I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

25

Apr

I am – Teri Hatcher’s Mistake

Teri Hatcher is one of those annoying rich mothers who puts their daughter in an annoying rich sport, so that she can grow up to be an annoying rich kid with annoying rich kid friend and a mean cocaine. The story is simple, your overbearing mother pressures you into things she always wanted to do as a kid, but didn’t have the means, cuz her dad was a molesting factory worker. It was every girl’s dream to have a pony before they invented computers and designer jeans. So bitch enrolls her girl into this elitist sport, she gets so involved that she’s dressed like she’s fucking competing herself, but covers up her dumpy ass, because let’s face it, she’s not 20 anymore and she’s even coaching her on how to sit on her motherfucking horse. The only outcome in this whole situation is that Little Hatcher becomes one of those private school girls, from a rich family, with no worries, railing lines coke of her music teacher’s dick in the locker room at recess….when you raise a little princess, you are setting yourself up to deal with a little pornstar when the rebelling starts in 5-7 years. I am talking abortions, overdoses and whole lot of “FUCK YOU MOM”. That’s the end of this story.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

Apr

I am – Teri Hatcher's Mistake

Teri Hatcher is one of those annoying rich mothers who puts their daughter in an annoying rich sport, so that she can grow up to be an annoying rich kid with annoying rich kid friend and a mean cocaine. The story is simple, your overbearing mother pressures you into things she always wanted to do as a kid, but didn’t have the means, cuz her dad was a molesting factory worker. It was every girl’s dream to have a pony before they invented computers and designer jeans. So bitch enrolls her girl into this elitist sport, she gets so involved that she’s dressed like she’s fucking competing herself, but covers up her dumpy ass, because let’s face it, she’s not 20 anymore and she’s even coaching her on how to sit on her motherfucking horse. The only outcome in this whole situation is that Little Hatcher becomes one of those private school girls, from a rich family, with no worries, railing lines coke of her music teacher’s dick in the locker room at recess….when you raise a little princess, you are setting yourself up to deal with a little pornstar when the rebelling starts in 5-7 years. I am talking abortions, overdoses and whole lot of “FUCK YOU MOM”. That’s the end of this story.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

24

Apr

I am – Carolyn Murphy Sex Tape

Carolyn_Murphy.jpg

So, I missed this one. I used to be the top celebrity sex tape guy, was first to launch the Fred Durst sex tape, even though he’s not a real celebrity. So, this hit the net 4 days ago, I missed it and now all the other sites pussied out, cuz of lawyers taking legal action and shit, meaning the only place I found it was on some random site, that will probably get shut down soon. I guess we should stop looking at this bitches tits, and remember she has enough money to take us all down. For those of you wondering, she’s a SI Model, and was inolved in a lot of model stuff over the last 15 year, but like every woman, she’s a slut and in being a slut she likes to videotape herself getting fucked. I am fully supportive of that. Maybe next time there will be less “Tail Waggin’ “dance moves, and more taking it up the ass like a real whore.


Watch the Clip Here
(provided it hasn’t been shut down)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

24

Apr

I am – Miss USA Myspace

taramissusatop.jpg

There are a lot of useless things in this world. One of those things happens to be Beauty Pageants, and another one of those things is Kentucky. I never understood what kind of Jon Benet Ramsey, white trash motherfucker, thought that Beauty Pageants were luxury. All these mother’s in beauty salons with their cunt daughters, doing their hair up like they were 5 dollar hookers, all while under the age of 12, thinking they were living the life of a queen, while looking like a drag queen. I never understood what kind of white trash, dumb slut of a communications student would think of herself as pretty enough and worthy of being crowned Miss America, especially in a world of eating disorders, low self esteem and addiction, teenage pregnancy and failure. You know that these over-achieving bitches are just trying to live their child hood dream, cuz I remember Miss USA Barbie, and I am not even Barbies market, I am just a pervert.

Anyway, over achieving bitches who think they are the prettiest thing in the USA will be the biggest pain in the ass for whoever marries this cunt. You know that she’s a perfectionist and now has an ego that she’s the prettiest girl in the country, and that’s something she will never live down….either way we all know the real pretty girls are ripping lines in the bathrooms of our local clubs while getting fucked by dudes with herpes and fake tans, beauty pageants are for pain in the ass bitches who are too dumb to realize how dumb they are….and now, some useless information about this bitch…..Cuddles.

