2006
07
Jun
I was told I write too much and that no one reads the site because words scare people. So I am turning this into a picture only site. Look at all of Kirsten’s money, maybe she could buy a new face with it. LOL.
Update: Who’s this cunt suckin’ the lollipop like she’s sucking dick for the last 40 bag.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
07
Jun
I was told I write too much and that no one reads the site because words scare people. So I am turning this into a picture only site. Look at all of Kirsten’s money, maybe she could buy a new face with it. LOL.
Update: Who’s this cunt suckin’ the lollipop like she’s sucking dick for the last 40 bag.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
07
Jun
Walking her dog in a dress and heels makes Mariah look like an escort. The difference between an escort and a whore, is that the escort doesn’t realize that she’s a whore. They charge 500 dollars and hour and wear expensive dresses and accompany business men to functions. They always end up fucking their clients and somehow walk away, a thousand dollars richer, but in denial of the fact that they just sucked cock for money.
Mariah’s broad shoulders and ripped arms remind me of a stint I had as a doorman at some tranny bar. There was one routine they called the Diva Show and 4 “girls” would get up on stage to sing dressed like Celine, Whitney, Madonna and Mariah. The point was that the man Mariah looked like a better fuck than the feces that is Mariah in these pics. Point is, she’s washed up, she’s holding onto a dream and should pack her Luis Vuitton luggage and move on with her life.
At least her dog loves her. That’s more than I can say for myself.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
07
Jun
These are the links I chose. These are the links you re going to hate and complain about. I am glad we experienced this together. It’s like we are finally a family. That’s the story I heard…..I think I went way too far with the Lohan Stalker post. I will lose my 10 readers. Bye guys….I always alienate myself like this….
Paris Hilton let’s the crabs go to sea in her new Video – Funny
Jodie Marsh Topless in Some Magazine
Links to things most people will appreciate (handjobs, lesbians, shoe shopping w/no panties) -Sexy
Tenacious D are Fucking Losers Who Shouldn’t Have ANY Level of Fame.
A memo from Oprah about World Domination or Something Equally Boring
This one’s for the lesbian: Janice Dickenson’s Sex Life Exposed
Shea Hess, She’s Talking About TV and All I want to do is Knock her Up
Short Shorts, RollerBlades and Cameltoe
Naked Beach Girls – Looks like Shit on my Computer
Stepfather Impregnates Girl With a Syringe – (not me)‘
Britney Spears Montage – From Good To Bad
Brad Pitt’s baby With the Whore Homewrecker We Call Mom – I mean Angelina
Maxim Magazine’s Got Some Found Porn….
Vice Brought Back the Gross Jar – Probably Their Ony Decent Feature Ever
Jewish Parents are FUCKING Unbelievable…This is Why I Love Bangin’ Their Daughters
Myspace Band of the Day…Amazing Music…By Amazing People….
This Scared the Fuck Out of Me (Last Night’s Party)
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
07
Jun
So after reading that McFly wrote a song about Lohan because the drummer banged her, I decided to write to their myspace page for my stalker post. Now I know that they don’t actually read it, but I figured it would work for the sake of the “Stalker Post Series” and I guess since it is my site I get to make these kinds of decisions. The following message is one of the weirdest ones to date…possibly the best. Hope ya’ll enjoy. I like to call this – One Step Closer to Prison.
Dear McFly – More Specifically McFly Drummer,
It has come to my attention that my soul mate Lohan has been having a little fun on the side with your drummer. I wanted to let you know that I forgive you. I know you probably didn’t know I was WITH Lohan, mainly because Lohan doesn’t know I exist, yet. But I still wanted to be the bigger man and let you know that I am holding nothing against you.
I have been making an effort to be as involved as I can be in her life. It’s a bit of a challenge making things work out, mainly because I am in Canada and my parole officer won’t let me leave the country. It makes it so hard to be around her in person, so I do it over the internet. I am hoping that the messages I send to her friends and associates will eventually get back to her.
I am writing you to also know that in my efforts to be as involved in my soul mate’s life as I can, I have been finding myself masturbating to images of the men she has had relations with. I feel sex is something to rejoice and not hold negative feelings towards, so instead of wanting those men dead for tarnishing her womb with their semen, I have orgasms with them, in my mind.
While masturbating to your drummer, I listen to your latest album (I went out and bought 2 in case one got scratched, hope it helps you go platinum). I think about the things that he did to her naked body, I think about her smell, her touch, the bead of sweat dripping down her brow. I think about me and Lohan and I think about him having his way with her and I ejaculate all over my belly. It’s the best sex of my life. So thank you for that.
I don’t even want to get into what I do while thinking about Brett Ratner/Bruce Willis/Wilmer Valderrama/That Model Dude…but I’ll tell you this much….it is all pretty remarkable.
In closing, I would be more than happy if you could give Lohan’s personal email and/or phone number, so that I can talk to her in person. She needs to know we are meant to be together.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted
2006
06
Jun
So Michael Bolton is banging Nicolette Sheridan….that’s the story I heard. I got a thing against bitches over 40 and that thing is that they aren’t 20. Anything under 20 can get pretty annoying. I was out a couple of weeks ago and got stuck at a table with a bunch of 18 year old rich kids. I didn’t really say that much to any of them, I think they were scared of me because I wanted to bang them all and I don’t have a good poker face. I never liked card games. I am that guy on the bus who sees a hot bitch and starts jerking off behind my breifcase for only her to see, only I don’t have a breifcase. I forgot where I was going with this…oh yeah…18 year old girls are just getting into the dating game so they end up leading a lot of guys on to get free meals and drinks, because they like the attention. I guess that isn’t that funny. At all….But Michael Bolton always makes me laugh.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
06
Jun
So Michael Bolton is banging Nicolette Sheridan….that’s the story I heard. I got a thing against bitches over 40 and that thing is that they aren’t 20. Anything under 20 can get pretty annoying. I was out a couple of weeks ago and got stuck at a table with a bunch of 18 year old rich kids. I didn’t really say that much to any of them, I think they were scared of me because I wanted to bang them all and I don’t have a good poker face. I never liked card games. I am that guy on the bus who sees a hot bitch and starts jerking off behind my breifcase for only her to see, only I don’t have a breifcase. I forgot where I was going with this…oh yeah…18 year old girls are just getting into the dating game so they end up leading a lot of guys on to get free meals and drinks, because they like the attention. I guess that isn’t that funny. At all….But Michael Bolton always makes me laugh.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
06
Jun
Apparently Molly Ringwald gets laid, even though she’s a redhead. I know I didn’t think redheads had sex either. I am thinking that maybe all this happend in some kind of drunken rage, becasue let’s face it even ugly chicks get laid sometimes but then upon further investigation, because let’s face it, I am an investigator, she’s married to this guy, Panio Gianopoulos. I wonder if he’s greek. I’m trying to figure out the reason they are together and what he sees in her and all I can think about is that motherfucker used to jerk off to Pretty in Pink or 16 Candles or Breakfast Club or any other smut that she’s been in, because everything you can jerk off to it is smut….meaning for some of you family photos of dead relatives in bikinis is smut.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
06
Jun
Apparently Molly Ringwald gets laid, even though she’s a redhead. I know I didn’t think redheads had sex either. I am thinking that maybe all this happend in some kind of drunken rage, becasue let’s face it even ugly chicks get laid sometimes but then upon further investigation, because let’s face it, I am an investigator, she’s married to this guy, Panio Gianopoulos. I wonder if he’s greek. I’m trying to figure out the reason they are together and what he sees in her and all I can think about is that motherfucker used to jerk off to Pretty in Pink or 16 Candles or Breakfast Club or any other smut that she’s been in, because everything you can jerk off to it is smut….meaning for some of you family photos of dead relatives in bikinis is smut.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
06
Jun
Here’s Grover’s stepMUSIC post of the day that I had nothing to do with writing…..
I was playing pool last night at the local watering hole and on came Rod Stewart’s “Mandolin Wind.â€? It would have been more appropriate if “Maggie Mayâ€? came on with the whole “make a living out of playing poolâ€? line, but oh well, you probably don’t know Rod Stewart lyrics as well as I do.
Rod Stewart is perhaps one of the lamest dudes of all time, but there was stint in the 60’s and 70’s when he was rad. He just had that look you want in a rockstar. He was in The Faces and then had a few great solo records. One of them, Every Picture Tells A Story has a bunch of amazing songs that Stewart’s whiskey stained voice soars on. I hate buying his albums because I know his money goes to that cunt faced daughter of his.
Songs from Every Picture Tells A Story (Right Click – Save Target As)
Rod Stewart – “Mandolin Windâ€?
Rod Stewart – “Maggie Mayâ€?
Rod Stewart – “That’s All Rightâ€?
Rod Stewart – “Reason To Believeâ€?
Bonus: Rachel Hunter, Rod’s Ex Wife House Shopping with for a house in Manhatten Beach. This house is 2.1 Million Dollars. This is what celebs do when they are bored and yes that’s her daughter and 14 is legal in Canada.
Another Bonus: Kimmy Stewart was Rachel Hunter’s stepdaughter and is out for breakfast with Colum Best(?). Breakfast means he’s fucking her. Fucking her means he’s probably got an STD.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
