I am. I don’t need to go into weird fetishes people have, we all know they’re out there, I just wonder where they all start. Did this 2-tone pants Euro-dude go through his grandmother’s dirty laundry as a kid and jerk off while sniffing her pantyhose? I am not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting to rip off a bitch’s pantyhose and slam her, I can see that being hot, but sniffin’ her feet while she is fully clothed just confuses the fuck out of me. This post isn’t funny, but the video is.

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I haven’t heard this dude’s single, I just know that he’s an ex-American Idol finalist who dropped out of the show in March 2005 because the contract was too restrictive. If you are wondering why I know this, it is because ofgoogle. I came across these pictures of this cha-chi motherfucker dancing around with bitches bending over, showing their panties obviously a strategy to help fuel the lie that he’s not homo, so I had to do some further research. The facts are pretty basic. Dude sings pop music and dresses a fool, all grabbin his dick ans shit, giving girls false hope that desirable, singing, “stylish” men exist…..that’s when the sluts buy the albums and go to the shows making Vasquez all the money he needs to take is pool boy to the Greek Isles for an anal sex fest in the motherland. I know dude’s Peurto Rican and his real motherland isn’t Greece, but the Greeks invented olive oil lubed anal sex back with Plato and Aristotle….it’s a fact. These is exactly the message I want to convey to teenage girls. It’s really appropriate, like the time I rented “CumSluts 17” for my 14 year old stepdaughter’s slumber party.

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I haven’t heard this dude’s single, I just know that he’s an ex-American Idol finalist who dropped out of the show in March 2005 because the contract was too restrictive. If you are wondering why I know this, it is because ofgoogle. I came across these pictures of this cha-chi motherfucker dancing around with bitches bending over, showing their panties obviously a strategy to help fuel the lie that he’s not homo, so I had to do some further research. The facts are pretty basic. Dude sings pop music and dresses a fool, all grabbin his dick ans shit, giving girls false hope that desirable, singing, “stylish” men exist…..that’s when the sluts buy the albums and go to the shows making Vasquez all the money he needs to take is pool boy to the Greek Isles for an anal sex fest in the motherland. I know dude’s Peurto Rican and his real motherland isn’t Greece, but the Greeks invented olive oil lubed anal sex back with Plato and Aristotle….it’s a fact. These is exactly the message I want to convey to teenage girls. It’s really appropriate, like the time I rented “CumSluts 17” for my 14 year old stepdaughter’s slumber party.

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I like Pete Doherty. I have never listened to his band BabyShamble, but the fact that he was busted for heroin, cocaine and weed on 2 seperate occassions in the last 6 month is fucking rock and roll. He pleaded guilty today for those charges, which makes him even more rock and roll. Dude’s also slamming a hot supermodel (Kate Moss) and is partially responsible for getting her busted with cocaine whenever it was when that scandal hit. I am tired of rockstars and celebrities being politically correct fucking pussies. I want to bring it back to a time where celebrities and rockstars didn’t give a fuck about public opinion and just lived life hard for every bapist on the bible belt to shake their head in disgust. I am tired of all this good person bullshit, and I want to see more ppl end up like Doherty.

Here He Is Leaving Court…..

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