Tara Elizabeth Conner, Miss Kentucky, was named Miss USA 2006 last night. A native of Russell Springs, she is the first woman from Kentucky to win the title in the 55-year history of the pageant. A student of Business Administration at Somerset Community College in south-central Kentucky, Tara has worked as a model and waitress. In 2002, she competed in the Miss Teen USA pageant and became the 2nd runner-up. She also won the swimsuit competition and the Miss GB Teen USA award that year. In November of 2005, she won the Miss Kentucky USA title among 37 contestants. Tara Elizabeth stands 5’5″ in height. She will compete for the Miss Universe 2006 title. The international pageant will take place in Los Angeles on July 23rd.



Visit Her Locked Myspace Here
(bitch is too cool for you)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

24

Apr

I am – Pheromone Challenge Update of the Day

I am still fully behind this Pheromone challenge, I just have been neglecting to post the submissions, because all you motherfuckers try to ruin the fun by saying I do it for money. I do it because it’s good content and if it gets some of my 5 readers involved then I am happy, more importantly, if it gives those same 5 people the confidence to talk to a girl, or if it helps them smell better than the pieces of shit they are, and if it actually works and allows them to finally lose their virginity, then maybe they’ll stop sending me depressing emails about still living with their overbearing mothers. Picking up chicks is a lot like fixing a broken washing machine…it takes strength and all kinds of tools to get them screaming your name while you’re raw doggin’ their cooters on the first date. I guess that’s really got nothing to do with fixing a washing machine, but you get the point, you’ll need more than just this spray to get girls, you’ll also need a personality….there is a reason Axe’s whole campaign is based on getting pussy for smelling good, anyway, here’s a recent email that I got.

Dear Jesus Martinez,

Not too sure if you are still accepting pheremone updates or not, because it seems everyone hates them, but im sending these pictures to you anyways.

Last week my brother came to help me bring my stuff home for the summer. I decided that he did be a big favour, and that i should take him out for some drinks, show him the city, and celebrate me being done school. However, before we went out for the night, he started telling me about this “new cologne” he bought that helps you pick up chicks. I told him about the site and showed him some of the previous pheremone posts, then decided to do our own challenge.

We ended up at some local dive. Chicks are pretty easy there to begin with, so we thought it would be a good place to start. Not even 20 minutes after getting a seat at the bar, we had 3 girls talking to us. One of the girls boyfriends was even trying to get me to make out with his girl, it was weird. We got them showing us their tits, making out with each other and I ended up making out with this big tittied bitch with the craziest body, while my brother was sucking on some other girls nipple. Apparently she was a virgin.

We had to get up early, so we pussied out and went home before it got really crazy and I have a girlfriend. That’s why I blurred out our faces, hope you can still use them. It was fun, but not worth getting dumped over. I just thought i’d write you and let you know that not everyone hates the pheremone stuff. I know my brother will be talking about this for months. Keep it up!

Love the site!

Jonathan (not his real name)

If you want in on the fun check the pherlure here

Posted in:stepPHEROMONECHALLENGE|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Apr

I am – Stepedestrian of the Day

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Sometimes when I walk behind people I like to videotape their asses without them knowing. I especially like doing it when the girl I am filming has a hot ass, because I like hot ass more than non-hot ass. This is a video that I would have called Step Ass of the Day, but we are launching this new feature, where we post pics of random people off the street. There’s not much more to say about this, other than I want to titty fuck this girls ass and accidently get it pregnant, that way she’ll be forced to talk to me for the rest of our lives for the sake of our baby. Unfortunatley, my penis doesn’t work anymore, so I am stuck with this video. This girl is heaven. Enjoy.

I just made your ass famous, bitch.

Posted in:stepFAME|stepTV|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

22

Apr

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day


I am convinced this Lohan Stalker Post of the Day feature will eventually lead to meeting Lohan, even if it’s in court and she’s testifying against me. I am really only doing it cuz I am like the kid in the schoolyard who spits on the girl I like because I am not very good at expressing myself. I also have no game and the chances of me being in her presence in person is slim to none, as people like me are kicked out of the neighborhood this bitch lives in, making it impossible to get to the clubs she attends…I won’t stop until Lohan falls in love with me…or I get bored…which is probably more likely.

Lucky for me, Steve slammed a girl who played the Jock in Mean Girls, and he gave me her email address. She is also Darth Vader’s sister. His email is at the end of this post.

Dear Kaylen Christensen,

I know you aren’t much of a celebrity and that Lohan probably doesn’t even remember you. Just because you had some minor role in the movie Mean Girls, doesn’t mean you have Lohan’s number or anything. Just because your brother was in Star Wars, doesn’t mean he knows Lohan either. But I am a desperate man, and I am willing to email anyone remotely close to Lohan in efforts to get my hands on her email address, home address and/or phone number. Lohan and I are meant to be, she just doesn’t know I exist yet, so if you can help me in anyway, I would greatly appreciate it. I’d hate for you to be the reason destiny didn’t work out the way it is supposed to…..

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here’s Steve’s Email, which allowed me to contact Kaylen…Thanks Steve.

Yo,

I have an idea that may help with your Lohan Stalker Post of the day.

About a year ago, when my best friend was in college, i would go down and hang out with him at the campus pub to try and pick up chicks. He went to the same school as Hayden Christensens sister. Her name is Kaylen. One night I ended up bringing her back to my friends place and showed her the force on the living room floor. Thats right, i slammed Darth Vader’s sister.

Anyways, Kaylen was in Mean Girls with Lohan. She used to brag to me about how they were friends. Maybe she has her number. Here is her email.

Somehow after months and months of sexual suggestive Star Wars references, we managed to stay friends, having little (and i do mean little) flings here and there. She was nice. Hope it helps.

with love,

Steve “golden light-saber” McKeon

Related Post:

Lohan Stalker Post – Day 2
Lohan Stalker Post – Day 1

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

21

Apr

I am – MySpace.com Death of the Day

My only reader sent me a link to a page that posts dead people’s myspace profiles. So, I’m going through it to see if anyone on my list is dead, and I come across this death:

Deaf beauty contest winner Tara McAvoy was walking along the railroad tracks from her Austin, Texas, home to her mother’s workplace, text-messaging family and friends, when a train struck her and killed her

Death isn’t funny, but it’s part of life and something we can laugh at, especially when the death is caused by being a dumb bitch who proves that trains don’t kill people … dumb deaf chicks text messaging family and friends while walking on train tracks kill themselves. It’s pretty obvious that if you’re not blessed with all five senses, try to rely on the ones that work to keep you out of harm’s way … and by harm’s way, I mean speeding trains. I guess the whole beauty pageant thing got to Miss Deaf Texas’ head because Helen Keller never got hit by a train, and that bitch was blind, deaf and mute. I guess this goes to prove to us that some handicaps are smarter than others, I just always slotted them in the same category of retarded because I am ignorant.

Find Out More About This Death Here

Pay Your Respect on Her MySpace Here

all via MyDeathSpace.com

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

21

Apr

I am – Tara Reid’s Nipple

TARATOP.jpg

I think the best thing Tara Reid did for herself was get implants. It solidified the fact that she was a piece of garbage. That’s not to say that everyone with implants is a piece of garbage. A lot of hot classy bitches have implants that their rich older husbands bought them…and many breast cancer survivors have implants too….but in Tara’s case, her getting implants is a lot like a 19 year old stripper getting implants. Whenever I go to a strip club, I get a lap dance from a young girl with implants, just because I know they have committed to the job and want my money. I love the look on their faces after they spend 2 hours of dancing for me, when I tell them that I have no money on me….I guess that’s the cost of doing business you dirty whore. Anyway, Tara’s nipple is kinked out weird, you’d think that someone with a decent breast implant budget wouldn’t have to deal with a this kind of result.


Bonus: Tara Reid After Being Sick in the Bathroom

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

21

Apr

I am – Tara Reid's Nipple

TARATOP.jpg

I think the best thing Tara Reid did for herself was get implants. It solidified the fact that she was a piece of garbage. That’s not to say that everyone with implants is a piece of garbage. A lot of hot classy bitches have implants that their rich older husbands bought them…and many breast cancer survivors have implants too….but in Tara’s case, her getting implants is a lot like a 19 year old stripper getting implants. Whenever I go to a strip club, I get a lap dance from a young girl with implants, just because I know they have committed to the job and want my money. I love the look on their faces after they spend 2 hours of dancing for me, when I tell them that I have no money on me….I guess that’s the cost of doing business you dirty whore. Anyway, Tara’s nipple is kinked out weird, you’d think that someone with a decent breast implant budget wouldn’t have to deal with a this kind of result.


Bonus: Tara Reid After Being Sick in the Bathroom

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted